GOP alerts Congressmen on vacay to ‘looming threat of liberalism’

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boehnerplaysgolf(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) As the Republican-controlled House of Representatives left town for a five-week paid vacation, GOP leaders warned members returning to their home districts to be on high alert because of unspecified “threats of liberalism.”

“These liberals are out there with their ‘logic and facts and science,’ and all our malarkey will Ben Ghazi in our faces if we’re not careful,” Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) cautioned in a memo to his partisans Friday.

“Members are urged to stay close to their vacation retreats in gate-guarded communities, hunting lodges, country clubs and private marinas,” Boehner wrote, “and avoid potentially hazardous areas that may harbor liberals and their sympathizers. College campuses, where Republicans can easily get bamboozled by Improvised Intellectual Debates (IIDs), are particularly dangerous.”

Mas…GOP alerts Congressmen on vacay to ‘looming threat of liberalism’

Moses y Jesús team up in ‘Prophetic Fight for Immigrant Rights’ (video)

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When Moses attracts the attention of the MIGRA, he seeks out his amigo Jesús for some help. Can this Holy Tag Team come up with a miracle to defeat the haters? [Written and produced by: Josh Healey. Directed by: Yvan Iturriaga. Starring: Corey Fischer (Moses), Richard Montoya (Jesús), and Jeri Lynn Cohen (Zippy). Produced by: Favianna Rodriguez. Executive Produced by: Culture Strike.]

As the Duck Farts: El Pato demands POCHO retract ‘sketchy salsa’ story

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lawyerexcerptelpatoskullsquareAn attorney who claims to represent Walker Foods, U.S. distributors of El Pato (The Duck) salsa, demanded Thursday that POCHO “retract and correct” parts of our story Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead, even though he acknowledges it is satire.

Downtown Los Angeles lawyer Robert M. Newell, Jr. also wants POCHO to “remove the contrived picture showing what purports to be a bottle of El Pato Salsa Picante bearing a skull and crossbones,” adding that the “story is puro pedo!” (The letter is below.)

Mas…As the Duck Farts: El Pato demands POCHO retract ‘sketchy salsa’ story

Legal Notice of Counsel: Contact Sanchez Bros Attorney-at-Law

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This legal notice designating an Attorney of Record is herewith, hereby and homeboy published, August 2 2013, March 15 2012, May 29 2012, and August 31 2012 pursuant the requirements of the Aztlan Judicical Unity Act (AJUA) of 1997.

For any y all legal matters pertaining to Pochismo, Inc., DBA POCHO and POCHO DOT COM, please contact

Attorney-At-Law Sanchez Bros, Pocho City, CA  @ 408-POCHO-28.

Sheriff Joe taps George Zimmerman for school posse (photos)

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sheriffjoelong(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Now we know why child killer George Zimmerman was speeding through Texas with a gun in his vehicle — he was on his way to a new gig in Maricopa County, AZ.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio broke the news in a Tweet late Wednesday night: The sheriff has a new school patrol posse, and it includes Zimmerman, a failed cop wannabe.

Here’s a better picture of this new “sworn officer” (click to enlarge):

Mas…Sheriff Joe taps George Zimmerman for school posse (photos)

Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead

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elpatoskullNBC reports that El Pato Salsa Picante has been withdrawn from the American market because tests found it was contaminated with lead. El Pato is just one of several Mexican salsa brands that contain the poisonous substance, according to scientists at the University of Nevada Las Vegas.

Of course, there’s no way lead is the only nasty in these little bottles. And sure enough — buried in footnotes at the bottom of the report — are the Pocho Ocho OTHER sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce:

8. The average Cholula bottle contains 10 micrograms per deciliter of the “Bacillus Botas Picudas”, an organic pathogen thought to be behind the craving for pointy  boots.

7. Habaneros chiles may be the top ingredient in El Yucateco Salsa Picante de Chile Habanero, but lurking at the bottom of the list are 8.8 micrograms per deciliter of “Barba Habanera,” said to be a homeopathic solution of hair scraped from Comrade Fidel’s razor.

Mas…Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead

Unfunny ‘Latino’ sitcom debuts Sunday, people will watch anyhow

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johngomez(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Newcomer John Gomez stars as The John Gomez Show premieres Sunday night, the latest sitcom starring a Latino that is destined to join the long line of Latino TV shows that suck.

John and his sweet, sexy wife Lisa are a happily-married couple with two children. Daughter Rosie is just turning the corner to teenager, and son Sam is a precocious — oh, forget about the plot line, it promises to simply suck big time.

“It’s a formula for failure,” declared Hispanic TV audiences everywhere.

“I will watch it no matter how bad it is. Juan Gomez is one of our own, even though he is the unfunniest Latino on the planet,” said Latina inactivist Vera Tellez.

Mas…Unfunny ‘Latino’ sitcom debuts Sunday, people will watch anyhow

Are you a ‘Chipster’ (Chicano + hipster)? Pocho Ocho ways to tell

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Are you a Chipster (Chicano + hipster)? There are Pocho Ocho ways to tell. You might be a Chipster if…

8. You wear skinny jeans instead of Levi’s when swimming at the beach

7. You scored a medical marijuana prescription to protect you from the ojo

6. Your tricked-out chrome lowrider bike is a vintage Schwinn fixie

Mas…Are you a ‘Chipster’ (Chicano + hipster)? Pocho Ocho ways to tell

Top Texas export, hateful white men, grows again this year

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speakenglish(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) The Lone Star State’s leading export — hateful white men — has reached new levels this year.

