It’s Not News to Us
Vintage footage of strip clubs and exotic GoGo dancers heats up this 2009 release from Mexican retro-rockers Matorralman. Beauties, cuties and nudies! ¡Que rocko!
(Semi-nude breasts with pasties and/or kinky tassels. No nipples. May be NSFW or unavailable in your area; ask your doctor before beginning any GoGo dancing regimen.)
8. You’re always late.
7. You laugh or talk too loudly.
6. You have a short temper.
5. You’re spicy/overly sexual.
POCHO wishes Roberto Gomez Bolaños — AKA “Chespirito” — a happy 83rd birthday.
Chespirito (Little Shakespeare) is Mexico’s most-beloved children’s comic, humorist and performer, creator of the iconic television shows El Chavo and El Chapulin Colorado.
El Chapulin is famously the inspiration for the Simpson’s “Bumblebee Man.” I was fortunate to have met Bolaños and his wife “Doña Florinda” at the Latino Book and Family Festival at Cal State L.A. in 2005.
His characters appeared on Mexican and Latin American television from 1970 to 1995, and at their peak had 350 million viewers. Chespirito continues to bring joy and risas to children all over Latin America and the U.S.
Dear Gorton’s Seafood and Rinck Advertising:
I am thrilled to the gills that you took the time to respond. I am a fan of your products, and hope that they reach many more households than mine.
However, your response reveals exactly why you floundered in the first place. You mention that you “used a Spanish translation service,” and that “Spanish-speaking staff members were involved throughout the project.”
You didn’t say that you translated it yourself in-house, or that Spanish-speaking and/or Latino executives (emphasis on executives) oversaw the project.
Instead, it seems like someone internally had the idea to reach out to Latina moms but fish-farmed out the work because you didn’t have the capabilities or experience to do it on your own.
Exterior, day: Destitute desert town in the year 2040. Audio: Spanish newsradio tells the story — unemployment is 86%, gangs are everywhere and food and water are getting scarce.
There’s only one thing a father can do — smuggle his family across the border to the prosperous country on The Other Side.
(PNS reporting from the YUCATAN) The emergency Leap Year meeting of the Eschatological Chronology Society ended in disarray here Thursday as doomsday gurus couldn’t agree on whether the Mayan Apocalypse should be calculated in Colored People’s Time, Chicano Time or Jewish Standard Time.
Scientists at the conference were hoping to resolve the question before Leap Day on Feb. 29 and go home with a solid fix on how many days are left before the Lunar-Based Aliens from Mars that NASA is hiding do their Lunatic thing and immanentize the eschaton.
Now the tick-tock boffins will have to reconvene and deduce the time warp again.
8. They are published by carpetbaggers, coconuts, and Tio Tacos.
7. They pander to corporate interests, while pimping community issues.
6. They are written for the sole reason of selling institutional ads.
5. Print is dead. The only people who don’t know that are the people who fund magazines.
So, what if I could find tits and fish sticks all in one place? A one-stop shop for all my breast and seafood needs?
This is what’s on my mind today after Gorton’s fun website snafu. They launched a web page for Spanish-speaking Latina moms this week, and left one teeny tiny accent off a fairly important word. They turned mothers and seafood into, well, something a whole lot raunchier than what they probably intended.
Mas…New from Gorton’s: Deliciosos Tits and Fishsticks! (updated)
WEDDING: Mr. and Mrs. Julio Santiago of Pocho Estates are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter Suzanne to Samson Lei of Monterey Park, son of Mrs. Chin Louie of San Francisco and Mr. Stagger Lei of New Orleans. After a honeymoon in Hawaii, the couple will be moving far away from both sets of parents to live their own damn lives free of drama, race-baiting, and a legacy of never-ending bullshit from control freaks.
Sometimes finding the right word can be tricky, so you need to look them up. That’s why these eight pocho words need to go into the English dictionary:
8. Irregardless – That this word does not officially exist has never stopped anyone (including me) from using it. Why use regardless or irrespective when this one sounds so much better? If Sarah Palin can do it…
7. Expecially – Used to emphasize things that don’t really need emphasizing, such as “I love chocolate, expecially when it’s sweet.”
