Cultura

It’s Not News to Us

Pocho Ocho ways you gabacho guys might be Hispandering

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Since the election, all the cool guys want to be Latinos and maybe you do too, Mr. White, Non-Hispanic-American. We understand, but we want to make sure you don’t go overboard. Peep our pocho ocho ways you might be Hispandering:

8. Goodbye iPod, hello maracas
7. Your name is now spelled Bíll Coñnelly
6. You call the guys in your golf foursome “mi gente”
5. You lower your Prius
4. You change your name to Geraldo
3. Lifetime membership in Chest Hair Club for Men
2. Complain “it would be easier if I were Latino”

And the numero uno way you might be Hispandering is…

You only date women with unibrows.

Image courtesy costumes in ‘plus sizes’ here.

‘Wise Latina’ Sotomayor hangs with Big Bird’s posse (video)

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Dressed all in black, Goth Justice Sonia Sotomayor mugs for the camera and wastes taxpayer money that could be better spent on drones, bombs and bayonets in this Sesame Street video about “careers” for girls.

In collusion with Big Bird’s socialist PBS pals, the unmarried jurist mocks the proud American tradition of Walt Disney princesses and never once mentions the proper female occupation of staying at home and cleaning the house and cooking dinner for the family.

Unashamed,  the ultra-liberal home wrecker actually tells impressionable little Muppette Abby to “get a career.”

You voted for this, people. Muppets, PBS and “Hispanics.” The line to Canada forms on the right.

Politics at the airport: It’s true – I’m a Latina and I do want stuff

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I am on my way to Los Angeles.

My baby brother is getting married. It is going to take me close to 12 hours to get to him, courtesy of the latest storm to hit the North East, Athena.

In order to get to LA, I am having to travel from Newark to Charlotte, NC to Phoenix before landing in LA. It dawned on me, as we landed in North Carolina, that I was landing in a “red state” – something that I am only keenly aware of because of the recent presidential election – the results of which have left some people feeling raw. I digested this reality for a moment and looked forward to the almost three-hour layover here.

It’s incredible to casually people watch, something I love to do when I travel, because on the surface, we all look the same, and in airports especially, we all have similar goals – to get somewhere. Nothing much separates us from one another here.

I opened up my laptop and started to enjoy the free Wifi offered at the Charlotte Davidson International Airport. Two men sat next to me. Southern accent – which I often find endearing – enthusiastically talking about car racing. Conversation started about the most recent race one of them competed in, an upcoming three-week visit to Florida for another race, their team, their sponsors…I soon got lost in work and Twitter.

Then it happened:

Mas…Politics at the airport: It’s true – I’m a Latina and I do want stuff

Tio Sam’s War Department presents ‘Tuesday In November’ (video)

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Tuesday In November (1945, directed by John Houseman 16:54)

NARRATOR: It is early morning of the first Tuesday in November. This is an American city. A city that is not very large, not very rich, not very old. It is situated in the western part of the United States, in California. Its name is Riverton. The woman in the car is Mrs. Dawson, one of Riverton’s 15,000 residents. She is principal of Public School No. 2, but today there will be no classes held here. For this is Election Day.

Tuesday In November is a film in simple language made primarily for overseas audiences, many of whom did not enjoy the right to elect their own governments.

Mas…Tio Sam’s War Department presents ‘Tuesday In November’ (video)

Dia de Los Muertos Argentine mutants are people too, my friend (video)

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The band: El Mató a un Policía Motorizado. The video: Día de Los Muertos. We don’t know why, exactly, but one of the mutants from Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Total Recall is involved, and he is not muerto. We advise you, therefore, that the events depicted in this video are probably not a true story but rather a sequence of images strung together to go with the music. That’s how they roll in Argentina.

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