We don’t think “Hey, puto!” was in the script.
Season of the Witch: Pinche zombies walk all over Hollywood (photos)
Halloween and Dia de Los Muertos AND Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 are approaching, and, dontcha know, the pinche zombies are getting restless. Some zombified cholas showed up at the Zombie Walk on Hollywood Boulevard Sunday and POCHO amigo photographer Dan Cooke AKA The Steel Shark was there.
Here’s a mini gallery:
Mas…Season of the Witch: Pinche zombies walk all over Hollywood (photos)
Radioambulante: When Lalo invented ‘Self Deportation’ (audio)
Lalo Alcaraz AKA Daniel D. Portado invented Self Deportation as a joke in 1994, and now it’s part of Gov. Mitt Romney’s platform. Nancy Lopez interviewed the Jefe-in-Chief for Radioambulante.
Exclusive: Obama preps ‘zingers’ for debate with Romney (photo)
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Pres. Barack Obama, stung by criticism of his lackluster performance in the first debate, is hard at work prepping for tonight’s encounter with Gov. Mitt Romney. Sources tell PNS that First Lady Michelle Obama is helping out with flashcards of “zingers” and furnished this exclusive photo.
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
Letter from Ex-MRS. POCHO: ‘All employees must vote for Romney’
Dear Employees of Pochismo, Inc.:
As most of you know, the company continues to grow in spite of the half-assed crap job you do. However, I can’t really expect you to be good at anything, considering my huevon ex-husband, MR. POCHO, is your boss. A piñata has better leadership skills than him. That is why I am taking the initiative to educate you about the upcoming election.
Currently, your lack of talent poses no threat to your job status. What does pose a threat is another four years of the Obamanation Administration.
Having been awarded a substantial portion of POCHO stock as part of our divorce settlement, I have a great interest in your financial well-being. MR. POCHO and I started this company almost 11 months ago and even though I am heiress to the Jupína soda fortune, I have put my duties of exotic travel and party-time debauchery on hold in order to focus on POCHO’s growth.
Mas…Letter from Ex-MRS. POCHO: ‘All employees must vote for Romney’
End of an era: The 1964 Chevrolet Impala is extinct in the wild
(PNS reporting from NEW MEXICO) The United States Department of Transportation (USDOT) has offically declared the 1964 Chevrolet Impala “extinct on the streets of the nation” according to USDOT spokesperson Pablo Boone, who said yesterday the last remaining unmodified Impala was “poached earlier this month in Northern New Mexico.”
The 64 Chevy Impala SS Sports Coupe with a 327-cubic-inch 5.4 L engine with matching serial numbers that went missing was owned by Bob Gallegos of Costilla, NM who inherited it from his Abuelo Eulogio. Grandpa traded 15 sheep for the vehicle in 1965 (photo from 2009, above.)
An anonymous tip lead led to a USDOT raid on Maestas’s Custom Shop in Cibola County where the Impala was found with newly-installed hydraulics and a blue metal-flake paint job.
Mas…End of an era: The 1964 Chevrolet Impala is extinct in the wild
Things were simpler then: Convenience food ad from the 50s (video)
Things were simpler then, when you didn’t have to worry about stuff like cholesterol and vegetables and carbs and gluten — the good old 1950s when a foil-wrapped TV Dinner meant a party for your mouth — a mouth party in vivid black and white! It was the Age of Tang for Pete’s sake! How many of you are old enough to remember this Mom-approved easy-to-prepare specialty, oven-ready Suck’em Downs?
Rosie Perez to Romney: Being a Latina is SO much easier! (video)
Dear Governor Romney: You were so totally right about how much easier it would be if you were a Latino. Even luckier, a Latina with a vagina!
Did you like this video? We sure do! Pero k lastima, so many people came to see it this morning our servers crashed. We need more and better gear. Can you help POCHO make and serve up more ñews y satire with a contribution? Read our clever pitch and kick in $10 or $20 if you can. ¡Gracias!
Toke the Vote urges big turnout for Tuesday Presidential election
(PNS reporting from OAKLAND) “Are you planning on voting Tuesday, brah?” Dale Mendoza scrunched his eyes shut behind his dark sunglasses as he concentrated on his phone call with a potential voter in Arkansas.
“This election is critical, OK, and we totally need your vote.” Mendoza (photo, left) was the team leader of two dozen phone bank volunteers in a basement office in this Northern California city, possible the country’s most pot-friendly municipality.
