Area man relieved Ashley Madison was hacked, not Ashley Mamon

ashley2 (PNS reporting from SAN BERNARDINO) A local Christian conservative anti-immigration blogger is relieved that the AshleyMadison.com adultery website was hacked, not the Latino gay hookup site AshleyMamon.com.

“Whoa I almost crapped my pantalones when I heard about Ashley Madison on a car radio some beaner was blasting in the next lane,” the 43-year-old insurance agent told PNS Thursday afternoon.

Mas…Area man relieved Ashley Madison was hacked, not Ashley Mamon

Local girl crumbles under stress of learning cousins’ names

schoolgirl(PNS reporting from EL MONTE) The pressure was too much for Marisol Cruz, a fourth grader at Fernando Valenzuela Elementary, who collapsed on the playground Friday afternoon.

Friends said Marisol was a total stressball since her mother told her to memorize all of her cousins’ names before her upcoming primera comunión fiesta.

“I have like 80 cousins!” the Penn Mar Avenue resident told PNS after she had calmed down and accepted a bag of Takis as an incentive to talk.

“It’s not my fault Mama and Papa have like 20 brothers and sisters each! I just can’t remember them all. Call me ‘Mari’ by the way.”

Mari listed the names:

Mas…Local girl crumbles under stress of learning cousins’ names

Don’t call me a ‘Mexican,’ America! Also, I’m not a ‘Latino’

HispanosAgaintsLatinoTermIt’s a phenomenon older than the United Estates of America. We’ve named it Looking Down On More Recent Immigrants Syndrome:

Last week three latter-day Looking Down Syndrome sightings lit up our screen, INSISTENT MESSAGES from people who want you to know THEY ARE DEFINITELY NOT THOSE OTHER PEOPLE OVER THERE — those Mexicans and/or Latinos.

Mas…Don’t call me a ‘Mexican,’ America! Also, I’m not a ‘Latino’

Um, excuse me…we prefer to be called ‘white folk’ (photo)

crackersbigWe can’t track the original of this photo to give its creator props, so we’ll just heartily thank all Internet-enabled photographers, wherever they are. And whatever they want to be called, tambien. After all, what’s in a name?

PREVIOUSLY ON WHITE PEOPLE:

Mexican Football League fans: ‘WTF is the big deal about team names?’

mfl(PNS reporting from TIJUANA) While the American sports industrial complex is still debating the insensitive and racist Native American mascot of the Washington Redskins, fans and players of the Mexican Football League (MFL) openly question the sensitivity of some in U.S. sports circles.

Tijuana resident and avid MFL fan Nestor Gil de Vaca is puzzled.

“What is the problem with the gringos?” he asked PNS. “Sports team mascots are just that, mascots. It’s not like they are real people. I am a huge fan of the Monterrey Judios, the Sonora Cadaveres and of course my home team, the Tijuana Travestis. No one is offended, we just like to enjoy football.”

Mas…Mexican Football League fans: ‘WTF is the big deal about team names?’

[Breaking] Back to School: Boys named ‘José’ get new names

kidsinschool(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) All across America, elementary school teachers performed a traditional back-to-school ritual this week — the ceremonial renaming of thousands of boys named “José.”

The annual ritual is performed when teachers take roll in the morning:

  • First, teachers call the boys named “José” by new “American” names, typically “Joe,” “Joey,” or “Joseph.”
  • After a moment of silence, the boys realize the teacher is calling them, and the ceremony concludes when the boys accept their new names by answering with “here” or “present.”

The ritual was performed here earlier this week at Indian Creek Elementary School.

Mas…[Breaking] Back to School: Boys named ‘José’ get new names

Lamar High junior drops ‘slave name,’ renames self ‘Jennifer Lopez’

(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) A local teen has decided to discard her slave name “María de la Paz Rodriguez Ramírez” and rename herself “Jennifer Lopez” after her Latina idol.

“I’m tired of being kept down by the man. My slave name ‘María de la Paz’ is clearly a name with Spanish roots and my family is originally from Mexico City, the former capital of the Aztec empire,” the 16-year-old Lamar High School junior said.

“I will no longer be kept down by my conquerers’ attempts to stifle my culture.”

Mas…Lamar High junior drops ‘slave name,’ renames self ‘Jennifer Lopez’

Hey, honky! The origin of the world’s most heinous racial slur


POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz‘s recent article about the word gringo ignited a shitstorm of debate. White people came out of the woodwork to declare how they’ve been traumatized all these years because of it.

This got me thinking about racial slurs and how we use them in these oh-so-modern times. Rand Paul used the term chili-choking pepper bellies the other day when he was talking about immigration reform. What’s the gringo equivalent of a chili-choking pepper belly? Twinky-gagging sugar gut? Sounds stupid, right?

“You cornbread-gobbling butter stomach!”

Mas…Hey, honky! The origin of the world’s most heinous racial slur

Say goodbye to 2012, ‘The Year of the Chancla’ in Mayan Calendar


Overlooked in the Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday frenzy: December 21 was also the end of the Year of the Chancla, one of nine named years in the Mayan calendar. Here are the pocho ocho other next named years:

2013: Year of the Nopal
2014: Year of the Pendleton
2015: Year of the Nalgas
2016: Year of the Chonies

Mas…Say goodbye to 2012, ‘The Year of the Chancla’ in Mayan Calendar

MEChA changes name to one members can pronounce

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON D.C.) The board of the historic student organization MEChA voted Wednesday to change the group’s name to something easier for its members to pronounce.

MEChA was born during the Chicano Civil Rights Movement, and its name — Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano de Aztlán — was an artifact of its 1960s’ genesis. But Xicano activism waned in the ensuing decades; every year since 1968, for example, the number of baby girls named Xochitl has declined.

Members are no longer interested in getting back to their Nahuatl roots and Los Angeles local chapter male co-chair David Hernandez told PNS that there’s no need. “I mean, I already am from Aztlán, Whittier, you know? And we don’t speak Spanish here,” he said.

Mas…MEChA changes name to one members can pronounce