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LatinoUSA Audio: Al Madrigal and Lalo Alcaraz’ ‘Big Adventure’

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POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz and POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal (you may also know him from The Daily Show with Juan Estewart) are thankful for lots of stuff. Al is thankful that his son’s school’s athletic mascot is not racist, Lalo is thankful for his new Bordertown gig with Fox, and POCHO is thankful LatinoUSA with Maria Hinojosa let us share this audio from everyone’s favorite Latinos from the Future!

PREVIOUSLY ON LATINOS FROM THE FUTURE:

Mas…LatinoUSA Audio: Al Madrigal and Lalo Alcaraz’ ‘Big Adventure’

The Latin Grammys: America’s biggest anti-Mexican sham

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latingrammys

latingrammys150Over a decade ago, I wrote an op-ed piece for what was called Pacific News Service but is now New American Media bemoaning how pathetic the Latin Grammys were due to their lack of Mexican music. “The definers of Latin culture,” I wrote then, “have decided that the most popular Latin music genre in the United States isn’t worthy of promotion because it might lead people to believe that Latinos are poor and culturally backward, not slick and ‘with it.'”

Mas…The Latin Grammys: America’s biggest anti-Mexican sham

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Mexclusive: Hollywood has called my bluff with ‘Bordertown’ at Fox!

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bordetowntoonborderstereotypestweetFox has just announced the pickup of a new animated TV show called Bordertown, debuting in 2014. It was created by the showrunner of Family Guy, Mark Hentemann.

I was offered a gig writing and consulting on the show, and I happily accepted.

This will be the first animated prime time network TV show with a significant number of Latino characters.

Over half the cast will Mexican or Mexican-Americans or Chicanos. It will be historic.

Mas…Mexclusive: Hollywood has called my bluff with ‘Bordertown’ at Fox!

Hispanic Heritage Month ends, many Hispanics unsure how to go on

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heritagecalendarsadconsuela(PNS reporting from BROOKLYN) Hispanic Heritage Month is over and without the corporate-approved celebration as a focus, members of the local Hispanic/Latino community aren’t really sure how they can go on being members of the local Hispanic/Latino community.

“Where do I go from here?” lamented Brooklyn native and prolific bloguera Marielena Gutierrez (photo, right.)

“Should I tell people to call me Mary Ellen for the remaining 11 months of the year? It’s not like they ever pronounce it right anyway,” she wrote on her PobrePickle blog.

Mas…Hispanic Heritage Month ends, many Hispanics unsure how to go on

Government shutdown halts Hispanic Heritage Month in mid-month

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sadted(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) Effective immediately, all Hispanic Heritage Month observations have been halted due to the current Federal Government shutdown.

HHM activities have been classified as “non-essential” and Washington has issued guidelines on toning down loud festivities and colorful displays as the U.S. Treasury runs out of funding.

As of midnight, October 15, all functions relating to Hispanic Heritage Month ceased, according to Felix Zaragosa of the General Services Administration.

“More than 2,900 Federal Mariachi Administration inspectors were initially furloughed, putting an end to inspections of mariachi uniforms and instruments. The FMA asked 800 employees to return to work last week,” he said.

Mas…Government shutdown halts Hispanic Heritage Month in mid-month

Mom puts cross on son’s front lawn to mark another failed relationship

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crossonlawn(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) Sara Maestas placed a two-foot-high cruz on her only son’s lawn early this morning — a cross in remembrance of his latest failed relationship.

The 32-year-old transactional lawyer got dumped Saturday night by his novia, less than 20 minutes after he blew off a dinner date. And now his mother’s white polystyrene cross, adorned with flowers, sits front and center on Benjamin Maestas’ lawn in Montrose.

Just before a scheduled 6 PM Saturday rendezvous at Hugo’s Regional Mexican Cuisine, girlfriend Vicki Gardea got a text from Maestas saying he couldn’t meet due to “a short deadline to close on a shopping center for a multinational client.”

