These darn kids today with their hoodies and Google Goggles and personal jetpacks — are they as excited about this year’s presidential election as they were in 2008? The Daily Show’s Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal went to Virginia Commonwealth University to investigate.
election
Romney campaign tries to shake off Etch A Sketch remark
The Romney campaign is one built on strong policy principles, unless, of course, they need to change them to pander to primary voters.
“Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes,” Romney campaign advisor Eric Fehrnstrom said Wednesday on CNN. “It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all over again.”
Rick Santorum’s Pocho Ocho political proposals
Although many are shocked by presidential pretender Rick Santorum’s proposal to consider statehood for Puerto Rico if it drops Spanish and espeaks English, it turns out this idea is only the newest of his Brainfarts Brainstorms for America.
Here are the Pocho Ocho:
8. Mexico’s Los Tigres del Norte will be offered citizenship if they lose their stripes
7. Jews get to go to Catholic Heaven if they stop being, you know, Jews
6. African-Americans get access to high-paying Wall Street jobs when they straighten out that hair thing
Mexican Mitt has eye on enchilada for Super Taco Tuesday
With more than a dozen states and 437 delegates in play, Super Tuesday is the biggest contest of the GOP primaries since Newt Gingrich challenged Mexican Mitt Romney to a wife-off.
Mexican Mitt Romney vows to sweep today’s Super Taco Tuesday Republican presidential contest. “I will win not only the whole enchilada, but the additional taco, the rice and beans, plus the salad,” he told a rally. “And the corn or flour tortillas.”
“I am going to herd all the voters to vote for me like a herd of my chivos on my ranch. In other words, I will make sure you are herd. Herded. Whatevers! Ajua!”
Mas…Mexican Mitt has eye on enchilada for Super Taco Tuesday
Ñewsweek: Hectors and actors and commentators oh my
POCHO’s ñews team started the week in glossy Hollyweird and ended up scraping the crap off their shoes near Rush Limbaugh’s headquarters in La Floridita, but the big story of the week was the release of Mexican Mitt Romney’s music video/camapaign commercial.
Will the GOP wannabe become the nation’s first Latino president? And why does his MittShake bring all the viejas to yard? You’ll have to watch and figure it out yourself!
The Academy Awards were just around the corner from installation artist Ramiro Gomez Jr. so he made sure the neighborhood got to see normally-invisible Latino elements of the star-making machinery with a poignant installation on Hollywood Boulevard.
Satan speaks: Santorum, the election and Mayan Doomsday
(PNS reporting from HELL) GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum is making no attempt to distance himself from his inflammatory 2008 remarks accusing Satan of “attacking America” but Satan responded Wednesday, claiming that Santorum is in for a “big surprise.”
Pocho Ñews Service sent especial correspondent S. J. Rivera deep into Hades to interview the Prince of Darkness himself (see: not Ozzy Osbourne.) We wanted Lucifer’s thoughts on Santorum, Sarah Palin, the 2012 election and the Mayan-scheduled end of the world.
PNS: What are your thoughts about what Rick Santorum said about you?
Satan: Look, I’m a busy guy, but did I see his comments? Yes. Frankly I’m amused that he thinks so highly of himself. Every time he calls me I send him directly to voicemail and man, can that dude cry! Have you Googled his last name? Yikes! Rick has a lot in common with that Babeu guy in Arizona and believe me when I say there’s a hot date in both of their futures.
Daniel D. Portado: The 90s Are Back and So Am I! (video)
(PNS reporting from ALTA CALIFORNIA) The original militant self-deportationist Daniel D. Portado is back and proud as punch that his ex-boss Pete Wilson has endorsed GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane. Romney has already advocated self-deportation, as Portado told Rachel Maddow, and that means Romney endorses Portado! “Attention mojados,” he warns in this video. “It’s time to self-deport!”
