But what term is “correct”? POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz explained it all to NBC Latino
As she prepares the household for Thanksgiving, Lizzie May, one of George and Martha Washington’s slaves, takes questions from YouTube viewers. Like, for example: “Was your Great Grandma a Cherokee Princess like mine?” [Azie Mira Dungey stars as Lizzie May.]
(PNS reporting from SAN BERNARDINO) A local Christian conservative anti-immigration blogger is relieved that the AshleyMadison.com adultery website was hacked, not the Latino gay hookup site AshleyMamon.com.
“Whoa I almost crapped my pantalones when I heard about Ashley Madison on a car radio some beaner was blasting in the next lane,” the 43-year-old insurance agent told PNS Thursday afternoon.
(PNS reporting from EL MONTE) The pressure was too much for Marisol Cruz, a fourth grader at Fernando Valenzuela Elementary, who collapsed on the playground Friday afternoon.
Friends said Marisol was a total stressball since her mother told her to memorize all of her cousins’ names before her upcoming primera comunión fiesta.
“I have like 80 cousins!” the Penn Mar Avenue resident told PNS after she had calmed down and accepted a bag of Takis as an incentive to talk.
“It’s not my fault Mama and Papa have like 20 brothers and sisters each! I just can’t remember them all. Call me ‘Mari’ by the way.”
Mari listed the names:
Out-of-work Joe Sullivan was having a hard time finding a job until he decided to change his name to José. You won’t believe what happened next! [NSFW adult language.]
PREVIOUSLY ON JOBS:
- In 1751, Founding Father Benjamin Franklin, a North American colonial with British roots, disparaged “stupid” and “swarthy” recently-arrvied German immigrants, who, he wrote, were too dumb to learn English, and did we mention they were “swarthy”?
- Discrimination against Irish Catholic immigrants by their English Protestant predecessors was one of the reasons 200 fresh-off-the-boat Irish United States Army draftees switched sides and fought for Mexico in the Mexican-American War of the 1840s. These deserters/heroes formed the famed Saint Patrick’s Battalion (Los San Patricios.)
- Hoity-toity German and Sephardic Jews who immigrated to the U.S.A. in the 18th and 19th Centuries were ashamed of the Hebrew homies who arrived later from Eastern Europe; the assimilated Jews banded together to “Americanize” the Russian and Polish immigrants in the 1880s.
Last week three latter-day Looking Down Syndrome sightings lit up our screen, INSISTENT MESSAGES from people who want you to know THEY ARE DEFINITELY NOT THOSE OTHER PEOPLE OVER THERE — those Mexicans and/or Latinos.
We can’t track the original of this photo to give its creator props, so we’ll just heartily thank all Internet-enabled photographers, wherever they are. And whatever they want to be called, tambien. After all, what’s in a name?
PREVIOUSLY ON WHITE PEOPLE:
(PNS reporting from TIJUANA) While the American sports industrial complex is still debating the insensitive and racist Native American mascot of the Washington Redskins, fans and players of the Mexican Football League (MFL) openly question the sensitivity of some in U.S. sports circles.
Tijuana resident and avid MFL fan Nestor Gil de Vaca is puzzled.
“What is the problem with the gringos?” he asked PNS. “Sports team mascots are just that, mascots. It’s not like they are real people. I am a huge fan of the Monterrey Judios, the Sonora Cadaveres and of course my home team, the Tijuana Travestis. No one is offended, we just like to enjoy football.”
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) All across America, elementary school teachers performed a traditional back-to-school ritual this week — the ceremonial renaming of thousands of boys named “José.”
The annual ritual is performed when teachers take roll in the morning:
- First, teachers call the boys named “José” by new “American” names, typically “Joe,” “Joey,” or “Joseph.”
- After a moment of silence, the boys realize the teacher is calling them, and the ceremony concludes when the boys accept their new names by answering with “here” or “present.”
The ritual was performed here earlier this week at Indian Creek Elementary School.
(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) A local teen has decided to discard her slave name “María de la Paz Rodriguez Ramírez” and rename herself “Jennifer Lopez” after her Latina idol.
“I’m tired of being kept down by the man. My slave name ‘María de la Paz’ is clearly a name with Spanish roots and my family is originally from Mexico City, the former capital of the Aztec empire,” the 16-year-old Lamar High School junior said.
“I will no longer be kept down by my conquerers’ attempts to stifle my culture.”
POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz‘s recent article about the word gringo ignited a shitstorm of debate. White people came out of the woodwork to declare how they’ve been traumatized all these years because of it.
This got me thinking about racial slurs and how we use them in these oh-so-modern times. Rand Paul used the term chili-choking pepper bellies the other day when he was talking about immigration reform. What’s the gringo equivalent of a chili-choking pepper belly? Twinky-gagging sugar gut? Sounds stupid, right?
“You cornbread-gobbling butter stomach!”
Overlooked in the Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday frenzy: December 21 was also the end of the Year of the Chancla, one of nine named years in the Mayan calendar. Here are the pocho ocho other next named years:
2013: Year of the Nopal
2014: Year of the Pendleton
2015: Year of the Nalgas
2016: Year of the Chonies
In Florida, where killers have fan clubs and bath salts lose face, there’s been some commotion about the menu at Lola’s Burrito Joint, which featured the Wetback Willie Burrito, Dirty Sanchez Crab and No Papers Shrimp.
- This just in: Try the Dirty Sanchez at Torchy’s Tacos, Austin
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON D.C.) The board of the historic student organization MEChA voted Wednesday to change the group’s name to something easier for its members to pronounce.
MEChA was born during the Chicano Civil Rights Movement, and its name — Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano de Aztlán — was an artifact of its 1960s’ genesis. But Xicano activism waned in the ensuing decades; every year since 1968, for example, the number of baby girls named Xochitl has declined.
Members are no longer interested in getting back to their Nahuatl roots and Los Angeles local chapter male co-chair David Hernandez told PNS that there’s no need. “I mean, I already am from Aztlán, Whittier, you know? And we don’t speak Spanish here,” he said.