Pocho Ocho ways you gabacho guys might be Hispandering

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Since the election, all the cool guys want to be Latinos and maybe you do too, Mr. White, Non-Hispanic-American. We understand, but we want to make sure you don’t go overboard. Peep our pocho ocho ways you might be Hispandering:

8. Goodbye iPod, hello maracas
7. Your name is now spelled Bíll Coñnelly
6. You call the guys in your golf foursome “mi gente”
5. You lower your Prius
4. You change your name to Geraldo
3. Lifetime membership in Chest Hair Club for Men
2. Complain “it would be easier if I were Latino”

And the numero uno way you might be Hispandering is…

You only date women with unibrows.

Image courtesy costumes in ‘plus sizes’ here.

Florida secedes from the union, no one seems to care very much

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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In a shocking post-election development, the state formerly known as Florida will no longer be a part of the United States of America. After gaining the required 25,000 petition signatures needed to elicit a response from the White House, Florida has been granted permission to secede from the U.S.

When asked why he was so swift to let the Sunshine State go, President Bronco Bama was concise:

Because fuck Florida.

As the dust settled in the wake of the President’s decisive re-election, the White House “We the People” website has been flooded by a series of secession requests from conservative crybabies from New Jersey to Oregon.

Mas…Florida secedes from the union, no one seems to care very much

Contagious Latinophilia hits U.S.; Boehner, Hannity, Arpaio infected

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Public health officials are concerned about contagious Latinophilia that has spread with breathtaking speed across America since Bronco Bama’s reelection last week.

Former anti-Latino pundits and politicians who for years went out of their way to make life miserable for Latinos are now succumbing to what scientists believe may be a viral condition.

“Almost immediately after the election — which may have been decided by the massive Latino vote — reports began flooding our offices,” Robert McLean, Director of Public Health Outbreaks at the Centers for Disease Control in Washington, D.C. said this morning at a press conference.

“All across the nation an increasing number of white men have expressed a new need to reach out to Latinos,” he said.

Mas…Contagious Latinophilia hits U.S.; Boehner, Hannity, Arpaio infected

Maria Cholula resigns as company president, cites affair with Tapatio

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(PNS reporting from JALISCO) Maria Cholula resigned Monday night as president of the Mexican hot sauce company that bears her name, citing a brief affair with Tagberto Tapatio, who heads a competing corporation. Her resignation follows a Facebook posting of a blurred photo of the executive with her picante amigo.

Maria Cholula founded the company in 1989 and sold it to Jose Cuervo S.A. de C.V. 10 years later, but continued to run the local firm. Tapatio, an American company headquartered in Southern California, is considered to be Cholula’s top competitor in the Mexican-style hot sauce category.

Mas…Maria Cholula resigns as company president, cites affair with Tapatio

@MexicanMitt Romney tells all in first post-defeat interview (audio)

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@MexicanMitt Romney phoned public radio station KUNM in New Mexico Monday night for his first post-election interview. The Twitter Idol liberally assigned blame for his defeat by Bronco Bama, reminisced about the fireworks he planned to set off had he juan and revealed he’s still on the lookout for his missing running mate Pollo Ryan. Here’s the interview from the program RAICES.

For the Veterans: Anti-war poem from WWI: ‘Dulce et decorum est’

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Wilfred Owen

Today we observe Veterans Day, AKA Armistice Day, which marks the end of the first World War.

Dulce et Decorum est is a poem written by poet Wilfred Owen in 1917, during the War, and published posthumously in 1920. Owen’s poem is known for its horrific imagery and condemnation of war.

They don’t use poison gas any more but phosphorous flares and drone strikes aren’t much fun either.

POCHO dedicates this poem to all our veterans in gratitude for their service and sacrifice and with the hope no child will ever be sent into war again.

Mas…For the Veterans: Anti-war poem from WWI: ‘Dulce et decorum est’

Ñewsweek: Bronco Bama reelected, @MexicanMitt Romney concedes

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President Bronco Bama was reelected this week despite the valiant campaign mounted by Juan Percenter @MexicanMitt Romney; the Mexi-Mormon challenger released a last-minute campaign espeech and animated music video which were very popular on POCHO but apparently didn’t help in Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania.

POCHO’s ñews-breaking coverage included toons by Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, election recaps and a look at what’s up next for the former first lady in waiting Ann Romney.

Cable TV star Don Cheto make a video Gangnam Style and a huge OVNI/UFO was filmed flying down into Mexico’s Popocatapetl volcano.

The links are here:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Bronco Bama reelected, @MexicanMitt Romney concedes

‘Wise Latina’ Sotomayor hangs with Big Bird’s posse (video)

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Dressed all in black, Goth Justice Sonia Sotomayor mugs for the camera and wastes taxpayer money that could be better spent on drones, bombs and bayonets in this Sesame Street video about “careers” for girls.

