We were as surprised as Mrs. Madrigal, but here it is on TV, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart but really John Oliver. Al Madrigal got gay married — after all, it’s the law! [Disclosure: For probation purposes, Madrigal is POCHO’s Migrant Editor.]
El Now
It’s News to Us!
Online surge of Constitutional Law, Bible experts slows the Internets
(PNS reporting from SILICON VALLEY) The Internets slowed to a virtual crawl yesterday as millions of experts in Constitutional Law and The Holy Bible took to Twitter and Facebook to educate ignorant netizens about the God-hating freedom-attacking Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage.
“It was definitely a brownout, dude,” according to 18-year-old Jaime “Twitchy” Loftwich, who runs the worldwide computer network from the basement of his mom’s home in Palo Alto. “Hella load,” he emailed PNS. “I haven’t seen ping times like that since Kim Kardashian was rushed to Cedars-Sinai!”
Mas…Online surge of Constitutional Law, Bible experts slows the Internets
Worst chupacabra camera phone video ever surfaces in San Antonio
Really, people. You have to do better than filming mangy coyotes!
The REAL chupacabra, as everyone knows, looks more like this:
Mas…Worst chupacabra camera phone video ever surfaces in San Antonio
Texas legislators want to outlaw ‘looking too Mexican in public’
(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) The Texas Senate is currently considering a bill that would outlaw “looking too Mexican in public.”
Senate Bill 32 was introduced by senators from East and North Texas who say the law will celebrate American and Texas culture.
“Texas has a proud and long history of being American, or Texan, and that should be celebrated,” said Fort Worth area Republican Sen. Alice Boswell.
“It’s not like Texas was never Mexico, so why should Mexicans here be allowed to celebrate that culture?”
Mas…Texas legislators want to outlaw ‘looking too Mexican in public’
Accused rapist? Fugitive spy? Ask your travel agent to ‘Do Ecuador’
(PNS reporting from QUITO) You don’t have to be an accused rapist hiding from the Swedish police like Julian Assange or an alleged spy like Edward Snowden to consider asylum in the República del Ecuador.
That’s the message of the new Do Ecuador marketing campaign from Ecuador’s Ministry of Tourism, which was announced in this high-altitude capital city Monday.
“There are only 15 million of us here in a country that covers 109,000 square miles, so come on down!” gasping-for-breath State Secretary for Tourism Gandalfo Gordo explained between hits of oxygen at a press conference in the newly-remodeled Safe House Hotel, formerly El Motel Seis.
Mas…Accused rapist? Fugitive spy? Ask your travel agent to ‘Do Ecuador’
Flash: ‘Foxy Farmworkers’ set for Fall premiere on Fox
(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Hoping to capitalize on the Devious Maids buzz, Fox will jump on the stereotypical Latino programming bandwagon with a new entry this fall called Foxy Farmworkers.
The show will follow a quirky group of “young, single and ready-to-mingle” Mexican farmworkers as they make their way from the impoverished US-Mexico border to fields in Washington, Oregon, Montana, Michigan.
Between backbreaking 14-16 hour days in the sun and working in the fields, the young men manage to get themselves into a world of trouble chasing after petite, white women in the towns they pass through, breaking hearts along the way.
Attention Mexican voters: Morris el candigato is a freakin’ cat! (video)
Morris the cat is a write-in candidate for mayor in Xalapa, Veracruz, MX. He’s a candigato, get it?
MEXICO CITY — Fed up with politicians they call “rats,” a group of friends in the eastern Mexican city of Xalapa have put forward their ideal candidate for mayor: a cat named Morris.
Xalapa resident Sergio Chamorro, who adopted the cat in August, said the plan began as a joke between friends borne out of their frustration with the Veracruz state government over freedom of speech.
“Fed up of voting for rats? Vote for a cat,” reads one campaign poster featuring the black and white cat, using the Spanish “ratas” for rats and “gato” for Morris.
Mas…Attention Mexican voters: Morris el candigato is a freakin’ cat! (video)
Animal Planet Latino launches controversial show ‘Devious Mermaids’
(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Animal Planet Latino will be premiering a new “documentary” series that has stirred the waters of controversy.
The new cable show, Devious Mermaids, will explore the lives of five captured Latina mermaids who live in a giant tank on display at a Florida aquatic park set in the fictional town of Orlando.
Critics of the show are disturbed by what they call misleading and unrealistic portrayal of Latinas.
They also are assailing creator Marc Cherry, charging that as a middle-aged landlubber, he is insensitive when it comes to interpreting the experience of Latina mermaids.
Mas…Animal Planet Latino launches controversial show ‘Devious Mermaids’
Sleeping with my husband, puta? I’ll throw you off a cliff (video)
In Peru, love hurts. Next step: Couples counseling?
