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lalomerryMerry Christmas from Los Pochodores: Lalo Alcaraz, Jefe-in-Chief; Dennis Wilen AKA Comic Saenz, Jefe de Content; Sara Inés Calderón, Subcommandanta del Ñews; Beto Mesta AKA Eres Nerd, Texas Burro Jefe; Elise Roedenbeck, New Jack City Burro Jefe (Emeritus); Celina Martinez, Food and Gwine Editor; Al Madrigal, Migrant Editor.

cucaturkeydinner

obamaspeech(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Families here are thanking President Barack Obama as they sit down to their Thanksgiving meals today.

Undocumented immigrant Mario Garza, who plans to pay his fines and “get in the back of the line,” is overjoyed with the White House plans to help fix “our broken immigration system.”

“No pues está a toda madre lo que hizo el presidente Obama, y que poca madre tienen los pinches republicanos que no tienen ni corazon ni huevos para cumplir con la raza trabajadora,” he told PNS. (Translation: Garza backs presidential action but has doubts about the Republican Party’s appeal to future Latino voters.) [Mas…]

thistallPresident Barack Obama will defy Republican haters tonight and reveal “executive actions” to “fix the broken immigration system.”

Our sources at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue have shared a copy of the 5 PM EST speech and we can now reveal the Pocho Ocho top immigration reforms you’ll hear in the President’s address to the Nation:

8. If Central American child refugees can pat their heads and rub their tummies at the same time, they can cut in line.

7. Families of DREAMers are OK to stay if they mow the lawn.

6. Badges, stinking or otherwise, no longer needed. [Mas…]

grandoldbooty

bordernazisThese Nazis wear swastikas and call themselves National Socialists, sure, but they’re not really socialists. They’re more nationalists, really, supporting the White Nation. All they want to do is to save America from the loser and quitter immigrants who gave up on their home countries to invade the U.S. of A. After all, integration was forced on the White Man at the point of a bayonet. White people get racially profiled too, you know. [Mas…]

Jorge Ramos: Let’s treat child refugees like children (video)

by Comic Saenz July 23, 2014 El Now
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Jorge Ramos, of Univision and FUSION, says there is but one moral choice for America: We have to treat child refugees like the children they are — with love.

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Kid refugees: What would Jesus do? How about Jesús? (toon)

by ERIC J. GARCIA July 23, 2014 Cartoons
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Gov. Rick Perry orders troops to the border, Texans react (photo)

by Andalé Mono July 22, 2014 El Now
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As Texas Gov. Rick Perry mobilizes the National Guard to patrol the border and protect America from helpless fleeing single mothers and child refugees, his fellow Texans aren’t shy about sharing their love. PREVIOUSLY ON RICK PERRY:

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Kid immigrants have been arriving alone since Ellis Island

by Andalé Mono July 21, 2014 El Now
Thumbnail image for Kid immigrants have been arriving alone since Ellis Island

In 1892, the first immigrant to enter the U.S. at the new Ellis Island immigration facility was an unaccompanied 15-year-old minor. Not only was she not greeted by howling racists, their faces distorted with unfathomable rage, but she got a certificate and a gold coin. Bill Moyers reports: An unaccompanied child migrant was the first person […]

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Por los que no se rajan — for those that don’t crack

by Yuppie Chicana July 21, 2014 El Now
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(Antigua, Guatemala — December 2000) I glanced up from my plate of rice, beans and perfectly grilled chicken breast. I was nauseous and weak from days of vomiting. Third-world cuisine always leaves me thinner than when I arrive. In hindsight, I’m not sure if it was the beautiful colors in the woman’s “huipil” or if […]

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Scary kid immigrants from Japan: ‘Emoji Among Us’ (video)

by XAVIER MURRIETA July 18, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Scary kid immigrants from Japan: ‘Emoji Among Us’ (video)

They entered our God-Blessed America via smartphones and social media, and now these pint-sized Japanese are everywhere. Were these yellow-skinned child-like emo pictograms invited? Do they even have documents, bro?

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Jon Stewart re kids on the border: ‘WTF is wrong with you?’ (video)

by Chauncey Gardner July 17, 2014 El Now
Thumbnail image for Jon Stewart re kids on the border: ‘WTF is wrong with you?’ (video)

Why the kidsplosion on the border? Jon Stewart has the sad, and then explains why haters gonna hate. Spoiler: They’re haters.

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Uncle Sam’s migracorrido ‘La Bestia (The Death Train)’ (music, lyrics)

by QUESO QUESEM July 17, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Uncle Sam’s migracorrido ‘La Bestia (The Death Train)’ (music, lyrics)

From Central America comes this ballad that’s fast rising the Latin American charts. It’s all about the dangerous Death Train that Central American drug war refugees ride on their way across Mexico enroute to El Norte. In Spanish they call the train The Beast — La Bestia. And who is the man behind this music? It’s […]

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Walk the walk! Here’s how to help those refugee kids

by Lalo Alcaraz and Javier Cabral July 16, 2014 El Now
Thumbnail image for Walk the walk!  Here’s how to help those refugee kids

What’s way more powerful than all of the ignorance coming out of #MurrietaHateCityUSA? The power of a philanthropic pocho! And better yet, the power of a whole lot of philanthropic pochos and pochas. Watch, that’ll show them!

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Illegals ride luxury limos to invade our country (video)

by Comic Saenz July 16, 2014 El Now
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This Reuters news video spotlights the luxury transportation the brown-skinned, drug-smuggling, disease-spreading, job-stealing illegal invaders use to travel across Mexico to infect our God-given homeland, all part of the Kenyan Muslim Obummer socialist plot to destroy America. POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON […]

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La Cucaracha: ‘Illegal children’ steal jobs, protestors say (toon)

by Lalo Alcaraz July 16, 2014 Cartoons
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Hate Letter of the Day: Dear Lala, you racist hypocrite

by Mexi-Hipocritas July 16, 2014 Cultura
Thumbnail image for Hate Letter of the Day: Dear Lala, you racist hypocrite

Mexicans and Anglo Americans are exactly alike. You are just as racist Mejicanoh, oh wait, I mean, Chicano… Meixcan American… I forget, you don’t consider yourselves Mexican… or do you. You MeCHA Aztlanersss get me all confused. Or wait, you don’t consider yourselves Latino but rather.. MESSICAN! ANYWAYS… so, as I was saying, you share […]

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La Cucaracha: Immigration? Look both ways! (toon)

by Lalo Alcaraz June 23, 2014 Cultura
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John Oliver: Immigrants are just all right with me (NSFW video)

by Barney Asada June 18, 2014 El Now
Thumbnail image for John Oliver: Immigrants are just all right with me (NSFW video)

Foreigner John Oliver (formerly of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and currently fronting Last Week Tonight) has been through the immigration system, and he has some advice for the GOP. (NSFW language.)

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