For whatever it’s worth, Mañana is probably the only Spanish word many Anglos knew in the 1950s. Sombrero-topped, sarape-wrapped, siesta-taking mañana. Peggy Lee sings it this 1950 TV clip. Her record of this song (she wrote it) was Number 1 in 1948. That’s right, your abuelita was born when all of America was singing this.
Cultura
It’s Not News to Us
Girls – no matter how you dress, guys will scope you out
Have you ever noticed, ladies, that no matter how you dress or how you act, men are going to check you out?
Bosses, co-workers, friends, stranger, acquaintances or just plain cochinos, they are going to scope you out as much or as little as your clothing allows? Ugh.
I grew up in the Catholic/Mexican tradition that kind of espoused the idea that, if you’re an object of sexual desire, it’s shameful and it’s your fault and you should feel guilty because you’re sinful. So, guess what started happening when I began to “develop” into a woman?
Mas…Girls – no matter how you dress, guys will scope you out
‘Trash Day’ – Craigslist personal ad comes to life
In ‘Trash Day – A Craigslist Personal Ad Comes to Life‘ a lonely chica crushes on a hunky sanitation worker.
Have you ever placed a Craigslist personal?
Badges? Badges? Steenkin’ badges you don’t need IRL!
“We don’t need no steenkin’ badges,” actor Alfonso Bedoya told Humphrey Bogart in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. Well, sorta. Although his line is one of the most-often quoted and parodied lines of cinema dialog, almost everyone has it wrong.
Click to peep some badges you definitely don’t need to see In Real Life.
Sabado Pochonte Video: Fred MacMurray, Claire Trevor, Raymond Burr and Nacho Galindo star in ‘Borderline’ (1950)
This 1950 crime melodrama with humorous undertones involves the investigation of dope smugglers on the Mexican border. Americans Fred MacMurray and Claire Trevor enter the scene and find themselves embroiled in the illicit activities. Both are government agents, but each one thinks the other is a crook. The real bad guy is Raymond Burr, head of the smuggling ring. At one point, MacMurray and Trevor must pretend to be husband and wife, which weakens their mutual mistrust. Eventually, MacMurray and Trevor sort out the heroes from the villains, and the dope ring is scuttled…at least for the time being. (from the YouTube page.)
Nacho Galindo? There’s a Google for that!
Pocho Ocho words we should banish in 2012
8. Anchor baby (noun) – Wait- this is an anti-Latino slur? FAIL. Seriously, this just makes us picture an infant so cute and fat we could use it for a boat anchor. Just chuck it in – kerPLOP! – you can drift and chug Coronas all afternoon. Do better, wingnuts.
7. Arpaio (proper noun) – Actually, we’d just like to banish this one from the government payroll, strip it down to its pink underwear and let it play where’s-the-soap for 99 to life.
Meet ‘Pocho’ the novel, its author, and their times
The interview is three decades old but still amazing. Listen to the man that started “pochismo!”
As the University of Texas presents the Mexican American Experience writes:
Jose Antonio Villarreal discusses his 1959 novel, Pocho, and the ways in which his own life and politics influenced his writing. Villarreal first discusses his experiences growing up in the pre-World War II era in California. He traces some of the similarities between his own life and that of his character, Richard Rubio, but he stresses that his novel is not a biography. Villarreal says he wrote Pocho because he wanted to introduce the rest of the U.S. to a group of Americans they knew nothing about.
WAR ‘(All My Friends Know the) Low Rider’ plus ‘Cisco Kid’
TGIF Music Video Double Play: Groove on out the office with WAR’s Low Rider and Cisco Kid. How a band made up of six African-Americans and a Jew from Denmark turned into one of Latinos’ favorite groups is a long story, but the songs WAR wrote at 7417 Sunset Blvd. were definitely happenin’ in the hood. All but one of WAR’s surviving original members now perform as the Lowrider Band.
Mas…WAR ‘(All My Friends Know the) Low Rider’ plus ‘Cisco Kid’
Sh!t Pocha Girls Say (Video from @SaraChicaD)
When the memes come knocking POCHO starts rocking. Check out this “Sh!t Pocha Girls Say” video from Jessica Braganza and Sara Inés Calderón – it’s safe for work and cleared for fun.
Am I a racist because I want to date Latino guys?
During my seemingly eternal quest for love, I’ve been accused more than once of being “racist” for mostly dating Latinos.
Part of this is totally my fault and the result of my whining and chiflazón. There’s a misunderstanding about what motivates me and other people like me, who are interested primarily in dating other Latinos.
First and foremost, let me say that I have dated mostly pochos like me, but I’ve also dated Cubans, white men, and Asian men, finally coming to the conclusion that all men on this planet are idiots when they are in their 20s. Some of my complaints, which other Latinas share, include: They want to get married too soon, or they’re divorced with kids young, they’re too short, as you become more educated there are less Latinos around you, they’re scared of educated/professional women. The list goes on.
