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Florida Burning: Will Trayvon’s ‘killer’ go to jail or get cop job?

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Trayvon Martin (family photo) was killed for 'walking while black'

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Local police have reluctantly transferred  the investigation of the fatal shooting of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin at the White Knights gated community to the State Attorney’s Office.

The state will now determine if George Zimmerman, the Sanford-area neighborhood watch captain accused of killing Martin, will be charged with a crime or simply hired by the Sanford Police Department he wanted so much to join.

According to Sanford police, Zimmerman, a white male and captain of the W.K.N.W., (White Knights Neighborhood Watch,) admitted that he shot and killed Martin because “he looked black.” Due to local racist tradition, police say that’s usually a justifiable homicide in Florida “especially in white gated communities.”

Mas…Florida Burning: Will Trayvon’s ‘killer’ go to jail or get cop job?

Ñewsweek: Gasbacks swarm MX, corporate cartoon capers caca

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Gas is hella cheap in Mexico and gabachos with gas-guzzlers are going gaga South of the Border filling their gaping petrol holes. Here in Los United Estates, politically-aware cartoons (like Doonesbury) are getting censored.

This cartoon caca is old news to us: Last year, a cartoon by POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz was deemed racist by Huffington Post corporate bigwigs and got the editor of Brentwood.Patch.com fired. Turns out the editor is someone we know and love…

Based on actual stats, here are the Top Ten most popular stories this ñewsweek on Pocho.com:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Gasbacks swarm MX, corporate cartoon capers caca

PochoCast #2: Human WiFi hotspots, asteroids, satire and SXSW

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Saturday Night Funnies! In our exciting and biting second podcast, POCHO’s Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, Migrant Editor Al Madrigal and Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón talk about homeless human WiFi hotspots, an asteroid heading towards Earth, disaster preparedness (Al grows veggies) and the Austin GeekFiesta also known as SXSW (South By Southwest.) LOLs aplenty! (NSFW language.)

Podcast produced by Marcelo Ziperovich, Jefe de Creative, who also took these photos.

Ricky Martin Santorum wants Puerto Rico to be blahlingual

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(PNS reporting from POCHO RICO) Former senator and current GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum caused a furor on this island yesterday when he said English would have to be the “main language” for the Puerto Rican Commonwealth to ever become a state.

To be fair, when Santorum told a campaign rally crowd here in San Juan that Puerto Ricans should make English the official language, he didn’t think they could understand English at all.

Mas…Ricky Martin Santorum wants Puerto Rico to be blahlingual

ICE unveils first-ever resort-style hotel for immigrant detainees

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Inviting metal benches say, "Sit, but for not too long!"

(PNS reporting from DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEJAS) U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is opening what they call the first-ever “resort-style hotel” for immigrant detainees.

Critics are calling the new Karnes County (TX) Civil Detention Center a “prison for profit” but ICE is marketing it as a migrant “destination” with “vast amenities” that will keep immigrant detainees coming back for more.

Mas…ICE unveils first-ever resort-style hotel for immigrant detainees

Rick Santorum’s Pocho Ocho political proposals

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Although many are shocked by presidential pretender Rick Santorum’s proposal to consider statehood for Puerto Rico if it drops Spanish and espeaks English, it turns out this idea is only the newest of his Brainfarts Brainstorms for America.

Here are the Pocho Ocho:

8. Mexico’s Los Tigres del Norte will be offered citizenship if they lose their stripes

7.  Jews get to go to Catholic Heaven if they stop being, you know, Jews

6. African-Americans get access to high-paying Wall Street jobs when they straighten out that hair thing

Mas…Rick Santorum’s Pocho Ocho political proposals

Mexican city bans Los Tigres for narcocorrido, actual narcos still OK

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(PNS reporting from CHIHUAHUA) The New York Times reports that Mexican super group Los Tigres del Norte, dubbed the Metallica of Norteño Music, has been banned from performing in the state Chihuahua after they sang one of their popular narcocorridos at a cattle expo in Ciudad Juárez.

The band began a heavy rendition of La Reina del Sur — which details the life and exploits of drug trafficking legend Sandra Avila Beltran — but were quickly escorted offstage by portly Federales armed with stale churros.

