Merry Christmas from Los Pochodores: Lalo Alcaraz, Jefe-in-Chief; Dennis Wilen AKA Comic Saenz, Jefe de Content; Sara Inés Calderón, Subcommandanta del Ñews; Beto Mesta AKA Eres Nerd, Texas Burro Jefe; Elise Roedenbeck, New Jack City Burro Jefe (Emeritus); Celina Martinez, Food and Gwine Editor; Al Madrigal, Migrant Editor.
(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Families here are thanking President Barack Obama as they sit down to their Thanksgiving meals today.
Undocumented immigrant Mario Garza, who plans to pay his fines and “get in the back of the line,” is overjoyed with the White House plans to help fix “our broken immigration system.”
“No pues está a toda madre lo que hizo el presidente Obama, y que poca madre tienen los pinches republicanos que no tienen ni corazon ni huevos para cumplir con la raza trabajadora,” he told PNS. (Translation: Garza backs presidential action but has doubts about the Republican Party’s appeal to future Latino voters.)
Our sources at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue have shared a copy of the 5 PM EST speech and we can now reveal the Pocho Ocho top immigration reforms you’ll hear in the President’s address to the Nation:
8. If Central American child refugees can pat their heads and rub their tummies at the same time, they can cut in line.
7. Families of DREAMers are OK to stay if they mow the lawn.
6. Badges, stinking or otherwise, no longer needed.
These Nazis wear swastikas and call themselves National Socialists, sure, but they’re not really socialists. They’re more nationalists, really, supporting the White Nation. All they want to do is to save America from the loser and quitter immigrants who gave up on their home countries to invade the U.S. of A. After all, integration was forced on the White Man at the point of a bayonet. White people get racially profiled too, you know.
Jorge Ramos, of Univision and FUSION, says there is but one moral choice for America: We have to treat child refugees like the children they are — with love.
As Texas Gov. Rick Perry mobilizes the National Guard to patrol the border and protect America from helpless fleeing single mothers and child refugees, his fellow Texans aren’t shy about sharing their love.
PREVIOUSLY ON RICK PERRY:
Not only was she not greeted by howling racists, their faces distorted with unfathomable rage, but she got a certificate and a gold coin.
An unaccompanied child migrant was the first person in line on opening day of the new immigration station at Ellis Island Her name was Annie Moore, and that day, January 1, 1892, happened to be her 15th birthday. She had traveled with her two little brothers from Cork County, Ireland, and when they walked off the gangplank, she was awarded a certificate and a $10 gold coin for being the first to register.
(Antigua, Guatemala — December 2000) I glanced up from my plate of rice, beans and perfectly grilled chicken breast. I was nauseous and weak from days of vomiting. Third-world cuisine always leaves me thinner than when I arrive.
In hindsight, I’m not sure if it was the beautiful colors in the woman’s “huipil” or if it was the look of angst on her face that caught my eye. As I gazed out the window of the restaurant I sat in, all I could think about was my own discomfort and what my friends back in the U.S. were doing.
While I contemplated these trivial matters, my father jumped up from his chair. I watched as he grabbed my uneaten plate, bolted out the front door of the restaurant and caught up to the woman I had seen walk by.
They entered our God-Blessed America via smartphones and social media, and now these pint-sized Japanese are everywhere. Were these yellow-skinned child-like emo pictograms invited? Do they even have documents, bro?
Why the kidsplosion on the border? Jon Stewart has the sad, and then explains why haters gonna hate. Spoiler: They’re haters.
From Central America comes this ballad that’s fast rising the Latin American charts. It’s all about the dangerous Death Train that Central American drug war refugees ride on their way across Mexico enroute to El Norte. In Spanish they call the train The Beast — La Bestia.
And who is the man behind this music? It’s a name we all love, but who knew he could sing!? This track comes from Uncle Sam, who hired an ad agency to make a hit record.
What’s way more powerful than all of the ignorance coming out of #MurrietaHateCityUSA? The power of a philanthropic pocho! And better yet, the power of a whole lot of philanthropic pochos and pochas. Watch, that’ll show them!
This Reuters news video spotlights the luxury transportation the brown-skinned, drug-smuggling, disease-spreading, job-stealing illegal invaders use to travel across Mexico to infect our God-given homeland, all part of the Kenyan Muslim Obummer socialist plot to destroy America.
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
Mexicans and Anglo Americans are exactly alike. You are just as racist Mejicanoh, oh wait, I mean, Chicano… Meixcan American… I forget, you don’t consider yourselves Mexican… or do you. You MeCHA Aztlanersss get me all confused. Or wait, you don’t consider yourselves Latino but rather.. MESSICAN!
ANYWAYS… so, as I was saying, you share the same RACIST views, in fact, you’re no different than right wing Caucasian Americans, whom at least are upfront about their racism and xenophobia, you’re more aligned with Liberal Democrats whom subversively are racist.
Foreigner John Oliver (formerly of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and currently fronting Last Week Tonight) has been through the immigration system, and he has some advice for the GOP. (NSFW language.)
National Poetry Month means — to us — poems by and for the people, like Jesús Iñiguez with his poem about immigration. Spoiler alert — Iñiguez is not exactly happy with Administration policies and questions President Obama’s legacy. [NSFW “F-bomb.”]
More from the Obama Legacy blog:
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer won’t run again, she announced Wednesday, but said her retirement as governor won’t put an end to her dreams.
“A mule is an animal with long funny ears,” she told an audience at a school in Glendale, AZ, “she kicks up at anything she hears. Her back is brawny and her brain is weak, she’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak. So when I walk out of this school, I’ll still remain a stupid mule.”
There are Pocho Ocho items on her bucket list, Brewja said:
8. Realize her dream of starting a clothing optional retreat with Sheriff Joe Arpaio
7. Spend more time with her coven
6. Convince George Lucas to cast her as Evil Yoda in the next Star Wars movie
“To live outside the law you must be honest,” Bob Dylan wrote. For two guys crossing into the U.S. from Mexico without papers, that’s easier said than done.
PREVIOUSLY ON BORDER VIDEO:
Alt.country singer-songwriter Steve Earle moved to New York and fell in love with his new City of Immigrants.
PREVIOUSLY ON NON-LED ZEPPELIN IMMIGRANT SONGS:
Merry Christmas from the Pochodores: Lalo Alcaraz, Jefe-in-Chief; Dennis Wilen AKA Comic Saenz, Jefe de Editorial; Sara Inés Calderón, Subcommandanta del Ñews; Victor Payan, Subcommandante de la Cultura; Beto Mesta AKA Eres Nerd, Texas Burro Jefe; Santino J. Rivera, Florida Burro Jefe; Elise Roedenbeck, New Jack City Burro Jefe (Emeritus); Melanie Ruiz, Director of Marketing; Al Madrigal, Migrant Editor.
Six weeks have passed since my move to London; the start of new journey, a new dream. It is the first time in my life that I made the conscious decision to migrate. I did not have that choice at the age of nine when I was brought into the U.S. as an irregular migrant child, nor did I choose to return to Mexico when I was deported four years ago.
The excitement still lingers alongside a sense of exploration as I am afforded certain level of freedom to be able to reside in a foreign country legally to pursue a graduate degree. It took overcoming very difficulty challenges, but I did not do it alone. An entire community supported me along the way to be here. It is a privilege that I do not take lightly as well as a responsibility to represent the collective challenges of migrants who have gone through similar experiences wherever I am.