The smoke-filled room is a California outpost of Toke the Vote, a coalition of pro-marijuana political activists backed by the Zig-Zag cigarette papers company and ConAgra’s Screaming Yellow Zonkers snack products.
Mas…Toke the Vote urges big turnout for Tuesday Presidential election
Pocho Ocho reasons Latinos don’t jump from balloons over New Mexico
8. After generations of risking having your heart cut out when you climb a pyramid, Latinos have inherited a genetic fear of heights.
7. Jumping high and fast? Latinos ride low and slow.
6. That’s Mexican jumping BEANS not Mexican jumping balloons.
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Latinos don’t jump from balloons over New Mexico
Unsung Heroes of Hispanic Heritage Month: Lunsford Richardson
FINAL INSTALLMENT: They were ordinary people living ordinary lives, until one singular sensation of circumstance conspired with fate to make them UNSUNG HEROES OF HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH.
Mrs. Mary Smith Richardson was not a happy camper, if they even had camps in Selma, AL in 1884. New husband Lundsford Richardson had an honors degree in Latin from Davidson College but didn’t make enough to raise a family. After all, how many Latin-speakers lived in Alabama in the 19th Century, not to mention Latinos?
When Mary got pregnant while Lunsford was teaching at the Little River Academy, they knew things had to change quick.
With a loan from from Mary’s brother, a physician, Lunsford started a small pharmacy in Selma.
Mas…Unsung Heroes of Hispanic Heritage Month: Lunsford Richardson
Vote! Eternal vigilance of the price of liberty (toon)
Are you registered? Check with VotoLatino.org. This image is available as signed print at LaloAlcaraz.com
Ñewsweek: Obama speaks Spanish, Cesar y Hugo Chavez, angry Chicana
There he goes again, that esneaky Barack Obama appealing to voters in a foreign language! For real Americans (who only speak English), we’ve translated his latest commercial so you can understand exactly where this vato is coming from. Sorry, we said “vato.”
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, as both Cesar y Hugo Chavez made the headlines. The official National Monument to civil rights hero Cesar Chavez was dedicated in Kern County by El Presidente (POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz was there with his family and a camera) and Iran-loving commie dictator Hugo Chavez got reelected and then endorsed Obama.
And in San Francisco’s Mission District, one angry Chicana was not at all happy with her vida loca and wrote all about it. These are the stories that broke the ñews this week on POCHO:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Obama speaks Spanish, Cesar y Hugo Chavez, angry Chicana
Pinche zombies attack another shopping mall, this one in Spain (video)
Zombies like shopping malls, although no one knows exactly why. In the award-winning short Zombies and Cigarettes the ghouls attack a mall in Spain and four people try to survive and escape. Will they find an exit? Will they find true love? Or, failing that, will they be able to get the blood off their clothes? (Warning: Gory violence. Spanish with English titles.)
Momfidential: Should I consider hiring a Latina nanny? (video)
When bringing a strange woman into your home to help raise your children, many things need to be considered. In this episode of Momfidential, mommy bloggers Byrdie and Linden discuss the pros and cons of Latina and Eastern European nannies.
Cri-Cri, El Grillito Cantor: ‘La Marcha De Las Letras’ (video)
Face it — you could use some remedial work on your Spanish vowels (las cinco vocales.) But when everyone’s favorite singing cricket is around, mijos, it’s easy! Cri-Cri is here with La Marcha De Las Letras. (Yes, we know about the flaca and the gorda and the letters I and O. This song is from history. The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there.)
Here are the lyrics:
Mas…Cri-Cri, El Grillito Cantor: ‘La Marcha De Las Letras’ (video)
Pregunta: Why is Romneycare like a unicorn? (toon)
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Thanks to Sariel for the toon(s)! You too can submit artwork, cartoons, photos, videos, stories, whatever using POCHO’s handy SUBMIT form. Do it!
Obama speaks Spanish in new TV ad: We’ve got English captions (video)
Pres. Barack Obama’s reelection campaign continues to reach out to Latino voters with commercials en Espanol and he actually speaks Spanish himself in this new spot. We’ve got English captions/subtitles for people who don’t.
Mayan Apocalyspe here? The Stones are all ‘Doom and Gloom’ (video)
It’s a brand new Rolling Stones song and it’s about zombies! No, it isn’t about Keef, even though it’s called Doom and Gloom. It’s about fracking, senseless wars, thieving politicos, heartless asshats, etc.