6. Libary – Often confused with library. No one really needs the second R and people will think you’re conceited if you use it. It’s still the same definition, just different a word.
Comedian Mike Robles only dates white chicas — and here’s why! (NSFW language.) OK, then, but what’s the deal with his shirt? 2006.
That little love scamp Latino Cupid presents his special Valentine’s Day cards for tough times. As they say around here, Happy Valentimes Day! Catch more of Latino Cupid’s escapades around this time every year at La Cucaracha, the nationally-syndicated comic strip by me, Pocho’s Jefe-In-Chief Lalo Alcaraz. Sign up for free La Cucaracha comics daily at GoComics.
I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.
M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weene ebrywhere.
M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa.
Upon hearing the sad news of the sudden death of Whitney Houston, I knew I had to draw something to mark this tragic passing. Please share this page if you enjoy my simple cartoon tribute.
A science fiction flick hitting theaters in April could turn out to be the SuperPAC-funded film that will finally get Newt Gingrich elected President of the United States.
It has all the elements of a hit movie: flying saucers, the moon, Nazis and Newt Gingrich!
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll yell at this video. Just don’t shoot the screen, like Elvis. Puro Party — Celebrating A Genocide: Every year, San Antonio, TX, stages Fiesta, a 10-day celebration to honor Texas’ defeat of Mexico in the battle of San Jacinto — the Alamo, remember? This 1992 video takes Fiesta as a metaphor for the colonization of this predominantly Chicano city as an opportunity to explore Aztlan/Chicano identities. This public-domain video has been uploaded to YouTube by POCHO to make it viewable for the first time on iOS devices like iPads and iPhones.
Peruvian-born Elise Roedenbeck is a professional geek by day and a stand-up comedian at night. The slut thing didn’t work out for her.
Eclectic homies Ozomatli love Los Angeles. Two bandmembers say this about their hometown:
Gwell, I am writing this blogue porque my son said that we went on the google because he was doing a reporte for school.
Y you know what happened when he typed “Mexican Chef”? He said a white guy from Oklahoma popped up first, like he was the most important chef in Mexico or something. So, he tole me I can make better tamales than this gringo with a white mustache and I tole him, yeah, I can.
My pobre son is a little pocho, so him and other pochitos out there have to learn how to make the real food from our homeland. None of that nouveau Latin cuisine shit. My comadre tole me I’m too Mexican for the Food Network. I tole her I don’t want to be on camera anygway cuz I hate my arms.
My blogue is not gonna be call “Spicy It Up” or “Super Delicioso” or nothing like that. There is no going to be no salsa music (whish is Cuban by the gway) playing in the background. Is just me, Tia Lencha, in my cocina with my apron and my son typing on his computer.
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Ace Pocho Ñews Service contributor, author and hardcore poet (Demon in the Mirror and Amerikkkan Stories) S. J. Rivera sat down to talk to himself about his Self-Deportation Book Tour and what it’s like to have a book signing at Guantanamo Bay.
PNS: Your new book is AmeriKKKan Stories (Hardcore Poetry) – is it a Klan book or…?
S. J. Rivera: Yes and no. Actually there’s a very true story in there about the time I ran a guy over with my car. His name was Donny and I hit him on purpose because he may or may not have been in the klan(Hi, Donny!) There’s stuff in there about redneck zen, badmouthing the government, pochismo, fat Elvis, EMS horror stories, McDonald’s Nazis – you name it, it’s in there.
Mas…S. J. Rivera: My Guantanamo Bay self-deportation book tour
Since the beginning we, la raza odiada
the hated race
have been caught in the middle
just as we are now
between the fall of Tenochtitlan
and the migrant farms that feed a nation
in this modern day version of divide and conquer
1492
1942
2010
what’s the fucking difference?
we are all just a bunch of savages
pachucos y wetbacks
soy ilegal
Mas…Amerikkkan Stories hardcore poetry excerpt: ‘Soy Ilegal’
We had lots of fun last night with the “church sign generator” at Says-it.com and came up with this little image which we thought would make for a good contest.
In the comments below, write your suggested language for the sign.
Funniest entry wins.
Contest ends at midnight and we’ll send the winner something cool!
And the winner is Nora Guadalajara! Click on [Mas…] or scroll down to see her winning entry.
