Breaking: Immigration plan includes MIGRA clone army

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The “Gang of Eight” immigration reform plan revealed yesterday mandates a Border Patrol Agent Clone Army, according to details released by Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL.)

“Two hundred thousand clones are immediately available for deployment on the border” when the bill passes, a jubilant Rubio said at a Capitol Hill press conference this morning. “The minute Obama signs the bill, we’ll send in the clones!”

Mas…Breaking: Immigration plan includes MIGRA clone army

Mi corazón esta con mi gente, my heart is with my people

My heart is with my people as I await my procedure.

I await my procedure, Mi Gente. I await it this overcast Sunday morning, surrounded by the bells of the Churches, by my Angels, and the people whom I love. Yeah, I ended up in the hospital the other night. Which one….does not matter. I know people here, Mi Gente is here, and I make friends kinda easy, too.

I just got the word about a lady, who comes into the area, every Saturday, to sell her homemade tamalitos. I know where she will be next Saturday, she and her esposo. And I plan to be there, too.

I am going to get my tamalito de rajas, my fave. Maybe I’ll carry the travel coffee deal my sister gave us. Too cool for school. And I’ll bring my “whatta chair” and hang out in the area, under the beautiful trees, and see mis amigos e amigas.

Mas…Mi corazón esta con mi gente, my heart is with my people

Immigration Reform 2013: Where exactly is the ‘reform’ part? (video)


The long-anticipated “comprehensive immigration reform bill” is set to be introduced to the public by a bi-partisan group of legislators today.

What exactly is the “Border Security, Economic Opportunity, and Immigration Modernization Act of 2013?”

The compromise proposal won’t cover all the people here without legal status, for one thing, nor will it create a lasting change — reform — of the immigration system.

What it will do, though, is line the pockets of security contractors via $3 billion dollars for “border security.”

Mas…Immigration Reform 2013: Where exactly is the ‘reform’ part? (video)

Pocha Podcast #2: Sexism, feminism, football and IT (NSFW audio)

Pochas Elise Roedenbeck and me, Sara Inés Calderón, have a grand old time talking about sexism and feminism. Isn’t it interesting that, even though the U.S. had a “feminist movement,” we have never elected a woman president, and the wage gap between men and women in Latin America is smaller than it is here?

And other sexist stuff: What about football, how sexist is that, ey? And IT? Being a woman in the U.S. may seem like fun and games, given that whole reproductive rights discussion, but there are some downsides.

Mas…Pocha Podcast #2: Sexism, feminism, football and IT (NSFW audio)

PNS*Hot*Flash: California Gov. Jerry Brown bans big burritos

(PNS reporting from SACRAMENTO) Repeating his “small is beautiful” mantra from the 1970s, California Gov. Jerry Brown has taken steps to ban burritos that weigh more than one pound.

“We’re facing an obesity epidemic in the Golden State,” Brown told a press conference here this morning, “and I wouldn’t be the guy who shtupped Latina Linda Ronstadt back in the day if I didn’t travel to the beat of a different drum.”

Brown has issued an executive order directing inspectors from Cal/OSHA (the California Occupational Hazard and Safety Administration) to cite and penalize restaurants that serve massive San Francisco-style “Mission burritos.”

Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: California Gov. Jerry Brown bans big burritos

Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ Tax Day Espectacular 4.15.13 (video)


Happy Tax Day, pochos! This week on MiJA I discuss the near conclusion of back-room negotiations on immigration “reform” and delve deep into the heart of the Internets to discover Barbies of the World. You think Mexican Barbie is bad — Peruvian Barbie comes with an anchor baby (and she’s not the worst of them!)

Mas…Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘MiJA Weekly’ Tax Day Espectacular 4.15.13 (video)

Don’t mess w/ Texas! ‘ThumbSnatchers from the Moon Cocoon’ (video)


Guns don’t kill people, opposable thumbs that pull triggers on guns kill people. And that’s why our Alien Overlords have returned to end our evil ways — by ending our evil thumbs. But the invading Thumb Snatchers from the Moon Cocoon (stupid lunar Daleks with green blood) didn’t reckon on Texas Sheriff Huckiss. The law in Texas doesn’t give much slack to illegal aliens.

First Person: My moment with Marco Rubio and his big Cuban butt


I remember the high school student version of Marco Rubio, with his neatly-pressed shirts always tucked in, his toothy smile and his bleached white socks. But most of all, I remember his butt.

The Cuban man butt holds a special place in my heart — it’s a thing of wonder and mystery. Why Cuban men have big butts I may never know. However, there are some gifts you just don’t question. You don’t look a gift butt in the mouth.

We only had one brief encounter, Marco and me. For months I had watched him from the other end of the cafeteria at South Miami Senior High School. He’d drink 7-Up and laugh with his friends about Michael Dukakis. I never had the nerve to say much of anything. Until that day.

Mas…First Person: My moment with Marco Rubio and his big Cuban butt

PNS*Hot*Flash: Prep classmates call Kim Jong Un ‘a fun dude’

(PNS reporting from SWITZERLAND) North Korean strongman Kim Jong Un is actually “a fun dude,” according to his classmates at the elite Swiss prep school Institut Le Rosey.

The five 1998 grads are planning to endorse Kim (yearbook photo, right) on his LinkedIn and Klout accounts before he starts a nuclear war next week.

