POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz (in Southern California) and Migrant Editor Al Madrigal (in New York) Skyped away last week for POCHO’s first coast-to-coast podcast.
POCHO Podcast #1: Lalo Alcaraz and Al Madrigal have words for you
El Now
It’s News to Us!
Hello, Slutty, my old friend
Here we are again, back on the old women are sluts kick. Or are we just still on it? Long before Rush Limbaugh ignorantly berated Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke, the tide has been rising against woman’s liberties. Limbaugh’s comments are just a caricature of the right-wing push back. The war on Planned Parenthood, defunding educational programs for unwed mothers, vaginal probes, bans on contraception; it’s like two steps forward 99 steps back.
Ñewsweek: Hectors and actors and commentators oh my
POCHO’s ñews team started the week in glossy Hollyweird and ended up scraping the crap off their shoes near Rush Limbaugh’s headquarters in La Floridita, but the big story of the week was the release of Mexican Mitt Romney’s music video/camapaign commercial.
Will the GOP wannabe become the nation’s first Latino president? And why does his MittShake bring all the viejas to yard? You’ll have to watch and figure it out yourself!
The Academy Awards were just around the corner from installation artist Ramiro Gomez Jr. so he made sure the neighborhood got to see normally-invisible Latino elements of the star-making machinery with a poignant installation on Hollywood Boulevard.
Rush Limbaugh, million dollar whore
Bloated drug addict and political hate merchant Rush Limbaugh has been losing advertisers on his hateful radio show since he called 30-year-old Georgetown University law student Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute.” She merited this libelous statement apparently because she would dare to stand up for women’s health concerns and also use contraceptives. Yes, birth control.
Meet the Latinos who love Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio
On Sunday, newsman Jorge Ramos confronted Sheriff Joe Arpaio on Univision’s Al Punto and told Joe he was the face of racism to U.S. Latinos.
The much-maligned Maricopa County cop wouldn’t have any of that. “How do you know they don’t like me?” he asked. “They love me!”
It’s really true, because we found a lot of Latino love for Sheriff Joe Arpaio everywhere we asked.
Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)
[If you liked the video, you can now own the song. Get it on iTunes ahora! Mexican Mitt's "(I Wanna Be) The First Latino President" ]
After sweeping both Arizona and Michigan –– he says it’s because the gringos won’t do it -– a certain South-of-the-Border candidate is clearing his way to “paint the White House brown!” The affable and mariachi-like Mexi-Mormon is a tough campaigner, and says he is “in it to guin it.” Mexican Mitt Romney, the Most Mexican Man in the World, wants to be the first Latino President. This is his story — in song.
Mas…Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)
Pocho Ocho reasons Daniel D. Portado isn’t ‘Dancing with the Stars’
8. He only does a Rio Grande River Dance in wing tips.
7. He is not unfamous enough yet.
6. Body image issues, anticipating the Gaykeeper Sheriff Babeu will ogle him.
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Daniel D. Portado isn’t ‘Dancing with the Stars’
Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes
(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) In an effort to “adapt to current budget realities,” the Federales of Los United Estates will begin flying deported immigrants back to Mexico and dropping them from airplanes over their home states.
This plan, dubbed Operation Wet Parachute, is the brainchild of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano who said yesterday she got the idea while making margaritas and watching the film Point Break.
Mas…Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes
Daniel D. Portado invites you to Hispanics for Romney AZ rally
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) GOP wannabe Mitt Romney’s Hispanic outreach coordinator Daniel D. Portado, the militant self-deportationist, wants you to stop by the big campaign rally today after you vote for Mitt. Meet your favorite Latino-loving politicians like Gov. Jan Brewer, Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Sheriff Paul Babeu.
Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards
Behold, The Hectors©, Pocho’s own Oscars, bestowed for Excellence in Mockability.
The Hector© is named for my annoying cousin Hector, who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.
And the Hector© goes to:
Best Actor in a Tragedy- goes to Newt Gingrich, for his remarkable portrayal of The One Supposedly Sane GOP Candidate
Best Special Effect- goes to Callista Gingrich’s hair.
Most Ignorant- Sen. Rick Santorum, for suggesting that anyone who wants kids to go to college is a “snob.”