Mas…Mom puts cross on son’s front lawn to mark another failed relationship

California immigrants hail Jerry Brown’s veto of jury duty bill

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jurydutylatino(PNS reporting from SACRAMENTO) Gov. Jerry Brown vetoed legislation Monday that would have made California the first state in the nation to allow legal immigrants who are not citizens to serve on juries.

The governor has recently approved bills expanding the rights of immigrants, including legislation allowing those in the country without documents to apply for driver’s licenses and practice law. Democrat Brown said serving on a jury, however, was a civic duty that should be exclusive to citizens.

Ronaldo Santa Flojeraz (photo), 36, a client of the of  Los Angeles Immigrant Rights Labor Center, welcomed Brown’s decision. “Thank you, Governor Brown, for vetoing that bill,” he told PNS. “I was not looking forward to having to avoid the jury duty summons mailers sent by the local courts. I got better things to do.”

Mas…California immigrants hail Jerry Brown’s veto of jury duty bill

Does this sound familiar? ‘You’re a Latina/o? But you speak so well!’

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nomexicansIf you are Latina or Latino, you may have heard comments such as, “Wow, you speak so well… You are not like them… You are really smart… OR You are different and they will really like you.”

You might even be asked repeatedly where you are from if your first answer is a city or state in the U.S.

Remarks like these are called microagressions, according to Silvia L. Mazzula, PhD (Asst. Professor of Psychology at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, CUNY).

These …”subtle forms of racism,” she writes, “…communicate hostile and racial insults. Microaggressions are things said or done – many times unconsciously – that reflect a person’s inner thinking, stereotypes and prejudices. They are difficult to recognize because they are brief, innocuous, and often difficult to see. Why are they important to talk about? Because microaggressions are pervasive and have a detrimental impact on people’s psychological and physiological well-being.”

Mas…Does this sound familiar? ‘You’re a Latina/o? But you speak so well!’

Hispanic moms: Serve Jimmy Dean® for a dubious breakfast! (video)

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¡Hola, Hispanic moms! Serving your Hispanic family a dubiously-healthy breakfast is just a button-push away with Jimmy Dean® Brand croissant, egg, sausage and cheese breakfast sandwiches. Not only are they graded F for nutrition but you can heat them in the microwave to pretend you care! Each delicious serving packs a generous 60% of the daily recommended fat allowance and that means 45% of the cholesterol quota AND 60% of the saturated fat limit.

Wait, there’s more! Each sammich features a full half ounce of protein and over a third of your daily allowance for salt. Jimmy mexplains:

CHICAGO–(EON: Enhanced Online News)–The Jimmy Dean brand (www.jimmydean.com), America’s favorite traditional breakfast sausage brand* will release a new Spanish-language TV commercial this month to promote its popular line of breakfast sandwiches to Hispanic consumers.

Mas…Hispanic moms: Serve Jimmy Dean® for a dubious breakfast! (video)

Pocho Ocho ways to prepare for Hispanic Heritage Month

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jesseborregoHispanics across the United Estates are giddy with excitement as they prepare to observe Hispanic Heritage Month 2013, which starts in 10 days.

But with so much excitement, it’s easy to forget the fundamentals of this Federally-established fiesta.

¡Mira! A checklist! Here are the Pocho Ocho ways to prepare for Hispanic Heritage Month:

8. Reset your calendar so months begin on 15th

7. Purchase and enjoy all 57 bean varieties from Hispanic comida conglomerate Goya

6. Grow a luxurious mustache — you too, mujeres! 

Mas…Pocho Ocho ways to prepare for Hispanic Heritage Month

Breaking: Marketing to Latins? Talk Latin to us, activists say

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latinspeakersq(PNS reporting from UPTON ABBEY, MI) Frater Cassius the Yon was adamant.