Mas…Write the best church sign message and win something cool! *
New Sesame Street video features Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor serving up Spanglish, tea, and justice in the case of Goldilocks v. Bear. Actually, it’s cafecito, but ‘tea’ makes the headline fit.
It looks like the 1990s are back now that former Gov. Pete Wilson (R-CA) is in the political spotlight as the new chairman of Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign.
I liked the 90s, but why doesn’t good stuff come back? You know, stuff like crushed velvet and bell sleeves, Beverly Hills 90210 fashion and NAFTA. Here are the top eight things they should bring back!
8. The promise of flying cars, where are the flying cars?!
7. TV shows filled with healthy white kids with nice teeth, a la, 90210 and Saved by the Bell.
6. Headbands, butterfly patterns, crushed velvet and choker (necklaces) — fashion!
Mas…Pocho Ocho 90s things I wish were back that aren’t Pete Wilson
I’m a pocha, loud and proud, and I communicate in Spanglish.
Everywhere. In letters, in conversation, in emails, in cards and, most recently, in text messages. But, my BlackBerry hates my Spanglish and is constantly trying to correct it. In fact, it often changes my Spanish words to random English words when I try to send my messages, rendering them practically intelligible. Damn you, auto correct!
A few choice examples: “gracias” into “grass,” “mañana” into “banana,” “mucho” into “macho,” “chingado” into “changed,” “oyes” into “ones” and “amor” into “amok.”
–Sara Inés
Would you like to swing on a star? Carry moonbeams home in a jar? And be better off than you are? Or would you rather be a cholo? Watch this video to find out how! NSFW (language.)
8. It’s half-time and your friends are still trying to decode the Roman numerals.
7. Everyone’s trying to explain to Tio Frank why only the runty guys get to kick the ball.
6. Your morbidly obese pal keeps shoving nachos in his mouth and shouting instructions to the athletes on TV, oblivious to the irony.
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Joining First Lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! initiative, Goya Foods, the largest Hispanic-owned U.S. food company, will help promote MiPlato, the USDA program designed to encourage children to make healthier eating choices.
“Today’s announcement is about eliminating diabetes in the Mexican-American community by helping them make better choices, and, with the help of Goya, forcing them to eat like Cubans and Puerto Ricans,” Obama said Friday.
“Everything that Goya is doing,” she said, “centers around a simple idea: this country’s Mexican children need to be told what to eat by a corporate conglomerate that mass-produces Caribbean food.”
Obama joined Goya president Bob Unanue and leading Latino organizations at a Tampa supermarket to promote healthy eating nationwide with a special focus on the incorrectly-nourished Mexican-American community.
Mas…FLOTUS on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans
Leo Limon: Portrait of an Artist celebrates one of the most popular and visible artists in the Chicano art movement. We see the L. A. artist’s life in the context of the broader history of cultural centers like Self-Help Graphics & Art and Limon’s proactive and collaborative approaches to alleviate gang violence and other social problems.
The video also explores his work in the preservation and restoration of the Los Angeles River as an ecological and recreational zone for the Los Angeles community.
Today marks the sad anniversary of “the day the music died,” the 1959 airplane crash that took the lives of rock stars Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens.
Valens, from the L.A. suburb of Pacoima, was born Richard Steven Valenzuela and some consider him the father of Chicano rock. Pocho Valens didn’t espeak Espanish, so he sang the lyrics to La Bamba from a phonetic cheat sheet.
Click for music videos of Chantilly Lace from the Bopper, Peggy Sue by Holly and the actual Valens La Bamba recording sessions, plus a Don McLean performance of The Day the Music Died.
Mas…Remembering Ritchie Valens, superstar pocho pride of Pacoima
Artist Ramiro Gomez, Jr. makes the invisible visible as he inserts paper images of hardworking Latinos into the landscape of Los Angeles — a gardener with a leaf blower, a housekeeper with a mop. There are many more images on his Happy Hills blog where he describes himself this way:
I live and work as a male nanny in West Hollywood, Beverly Hills and the Laurel Canyon area of the Hollywood Hills. Happy Hills is my body of work documenting the predominantly hispanic workforce, who work tirelessly behind the scenes to present the beautiful images of the ideal Hollywood Hills homes.