(PNS reporting from MEXICO) This just in: The Yucatán Peninsula is sending thoughts and prayers to the people of the Ural Mountains of Russia impacted by today’s meteorite. “Sixty-six million years ago, one of those pinche asteroids hit me and killed my dinosaurs,” Yucatan told reporters at a hastily-called press conference. “I am still upset about it.” The Yucatán Peninsula is planning a concert with Juanes and Pitbull to raise funds for the Russian people.
Jungle Fire gets funky horn fever in ‘Comencemos (Let’s Start)’ (video)
East Los band? Check. Managed by POCHO’s own La Chata? Check. Video by POCHO amigo Giovanni Solis? Check. It’s Jungle Fire with Comencemos (Let’s Start).
‘Jolito’ crossed over, but can a beaner make it in America? (video)
Frijolito is now on the American side of the border, and it looks like he’s on his way to achieving the American Dream….or is he? [Video by LaGranRoyal.]
Mas…‘Jolito’ crossed over, but can a beaner make it in America? (video)
Surveillance video: Havana car thieves jack sweet Italian ride
It’s hard to make a living as a Communist car thief in the Republic of Cuba; there aren’t many cars worth stealing. But every once in a while a hard-working Marxist-Leninist scores a sweet European import, like this stylin’ Fiat. And don’t worry about hot-wiring the ignition, either, Comrade. From each according to his ability; to each according to his need.
Mas…Surveillance video: Havana car thieves jack sweet Italian ride
UFO/OVNI sightings over Popocatepetl, Santa Clarita CA (videos)
The UFO/OVNI sightings of bright lights flying into Mexico City’s Popocateptl volcano — the ones authorities said were optical illusions last time around — have shown up on TV news again.
And peep this video of what appears to be the Mothership flying over Santa Clarita, northwest of Los Angeles:
Mas…UFO/OVNI sightings over Popocatepetl, Santa Clarita CA (videos)
It’s V-Day at Westboro Mingle, where haters become daters (video)
Haters need love, too, but where can haters go to fill the holes in their heart? Happy Valentine’s Day from Westboro Mingle, where haters can become daters. No Jews. No Mexicans. No blacks. No gays. No Jamaicans!
Mas…It’s V-Day at Westboro Mingle, where haters become daters (video)
The Pocho Ocho worst Valentine’s Day gifts evah?
8. Candy Bra: Lets face it, dude, the gift wasn’t really for your girl — it was for your own enjoyment. If eating chalky conversation hearts is what turns you on, you might as well just give her one. Plus, you could have thrown it on her body when she was naked. Now you just wasted $14.95 instead of Brachs conversation hearts which are 99 cents.
7. Humidifer: Don’t buy shit just because it’s on sale, unless he or she has severe allergies. Do not let yourself look like a mouth breather.
6. Electric Blanket: I know, I know, I actually got this as a gift on Valentine’s Day. He explained that because he had a Jeep I should take it along when we go out. Shortly after the relationship ended, the blanket ended as well when my niece spilled her Dora the Explorer juice box all over it.
Valentine’s Day means fireworks in Morelia, Michoacán, Mexico (video)
YouTuber Brenda Dziedzic describes her video:
…Valentine celebration at the cathedral in the colonial town of Morelia, Michoacán, Mexico. In Morelia, Valentine’s Day is a really big holiday. Everyone and all the businesses celebrate.
Pocho Ocho reasons GOP Sen. Marco Rubio drank so much water
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FLA) sure drank a lot of Poland Spring® water during his Republican State of the Union rebuttal speech Tuesday night.
Here are the pocho ocho reasons the GOP’s Great Brown Hope was so thirsty:
8. He’s a pinche mojado
7. Global warming
6. He finds this bullshit hard to swallow himself
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons GOP Sen. Marco Rubio drank so much water
Grad student realizes lesbian tendencies don’t make her Frida Kahlo
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS ANGELES) María de Luz Guzmán Villa had a disturbing realization this week: being a lesbian in grad school does not make her more like the Mexican icon Frida Kahlo.
Like many others, Guzmán Villa first experimented with trying to be like Frida, especially her lesbian tendencies, after her first Intro to Chicano Studies course at Cal State L.A.
But instead of giving up her fascination upon graduation, she gave up her boyfriend César and applied to grad school.