Al Madrigal tells Jon Stewart all about the ‘Latino Vote’
POCHO Migrant Editor and Daily Show Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal explains the nuances of the Latino electorate to host Jon Stewart.
The secret? Arroz by any other name …
Video: The ‘Sheriff Babeu for @MexicanMitt’ TV spot
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) It’s the commercial the Mexican Mitt Romney campaign didn’t want you to see — an explosive TV endorsement by anti-immigrant Sheriff Paul Babeu calling for the erection of a GAYDAR border fence.
The six-figure TV buy on local stations was cancelled over the weekend after Babeu faced hard questions about how exactly he meant to “get to the bottom” of the Mexican immigrant situation.
Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’
Anti-Immigrant Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu has resigned as Mitt Romney’s Arizona GOP Primary Campaign Co-Chair. Sheriff Babeu is facing explosive allegations that he tried to intimidate a former Mexican immigrant lover with deportation threats. Especial Guest Columnist Mexican Mitt Romney offers his Opinión:
Sheriff Babeu has stepped down from his volunteer position with the campaign so he can spend more time fighting with his gay mojado boyfriend.
I am so sad that Sheriff Babeu had to geu.
But he has a bigger fight on his hands than getting me elected President of the United Estates. Babeu is going to focus more on wrestling the problem of illegal immigration to the ground.
Sheriff Babeu is right when he says America’s head is buried in a pillow over immigration. Sheriff Babeu has always said he wants to get ahead of the mojados, and inside the illegals. Inside their minds! Ajua!
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: ‘Sheriff Paul Babeau’s GAYDAR got to the bottom of the illegal problem’
@DanielDPortado: Up close and personal (video)
Conservative Republican Hispanic activist Daniel D. Portado, the original self-deportationist, explains the origin of the self-deportation movement in his own words. Portado’s rallying cry is now backed by GOP wannabe Mitt Romney. Portado is on Twitter, too.
Video by Giovanni Solis and Eduardo M Zamora.
Coming soon: Gingrich’s moonbase documentary ‘Iron Sky’
A science fiction flick hitting theaters in April could turn out to be the SuperPAC-funded film that will finally get Newt Gingrich elected President of the United States.
It has all the elements of a hit movie: flying saucers, the moon, Nazis and Newt Gingrich!
@MexicanMitt TV ad: ‘The Most Mexican Man In The World’
(PNS reporting from an undisclosed Goat Ranch in Chihuahua) Mexican Mitt Romney’s headquarters here today released their first television commercial, a tribute to the “most Mexican man in the world.” This ad shows why @MexicanMitt is the leader of the Juan Percent. He doesn’t always make TV commercials, but when he does, they’re pinche funny. Stay wealthy, my friends.
New GOP plan: Blame Obama for ‘over-working’ America
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) GOP strategists — concerned the declining jobless rate hurts their chances of winning the White House — are now attacking the Obama Administration for causing rampant over-employment.
“Obama’s policies are creating more and more jobs. Haven’t Americans suffered enough these last three years? Jobs are the last things they want,” Republican pollster Charlie “Chuck” Charles told a morning meeting of the Contradict Reality and Progress Political Action Committee (CRaP PAC.)
Ñewsy Week: Daniel D Portado returns, AL ♥ CA y much more
A busy ñewsweek brought the return to glory of the original self-deportationist, Daniel D. Portado, who, it turns out, is a fictional character created by POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz; an Alabama plan to import Canadians to replace the immigrant labor that used to keep the state running; and militant MEChA murmurings about the Lack of Visible Latinos in the hit BBC/PBS series Downton Abbey.
Other top stories included First Lady Michelle Obama’s partnership with Caribbean food conglomerate Goya and the astounding “installation art” of Ramiro Gomez, Jr. Here’s our big list:
Mas…Ñewsy Week: Daniel D Portado returns, AL ♥ CA y much more
GOP primary votes drive ‘knowledge industry’ shares lower
The Reading Is Fundamental index tracks firms like academic textbook publishers, for-profit educators and sliderule manufacturers.
