8. You’re always late.
7. You laugh or talk too loudly.
6. You have a short temper.
5. You’re spicy/overly sexual.
Al Madrigal tells Jon Stewart all about the ‘Latino Vote’
POCHO Migrant Editor and Daily Show Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal explains the nuances of the Latino electorate to host Jon Stewart.
The secret? Arroz by any other name …
Happy Birthday, Chespirito!
POCHO wishes Roberto Gomez Bolaños — AKA “Chespirito” — a happy 83rd birthday.
Chespirito (Little Shakespeare) is Mexico’s most-beloved children’s comic, humorist and performer, creator of the iconic television shows El Chavo and El Chapulin Colorado.
El Chapulin is famously the inspiration for the Simpson’s “Bumblebee Man.” I was fortunate to have met Bolaños and his wife “Doña Florinda” at the Latino Book and Family Festival at Cal State L.A. in 2005.
His characters appeared on Mexican and Latin American television from 1970 to 1995, and at their peak had 350 million viewers. Chespirito continues to bring joy and risas to children all over Latin America and the U.S.
Look y LOL: Lin-sanity caption chingazos for white athletes
ESPN editor Anthony Federico penned a controversial Lin-spired headline (screencapture, right) that used the word “chink,” as in “Chink In The Armor” and got fired for writing a dopey racist headline and/or for being lazy and publishing the first crappy thing that popped into his mind.
POCHO contributor Edward Rueda has created this series of Caption Chingazos featuring an array of Caucasian athletes, with the modest proposal:
What if white athletes had to deal with Lin-sensitive media headlines?
Mas…Look y LOL: Lin-sanity caption chingazos for white athletes
Dear Gorton’s: Thanks for the apology but …
Dear Gorton’s Seafood and Rinck Advertising:
I am thrilled to the gills that you took the time to respond. I am a fan of your products, and hope that they reach many more households than mine.
However, your response reveals exactly why you floundered in the first place. You mention that you “used a Spanish translation service,” and that “Spanish-speaking staff members were involved throughout the project.”
You didn’t say that you translated it yourself in-house, or that Spanish-speaking and/or Latino executives (emphasis on executives) oversaw the project.
Instead, it seems like someone internally had the idea to reach out to Latina moms but fish-farmed out the work because you didn’t have the capabilities or experience to do it on your own.
Video: The ‘Sheriff Babeu for @MexicanMitt’ TV spot
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) It’s the commercial the Mexican Mitt Romney campaign didn’t want you to see — an explosive TV endorsement by anti-immigrant Sheriff Paul Babeu calling for the erection of a GAYDAR border fence.
The six-figure TV buy on local stations was cancelled over the weekend after Babeu faced hard questions about how exactly he meant to “get to the bottom” of the Mexican immigrant situation.
It’s Presidents Day: The good and the not so good (NSFW)
The Good:
George Washington’s birthday is a federal holiday celebrated on the third Monday of February in honor of George Washington, the first President of Los United Estates, AKA The Father of Our Country. Some people call it Presidents Day (sometimes spelled Presidents’ Day or President’s Day.)
The Not So Good:
Dave Chappelle isn’t so sure about George’s special day, right there in the middle of Black History Month (NSFW Video):
Mas…It’s Presidents Day: The good and the not so good (NSFW)
Ñewsweek: Lalo the valet, the gay GOP sheriff, fishsticks and boobs
There’s a fine line between truth and satire, a twisty maze of passageways, all alike. POCHO was doing that line dance all week with these stories:
- POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz finished speaking at a DigitalLA Latino panel in Beverly Hills and was racially profiled as a parking valet when he, Lalo, went outside to get his own car from the valet. Hilarity ensued.
- Mitt Romney’s anti-immigrant Arizona campaign co-chair Paul Babeau quit the political organization amid charges he threatened his Mexican immigrant lover with deportation. Twitter celebrity @MexicanMitt shared his Opinión.
Mas…Ñewsweek: Lalo the valet, the gay GOP sheriff, fishsticks and boobs
Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’
Anti-Immigrant Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu has resigned as Mitt Romney’s Arizona GOP Primary Campaign Co-Chair. Sheriff Babeu is facing explosive allegations that he tried to intimidate a former Mexican immigrant lover with deportation threats. Especial Guest Columnist Mexican Mitt Romney offers his Opinión:
Sheriff Babeu has stepped down from his volunteer position with the campaign so he can spend more time fighting with his gay mojado boyfriend.
I am so sad that Sheriff Babeu had to geu.
But he has a bigger fight on his hands than getting me elected President of the United Estates. Babeu is going to focus more on wrestling the problem of illegal immigration to the ground.
Sheriff Babeu is right when he says America’s head is buried in a pillow over immigration. Sheriff Babeu has always said he wants to get ahead of the mojados, and inside the illegals. Inside their minds! Ajua!
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’
Sabado Pochonte Video: Welcome to 2040 on ‘The Other Side’
Exterior, day: Destitute desert town in the year 2040. Audio: Spanish newsradio tells the story — unemployment is 86%, gangs are everywhere and food and water are getting scarce.