Sabado Pochonte Video: ‘Gang Boy’ 1955
Gang Boy (1955) is a gem of an “educational film” from the Ozzie y Harriet Era by genre master Sid Davis. “This 50s film is surprisingly sympathetic in its portrayal of a Chicano gang leader and the events leading up to the formation of the gang,” writes reviewer Christine Hennig.
Dear undocumented immigrants: You suck at freeloading
I hate undocumented immigrants. I spent most of the holidays on my roof, throwing used cell phones and rusty nine-volt batteries at my undocumented family members as they arrived for festive gatherings. (Tía Lupe should be out of the hospital any day now, and you better believe that ICE will be waiting to cart her away from her children.)
My hatred for the undocumented is normally on a controlled boil. However, after viewing the Racist White Ladies video, my hatred steamed up.
These classy and thoughtful young ladies made me realize that there is much more to hate about undocumented immigrants, especially the fact that they’re always walking around carrying burritos lecherously. Zing! You really nailed them on that one ladies.
How stupid are undocumented immigrants? Well, they can’t even freeload properly!
Tierra ‘Together’ live 2006 (TGIF music video)
TGIF Music Video, dedicated to all you lovers out there! Tierra – an offshoot of El Chicano – had their greatest hit with a remake of this Philly Soul classic Together. The sensuous vocals, slick horn arrangements and hypnotic groove make this extended live performance something special. And a big shout out to thee one and only Mr. Duran!
Commie Mayan Queen of Hearts: The caption contest!*
The back story is that when Soviet linguist Yuri Knorozov deciphered the classic Mayan glyphs in 1952, a mini Mayan craze swept Red artistic circles. Propaganda subtext? Your code is not safe, comrade. A deck of playing cards was the result. Meet the Queen of Hearts, a lovely Д is for “dama” (dame or Дама) indeed. And her little chihuahua.
Write the funniest caption, win the funniest prize!
Home from my Mexican holiday, I feel like ‘a bad Mexican’
I spent my two-week New Year’s vacation with family in Mexico. When I got back to L.A. I felt like I had crossed a finish line and, thankfully, made it back safe and sound.
My trip was not really over, though. Everyone at work and in my life was curious. “How was it?” people asked, waiting for me to tell them about my “homeland.”
Which version did they want, the sugar-coated one or the uncensored version? Normally, I would say “It was good. I got to spend quality time with my family and relatives and ate a lot of delicious cheap food!” But that hardly touches the surface.
I know that I am supposed to feel a deep connection, a feeling of being with my people, a sense of being “at home.” But when I am there, I count the days until I come back to the States. I feel like a bad Mexican.
Mas…Home from my Mexican holiday, I feel like ‘a bad Mexican’
Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!
(PNS reporting from CYBER ESPACE) Like virtual huitlacoche growing on a diseased ear of GOP political corn, an avatar of candidate Mitt Romney emerged on Twitter Wednesday, a digital fungus thriving on the stinking mess of Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary.
Using the handle @MexicanMitt, the campaign’s online Hispanic personality exalts Romney as a canny opportunist, occasionally-job-killing corporate turnaround guru and proud-to-be-loaded capitalist examplar. MexicanMitt now has 1,100 followers.
Pocho Ñews Service interviewed @MexicanMitt via email:
PNS: You seem to love enforcing immigration policies. How many of your own Mexican family members have you deported?
MexicanMitt: I keep deporting them back after they finish working for me selling oranges. So I don’t think of it as deporting them, more like firing them
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!
The Pocho Ocho Spanglish words every pocho must know
8. Pants, as in sweatpants, and it’s pronounced in Spanish, otherwise it wouldn’t count as Spanglish. Say “pontz.” These are what Richard Simmons should wear.
7. Chores, the seasonal opposite of pants, chores (pronounced: CHor-Essss), are even good to wear during the winters in most of the Southwest. Richard Simmons wears these.
6. Cornfleis, you know, like America’s favorite good-for-you-finish-it-up cereal. Remember breakfast is the most importante meal of the day. And sometimes you get toys.
Russki space junk crash brings Mayan Doomsday – are we screwed?
(PNS reporting from MIAMI) The imminent crash – later this week – of a Russian space probe scares local spiritual gurus and national experts alike. All of them fear that the death dive of the Russki rocket is a Cosmic Warning of the Mayan Doomsday, scheduled for Dec. 21. Their big brains, however, are split on ways to prevent the Beginning of the End.
“Oh it’s easy,” one local specialist told PNS. “Just burn the candles.” Futurologist Pat Robertson’s advice is just one word: “Run!”
Russians espace commissars have predicted that fragments from the failed Phobos-Ground probe are expected to fall to Earth around Jan. 15.
What can an ordinary person do?
“Candles, definitely lots of candles,” said S.W. 46th St. curandero Alejandro “La Luz de Jesus” Sosa.
Mas…Russki space junk crash brings Mayan Doomsday – are we screwed?