“In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti,” he insisted in a rare English-language interview Sunday. “There is no such thing as Latin dancing, unless you mean the “dance of death” from the Black Plague. And Latin music is Gregorian chants, Enya and Necrodeath. Ain’t nobody got no time for that! Tempus fugit!”

Mas…Breaking: Marketing to Latins? Talk Latin to us, activists say

Moses y Jesús team up in ‘Prophetic Fight for Immigrant Rights’ (video)

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When Moses attracts the attention of the MIGRA, he seeks out his amigo Jesús for some help. Can this Holy Tag Team come up with a miracle to defeat the haters? [Written and produced by: Josh Healey. Directed by: Yvan Iturriaga. Starring: Corey Fischer (Moses), Richard Montoya (Jesús), and Jeri Lynn Cohen (Zippy). Produced by: Favianna Rodriguez. Executive Produced by: Culture Strike.]

Unfunny ‘Latino’ sitcom debuts Sunday, people will watch anyhow

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johngomez(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Newcomer John Gomez stars as The John Gomez Show premieres Sunday night, the latest sitcom starring a Latino that is destined to join the long line of Latino TV shows that suck.

John and his sweet, sexy wife Lisa are a happily-married couple with two children. Daughter Rosie is just turning the corner to teenager, and son Sam is a precocious — oh, forget about the plot line, it promises to simply suck big time.

“It’s a formula for failure,” declared Hispanic TV audiences everywhere.

“I will watch it no matter how bad it is. Juan Gomez is one of our own, even though he is the unfunniest Latino on the planet,” said Latina inactivist Vera Tellez.

Mas…Unfunny ‘Latino’ sitcom debuts Sunday, people will watch anyhow

They know what we want! Pocho Ocho trendiest Latino baby foods

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gordobaby400BURNS: Smithers! The Latinos! With the demographics! And the babies! Quick, we need Latino baby food! It’s a goldmine of a wagon de band upon which we must to hop!

SMITHERS: But, Mr. Burns? Latino baby food? WTF? For God’s sake, man, we already have Clorox Latino. When will the madness end?

BURNS: It’s already happening, Smithers, and I just read on Fox Latino that “one of the concerns that Hispanic mothers have is losing touch with their culture and their culinary roots.” Cashing in on concerns is the capitalist way, Smithers. Release the perros!

What are these trendy Latino baby food items anyhow? We’ve got the deets on the Pocho Ocho:

Mas…They know what we want! Pocho Ocho trendiest Latino baby foods

White Hispanics: ‘Hey! We’re not ALL murderous douchebags’

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ronstadtbrown“White Hispanic” is one of mainstream media’s hottest new buzzwords, a term that has leaped off of old census forms and job applications to join the ranks of “twerking,” “3-D printing,” and “Death to Edward Snowden!”

The mainstream media needs to distinguish between different colors of Latinos because it was too polite to ask  “Why is Trayvon Martin’s killer, George Zimmerman, so… DARK for his name? And isn’t Aaron Hernandez, that allegedly trigger-happy New England Patriots player, a little… LIGHT for his?”

I guess I could be called a “White Hispanic,” as my dad’s from Colombia and my Yiddishe momme reps Brooklyn.  I really wish it didn’t take two high-profile killings to bring Latino-and-white people into the public eye, but Linda Ronstadt (photo) and Joan Baez aren’t making new albums and Little Ricky’s been off TV for a while.

Mas…White Hispanics: ‘Hey! We’re not ALL murderous douchebags’

Attention: It’s time to get real about Latino movie projects

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attentionhollywoodOkay, time for a reality check.

Despicable Me 2 made $59.5 million in its first two days of release. Do any of you seriously believe that Universal gives a flying fuck if Latinos are upset over the negative stereotyping of a Latino character ?

As my good friend Bob Eisele likes to say, “Here’s the situation…” THEY DON’T CARE. Please allow me to repeat that… THEY DON’T CARE.

We Latinos can yell, scream, jump up and down, stand on our heads, do somersaults and they still won’t care. The movie is on track to make hundreds of millions of dollars for Universal.