The RIF index, which reached its highest level (3,141,592) immediately after the election of then Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) in November 2008, sunk to a new low of √-1 in after-hours trading.
Mas…GOP primary votes drive ‘knowledge industry’ shares lower
Is a GOP unity platform in the cards?
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Even as Republican primary voters in the Sunshine State head to the polls, rumors coming out of the Romney and Gingrich campaigns hint at a startling new development.
Mindful of the tremendous credibility issues raised by the vicious negative ads driving the contest, the candidates may bury the hatchet and declare that only Republican unity can defeat President Obama and “rekindle the American Dream.”
What would a unified GOP stand for? Here’s one report.
Moonbase issue casts shadow on final GOP debate
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) The moon was high on the debate agenda last night as Gov. Mitt Romney and former Rep. Newt Gingrich crossed lightsabers with both candidates fighting hard to capture the crucial lunar vote.
The encounter, held at Farpoint Station Laser Tag in Orlando, was the 79th GOP debate and the last before Tuesday’s primary election.
Gingrich, his arms unfurled, set the tone by calling for the establishment of a permanent base on the moon by the year 2020. Gingrich has also set this date as a deadline for establishing a new marriage with a heretofore unexplored Mrs. Gingrich #4.
Warning that the Chinese would dominate outer space if the U.S.A. does not step up in the moonbase race, Gingrich said “Frankly, the Chinese can probably set up the first Panda Express on the moon in 30 minutes or less.”
Week of Ñews: AZ showdown, FLA follies, CT jerk, MX mischief
President Barack Obama flew into Arizona and was greeted on the tarmac by a nasty Gov. Jan Brewer; POCHO has the audio.
In political news, Herman Cain backed Newt Gingrich in the GOP nomination race and released a new poster, while Newt’s peeps supplied a subtitled version of his Spanish-language TV commercial.
Jerkiosity spread to CT as a small town mayor made small-minded remarks and troubles in Mexico bubbled over the border as far as The Hague.
Click on the [Mas…] for, you know, mas!
Mas…Week of Ñews: AZ showdown, FLA follies, CT jerk, MX mischief
BREAKING: Cain backs Gingrich, releases campaign poster
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In an apparent play for the VP nod, former gangster pizza mogul and serial groper Herman Cain has endorsed former Freaker of the Spouse Newt Gingrich in his bid for the Republican presidential nomination. Enthusiastic Cain aides leaked this prototype of their dream ticket campaign poster.
Earlier this week, the Gingrich campaign HQ released a subtitled version of their candidate’s Spanish-language TV commercial.
Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of the Pocho Corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court. Don’t ask us, we just work here.
Video: Gingrich Spanish TV ad now with English subtitles
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) As the Newt Gingrich campaign fights to win votes in the upcoming GOP primaries, his campaign has reached out to the Sunshine State’s Spanish-espeaking voters. As a public service, the former Freaker of the Spouse has prepared this version of the commercial with subtitles for voters who don’t habla Espanol. Mitt Romney’s campaign released a similarly-subtitled video last week.
Mas…Video: Gingrich Spanish TV ad now with English subtitles
Lalo on Patt Morrison: I miss Herman Cain
During the interview, Lalo gave props to pioneering Latino cartoonist Gus Arriola, confessed he misses Herman Cain and revealed that he stands 100% behind @MexicanMitt.
Breaking Ñews: @MexicanMitt releases first campaign poster
(PNS reporting from NEAR THE BORDER) Campaign aides at Gov. Mitt Romney’s headquarters at a palatial goat rancho here have just released the candidate’s first campaign poster. Romney released his first English-subtitled Spanish-language commercial last week.
“The Most Mexican Man In The World,” @MexicanMitt is pictured enjoying the glamorous lifestyle of a “Baindido” of the money industry, or the “cash cartel,” as he likes to call it.