Mas…Grad student realizes lesbian tendencies don’t make her Frida Kahlo
With Ted Nugent in the House, Obama takes no chances (photo)
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) With gun nut Ted Nugent (a tragic victim of Cat Scratch Fever) in the House, and rogue cop Christopher Dorner‘s fate still unclear, President Obama took no chances when he delivered the State of the Union Address here Tuesday night, replacing the customary American flag pin on his lapel with a custom button.
Click on the photo to enlarge ☛
Mas…With Ted Nugent in the House, Obama takes no chances (photo)
@MexicanMitt Romney: The Estate of the Union esta chingada
Hola Gueyes! This is my Live Tweet/State of the Union response chingadera. Will someone please get me a water, that bottle I’m looking at is right out of reach. CHINGAO!
MEXIPHONE CHECK, JUAN TU, JUAN TU
HIJOLE EL TWITTER IS ESLOW, IT’S MORE CLOGGED THAN THE TOILET AT EL TORITO
HEY OBAMA, STOP TOUCHING THE CROWD, YOU ARE NOT LL COOL J
THE ESTATE OF THE UNION ESTA CHINGADA
IT IS OUR YENERATION’S TASK TO IGNITE DORNER’S CABIN
FREE ENTERPRISE ISN’T FOR FREELOADERS
Mas…@MexicanMitt Romney: The Estate of the Union esta chingada
‘Maria la roach killer’ is very bad news for young Roachie (video)
It’s a scary day for the Roach family that lives in the wall. Maria la Roach Killer, equipped with an industrial-strength chancla, is on an anti-bug mission — and impetuous young Roachie Roach won’t listen to warnings from his mom. [Video by Haldun Morgan.]
MORE from Haldun Morgan:
Mas…‘Maria la roach killer’ is very bad news for young Roachie (video)
Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Delicious aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa
I’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha.
Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.
M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weenie ebrywhere.
M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa.
Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Delicious aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day salsa
Meanwhile, at the White House, this was happening (photo)
This just in from our friend, installation artist Ramiro Gomez Jr., who is in Washington, D.C.
It looks like an immigrant family was at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue today, on the outside looking in.
Even the Washington Post paid attention.
Here’s the full-sized photo — click to enlarge:
Mas…Meanwhile, at the White House, this was happening (photo)
Arizona ‘pro-life’ bill promises a gun for every unborn child
(PNS reporting from TUCSON) Arizona Republicans today proposed new legislation aimed at reducing the number of abortions performed in the state.
Although Arizona already has some of the country’s most extreme restrictions on abortion, State Rep. Kimberly Yee (R-Maricopa), sponsor of House Bill HB1069, says the Hate State still doesn’t fully protect “unborn children.”
“As Republicans, we understand that redefining a fetus as a person will not stop it from being killed. Only one thing stops unlawful killing, and that’s concealed carry. With this in mind, the new law mandates every unborn person in Arizona will be issued his or her own handgun,” she told the mostly-empty legislative chamber.
Mas…Arizona ‘pro-life’ bill promises a gun for every unborn child
PNS*Hot*Flash: Fox TV preps ‘So You Think You Can Pope’
(PNS reporting from NEW JACK CITY) This just in: The Fox TV network has just announced a partnership with the Vatican to produce a new TV talent show called So You Think You Can Pope.
The hour-long program, which will air as a mid-season replacement for the ratings disaster So You Think You Can Pimp, will feature clergy from around the world competing for the coveted next Pope slot.
Fox Director of Religious Programming Norm Inepatri says “Pope” will keep many of the same sets and challenges as the “Pimp” show including biggest ring, flashiest hat, sweetest ride and smoothest money collection approach.
Pocho Ocho reasons rogue ex-cop Dorner may be a Hollywood trope
While law enforcement officers throughout Southern California search for fugitive ex-cop Christopher Jordan Dorner, POCHO has unearthed eight key factors which tie Dorner’s story to the controversial “Magical Negro” character popularized in Hollywood movies.
8. He is similar in build to the guy from The Green Mile.
7. He deals out creepy retribution to crooked cops.
6. He fulfills the requirement of morally edifying an Anglo character, in this case by sending Anderson Cooper an explanatory letter about LAPD corruption.
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons rogue ex-cop Dorner may be a Hollywood trope
Ñewsweek: Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘Mija Weekly’ 02.11.13 (video)
It’s Valentine’s Day on Mija Weekly! Fall in love with drones, skimpy outfits, and learn the true meaning of Valentine’s Day. Try not to go into a diabetic coma.