GOP, Christians reach out to millennials: ‘Rappin’ for Jesus’
If the GOP has any future, it needs fresh blood, according to young Christian conservatives at a recent right-wing confab.
And reaching “Millenials” means communicating in the languages These Kids Today know — sarcasm, hiphop, humor and snark.
“How do you make abortion funny?” That was a key question mulled at a major conservative gathering Friday on how to make social conservatism appealing to young people, after an election where Republicans got trounced in the battle for millennial voters (who are are moving even further and further away from the Christian-right on marriage and other issues).
Mas…GOP, Christians reach out to millennials: ‘Rappin’ for Jesus’
Popocatépetl explodes again, webcam gets it all (video)
Popocatépetl blew its top again Monday afternoon and a webcam captured it all.
Looks legit! UFO spotted over Mulholland Drive (video)
The view is from Mulholland Drive, the fabled road that follows the crest of the Santa Monica Mountains, looking north into the San Fernando Valley toward Pacoima, hometown of Ritchie Valens. But wait, what’s that, up in the air…
Feds arrest ‘burrito-bomber’ who says CIA tapped his brain
(ALBUQUERQUE, NM) The Feds have arrested a man who allegedly threatened to detonate a bomb-filled burrito (artist’s conception, right) in the FBI office here, a man who has claimed that he was personally the subject of government spying.
His shocking accusation?
Uncle Sam AKA Tio Sam implanted brain-tapping equipment in his cabeza.
Brian DeMarco, 50, a resident of the Super 8 Motel off of Coors Boulevard, revealed to authorities that the government “placed a tracking device inside his head” in addition to “beaming photons.”
If confirmed, his allegation would dovetail perfectly with a POCHO Mexclusive story about how the National Security Agency (NSA) has outsourced surveillance of Americans in border states to the Mexican Security Agency (MSA.)
Mas…Feds arrest ‘burrito-bomber’ who says CIA tapped his brain
Breaking Ñews: Paleta stock prices heat up as Summer looms
(PNS reporting from WALL STREET) Summer has begun baking the country, and that means just one thing on Wall Street: A steep rise in the value of paleta stocks.
“We all look forward to a seasonal bump in the iced treats sector. This year, Navidad came early,” said Alexander Wiseman, a desserts and novelty/snack food analyst for investment bank Barney, Smith & Locke.
“The paletas de coco seem to be particularly big sellers thus far, but more conservative investors are sticking with the time-tested favorites, such as fresa and limón. Ah, nothing really cools you down like a lime paleta,” he told PNS.
Mas…Breaking Ñews: Paleta stock prices heat up as Summer looms
Texas reacts to mariachi kid anthem racism: ‘We can do better!’
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Some Texans are ashamed of last night’s racist online reaction to 10-year-old mariachi singer Sebastien de la Cruz’s performance of The Star Spangled Banner at the NBA finals here.
“We can do better!” shouted one local activist at a hastily-called demonstration outside AT&T Center today.
“How can we expect more people to join our racist krusade if we persist in really sloppy spelling, inconsistent capitalization, confused subject-verb agreement and endless repetition of stale cliches?” said Stanley Merdkopf, president of the local chapter of Organized Racist Crackers for America (ORCA.)
Mas…Texas reacts to mariachi kid anthem racism: ‘We can do better!’
Carlos Santana mends his evil ways, lists Las Vegas house for sale
(PNS reporting from LAS VEGAS) Guitar hero and chart-topping band leader Carlos Santana has put his 7,240-square-foot, four-bedroom, six-bath home up for sale as part a 12-step program to “mend…[his]..evil ways” and simplify his life, PNS has learned.
“When I come home, Baby, my house is dark and my pots are cold,” he told area Realtor® Babette “Call Me Baby” DiFranco when he gave her the Skybird Court listing. The home is offered at $3,499,900.
The amazing state-of-the-art luxury home with million-dollar Strip, golf, city and mountain views is located on an oversized lot in Redhawk at The Ridges and allows one to relax in the spacious master retreat with a fireplace and large balcony with stunning views. And that’s where the guitarist’s problems began, according to DiFranco.
“House put a spell on me, Baby, turnin’ my heart into stone,” Santana told the real estate agent. “It’s like I need you so bad, but I can’t leave you alone.”
Mas…Carlos Santana mends his evil ways, lists Las Vegas house for sale
Al Madrigal exposes evil whistleblowing humane criminals (video)
The Daily Show’s Al Madrigal exposes the evil whistleblowing videographers who video animal abuse, blow their little whistles and thereby help the terrorists win. Because who the hell cares how chickens are killed, and pigs stunned and cows bled? [Disclosure: Madrigal also tells tax authorities he is POCHO’s Migrant Editor.]
Lamar High junior drops ‘slave name,’ renames self ‘Jennifer Lopez’
(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) A local teen has decided to discard her slave name “María de la Paz Rodriguez Ramírez” and rename herself “Jennifer Lopez” after her Latina idol.