Mick Jagger saves the world of course:
[I] crash landed in the Louisiana swamp, shot up a horde of zombies but I come out on top
Unsung Heroes of Hispanic Heritage Month: Klaus Müller
They were ordinary people living ordinary lives, until one singular sensation of circumstance conspired with fate to make them UNSUNG HEROES OF HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH.
Klaus Müller started out in the back row of the accordian section on Lawrence Welk’s pioneering 1950 TV show, next to the bubble machine. Before long his big eyes, stormy baritone voice and fast fingers led to featured solo spots on the Saturday night live telecast.
When the Welk show wasn’t on the air, squeeze box virtuoso Müller toured Southern California dance halls, billing himself as the Naughty King of Western Swing. At a packed date in Burbank, his version of Tampa Red‘s Let’s Get Drunk and Truck caught the ear of CBS-TV producer Mel “Pinky” Diamond, who needed a co-star for a wacky red-headed starlet in new comedy.
Colombia space aliens sing, do special propeller beanie dance (video)
Monareta, a band made up of dancing aliens from outer space, has the best spinning propeller nerd beanies in all of Colombia. This is their video, Llama. That’s all we know for sure. If you have any additional information, please contact the appropriate authorities in your jurisdiction. And dance!
This is the angriest big bird you will see today (video)
It’s a loud chicken, and then it’s a really angry bird. (No frijoles were harmed in the making of this video.)
Totally scientific proof and I’m not kidding: Men make women crazy
(PNS reporting from SEATTLE) Women now have scientific proof of what they suspected all along: men make you crazy.
The groundbreaking study conducted here by the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center proves what women have suspected all along.
The technical explanation? Women who give birth to boys retain male DNA in their brains and therefore they go batshit crazy.
The study found that in 63% of women, male DNA from their fetus was able to cross the blood-brain barrier and continue to exist inside the mother’s brain, even into old age.
Mas…Totally scientific proof and I’m not kidding: Men make women crazy
Educated Bay Area Chicana wants to know ‘What about my needs?’
(PNS reporting from SAN FRANCISCO) A Chicana with a Juris Doctor degree and a Master’s in Public Policy from the University of California at Berkeley recently reflected on her career as the director of a non-profit serving underprivileged youth in the Mission District. Why, she wondered, was she was working so hard to give back.
“Have I ever really lived? I always thought I wanted to give back to the community — it’s given me so much, everything actually — but I’ve never even been to the wine country!” said Paloma Ortiz, a native of the Mission.
Ortiz (photo, above, at her office) noted that although she studied Chicano/a studies and law, her real passion was French literature. Now that she’s in the prime of her life, the prospect of helping her community was increasingly less appealing.
Mas…Educated Bay Area Chicana wants to know ‘What about my needs?’
Dead and more dead in the drug war and only ‘The Silence’ (video)
When the kids ask why all these people are dying in Mexico’s Drug War, what do you say? The unmistakable David Hidalgo of Los Lobos (with harmonies by Jackson Browne) sings of The Silence on this Los Cenzontles tune recorded by the veteran East Bay collective in L.A.’s Echo Park in February. Closing guitar solo by Eugene Rodriguez.
Obama dedicates César Chávez monument and we were there (photos)
President Barack Obama and I met up yesterday in Keene, a pueblito of a town in Kern County, CA. Obama was there to dedicate a monument to César Chávez and I was there to witness. See — that’s me with the President in the background!
After a groggy three-hour drive started at the crack of dawn, I stood in what seemed like a mile-long line along with several thousands of other UFW supporters and Obama backers in the dusty, windy Tehachapi morning.
We came to witness the President’s dedication of the 398th Federal National Monument, known as La Paz, and now the Cesar Chavez National Monument in Keene, built on the site of an old tuberculosis hospital in the Tehachapi Mountains. UFW co-founder and labor icon Chavez is buried on the grounds of his longtime HQ. It is idyllic, and a little dusty.
Dancers danced. Mariachis played. Labor Secretary Hilda Solis spoke, also Interior Secretary Ken Salazar and Paul Chavez, son of Cesar. I took my family to make sure our three kids got to witness history and see the first African-American president in the flesh. Also historical!
Mas…Obama dedicates César Chávez monument and we were there (photos)
Won’t you join them? Arise Roots is ‘Moving Forward’ (music video)
Many POCHO amigos are involved in this video (production, direction, love, etc.) so we’re proud to debut the latest from homies Arise Roots; the band is Moving Forward. Won’t you come along?