Best Sound Effects Editing – Bad Lip Reading, for actually making Ron Paul make sense
Mas…Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards
Ñewsweek: AZ gay sheriff, ‘Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say,’ Satan speaks
The Hate State of Arizona was the scene of three big stories this week:
GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane’s campaign pulled another boner as the campaign co-chair, immigrant-hating sheriff Paul Babeu, tried to explain his way out of allegations he threatened his Mexican immigrant boyfriend with deportation.
Babeu resigned from the campaign but not before Pocho Ñews Service scored a copy of his cancelled TV commercial endorsing Romney. Babeu’s endorsement noted Romney’s support for installing GAYDAR to protect the Arizona border from straight migrants, letting only attractive Gayliens cross over.
Babeu later announced he was ready for any probe of his actions, the deeper the better.
Mas…Ñewsweek: AZ gay sheriff, ‘Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say,’ Satan speaks
Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House
We already know mummy-like AZ Gov. Jan Brewer gets absolutely unraveled whenever she’s near Pres. Barack Obama. But why exactly did she decline to attend tomorrow’s Governor’s Dinner at the White House?
Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Brewer did not accept the President’s invitation:
8– They could not guarantee her a seat next to the open bar
7– She’s going to be busy looking for heads in the desert
6– Sunday night is when she soaks her skin in formaldehyde
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House
Factory workers strike in China as GOP and Fox demand more
FoxCon’s Factory #42, a joint venture by Fox News and the GOP Conservative Action Committee, produces faux factoids, snotty snippets and misrepresentations of the Democrats’ policy positions for increasingly-desperate right-wing organizations.
Plant managers are apparently struggling to come up with sufficient quantities of the bullshit antagonists needed keep the Republican primary candidates from sinking into a morass of obvious lies, silly solipsisms and cesspools of hate.
Mas…Factory workers strike in China as GOP and Fox demand more
Satan speaks: Santorum, the election and Mayan Doomsday
(PNS reporting from HELL) GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum is making no attempt to distance himself from his inflammatory 2008 remarks accusing Satan of “attacking America” but Satan responded Wednesday, claiming that Santorum is in for a “big surprise.”
Pocho Ñews Service sent especial correspondent S. J. Rivera deep into Hades to interview the Prince of Darkness himself (see: not Ozzy Osbourne.) We wanted Lucifer’s thoughts on Santorum, Sarah Palin, the 2012 election and the Mayan-scheduled end of the world.
PNS: What are your thoughts about what Rick Santorum said about you?
Satan: Look, I’m a busy guy, but did I see his comments? Yes. Frankly I’m amused that he thinks so highly of himself. Every time he calls me I send him directly to voicemail and man, can that dude cry! Have you Googled his last name? Yikes! Rick has a lot in common with that Babeu guy in Arizona and believe me when I say there’s a hot date in both of their futures.
Daniel D. Portado: The 90s Are Back and So Am I! (video)
(PNS reporting from ALTA CALIFORNIA) The original militant self-deportationist Daniel D. Portado is back and proud as punch that his ex-boss Pete Wilson has endorsed GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane. Romney has already advocated self-deportation, as Portado told Rachel Maddow, and that means Romney endorses Portado! “Attention mojados,” he warns in this video. “It’s time to self-deport!”
Al Madrigal tells Jon Stewart all about the ‘Latino Vote’
POCHO Migrant Editor and Daily Show Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal explains the nuances of the Latino electorate to host Jon Stewart.
The secret? Arroz by any other name …
Look y LOL: Lin-sanity caption chingazos for white athletes
ESPN editor Anthony Federico penned a controversial Lin-spired headline (screencapture, right) that used the word “chink,” as in “Chink In The Armor” and got fired for writing a dopey racist headline and/or for being lazy and publishing the first crappy thing that popped into his mind.
POCHO contributor Edward Rueda has created this series of Caption Chingazos featuring an array of Caucasian athletes, with the modest proposal:
What if white athletes had to deal with Lin-sensitive media headlines?
Mas…Look y LOL: Lin-sanity caption chingazos for white athletes
Dear Gorton’s: Thanks for the apology but …
Dear Gorton’s Seafood and Rinck Advertising:
I am thrilled to the gills that you took the time to respond. I am a fan of your products, and hope that they reach many more households than mine.