Year before last, Ron Meyer, the head of Universal Studios, spoke at a NALIP luncheon and told us to our faces that Universal doesn’t make Latino-themed or Latino-starred movies because Latinos don’t go to see them. And you know what? He’s right. Latinos are almost 40% of the all important opening day box office. Unfortunately, Latinos go to see Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Transformers, Star Trek, Star Wars, Iron Man, Batman, Spiderman, anything but Latino-themed movies. What’s the solution?

Mas…Attention: It’s time to get real about Latino movie projects

The Latino Shopper: You probably think this vid is about you

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ZOMG! They made a video about mi gente, The Latino Shopper? About how we are unique and have a special sensual way of Latino shopping? Because, after all, all Latinos are the same! That’s right, Hispanics, too! Does this video have clip art, arrows and zoomy sound effects? Perky gabacho announcer? ¡Orale! I am so there!

Dr. Gonzo Oscar Zeta Acosta sees shadow, will hide for another year

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(PNS reporting from MEXICO) Famed Chicano attorney Oscar Zeta Acosta — who “disappeared without a trace” in Mexico 40 years ago — has once again seen his shadow while sitting on the wharf in San Blas, Nayarit. Now he’ll have to live a life of secret exile for another year.

Acosta, now 78, sits on a comfortable chair overlooking the Pacific every June 1. If he sees his shadow before a certain time, Acosta announces, “I have paid all my debts, I have paid all my dues and now nothing remains but the joy of madness. Another Indian gone amok.”

He made that exact announcement in a workingman’s waterfront pulque bar 10 days ago, PNS has learned.

Mas…Dr. Gonzo Oscar Zeta Acosta sees shadow, will hide for another year

Princeton Study: Majority of Mexicans don’t know how to dance salsa

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(PNS reporting from PRINCETON) A study from Princeton University has confirmed what many have long believed: Mexicans, and Mexican Americans, do not actually know how to dance to salsa music.

A Caribbean Hispanic export, salsa is often included with more typically Mexican dance styles, like the quebradita or cumbia, but the truth, according to the study, is that Mexicans don’t actually know what they are doing.

“Salsa is, like, a Cuban thing. My family is from Denver,” one research subject complained.

“Participants in the study reported anxiety and cluelessness when attending quinceañeras and hearing Elvis Crespo or Celia Cruz music playing,” said cultural anthropology professor Dr. Anton Flemming, who was the lead researcher on the project.

Mas…Princeton Study: Majority of Mexicans don’t know how to dance salsa

In LaLa Land, in 2005, we were ‘Livin’ Villagairosa’ (audio)

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Antonio Villaraigosa came into the Los Angeles’ Mayor’s office with so much promise in 2005.

My radio show on KPFK, The Pocho Hour of Power (heard Fridays at 4PM PST on 90.7 FM) produced and played this also hopeful and playful tune, Livin’ Villaraigosa, to document the excitement and also skewer the anti-Mexican conspiracy theorists who were raising a Reconquista alarm about Villaraigosa.

Mas…In LaLa Land, in 2005, we were ‘Livin’ Villagairosa’ (audio)

Pocho Ocho best ways to market to ‘Hispanics’

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They’re confused, the poor marketeers. They try so hard to sell fish esticks and bleach and PETA to “Hispanics,” but they are low and slow on the learning curve.

Nearly Half of Second-Gen Hispanics Feel Like Ads Don’t Target Them, laments the tradezine Adweek.

You mean pochos with limited/zero Spanish aren’t picking up trendy brand tips watching telenovelas on Spanish-language TV? And nobody reading this story really cares all that much about Juanes’ aftershave? What’s an earnest marketeer to do?

Los Pochodores are here to help with the Pocho Ocho best ways to reach out to that elusive “Hispanic” market:

Mas…Pocho Ocho best ways to market to ‘Hispanics’

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