They were all close friends at the international boarding school, said to be the world’s most expensive, which has traditionally educated the children of world leaders.

“Kim is totally awesome and hella bro,” classmate Chip Al-Assad told PNS in a Skype conference call Friday.

Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: Prep classmates call Kim Jong Un ‘a fun dude’

Tia Lencha sues Mattel over ‘Mexican Barbie’: They estole me!

(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) Tia Lencha, the homemaker and divorced mother of one who stars in the homespun internet hit “Tia Lencha’s Cocina,” is suing Mattel over its “Mexican Barbie” doll, seeking $750,000 in damages.

Tia Lencha’s federal lawsuit, filed in New York Monday, claims the toymaker is “engaging in the unauthorized use of (her) wardrobe, likeness, image and attributes” as a woman who wears Mexican folkloric dance outfits for no apparent reason.

Tia Lencha never gave Mattel permission to market the doll or use her endorsement to promote it, according to the filing.

The suit says that Tia Lencha has cornered the market on being unrealistically Mexican and that the doll “captures the essence of the stereotypically stereotypical Mexican lady as well as her sideways ponytail and flower adornment on her head.”

Mas…Tia Lencha sues Mattel over ‘Mexican Barbie’: They estole me!

Notice of Corporate Counsel: Sanchez Bros Attorney-at-Law


This legal notice designating an Attorney of Record is herewith, hereby and homeboy published, April 9 2013, March 15 2012, May 29 2012, and August 31 2012 pursuant the requirements of the Aztlan Judicical Unity Act (AJUA) of 1997.

For any y all legal matters pertaining to Pochismo, Inc., DBA POCHO and POCHO DOT COM, please contact

Attorney-At-Law Sanchez Bros, Pocho City, CA  @ 408-POCHO-28.

Hey, Mr. Anti-Immigration Man, can we see your grandpa’s papers?

Bend the Arc, a Jewish social justice organization, just introduced an online legal widget that applies immigration laws to your family’s history. Answer some questions and the Entry Denied widget determines if your immigrant ancestors would be allowed into the U.S. today.

And guess what:

Millions of Americans have grown up with a defining family immigration story. But while our families may have endured hardship coming to America, the simple fact is that most of our immigration stories would not be possible at all under today’s immigration laws.

Mas…Hey, Mr. Anti-Immigration Man, can we see your grandpa’s papers?

Pocha Podcast: WTF is up with these catcalls? (NSFW audio)

POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón in Los Angeles and New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck got together in audioland to see if they could figure out WTF is up with guys and their weird catcalls and come-ons. Is it different in New York vs. L.A.? Are Spanish catcalls different from English? What’s a guera to do?

Ooops! This audio file seems to be missing! The authorities have been notified.

Hooray! We found a cached copy on Archive.org. Download the POCHA PODCAST here (5.1MB MP3)

RIP: POCHO remembers our film critic, Cisco Yberra

As many of you may have read, POCHO’s beloved film critic, Cisco Yberra, passed away last week.  We’ll miss him so much, and so will you when you check out some of the cinematic gems he brought to our attention when he was not dead:

Mexicans falling to Earth from space? Not to worry, scientists say

(PNS reporting from OUTER ESPACE) Let that long-held breath out, folks. The Alpha Mexnetic Spectrometer has picked up a lot of mysterious antimatter in low Earth orbit recently – but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a sign of falling Mexi-matter, AKA “Space Mexicans” falling to Earth, according to NASA.

In fact, even with the 400,000 pocho-particles picked up by the cosmic ray experiment – the largest number of such particles ever analyzed in outer espace — it’s unclear whether those pocho-particles result from decaying Mexicans left over from building the International Space Station, or simply from Mexicans shot into space from various border patrol agencies over the year.

The ambitious $1.6-billion Alpha Mexnetic Spectrometer is roughly 10 times more sensitive to Meximatter than its predecessors. The detector, which was ferried on the Space Shuttle Endeavour (also built by Mexicans) to the International Space Station in 2011, has picked up billions of pocho-particles since then.

Mas…Mexicans falling to Earth from space? Not to worry, scientists say

Sandra Ramos O’Briant – ‘Chile Tales: The Green Addiction’

Philosophers have often looked for the defining feature of humans — language, rationality, culture and so on. I’d stick with this: Man is the only animal that likes Tabasco sauce.

########

In Texas, when my parents were still married, we ate fried chicken, mashed potatoes laden with cream gravy, green beans flavored with bits of bacon and buttery light biscuits. Every item on the menu had its own serving dish, and cloth napkins were always used.

“May I have another biscuit, ma’am?” I would say.

“You surely may, Sandra Mae,” my daddy’s mama would reply and everyone would smile. Or we’d have fried pork chops and suck on the salty bones, but only when it was just my mama and me at the dinner table.

In Texas, there were black-eyed peas and ham and all manner of greens and put-up preserves. There was watermelon and homemade ice cream from the hand-crank ice-cream maker. Daddy held a bourbon and water in one hand, and turned the handle with the other, while Mama and my daddy’s mama drank iced tea on the back porch and exchanged polite insults. My grandma didn’t like it that Daddy had married a Mexican.

Mas…Sandra Ramos O’Briant – ‘Chile Tales: The Green Addiction’