Juarez Chief of Police Feo B. Sonso says that the city doesn’t mind actual narcos and their beheading tactics so much as it does bandas singing about them.

“Bandas? We don need no steenking bandas!” Sonso said.

Mas…Mexican city bans Los Tigres for narcocorrido, actual narcos still OK

U.S. ‘gasbacks’ sneaking into Mexico for cheap fuel

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(PNS reporting from TIJUANA) Soaring prices at the pump are  sending Americans  to El Otro Lado for a break on pricey petrol purchases,  creating a furor over a new class of immigrants called “gasbacks.”

Mexican public opinion is all over map regarding the gas-guzzling gringos, who are pumping millions of dollares into Mexico by pumping millions of gallons of gas out of it.

Mas…U.S. ‘gasbacks’ sneaking into Mexico for cheap fuel

Pocho Ocho reasons gringos are scared to go to Mexico for gas

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While some gas-hungry Americans — gasbacks — are sneaking South of the Border to take advantage of lower fuel prices, others aren’t so sure. Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons gabachos don’t wanna go there:

8. They don’t want to get tucked and rolled.

7. Last time down there, a lengua burrito licked them back.

6. Mexican gas is stronger (Insert your own joke here.)

Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons gringos are scared to go to Mexico for gas

How Lalo Alcaraz got me fired from Patch.com – the true story

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From December of 2010 through Spring 2011, I was the editor of Brentwood.Patch.com, the West Los Angeles outpost of AOL/Huffington Post’s “hyperlocal” news operation.

For Cinco de Mayo, I commissioned three stories: The real history of Cinco de Mayo as related by a professor at Mount St. Mary’s (Brentwood’s only college), the best places to celebrate with nachos and beer in Brentwood and a cartoon from my friend Lalo Alcaraz about how the Battle of Puebla is understood in Brentwood.

Mas…How Lalo Alcaraz got me fired from Patch.com – the true story

CHONY 2012: Mexican Mitt’s new awareness campaign

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Leading GOP presidential contender Mexican Mitt Romney has started a brand new awareness campaign that is sweeping the social media world: CHONY 2012.

Mexican Mitt is trying to raise awareness about the whereabouts of his favorite pair of Magical Underpants, which he has named “Chony.”

“Please help me find my favorite CHONYs,” said the wealthy Mexi-Mormon on his popular Twitter feed last night.

Their absence from his campaign bus is causing Mexican Mitt much anguish. In various mournful Tweets, he also urged readers to contribute money to his CHONY 2012 campaign, which has since gone viral.

Mas…CHONY 2012: Mexican Mitt’s new awareness campaign

Ñewsweek: Super Taco Tuesday, mujeres and media mensos

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Video from BeingLatino.US contrasts Mexicans in the media and Real Life Mexicans

POCHO’s favorite candidate, the mariachi-like Mexican Mitt Romney, scored the combo plate of election success in the Super Taco Tuesday primaries but fellow Republican Rush Limbaugh stepped in a big pile of slut when he opened his fat mouth. Dear Rush: Are you finished? Then wipe yourself!

Here are some of the stories that made our ñewsweek:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Super Taco Tuesday, mujeres and media mensos

KPCC radio billboard ‘Occupied’ by KPFK radio listener

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Much L.A. radio hay was made over the placing of a KPCC 89.3 FM billboard advertising its “Ideas not ideology” slogan practically on top my radio station’s studios at KPFK 90.7 FM, where I host the Pocho Hour of Power every Friday at 4 PM.

As I walked in today, I was alerted that someone had replaced the KPCC billboard with our own KPFK billboard. Didn’t know we had such a substantial advertising budget. 

Nice job! (above photo by KPFK’s Ernesto Arce) Here’s the before picture:

Mas…KPCC radio billboard ‘Occupied’ by KPFK radio listener

Mexican Mitt has eye on enchilada for Super Taco Tuesday

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With more than a dozen states and 437 delegates in play, Super Tuesday is the biggest contest of the GOP primaries since Newt Gingrich challenged Mexican Mitt Romney to a wife-off.

Mexican Mitt Romney vows to sweep today’s Super Taco Tuesday Republican presidential contest. “I will win not only the whole enchilada, but the additional taco, the rice and beans, plus the salad,” he told a rally. “And the corn or flour tortillas.”

