ted cruz

Pocho Ocho things to eat that are way worse for you than bacon

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fryingbaconanimatedBacon is makin’ news because a questionably-reported study says the hot and salty candy can cause cancer – or not. They say we had to ditch the bacon, but we said, “No! No! No!”

That’s because there are Pocho Ocho Top Things You Can Eat That Are Way Worse Than Bacon:

8. Bush™  special frijoles — THE BROWN ONES™ — now with 25% more nepotism! [Editor’s Note: Our sources tell us this product may not be on the market much longer. Choose wisely.]

7. Uncle Ben Carson’s Tacos de Seso

6. Ferguson’s Gelato – You’ll be screaming, “Hands up! Don’t scoop!”

Mas…Pocho Ocho things to eat that are way worse for you than bacon

Ted Cruz Sings the Blues: Promo video for new autobiography

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Senator Ted Cruz, the Texas Republican and GOP nominee wannabe, released this video Wednesday to promote his new autobiography A Time for Truth. Campaign officials describe the video as “musical Cliff Notes — an easy way for him to say what makes Ted Cruz roll that way.”

Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

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tedcruzdonkeyhoteySenator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.

That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:

8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ’em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!

7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.

6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun.

Mas…Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad

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barackonDespite the his many significant accomplishments and chingon new proposals, we were disappointed by what President Obama didn’t say at Tuesday night’s State of the Union address.

Here are the Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s SOTU gave us a sad:

8. Still no federal funding for Flying Trocas research.

7. Didn’t announce plan to make Ted Cruz first U.S. ambassador to Cuba.

6. No tax cuts for tamale entrepreneurs, thus no Pedro Herrera III in the audience to give a shout out to.

Mas…Pocho Ocho top reasons Obama’s State of the Union gave us a sad

Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

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obamabackWashington insiders all know tonight’s State of the Union address — like every one before — will bring a few surprises.

We asked around town, and our peeps say these are the top eight to watch for:

8. First use of the Booger-Cam™ captures candid live video of bored Republicans

7. Warmup act Oprah Winfrey to Congress: “You get a drone…and you get a drone. Everybody gets a drone!”

6. Obama cruises to the Capitol in a clean 1953 Packard limousine, a gift from the people of Cuba

Mas…Expect these Pocho Ocho surprises in tonight’s State of the Union

The Pocho Ocho craziest cosas we found in the Rosca de Reyes

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Rosca-de-reyes-mexToday is Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus.

Check out the Pocho Ocho Craziest Things we found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters:

8. Rosca’s Chicken and Waffles

7. One long black hair

6. Hot new Kanye West musical discovery “Paul McCarthy”

Mas…The Pocho Ocho craziest cosas we found in the Rosca de Reyes

On Thanksgiving, Texans thank Obama for immigration action

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obamaspeech(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Families here are thanking President Barack Obama as they sit down to their Thanksgiving meals today.

Undocumented immigrant Mario Garza, who plans to pay his fines and “get in the back of the line,” is overjoyed with the White House plans to help fix “our broken immigration system.”

“No pues está a toda madre lo que hizo el presidente Obama, y que poca madre tienen los pinches republicanos que no tienen ni corazon ni huevos para cumplir con la raza trabajadora,” he told PNS. (Translation: Garza backs presidential action but has doubts about the Republican Party’s appeal to future Latino voters.)

Mas…On Thanksgiving, Texans thank Obama for immigration action

Sen. Ted Cruz hates avocados (allegedly) and Pocho Ocho other things

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tedcruzbydonkeyhoteyTea Partier Ted Cruz, the Canadian United States Senator (R-TX), hates avocados, the fruit of a tree native to Mexico and Central America, classified in the flowering plant family Lauraceae along with cinnamon, camphor and bay laurel.

We just learned from a blog post that this Canuckian “public servant” allegedly confessed his shameful prejudice in an interview last October, but sometime since then, the original evidence mysteriously disappeared.

(Crack Malaysian detectives are investigating the disappearance.)

Of course, this Grand Old Pendejo official has many other skeletors in his closet — the Pocho Ocho Other Things Sen. Ted Cruz Hates Besides Avocados:

8. LIFE cereal.

7. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

6. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

Mas…Sen. Ted Cruz hates avocados (allegedly) and Pocho Ocho other things