In collusion with Big Bird’s socialist PBS pals, the unmarried jurist mocks the proud American tradition of Walt Disney princesses and never once mentions the proper female occupation of staying at home and cleaning the house and cooking dinner for the family.

Unashamed,  the ultra-liberal home wrecker actually tells impressionable little Muppette Abby to “get a career.”

You voted for this, people. Muppets, PBS and “Hispanics.” The line to Canada forms on the right.

Politics at the airport: It’s true – I’m a Latina and I do want stuff

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I am on my way to Los Angeles.

My baby brother is getting married. It is going to take me close to 12 hours to get to him, courtesy of the latest storm to hit the North East, Athena.

In order to get to LA, I am having to travel from Newark to Charlotte, NC to Phoenix before landing in LA. It dawned on me, as we landed in North Carolina, that I was landing in a “red state” – something that I am only keenly aware of because of the recent presidential election – the results of which have left some people feeling raw. I digested this reality for a moment and looked forward to the almost three-hour layover here.

It’s incredible to casually people watch, something I love to do when I travel, because on the surface, we all look the same, and in airports especially, we all have similar goals – to get somewhere. Nothing much separates us from one another here.

I opened up my laptop and started to enjoy the free Wifi offered at the Charlotte Davidson International Airport. Two men sat next to me. Southern accent – which I often find endearing – enthusiastically talking about car racing. Conversation started about the most recent race one of them competed in, an upcoming three-week visit to Florida for another race, their team, their sponsors…I soon got lost in work and Twitter.

Then it happened:

Mas…Politics at the airport: It’s true – I’m a Latina and I do want stuff

@MexicanMitt Romney’s final concession espeech [complete text]

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[EDITOR’S NOTE: @MexicanMitt Romney, the Twitter sensation, has graced us with the complete text of his concession speech upon losing to President Barack Obama. Enjoy this heart-wrenching espeech, gueyes.]

AJUA!

GREETINGS MY GUEYES!

I HAVE CALLED BLACK REAGAN AND CONCEDED THAT HE CHEATED BETTER THAN I DID. SHOUT OUT to his wife and her sister-wives.

I WANT TO THANK my running mate POLLO RYAN FOR NADA, NALGAS, EL ZILCHO.

We didn’t win his home estate of Wisconsin. He couldn’t even get us the Munsters vote, ESMALL AS THAT IS.

IF ANYONE knows where he has been for the last three weeks, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

Mas…@MexicanMitt Romney’s final concession espeech [complete text]

Loser Mitt Romney has the sad: He’s unemployed and part of 47%

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(PNS reporting from BOSTON) Mitt Romney woke up a broken man Wednesday morning and experienced something unimaginable: He had become part of the 47%.

“I never thought this would happen to me; my whole life has been turned upside-down,” he told PNS.

A moping Romney emerged from his down-quilted bed and silk sheets at about 7AM and wandered down to breakfast where his staff had  prepared  farm-raised, hand-fed chicken eggs with organic arugula imported from South America and water imported from France. And then he made the call he had been dreading — a call to his chauffeur, Carlos Peres.

Dejected Romney then began one of the hardest car rides in the back of a custom-made limousine of his life: to the nearest office of Massachusetts’ Department of Unemployment Assistance.

Mas…Loser Mitt Romney has the sad: He’s unemployed and part of 47%

Exclusive preview of Ann Romney’s Food Blog: The Electric Stove

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(PNS reporting from BOSTON) With the election totally over, Ann Romney is free to pursue her true passion: cooking dinner every night for her large family and sharing Romney recipes.

Here’s exclusive preview of the Breakfast Club section of Ann’s upcoming food blog The Electric Stove:

White Toast

This is a very old family recipe dating back generations!

Little known fact: my Great Aunt Jebadisa was a leading pioneer in the Women’s Pre-Sliced White Bread Movement. When I think about the sacrifices she made, slicing each piece individually and toasting each slice by candle fire, I nearly break down and weep.

Mas…Exclusive preview of Ann Romney’s Food Blog: The Electric Stove

La Jolla cops on alert after dog shit bag trick at Romney beach house

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(PNS reporting from LA JOLLA) Police in this pricey San Diego barrio are on alert after “an intruder or intruders” slipped onto the Romney family’s secluded beachfront property early this morning, left a flaming paper bag of what is believed to be dog shit on the front porch, rang the doorbell and fled into the fog.

The multi-million dollar home, located at 311 Dunemere Dr. has been the target of repeated protests.

Mas…La Jolla cops on alert after dog shit bag trick at Romney beach house

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