“I am going to herd all the voters to vote for me like a herd of my chivos on my ranch. In other words, I will make sure you are herd. Herded. Whatevers! Ajua!”

Mas…Mexican Mitt has eye on enchilada for Super Taco Tuesday

Rush Limbaugh’s Pocho Ocho excuses for being a douchebag

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Bloated talk show host and leader of the Republican party Rush Limbaugh has been abusing his broadcast microphone by viciously attacking, well, everyone, but most recently 30-year-old law student Sandra Fluke, calling her a “slut” and a “prostitute.”

He has since issued a weak apology, but his show continues to bleed sponsors and radio stations.

Here are his Pocho Ocho excuses for being a douchebag:

8. Skanks don’t get satire
7. Dennis Miller is my new staff writer
6. I jumped the whale

Mas…Rush Limbaugh’s Pocho Ocho excuses for being a douchebag

Hello, Slutty, my old friend

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Here we are again, back on the old women are sluts kick. Or are we just still on it? Long before Rush Limbaugh ignorantly berated Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke, the tide has been rising against woman’s liberties. Limbaugh’s comments are just a caricature of the right-wing push back. The war on Planned Parenthood, defunding educational programs for unwed mothers, vaginal probes, bans on contraception; it’s like two steps forward 99 steps back.

Mas…Hello, Slutty, my old friend

Ñewsweek: Hectors and actors and commentators oh my

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Screenshot of Mexican Mitt Romney music video

POCHO’s ñews team started the week in glossy Hollyweird and ended up scraping the crap off their shoes near Rush Limbaugh’s headquarters in La Floridita, but the big story of the week was the release of Mexican Mitt Romney’s music video/camapaign commercial.

Will the GOP wannabe  become the nation’s first Latino president? And why does his MittShake bring all the viejas to yard?  You’ll have to watch and figure it out yourself!

The Academy Awards were just around the corner from installation artist Ramiro Gomez Jr. so he made sure the neighborhood got to see normally-invisible Latino elements of the star-making machinery  with a poignant installation on Hollywood Boulevard.

Mas…Ñewsweek: Hectors and actors and commentators oh my

Meet the Latinos who love Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio

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On Sunday, newsman Jorge Ramos confronted Sheriff Joe Arpaio on Univision’s Al Punto and told Joe he was the face of racism to U.S. Latinos.

The much-maligned Maricopa County cop wouldn’t have any of that. “How do you know they don’t like me?” he asked. “They love me!”

It’s really true, because we found a lot of Latino love for Sheriff Joe Arpaio everywhere we asked.

Mas…Meet the Latinos who love Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)

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[If you liked the video, you can now own the song. Get it on iTunes ahora! 
Mexican Mitt's  "(I Wanna Be) The First Latino President" ]

After sweeping both Arizona and Michigan –– he says it’s because the gringos won’t do it -– a certain South-of-the-Border candidate is clearing his way to “paint the White House brown!” The affable and mariachi-like Mexi-Mormon is a tough campaigner, and says he is “in it to guin it.” Mexican Mitt Romney, the Most Mexican Man in the World, wants to be the first Latino President. This is his story — in song.

Mas…Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)

Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes

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Better than catapult-based deportee delivery systems

(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) In an effort to “adapt to current budget realities,” the Federales of Los United Estates will begin flying deported immigrants back to Mexico and dropping them from airplanes over their home states.

This plan, dubbed Operation Wet Parachute, is the brainchild of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano who said yesterday she got the idea while making margaritas and watching the film Point Break.

Mas…Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes

Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards

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Behold, The Hectors©, Pocho’s own Oscars, bestowed for Excellence in Mockability.

The Hector© is named for my annoying cousin Hector, who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.

And the Hector© goes to:

Best Actor in a Tragedy- goes to Newt Gingrich, for his remarkable portrayal of The One Supposedly Sane GOP Candidate

Best Special Effect- goes to Callista Gingrich’s hair.

Most Ignorant- Sen. Rick Santorum, for suggesting that anyone who wants kids to go to college is a “snob.”