There’s only one thing a father can do — smuggle his family across the border to the prosperous country on The Other Side.
Mayan Doomsday experts can’t agree on how long is left
(PNS reporting from the YUCATAN) The emergency Leap Year meeting of the Eschatological Chronology Society ended in disarray here Thursday as doomsday gurus couldn’t agree on whether the Mayan Apocalypse should be calculated in Colored People’s Time, Chicano Time or Jewish Standard Time.
Scientists at the conference were hoping to resolve the question before Leap Day on Feb. 29 and go home with a solid fix on how many days are left before the Lunar-Based Aliens from Mars that NASA is hiding do their Lunatic thing and immanentize the eschaton.
Now the tick-tock boffins will have to reconvene and deduce the time warp again.
Hate immigrants? Love homemade bombs? Come to Kansas!
(PNS reporting from TOPEKA) Are you angry? Is your ugly truck plastered with bigoted stickers? Do you have homemade explosives at home and in your vehicle? Are you a veteran who hates immigrants and anyone who “no-speako-the-English?”
No problemo, amigo! Come to Topeka, KS where you can park your truck full of homemade explosives next to a government building and the police will look the other way!
That’s right, friend – you can build all the homemade bombs you want (now with deadly shrapnel!) pile them in your beat-up truck and bring ‘em on down to the Kansas State building for a Ka-booming good time! Yes, you can be just like Timothy McVeigh and plot endless schemes of domestic terrorism and the cops in Kansas will just shrug their shoulders say, “Whoops…”
Pocho Ocho reasons I hate ‘Hispanic’ magazines
8. They are published by carpetbaggers, coconuts, and Tio Tacos.
7. They pander to corporate interests, while pimping community issues.
6. They are written for the sole reason of selling institutional ads.
5. Print is dead. The only people who don’t know that are the people who fund magazines.
New from Gorton’s: Deliciosos Tits and Fishsticks! (updated)
So, what if I could find tits and fish sticks all in one place? A one-stop shop for all my breast and seafood needs?
This is what’s on my mind today after Gorton’s fun website snafu. They launched a web page for Spanish-speaking Latina moms this week, and left one teeny tiny accent off a fairly important word. They turned mothers and seafood into, well, something a whole lot raunchier than what they probably intended.
Mas…New from Gorton’s: Deliciosos Tits and Fishsticks! (updated)
Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car
Representing Pocho.com, I was a panelist along with a table full of young, savvy Latino digital media types as part of last night’s Digital LA Latino Content event.
Afterwards, I finished up networking and headed outside to leave. As I waited to get my car in front of the host restaurant in Beverly Hills, you’ll never guess what happened: A white lady tried to give me her car valet ticket. Twice.
You’ve heard this story a thousand times before; it’s a Latino cliché. Or is it a tradition?
Anglo person assumes brown person is a worker, there to serve them.
An old Chicano chestnut goes something like this:
I’m a Mexican-American, am married to a white woman, and I was mowing our lawn in front of our nice, big home. A white lady pulled up in a car and asked, “How much do you charge to mow a lawn?” My answer: Nothing. The lady of the house lets me sleep with her.
Mas…Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car
Mexico issues travel warning for Los United Estates
(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) In the widest travel advisory since the Zoot Suit Riots of the 1940s, the Mexican government is recommending that Mexicans avoid travel to all or parts of the United States of America.
Mexico’s State Department has warned against any nonessential travel in all of California, Arizona, Texas and New Mexico as well as the entire South, including Florida.
The advisory issued Tuesday note that Mexican citizens have been victims of offically-sanctioned governmental racism, including scapegoating, false statistics and Jim Crow-era laws. It is the first time the Mexican government listed advisories for the entire United States.
Obama aide’s ‘Chimichanga’ Tweet – racist or not?
In what’s been termed “the tweet heard ’round the world,” Pres. Barack Obama’s campaign manager Jim Messina tweeted today that a line from a Washington Post editorial— “The chimichanga? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer Latinos” — was the “line of the day.”
Consequently, and in short order, Republicans began attacking Messina (not Latino) and lefties in general for being racist, insensitive, not offering Latinos much in the way of policies anyway, and much more. Repercussions of the tweet, however, reach much further than the Twitterverse.
Around Our Town: Ñews from your neighbors
WEDDING: Mr. and Mrs. Julio Santiago of Pocho Estates are pleased to announce the marriage of their daughter Suzanne to Samson Lei of Monterey Park, son of Mrs. Chin Louie of San Francisco and Mr. Stagger Lei of New Orleans. After a honeymoon in Hawaii, the couple will be moving far away from both sets of parents to live their own damn lives free of drama, race-baiting, and a legacy of never-ending bullshit from control freaks.