However, your response reveals exactly why you floundered in the first place. You mention that you “used a Spanish translation service,” and that “Spanish-speaking staff members were involved throughout the project.”
You didn’t say that you translated it yourself in-house, or that Spanish-speaking and/or Latino executives (emphasis on executives) oversaw the project.
Instead, it seems like someone internally had the idea to reach out to Latina moms but fish-farmed out the work because you didn’t have the capabilities or experience to do it on your own.
Video: The ‘Sheriff Babeu for @MexicanMitt’ TV spot
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) It’s the commercial the Mexican Mitt Romney campaign didn’t want you to see — an explosive TV endorsement by anti-immigrant Sheriff Paul Babeu calling for the erection of a GAYDAR border fence.
The six-figure TV buy on local stations was cancelled over the weekend after Babeu faced hard questions about how exactly he meant to “get to the bottom” of the Mexican immigrant situation.
It’s Presidents Day: The good and the not so good (NSFW)
The Good:
George Washington’s birthday is a federal holiday celebrated on the third Monday of February in honor of George Washington, the first President of Los United Estates, AKA The Father of Our Country. Some people call it Presidents Day (sometimes spelled Presidents’ Day or President’s Day.)
The Not So Good:
Dave Chappelle isn’t so sure about George’s special day, right there in the middle of Black History Month (NSFW Video):
Mas…It’s Presidents Day: The good and the not so good (NSFW)
Ñewsweek: Lalo the valet, the gay GOP sheriff, fishsticks and boobs
There’s a fine line between truth and satire, a twisty maze of passageways, all alike. POCHO was doing that line dance all week with these stories:
- POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz finished speaking at a DigitalLA Latino panel in Beverly Hills and was racially profiled as a parking valet when he, Lalo, went outside to get his own car from the valet. Hilarity ensued.
- Mitt Romney’s anti-immigrant Arizona campaign co-chair Paul Babeau quit the political organization amid charges he threatened his Mexican immigrant lover with deportation. Twitter celebrity @MexicanMitt shared his Opinión.
Mas…Ñewsweek: Lalo the valet, the gay GOP sheriff, fishsticks and boobs
Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’
Anti-Immigrant Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu has resigned as Mitt Romney’s Arizona GOP Primary Campaign Co-Chair. Sheriff Babeu is facing explosive allegations that he tried to intimidate a former Mexican immigrant lover with deportation threats. Especial Guest Columnist Mexican Mitt Romney offers his Opinión:
Sheriff Babeu has stepped down from his volunteer position with the campaign so he can spend more time fighting with his gay mojado boyfriend.
I am so sad that Sheriff Babeu had to geu.
But he has a bigger fight on his hands than getting me elected President of the United Estates. Babeu is going to focus more on wrestling the problem of illegal immigration to the ground.
Sheriff Babeu is right when he says America’s head is buried in a pillow over immigration. Sheriff Babeu has always said he wants to get ahead of the mojados, and inside the illegals. Inside their minds! Ajua!
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’
Hate immigrants? Love homemade bombs? Come to Kansas!
(PNS reporting from TOPEKA) Are you angry? Is your ugly truck plastered with bigoted stickers? Do you have homemade explosives at home and in your vehicle? Are you a veteran who hates immigrants and anyone who “no-speako-the-English?”
No problemo, amigo! Come to Topeka, KS where you can park your truck full of homemade explosives next to a government building and the police will look the other way!
That’s right, friend – you can build all the homemade bombs you want (now with deadly shrapnel!) pile them in your beat-up truck and bring ‘em on down to the Kansas State building for a Ka-booming good time! Yes, you can be just like Timothy McVeigh and plot endless schemes of domestic terrorism and the cops in Kansas will just shrug their shoulders say, “Whoops…”
Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car
Representing Pocho.com, I was a panelist along with a table full of young, savvy Latino digital media types as part of last night’s Digital LA Latino Content event.
Afterwards, I finished up networking and headed outside to leave. As I waited to get my car in front of the host restaurant in Beverly Hills, you’ll never guess what happened: A white lady tried to give me her car valet ticket. Twice.
You’ve heard this story a thousand times before; it’s a Latino cliché. Or is it a tradition?
Anglo person assumes brown person is a worker, there to serve them.