Best Sound Effects Editing – Bad Lip Reading, for actually making Ron Paul make sense

Mas…Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards

Ñewsweek: AZ gay sheriff, ‘Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say,’ Satan speaks

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GAYDAR Border Sign

The Hate State of Arizona was the scene of three big stories this week:

GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane’s campaign pulled another boner as the campaign co-chair, immigrant-hating sheriff Paul Babeu, tried to explain his way out of allegations he threatened his Mexican immigrant boyfriend with deportation.

Babeu resigned from the campaign but not before Pocho Ñews Service scored a copy of his cancelled TV commercial endorsing Romney. Babeu’s endorsement noted Romney’s support for installing GAYDAR to protect the Arizona border from straight migrants, letting only attractive Gayliens cross over.

Babeu later announced he was ready for any probe of his actions, the deeper the better.

Mas…Ñewsweek: AZ gay sheriff, ‘Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say,’ Satan speaks

Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House

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We already know mummy-like AZ Gov. Jan Brewer gets absolutely unraveled whenever she’s near Pres. Barack Obama. But why exactly did she decline to attend tomorrow’s Governor’s Dinner at the White House?

Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Brewer did not accept the President’s invitation:

8– They could not guarantee her a seat next to the open bar

7– She’s going to be busy looking for heads in the desert

6– Sunday night is when she soaks her skin in formaldehyde

Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House

Factory workers strike in China as GOP and Fox demand more

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Chinese meme manufacturers are struggling with increased demand
(PNS reporting from BEN WA, CHINA) A wildcat strike at the FoxCon plant here yesterday briefly shut down meme production as assembly-line workers protested increased workloads and a benefit cutback.

FoxCon’s Factory #42, a joint venture by Fox News and the GOP Conservative Action Committee, produces faux factoids, snotty snippets and misrepresentations of the Democrats’ policy positions for increasingly-desperate right-wing organizations.

Plant managers are apparently struggling to come up with sufficient quantities of the bullshit antagonists needed keep the Republican primary candidates from sinking into a morass of obvious lies, silly solipsisms and cesspools of hate.

Mas…Factory workers strike in China as GOP and Fox demand more

Satan speaks: Santorum, the election and Mayan Doomsday

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Santorum? Did you ever Google his last name? I send his calls straight to voice mail.

(PNS reporting from HELL) GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum is making no attempt to distance himself from his inflammatory 2008 remarks accusing Satan of “attacking America” but Satan responded Wednesday,  claiming that Santorum is in for a “big surprise.”

Pocho Ñews Service sent especial correspondent S. J. Rivera  deep into Hades to interview the Prince of Darkness himself  (see: not Ozzy Osbourne.) We wanted Lucifer’s thoughts on Santorum, Sarah Palin, the 2012 election and the Mayan-scheduled end of the world.

PNS: What are your thoughts about what Rick Santorum said about you?

Satan: Look, I’m a busy guy, but did I see his comments? Yes. Frankly I’m amused that he thinks so highly of himself. Every time he calls me I send him directly to voicemail and man, can that dude cry! Have you Googled his last name? Yikes! Rick has a lot in common with that Babeu guy in Arizona and believe me when I say there’s a hot date in both of their futures.

Mas…Satan speaks: Santorum, the election and Mayan Doomsday

Daniel D. Portado: The 90s Are Back and So Am I! (video)

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(PNS reporting from ALTA CALIFORNIA) The original militant self-deportationist Daniel D. Portado is back and proud as punch that his ex-boss Pete Wilson has endorsed GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane. Romney has already advocated self-deportation, as Portado told Rachel Maddow, and that means Romney endorses Portado! “Attention mojados,” he warns in this video. “It’s time to self-deport!”

Look y LOL: Lin-sanity caption chingazos for white athletes

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ESPN? Oh no you you di'nt!
Chinese-American NBA rookie superstar Jeremy Lin has famously inspired some silly and fun “Lin-sane” punnery.

ESPN editor Anthony Federico penned a controversial Lin-spired headline (screencapture, right) that used the word “chink,” as in “Chink In The Armor” and got fired for writing a dopey racist headline and/or for being lazy and publishing the first crappy thing that popped into his mind.

POCHO contributor Edward Rueda has created this series of Caption Chingazos featuring an array of Caucasian athletes, with the modest proposal:

What if white athletes had to deal with Lin-sensitive media headlines?

Mas…Look y LOL: Lin-sanity caption chingazos for white athletes

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