“I’m tired of being kept down by the man. My slave name ‘María de la Paz’ is clearly a name with Spanish roots and my family is originally from Mexico City, the former capital of the Aztec empire,” the 16-year-old Lamar High School junior said.
“I will no longer be kept down by my conquerers’ attempts to stifle my culture.”
Mas…Lamar High junior drops ‘slave name,’ renames self ‘Jennifer Lopez’
Flash: Bob Esponja reveals he’s an undocumented immigrant
(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) SpongeBob SquarePants is an undocumented immigrant whose family drifted into Bikini Bottom, Hawaii, from Mexico when he was child, the Nickelodeon star revealed this morning.
SquarePants (real name: Bob Esponja) made the announcement at packed press conference called by Animal Actors for Reform and Fairness (AARF), a pro-immigration reform group.
The reality TV actor plans to apply for President Obama’s Deferred Action program so he can work and drive legally.
“Sure — I’m absorbent. And porous. And as yellow as can be,” he said, his voice cracking, “but that doesn’t mean I should live in a piña under the sea.”
Mas…Flash: Bob Esponja reveals he’s an undocumented immigrant
Pocho Ocho ways to tell the MSA is esnooping and espying on ustedes
It’s not just the National Security Agency (NSA) doing the esnooping and espying.
Great Britain’s MI5 and MI6 are American partners in Europe. Israel’s Mossad and Shin Bet have the Mideast portfolio.
And in Latino communities in the United Estates, invading your privacy has been outsourced to the Mexican Security Agency (MSA).
Paranoid yet? Here are the Pocho Ways to tell if the Mexican Security Agency (MSA) is espying on you:
8. Neighborhood burros watch you suspiciously after you wake up from your cactus-shaded siesta.
7. Whenever you post that you ROFLMAO when you really only LOL, you get an anonymous text that says “En boca cerrada, no entran moscas.”
6. When Chivas fans do the “Mexican wave” on TV, they hold up big cards that spell out your email password.
Mas…Pocho Ocho ways to tell the MSA is esnooping and espying on ustedes
Flash: English-Only Whole Foods now known as AssWhole Foods
(PNS reporting from TEXAS) After suspending two Latino employees in an Albuquerque, NM store for daring to speak Spanish, specialty grocer Whole Foods has announced that it will be changing its name to “AssWhole Foods.”
Whole Foods PR executive Kaley Quinoa, at the company’s corporate offices in Austin, released this statement:
We feel we need to reflect the public’s view of our changing brand, and nothing would represent this view better than changing our name to AssWhole Foods.
Quinoa explained her company’s “English Only” policies this way
Mas…Flash: English-Only Whole Foods now known as AssWhole Foods
Speaking bad Spanish makes Silverlake artist look like douche
(PNS reporting from SILVERLAKE) It was a shocker when encaustic and collage mixed-media artist Ben Brown found out.
Even though he spent two years of high school learning Español, his habit of dropping a word or two in Spanish into day-to-day English conversations has not increased his “street cred” even un poquito.
The self-proclaimed free-spirit, a three-year resident of this trendy “East Hollywood-adjacent” neighborhood, said he had to face the fact that others did not perceive him as special or cool merely because said “hermano” or “comprende” at the end of his sentences, and they weren’t impressed by the pains he took to pronounce the double R in words like “burrito” or “ferrocarril.”
Mas…Speaking bad Spanish makes Silverlake artist look like douche
Update: Judge says killer whales more violent because black
(PNS reporting from NEW ORLEANS) The “Honorable” Judge Edith Jones further angered civil rights and animal rights activists today when she issued a statement claiming killer whales were more violent than other sea life because they are black.
Jones, who was blasted for her earlier assertion that blacks and Latinos are more violent than Caucasians, ignored a court-ordered injunction to stop embarrassing herself and loudly voiced her controversial opinion about the beloved aquatic mammals at a bar association “power breakfast” in the French Quarter this morning.
Her comment was spurred by the new documentary Blackfish, which deals with a tragic killer whale-related fatality at Sea World.
Mas…Update: Judge says killer whales more violent because black
Pocho Ocho things that prove blacks and Latinos are more violent
The Honorable Judge Edith Jones, who sits on the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New Orleans, is a true American patriot who refuses to bow down to the idols of political correctness.
At a February lecture at the Law School of the University of Pennsylvania, Jones “asserted as fact the proposition that blacks and Hispanics are more likely to commit violent crimes,” according so-called “ethics complaints” filed by some extreme left-wing crime-coddling special interest elite pressure groups.
Complain all you want, you Muslim Brotherhood Kenyan socialist libtards! Consider these Pocho Ocho things that prove Latinos and blacks are more violent:
8. Juan Ga
7. Ru Paul
6. Love Train
Mas…Pocho Ocho things that prove blacks and Latinos are more violent