Pocho Ocho words that should be in the dictionary
Sometimes finding the right word can be tricky, so you need to look them up. That’s why these eight pocho words need to go into the English dictionary:
8. Irregardless – That this word does not officially exist has never stopped anyone (including me) from using it. Why use regardless or irrespective when this one sounds so much better? If Sarah Palin can do it…
7. Expecially – Used to emphasize things that don’t really need emphasizing, such as “I love chocolate, expecially when it’s sweet.”
6. Libary – Often confused with library. No one really needs the second R and people will think you’re conceited if you use it. It’s still the same definition, just different a word.
60-Second Video: ‘Why I only date white chicks’ (NSFW)
Comedian Mike Robles only dates white chicas — and here’s why! (NSFW language.) OK, then, but what’s the deal with his shirt? 2006.
Latino Cupid Valentine’s Day cards for tough times
That little love scamp Latino Cupid presents his special Valentine’s Day cards for tough times. As they say around here, Happy Valentimes Day! Catch more of Latino Cupid’s escapades around this time every year at La Cucaracha, the nationally-syndicated comic strip by me, Pocho’s Jefe-In-Chief Lalo Alcaraz. Sign up for free La Cucaracha comics daily at GoComics.
@DanielDPortado: Up close and personal (video)
Conservative Republican Hispanic activist Daniel D. Portado, the original self-deportationist, explains the origin of the self-deportation movement in his own words. Portado’s rallying cry is now backed by GOP wannabe Mitt Romney. Portado is on Twitter, too.
Video by Giovanni Solis and Eduardo M Zamora.
Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa
I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha. Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.
M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weene ebrywhere.
M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa.
Uncle Sam: Be all you can be…and then get the hell out!
Hundreds of U.S. military veterans are facing banishment after serving their country. Many of them considered their military service a path to U.S. citizenship but Uncle Sam has said, “No way, José, but thanks for your blood sweat and tears!”
Honorably discharged vets that that came to the U.S. legally are being arrested and deported, according to recent news reports. Charged with infractions like writing bad checks and possession of marijuana they get deported faster than you can say, “Show me your papers, Sergeant!”
My cartoon tribute to Whitney Houston
Upon hearing the sad news of the sudden death of Whitney Houston, I knew I had to draw something to mark this tragic passing. Please share this page if you enjoy my simple cartoon tribute.
Coming soon: Gingrich’s moonbase documentary ‘Iron Sky’
A science fiction flick hitting theaters in April could turn out to be the SuperPAC-funded film that will finally get Newt Gingrich elected President of the United States.
It has all the elements of a hit movie: flying saucers, the moon, Nazis and Newt Gingrich!
Ñewsweek: Chente, Los Grammys and @MexicanMitt
Vicente Fernandez, Los Grammys and the continuing adventures of presidential hopeful @MexicanMitt were the big stories this week on POCHO:
- The Grammys were faced with a boycott led by Latino artists calling themselves Los 60%.
- Mexican singing superstar Vicente Fernandez announced both his upcoming retirement and plans to open a Las Vegas casino called Guadalajara, Guadalajara.
- GOP wannabe @MexicanMitt released his first TV commercial and claimed the title of The Most Mexican Man in the World.
- An angry Arizona legislator called for a Caucasian Appreciation Day to highlight the achievements of the patriotic white citizens that are routinely ignored in America’s foremost Hate State.
- A Mississippi legislator offered a bill to rename the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. Unlike the Arizona hater, he was joking.
- New contributor Tia Lencha offered a nopalitos recipe for gringos y pochos.
- A helpful video offered advice on How to Be A Cholo and Supreme Court Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor showed up on Sesame Street for a cafecito.
- POCHO Jefe-in-Chief shared a cartoon tribute to Whitney Houston.
Sabado Pochonte Video: Puro Party – Celebrating A Genocide
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll yell at this video. Just don’t shoot the screen, like Elvis. Puro Party — Celebrating A Genocide: Every year, San Antonio, TX, stages Fiesta, a 10-day celebration to honor Texas’ defeat of Mexico in the battle of San Jacinto — the Alamo, remember? This 1992 video takes Fiesta as a metaphor for the colonization of this predominantly Chicano city as an opportunity to explore Aztlan/Chicano identities. This public-domain video has been uploaded to YouTube by POCHO to make it viewable for the first time on iOS devices like iPads and iPhones.
‘My Latina grandmother’ — from Elise Roedenbeck (NSFW)
Peruvian-born Elise Roedenbeck is a professional geek by day and a stand-up comedian at night. The slut thing didn’t work out for her.
Music: Ozomatli ‘City of Angels’ (video)
Eclectic homies Ozomatli love Los Angeles. Two bandmembers say this about their hometown:
Mississippi: Rename Gulf of Mexico to ‘Gulf of America’
A Mississippi state lawmaker introduced legislation Tuesday that would rename the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America.”
According to state Rep. Stephen Holland’s bill, the name would apply only to his home state, much to the relief of embarrassed neighboring states.
Ironically, Holland chose to rename this international body of water “Gulf of America,” not understanding that “America” is the name of the whole American hemisphere, mainly because the word “hemisphere” is twice as long as most words the average Mississippian legslator understands.