SRSLY? Lame-ass pick-up lines of would-be Latino lovers
The first time a man made a sexual advance to me – some random guy on the other side of the street – I was 13. Yes, although I hadn’t even started shaving my legs, I was already trying to figure out how to deal with sexual weirdos. Such tender memories.
If I recall correctly, his exact words, or sounds, were something like “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!!!”
Pocho Ocho items every pocha should carry in her purse
8. Aqua Net: Yeah, for hair, stupid. But I also use this for multiple things like bug spray, deodorant, and even as a substitute for glue.
7. Mazapan: Marzipan is a yummy almond-flavored treat and mazapan is a similar treat made with peanuts. Instead of eating like a horse on your date, pop one of these in your mouth to hold you, you don’t want to look like my homegirl La Piggy.
6. Morning After Pill: I know you have probably taken this within the last two months but it’s quite all right, I am a ho, too. Always be prepared, Junior does not need a little brother.
Rick Perry: Mexi-Klingon threat could require Viet troops
(PNS reporting from NEW ENGLAND) As president, Rick Perry “would send troops back into Vietnam,” the Texas governor declared during Saturday’s presidential debate.
Blasting Pres. Barack Obama for letting Vietnam “just sit there,” Perry (R-TX) said the area is susceptible to a light-speed invasion from Mexican Klingons and possibly people who hate Christmas.
“Look, these people have the technology. I’ve seen it. I think the idea that we allow these Mexi-Klingons to come back into Vietnam and take over that country, with all of the treasure, both in blood and money, and uhm, one other thing, oh shit…well with all that we have spent there because this president wants to kowtow to his Borg leftist base…I think it is a huge mistake,” Perry said during the debate.
Mas…Rick Perry: Mexi-Klingon threat could require Viet troops
Sabado Pochonte Video: The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy (en Inglés)
The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy (La Momia Azteca Contro El Robot Humano): The walking Aztec mummy Popoca has returned, and this time he is pitted against a mad scientist and his creation, the Human Robot, a cyborg with a mechanical body, steel claws and a human head! Enjoy one hour of cheesy Mexican horror cinema from 1958 – poorly dubbed in unlikely English!
Mas…Sabado Pochonte Video: The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy (en Inglés)
You might be a Latino hipster if…
First off, you may be asking yourself, “What is a hipster?”
Hipsters are the contemporary derivative of beatniks and manifest particular philosophies, fashion and food choices, professional and geographic preferences and, inevitably, are the butt of many jokes.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth on the pizza? Because he ate it before it was cool.
The importance of ethnic studies and thanks, Sandra Cisneros
I honestly don’t remember the first book I ever read. It probably wasn’t that good if I can’t remember it right? But I do remember the first time I read a Sandra Cisneros book. I was in the tenth grade and I picked up House On Mango Street because of one thing: Sandra’s last name.
It just clicked with me.
It wasn’t until I read Cisnero’s Caramelo in college that I realized the importance of knowing about someone like her when I was still young.
Mas…The importance of ethnic studies and thanks, Sandra Cisneros
Los Lobos ‘One Time, One Night (in America)’
Our first TGIF music video proudly features “just another band from East LA.” Sometimes homies Los Lobos sound like they are John Cougar Mellencamp’s or Tom Petty’s brothers from another mother. This is one of those times. These all-American stars sing all-American stories. Respect.
CA Dream Act repeal fails to gather enough hateful signatures
(SACRAMENTO) Republican Assemblyman Tim Donnelly announced today that his effort to repeal the California Dream Act, which allows undocumented students to apply for in-state tuition and scholarships in the state’s universities, has failed to collect enough signatures from racist assholes to get on the ballot.
Mas…CA Dream Act repeal fails to gather enough hateful signatures
‘Mom, Dad – I was born this guey’
It took Mark a long time to screw up the courage to talk about it with his parents, but finally, thank God, finally, he was ready.
He sat them down on the couch and pulled up a chair. “Mom, Dad,” he said, “I have something to tell you.”
Pocho Ocho cosas I found in my Rosca de Reyes
Happy Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus.
In Mexico and now all across Pocholandia, some celebrate with the Rosca de Reyes, a tasty and yeasty treat topped with butter and sugar.
Sometimes it is soaked in rum, like Tio Frankie. Baked inside is a plastic Baby Jesus figurine, which, if you get it in your slice of pan, symbolizes great fortune. And it also means you are stuck with the bill for yet another Catholic drinkfest one month later.
Below are the top eight things we have found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters! Enjoy!
8. Plastic Baby Jesus
7. One long black hair
6. Homies Doll, “Cholo Priest”
Daily Show Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal tells all
Comic, actor and soon-to-get-a-fulltime gig Al Madrigal dropped by POCHO world headquarters and Pocho-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz got him to sit down for an impromptu and poorly-lit chat.
Al talks about his move from LA to NYC for his new Daily Show news team gig and reveals a joint project with POCHO.