Romney is shown posed in his campaign garb – looking over his vast land holdings – as a herd of chivos frolics in the corral.
His juanderful campaign slogan, “I AM THE JUAN PERCENT” is winning over many converts to his jihad against taxes on the uber-super-maxi-rich.
Mas…Breaking Ñews: @MexicanMitt releases first campaign poster
Week o’ Ñews: No SOPA 4 U, sh!t pochas say, the real Romney
A busy week in the ñewsroom: Tucson bans books, SOPA nazi attack meets resistance, pocha chicas making videos, chia pets’ health under assault by Mexican cartels and the Romney campaign releasing a subtitled video campaign ad. Here’s our roundup of the week’s big estories:
Mas…Week o’ Ñews: No SOPA 4 U, sh!t pochas say, the real Romney
Veto Romney, not the DREAM Act
This image is about to get printed for a rally in Florida!
Romney campaign releases subtitled ‘Nosotros’ TV ad
(PNS reporting from the CAYMAN ISLANDS) Addressing complaints from English-speaking voters that his new Spanish-language Nosotros TV commercial was Greek to them, Gov. Mitt Romney’s campaign today released a subtitled version of the ad, available here for the first time as a POCHO exclusive video.
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF THE POCHO CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
Hispanic labor federation backs Romney nomination
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) The Latino Labor Association and Limpiadores Alliance today announced they are backing former Mass. Gov. Mitt Romney in advance of Saturday’s South Carolina GOP primary vote.
LALALA president Ed “Big Tiny” Calvados said Romney offers the best hope for Hispanics to achieve the American dream of fame, fortune and greed.
“The choice is obvious,” he said. “Gingrich wants to take our food stamps and ghetto language, Santorum’s trickle-down stinks and Rick Perry’s Tejano tushie will get spanked in the general election.”
“Mitt walks the walk. Take his position on jobs,” he said. “Mitt has eight houses, and if you figure a gardener and a housekeeper in each, that’s almost a dozen and a half gente off the welfare rolls and onto the payroll.”
Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!
(PNS reporting from CYBER ESPACE) Like virtual huitlacoche growing on a diseased ear of GOP political corn, an avatar of candidate Mitt Romney emerged on Twitter Wednesday, a digital fungus thriving on the stinking mess of Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary.
Using the handle @MexicanMitt, the campaign’s online Hispanic personality exalts Romney as a canny opportunist, occasionally-job-killing corporate turnaround guru and proud-to-be-loaded capitalist examplar. MexicanMitt now has 1,100 followers.
Pocho Ñews Service interviewed @MexicanMitt via email:
PNS: You seem to love enforcing immigration policies. How many of your own Mexican family members have you deported?
MexicanMitt: I keep deporting them back after they finish working for me selling oranges. So I don’t think of it as deporting them, more like firing them
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!
Iowa analysis: Hatred for poor edges out homophobia, racism
(PNS reporting from IOWA) Hatred for the poor won in Iowa yesterday, squeaking by second-place entry homophobia and runners-up racism and tax evasion in the hotly-contested GOP caucuses.
In a stunning, almost come-from-behind finish, current homophobe and former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum ended the caucus vote in a number two position, rubbing up right behind human simulation Mitt Romney.
Mas…Iowa analysis: Hatred for poor edges out homophobia, racism
Traditional GOP caucus ritual marks Iowanian New Year
(PNS reporting from THE HEARTLAND, USA) Thousands of Iowanians are fighting their way across the wind-blown plains today to perform the traditional Republican caucus ritual. Sioux City City College PoliSci Professor Rico Alvarado explains the Ceremony of the Caucus this way:
First, the gabachos make a 4WD posada to the high school gym for the ritual gathering. There, by standing and waving, they compete for a majority of the donuts and coffee. The Caucus Ceremony must end before the Big Tornado Siren heralds the start of the Iowanian New Year.
We photographed six citizens and asked them to evaluate the political process and the contenders. Here they are and here’s what they said: