Tico man fed up with being called ‘Chino’ by everyone

Most friends don’t even know his real name, which is Ken

(PNS reporting from BELÉN, COSTA RICA) A local Costa Rican man born to Taiwanese immigrants is threatening to pack up and move to Taiwan though he’s never actually been there before.

Ken Chu, 28, who was born in Belén to Taiwanese immigrants, says his reasons for wanting to leave are simple.

“I’ve been known as Chino my entire life,” Chu said in a press conference at the Taiwan donated Puente de la Amistad in Guanacaste. “My friends, everyone I work with, my teachers at school, even Guachimen. Everyone calls me Chino. I’m not Chinese! I’m Tico!”

Mas…Tico man fed up with being called ‘Chino’ by everyone

STIX NIX HICKS PICKS (POCHO.com 1999)

(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Latino media crix nix the new prime-time fall tele sked in latest minority tubthump, claiming the nets are ignoring a whammo part of the aud by nixing topline talent of color. They also accuse not only webs, but percenteries, individual percenters, reps, prexies and veeps for the lack of color in the ranks of exex, scribblers, scripters, scribes, helmers and thesps.

Mas…STIX NIX HICKS PICKS (POCHO.com 1999)

Evangelical Latino Trump backer repents, seeks God’s forgiveness

(PNS reporting from TIO TACO, TENNESSEE) Jorge Fregado, executive director of the Hispanic Evangelical Legislative League (HELL), no longer supports the Trump Administration, he told friends here over the weekend.

Fregado (photo) — who hosted a party in Washington, D.C. over the night before the Inauguration — said he was disappointed by the GOP leader’s legislative agenda, and especially hurt since Trump attended his group’s gala celebration.

Mas…Evangelical Latino Trump backer repents, seeks God’s forgiveness

Castro defends ‘Blue Rubber Band Man’ as July 4 parade marshall

(PNS reporting from VISALIA, CA) Outgoing Visalia Chamber of Commerce president Adrianna Castro stands behind the selection of her brother, area broccoli farmer and businessman Eddie Reyes, as Grand Marshall for this year’s annual July 4th parade.

“Eddie is not only an outstanding, civic-mind citizen,” she told PNS early this morning, “but his blue broccoli rubber bands put our Central Valley city on the world map!”

Castro announced the selection of Reyes (family photo, right) at the closed-door meeting Monday night, her last meeting as president of the group. Her term expires at the end of the month.

After the announcement, incoming president Tony Santamaria jumped up and called her choice “nepotism” and had to be “calmed down,” according to Chamber members at the meeting who contacted PNS.

“Eddie is more than just my big brother,” Castro explained. “He was a man with a plan Panama!”

Mas…Castro defends ‘Blue Rubber Band Man’ as July 4 parade marshall

Around Our Town: Puro Party Picks for Father’s Day Weekend 2017

fathersdaychurchsignFather and Son Chile-Eating Contest: Quién es más macho? The East Pocho Optimists Club once again sets up shop at Fernando Valenzuela Field for their annual chile-eating contest, which pits father-son teams against each other to see who can ascend the Picante Podium of Pain. The winning team wins even more chiles! Sunday, noon.

Bronche: Angry Bull cocktails (Red Bull, tequila, orange juice) are just $3 and dads get all the Mexican Meatloaf Sliders they want for free on Father’s Day at TGI Viernes in the Rancho Pocho Mall. Sunday 10 AM – 2 PM. Mention my name, Chale Knickerbocker, for a blank stare.

Mas…Around Our Town: Puro Party Picks for Father’s Day Weekend 2017

Goldie Han Solo, 4, eulogized at tearful funeral: ‘She always smiled’

(PNS reporting from PALOS VERDES, CA) Beloved aquatic family member Goldie Han Solo was remembered for her cheerful demeanor and active lifestyle at a tearful funeral ceremony in the Solo family’s back yard here Tuesday.

Goldie, believed to be four years old (photo), apparently died of asphyxiation and/or dehydration after she leaped from her fishbowl Monday night around 11:37 PM. That’s when a small earthquake (3.5 Richter) shook this suburban Los Angeles community, according to the U.S. Geological Service.

Her teeny, shiny body was discovered on the floor of Reyna Solo’s bedroom at 7 AM Tuesday by family member Gilda Solis-Chihuahua Solo, who awakened 8-year-old Reyna with loud whimpering and assertive licking. Reyna and Gilda, a Canine-American, had both slept through the temblor; Goldie, not so much.

Reyna attempted mouth-to-mouth resuscitation but Goldie was already stiff and dry, swimming in that fish pond in the sky.

Mas…Goldie Han Solo, 4, eulogized at tearful funeral: ‘She always smiled’

East Los man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is all about, yo!

(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Ruben Covarrubias (photo) astounded family and friends here Sunday night when he admitted that the history of Cinco de Mayo didn’t concern him and he’d always thought “May 5 was Mexican Independence Day, so like so what?!”

“I don’t care what it’s about, yo!” he told everyone within earshot of the backyard grill. “I just always celebrated it with MEChA and at school. Partay!”

Mas…East Los man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is all about, yo!

WHOA! IF TRUE! How to pronounce ‘taco’ (shocking video)


(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) Top officials in the Intelligence Community have confirmed to PNS that the shocking video just released by the whistleblowers at HowToProunce.orgHow to Pronounce “Taco” — is totally legit and is only the first of many shockers to come. Check back here for further developments as we follow up on this breaking story.

PREVIOUSLY ON HOW TO PRONOUNCE:

Mas…WHOA! IF TRUE! How to pronounce ‘taco’ (shocking video)

Area man happy to share new Spanish tips with co-workers

(PNS reporting from HUNTINGTON BEACH) Area sales manager Rick Miller is happy to share his new-found Spanish vocabulary with co-workers, buds from the office disclosed Tuesday.

Miller (photo), who explained that he went to a barbecue Sunday over at his new Mexican-American neighbors’ house, informed early arrivals at yesterday’s quarterly sales meeting that a limon is actually what we call a lime in English, and lemons are limas in Spanish.

Mas…Area man happy to share new Spanish tips with co-workers

Latinos take week off to celebrate Catholicism’s cultural rape

(PNS reporting from LATIN AMERICA) Millions of Latin Americans are on vacation this week to celebrate Semana Santa, a festival to commemorate the desecration of the region’s native cultures and the Spaniards’ forceful imposition of Catholicism through celestial acts such as rape, pillage and genocide.

Holy Week, where children are off school and adults binge drink, gives Latin Americans time to reflect upon Jesus Christ’s selfless sacrifice for humanity, despite the fact that 500 years earlier no one on this side of the world had heard of him and worshiped far cooler Gods of the sun, rain and maize. Catholic cathedrals across the region are certain to be packed with Aztec, Mayan and Inca descendants, all to give thanks and praise to a merciful God coerced into their societies by armed, greed-fueled colonialists spreading the heavenly message of El Espíritu Santo.

Mas…Latinos take week off to celebrate Catholicism’s cultural rape

Mexico to build Cancun wall to keep out ‘Spring Breakers’

(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Mexico’s senate approved a bill yesterday to build a wall around the tourist mecca of Cancun to discourage the flood of vacuous drunken junior college troglodytes that descend upon the city’s pristine beaches every “Spring Break.”

“When America sends its people, they’re not sending their best…Stop me if you’ve heard this before,” Senator Enrique LaRaza said in his speech prior to the approval vote.

“They’re sending people with Chinese symbol tattoos, and they’re getting even more regrettable tattoos here. They’re bringing spray tans. Bleach tips. They’re bringing two years of obligatory foreign language Spanish. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, go to four-year universities.”

Mas…Mexico to build Cancun wall to keep out ‘Spring Breakers’

Trump proposes fines for Latinos who say they’re ‘American’

Latinos pissed, aggressively emphasize America not a country

(PNS reporting from MANHATTAN) For years, Latinos have insisted that they are also “Americans.” Now, U.S. President Donald Trump plans to fine them each time they use the term.

Latin-Americans have well-known fury from being excluded from the “American” membership. Each time a U.S. citizen identifies as American, the resulting argument is more intense than deciding which abuela makes the best tamales.

Mas…Trump proposes fines for Latinos who say they’re ‘American’

Neighborhood Guatch: Where to go, what to do on St. Patrick’s Day

LUCK OF THE IRISH: Look for a pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow today at Gustavo O’Grady’s Bar y Grill on East Olmos Boulevard. The popular hangout will serve corned beef tacos, potato-stuffed chiles rellenos and beer-marinated enchilada irlanda sliders at $1 each during Happy Hour.

Happy Hour, you lucky leprechauns, lasts all day long, and GO’G’s always keeps 100 bottles of beer on the wall.

For $144 and a signed damage waiver, you high-rollers can try GO’G’s One Night in Dublin Lifestyle Tasting Menu — generous pours of Guinness and Jameson’s followed by a course of impassioned story-telling and poetry, more pours, then a rich hour of melancholy singing, pours again, all capped off by your choice of a bar fight or vomiting in the alley.

Wear a wee bit o’ green and Gay Gus O’Grady himself will kiss your Blarney Stone.

Mas…Neighborhood Guatch: Where to go, what to do on St. Patrick’s Day

House Speaker Paul Ryan reveals GOP’s health care plan (photo)

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, R-Wis., revealed the GOP’s proposed Obamacare replacement Tuesday.

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO, INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

America pauses Monday for Ricky Martin Luther King, Jr. Day 2017

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) America will pause tomorrow to remember the life and message of Ricky Martin Luther King Jr., whose Tengo a Dream y Dance! speech changed the nation forever.

Post offices and other public facilities will be closed, banks and stock exchanges are taking the day off and salsa picante and sweet potato pie – his favorite snack combo – will go on sale all across America. Monday’s holiday honors RMLK’s 39th birthday.

Despite his tragic death in 2007 (he was shot and killed by the president of his fan club before an appearance in Dallas) King’s promotion of “love, equality, justice, innocence, malice, refuge, oppression, freedom” has continued to resonate for confused African-Americans, Latinos, Afro-Latinos, Chicanx and Anglx alike.

“OK, so I was like totally living la vida loca,” said Manila Envelopé of Miami, now an assistant professor of computer science at South Beach Community College. “Superstitions, black cats, and voodoo dolls, the whole schtick. But then I heard RMLK on the radio singing about the how ‘the children are our future,’ and my life changed forever.”

Mas…America pauses Monday for Ricky Martin Luther King, Jr. Day 2017

Chipotle to sell cannabis in California, Colorado, Oregon

chipotlesoon(PNS reporting from DENVER) Chipotle Mexican Grill is planning to introduce cannabis-based comida in California, Colorado and Oregon later this year, PNS has learned. The decision follows recreational marijuana’s legalization in the Golden State, which now joins its two neighbors on America’s High Frontier.

The new vegan/vegetarian product — dubbed Mota Al Pastor — will replace the reviled Sofrita tofu-based mock meat mezcla that has insulted palates since the chain’s opening. Mota al Pastor will be served in burritos, in tacos, and as a topping for nachos.

Mas…Chipotle to sell cannabis in California, Colorado, Oregon

FTP Local #207 taps ‘Mainstream Media’ for 2016 Golden Dookie Award

sparkleturd (PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) Local #207 of the Federation of Turd Polishers (FTP) has chosen “The Mainstream Media” as the recipient of their 2016 Golden Dookie Award, PNS has learned.

The union will cite the news media’s whitewashing of Donald Trump’s hate, xenophobia, racial prejudice, misogyny, lies, bullying, sexual assault, fraud, and foreign entanglements as “the new normal.”

“They polished the shit right off of that turd,” one FTP official told PNS.

Mas…FTP Local #207 taps ‘Mainstream Media’ for 2016 Golden Dookie Award

Pocho Ocho Top Tunes on Obama’s forthcoming jazz CD

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON D.C.) President Barack Obama will launch a new career when his term ends — a career as a jazz saxophonist, PNS has learned.

Insiders at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue say the president has been spending almost every weekend for the last six months practicing his tenor saxophone, a gift from former President Bill Clinton, rehearsing, and recording with his band. His first CD — Barry Blows the Blues — will drop January 21, the day after Donald Trump’s inauguration.

Sources tell us these are the Pocho Ocho Top Tunes — recorded in “Living Stereo” — featured on Barry Blows the Blues:

8. Yes, I Kenya

7. Livin’ in a Cracker’s Paradise

6. Michelle

Mas…Pocho Ocho Top Tunes on Obama’s forthcoming jazz CD

Never-published ‘Alt-Right’ tabloid front page called HRC win an ‘attack’

newnastynews(PNS reporting from the ALT YORK CITY, ALT YORK) The Wednesday issue of the local “Alt-Right” newspaper — The Putin Press & Patriot — was prepared to report a Hillary Clinton’s election victory as an “attack” on America, PNS has learned (photo.) [Editor’s Note: A “newspaper” is an pre-Millennial period analog instantiation of intellectual property — i.e. “content” — fixed on a physical medium comprised of a data-carrying chemical reagent and processed dead trees.]

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT.  DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.