Mas…Ñewsweek: Elise Roedenbeck’s ‘Mija Weekly’ 02.11.13 (video)
Pocho Ocho reasons Pope Benedict XVI really resigned
Oh sure old age, weakness, lack of energy, blah blah blah. From our homeboy inside the Vatican, the Jesuit formerly known as Lil Stanky, here are the Infallible VIII reasons Pope Benedict XVI really resigned:
VIII Not down with the red Gucci slippers
VII Wants to spend more time with the kids
VI Time to start his jihad against the LAPD
PNS*Hot*Flash: Pope resigns, cites ‘boy shortage’ at Vatican
(PNS reporting from London) This just in: Controversial Pope Benedict XVI has resigned from the papacy making him the first pope to abdicate in over 600 years. His resignation coincidentally coincides with the first real investigation of Vatican child sex abuse in over 600 years. Benedict, the pope formerly known as Cardinal Ratzinger, will retire to his native Bavaria and is looking forward to taking long vacations with German friends to Thailand, the Philippines and Malaysia.
Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: Pope resigns, cites ‘boy shortage’ at Vatican
Chicana activist joins EZLN movement
(PNS reporting from NEW JACK CITY) A local activist is excited about throwing her support behind a movement in Southern Mexico she recently read about on Facebook: the EZLN.
Pilar Morales (photo) said she saw a post on her friend Daisy’s Facebook wall about a new band called Rage Against the Machine which talked about the movement.
When the Spanish Harlem resident Googled it, she said she felt like she’d finally found a cause she could really support.
“I totally get this. They are just, like, fighting for their rights and the government is oppressing them!” Morales told PNS. “It’s just not fair.”
Grammy-award winning Quetzal: ‘Imaginaries’ (videos)
Here’s a video about the album Imaginaries by East Los Angeles band Quetzal, which won a Grammy in the “Latin rock, urban or alternative album” category Sunday night.
And here’s an actual Quetzal music video called This Is My Home about East Los:
Feliz año de la serpiente! Draw a snake in one brush stroke (video)
OK, class, in honor of the Chinese New Year — and this is the Year of the Snake — here’s a two-minute silent video that will show you how to draw a snake with just one brush stroke. Are you ready?
Mas…Feliz año de la serpiente! Draw a snake in one brush stroke (video)
‘Illegal Immigrant Hunting Permits’ were a mistake, so sorry (video)
Hey, all you Hispanics! We’re sorry — it was a big mistake. Ha ha ha, a joke gone bad. No, a mistake. You know those Illegal Immigrant Hunting Permit stickers we were selling in our Colorado gas stations with convenience stores managed by that national convenience store conglomerate that ordered the shiny multi-colored bumper stickers from a Kansas “novelty” manufacturer?
Mas…‘Illegal Immigrant Hunting Permits’ were a mistake, so sorry (video)
Common sense talk about gun control from Archie Bunker (video)
The TV is full of a lot of fancy talk from smarty big-mouth liberals all about your gun control. Here with an opposing point of view is Queens resident Archie Bunker.
Darth Hater vs Hans Cholo: ‘Stare Wars, Episode B12’ (NSFW video)
This is the video you’ve been looking for. BAKTUN 12 writes:
It is a period of barrio civil war. Darth Hater, owner of El Chingon Body Shop, and his associates — Jar Jar Blinks, Baboso Feo, and Chavala Punk — have every loco, loca, and loquito living in fear of the mal ojo and the mal lube job.
Mas…Darth Hater vs Hans Cholo: ‘Stare Wars, Episode B12’ (NSFW video)
Mexclusive: Pocho Ocho steps on the GOP’s ‘Path to Citizenship’
The Republican Party has jumped on the immigration reform bandwagon with their own “Path to Citizenship” proposals. Here are the GOP’s pocho ocho ways undocumented residents can get legal:
8. Mow Mitt Romney’s lawn
7. Pose for publicity photo with AZ Gov. Jan Brewja
6. Pretend you’re “Hispanic” for the CIA
Mas…Mexclusive: Pocho Ocho steps on the GOP’s ‘Path to Citizenship’
Master Tang of ‘Kung Pow! Enter the Fist’ for Taco Bell (video)
The Land of Kung Pow! is a foreign country — they do things differently there.
Native American faces down anti-immigrant protest (NSFW video)
In a video uploaded Tuesday, and since widely-republished, a Native American pushing a baby in a stroller educates a crowd of Tucson, AZ anti-immigration demonstrators about who is really American and who is an alien invader. (NSFW language.)