An old Chicano chestnut goes something like this:
I’m a Mexican-American, am married to a white woman, and I was mowing our lawn in front of our nice, big home. A white lady pulled up in a car and asked, “How much do you charge to mow a lawn?” My answer: Nothing. The lady of the house lets me sleep with her.
Mas…Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car
Mexico issues travel warning for Los United Estates
(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) In the widest travel advisory since the Zoot Suit Riots of the 1940s, the Mexican government is recommending that Mexicans avoid travel to all or parts of the United States of America.
Mexico’s State Department has warned against any nonessential travel in all of California, Arizona, Texas and New Mexico as well as the entire South, including Florida.
The advisory issued Tuesday note that Mexican citizens have been victims of offically-sanctioned governmental racism, including scapegoating, false statistics and Jim Crow-era laws. It is the first time the Mexican government listed advisories for the entire United States.
Obama aide’s ‘Chimichanga’ Tweet – racist or not?
In what’s been termed “the tweet heard ’round the world,” Pres. Barack Obama’s campaign manager Jim Messina tweeted today that a line from a Washington Post editorial— “The chimichanga? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer Latinos” — was the “line of the day.”
Consequently, and in short order, Republicans began attacking Messina (not Latino) and lefties in general for being racist, insensitive, not offering Latinos much in the way of policies anyway, and much more. Repercussions of the tweet, however, reach much further than the Twitterverse.
@DanielDPortado: Up close and personal (video)
Conservative Republican Hispanic activist Daniel D. Portado, the original self-deportationist, explains the origin of the self-deportation movement in his own words. Portado’s rallying cry is now backed by GOP wannabe Mitt Romney. Portado is on Twitter, too.
Video by Giovanni Solis and Eduardo M Zamora.
Uncle Sam: Be all you can be…and then get the hell out!
Hundreds of U.S. military veterans are facing banishment after serving their country. Many of them considered their military service a path to U.S. citizenship but Uncle Sam has said, “No way, José, but thanks for your blood sweat and tears!”
Honorably discharged vets that that came to the U.S. legally are being arrested and deported, according to recent news reports. Charged with infractions like writing bad checks and possession of marijuana they get deported faster than you can say, “Show me your papers, Sergeant!”
My cartoon tribute to Whitney Houston
Upon hearing the sad news of the sudden death of Whitney Houston, I knew I had to draw something to mark this tragic passing. Please share this page if you enjoy my simple cartoon tribute.
Coming soon: Gingrich’s moonbase documentary ‘Iron Sky’
A science fiction flick hitting theaters in April could turn out to be the SuperPAC-funded film that will finally get Newt Gingrich elected President of the United States.
It has all the elements of a hit movie: flying saucers, the moon, Nazis and Newt Gingrich!
Ñewsweek: Chente, Los Grammys and @MexicanMitt
Vicente Fernandez, Los Grammys and the continuing adventures of presidential hopeful @MexicanMitt were the big stories this week on POCHO:
- The Grammys were faced with a boycott led by Latino artists calling themselves Los 60%.
- Mexican singing superstar Vicente Fernandez announced both his upcoming retirement and plans to open a Las Vegas casino called Guadalajara, Guadalajara.
- GOP wannabe @MexicanMitt released his first TV commercial and claimed the title of The Most Mexican Man in the World.
- An angry Arizona legislator called for a Caucasian Appreciation Day to highlight the achievements of the patriotic white citizens that are routinely ignored in America’s foremost Hate State.
- A Mississippi legislator offered a bill to rename the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. Unlike the Arizona hater, he was joking.
- New contributor Tia Lencha offered a nopalitos recipe for gringos y pochos.
- A helpful video offered advice on How to Be A Cholo and Supreme Court Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor showed up on Sesame Street for a cafecito.
- POCHO Jefe-in-Chief shared a cartoon tribute to Whitney Houston.
Mississippi: Rename Gulf of Mexico to ‘Gulf of America’
A Mississippi state lawmaker introduced legislation Tuesday that would rename the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America.”
According to state Rep. Stephen Holland’s bill, the name would apply only to his home state, much to the relief of embarrassed neighboring states.
Ironically, Holland chose to rename this international body of water “Gulf of America,” not understanding that “America” is the name of the whole American hemisphere, mainly because the word “hemisphere” is twice as long as most words the average Mississippian legslator understands.