According to report released Friday by the Economic Institute of Texas, A Texas Export Snapshot, Texas consistently leads the nation in the export of hateful, misogynistic white men who also run state legislatures.

Texas exported 20% more TPCs (Texas Political Conservatives) in the first half of 2013 than than in the first two quarters of last year, with the trend continuing to accelerate. Over 11,000 TPCs have left Texas since January, they say.

Mas…Top Texas export, hateful white men, grows again this year

Woman is told ‘Cup O Noodles is not fideo,’ then gets dumped

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noodles(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Paola Lopez’ dreams were shattered and her heart was broken Friday after she prepared sopa de fideo for her boyfriend, Sunny Vargas.

“I just thought it would be nice to make him a quick snack before we went out,” the 28-year-old woman tearfully recounted to PNS. “Then all of a sudden he got all mad and left me. He broke up with me in a text that night.”

The tragedy began Tuesday when Vargas, a  sales representative for a Pico Rivera power tools importer and distributor, told Lopez that one of his favorite dishes (and thus a requirement to be considered “wife material”) was sopa de fideo, like his mom Victoria makes.

The shocking conclusion came Friday evening.

Mas…Woman is told ‘Cup O Noodles is not fideo,’ then gets dumped

They know what we want! Pocho Ocho trendiest Latino baby foods

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gordobaby400BURNS: Smithers! The Latinos! With the demographics! And the babies! Quick, we need Latino baby food! It’s a goldmine of a wagon de band upon which we must to hop!

SMITHERS: But, Mr. Burns? Latino baby food? WTF? For God’s sake, man, we already have Clorox Latino. When will the madness end?

BURNS: It’s already happening, Smithers, and I just read on Fox Latino that “one of the concerns that Hispanic mothers have is losing touch with their culture and their culinary roots.” Cashing in on concerns is the capitalist way, Smithers. Release the perros!

What are these trendy Latino baby food items anyhow? We’ve got the deets on the Pocho Ocho:

Mas…They know what we want! Pocho Ocho trendiest Latino baby foods

You can’t un-see this: Celebrity Photoshop ‘makeunders’ (photos)

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New York artist Danny Evans uses his mad Photoshop skillz to fight for truth, justice and pinche reality in a series of celebrity photographs artfully reimagined as photos of ordinary people. Here are Johnny Depp and Madonna, for example:

johnnydeppreally300 madonna300

Not done yet? You can take more, no problem? Meet Brad and Angelina and Jennifer Lopez by herself and pictured with Marc Anthony:

Mas…You can’t un-see this: Celebrity Photoshop ‘makeunders’ (photos)

So you think you can dance? Peep the Magnificent Riflebird (video)

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“The Magnificent Riflebird (Ptiloris magnificus) is a medium-sized (up to 34 cm long) passerine bird widely distributed throughout lowland rainforests of New Guinea and far Northeastern Australia. Males are polygamous and perform solitary courtship displays on a ‘dancing perch’. During these displays, the male fully extends his wings and raises his tail; he hops upward while swinging his head from side to side, showing off his metallic blue-green breast shield. Multiple females will observe these displays, and, if satisfied with the performance, reward the male with copulations.” …Wikipedia.

Pocho Ocho ways to tell you’re watching ‘Latino ñews’

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twocastersIt’s no surprise to us Pochodores — it’s why we started POCHO.COM:

Actual research reveals more and more U.S. Latinos are getting their ñews in Ingles — ñews from respected journalists like brothers Jorge Cooper-Ramos (right), and Anderson Ramos-Cooper (left.)

OK, sometimes Latinos get their ñews from Gustavo Almadovar live in the O.C., but not lately.

Meanwhile, Univision is leading in the July ratings wars with the most viewers under 50, the first time a Spanish-language network topped the charts.

Mas…Pocho Ocho ways to tell you’re watching ‘Latino ñews’

Breaking: Actor Jesse Borrego to unveil new salsa

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chingasalsa(PNS reporting from TAMPA) Chicano actor Jesse Borrego, famous for Blood In, Blood Out, is set to unveil a new salsa that he says will “light a fire under your ass!”

The salsa, named “Chinga Tu Madre!” will be sold in cans only and is slated for release this September by the Rick Bayless Division of Frito Lay.

Borrego invited PNS to sample some of the salsa Tuesday at what he calls his “private office.”

Mas…Breaking: Actor Jesse Borrego to unveil new salsa

Your basic futuristic Pre-Columbian animation from Israel (video)

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From Israel comes this tale of a little girl in a “futuristic Pre-Columbian tribe” where everyone wears a mask. When the girl reaches the age of maturity, she’ll get a mask herself and she understands that accepting the mask will make her one of the tribe. Also involved: Carlos Castandeda’s Don Juan, abstract electronic music, high-speed rail, totem poles, pyramids, tunnels, skyscrapers, the Great Wall of China and iPads (could be Androids, hard to tell.) Mas Que La Cara , according to creator Yaniv Cohen, a college student, is from the Spanish and means “more than the face” or “added face.” It’s also the root of the word “masque.”

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