Minority gun owners start NGA group to challenge NRA supremacy

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(PNS reporting from COMPTON) Minority gun owners tired of the “racist white agenda” of the National Rifle Association have launched the National Gun Association (NGA) to lobby for the rights of Latino and African-American gun owners.

NGA, straight out of the Los Angeles suburb of Compton, believes the NRA’s defense of mass shootings, which are mostly perpetrated by white male Christians, harms the real agenda of supporting gun ownership for personal and business self defense.

NGA president Cole Fotyfife, just back from President Bronco Bama’s inauguration (photo), said the campaign will focus on the message “Guns don’t kill people, crazy white people kill people.”

Mas…Minority gun owners start NGA group to challenge NRA supremacy

HBO to launch Latina version of ‘Girls’ called ‘Chicas’

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(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) HBO’s mega hit Girls is getting a spin-off — a Latina version called Chicas.

“We woke up and smelled the cafecito,” producer Elizabeth Ferris told a press conference here this morning, “and the pan dulce.”

“The success of Girls is indisputable and we want to be able to bring that success to the Latino community,”  Ferris said. “I don’t know if any Latinos actually watch Girls, but everyone is into the ‘Latino thing’ these days, so why not Chicas?”

Mas…HBO to launch Latina version of ‘Girls’ called ‘Chicas’

Pocho Ocho zingers dropped from Obama’s Inaugural Address

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That was quite a speech, eh? President Bronco Bama rocked the Inaugural Address. Of course, what he didn’t say is as important as what he did.

Here are the pocho ocho zingers dropped from the final espeech:

8. I want to reach across the aisle to our Republican friends and propose the No Mullet Left Behind Act of 2013

7. This is the year we must win the War on Uggs

6. You and I as citizens agree: Everything is better with bacon

Mas…Pocho Ocho zingers dropped from Obama’s Inaugural Address

Shocking video: Big Brother confiscates the ‘Last Hand Gun on Earth’

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Big Brother has detected a pistol — the Last Hand Gun on Earth — in a security bunker in Pasadena, and it’s up to daring Commander Adenoid and his spaceship crew to locate, remove and retrieve the deadly weapon before it’s too late. Will their strap-on Gucci jetpacks function in the alien San Gabriel Valley environment? Can they escape the missiles of the pursuing anti-aircraft Edsel? Will the rocket techs get overtime?

Please donate to POCHO right now to help us break the ñews!

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Can you donate $5 or $10 so we can make more ñews y satire?
MR. POCHO SAYS ¡GRACIAS!

As we start our second year online, we need your small change.

Please make a small  donation now so we can continue breaking the ñews.

POCHO needs money to upgrade webservers, money to fix our broken computers and, more than anything, money to pay our editors and writers and videographers and cartoonists who have contributed a year’s worth of chingon content for free.

Every $10, $20 or $50 helps. Click on the donate button now. Thank you, pochos!

Local Latina mom tired of people suddenly caring about her, Latinos

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(PNS reporting from HOUSTON) María Solis is tired. Specifically, she’s tired of everybody suddenly caring about what she thinks — about anything at all.

Ever since the election and subsequent media obsession with the “Latino voter,” her  life has changed dramatically.

“It’s getting to be a bit much,” she told PNS in a Skype interview Thursday night. “I mean, now everyone is all considerate of my feelings about things. I keep getting asked what my thoughts on immigration reform or gun control are — I’ve had enough!”

Solis, mother of four-year-old fraternal twins Santino and Elise, misses the days when people would crack racist jokes in front of her and her Mexican-born mother as though they didn’t exist.

Mas…Local Latina mom tired of people suddenly caring about her, Latinos

Ladies: Get men to look you in the eyes with new ‘Tittaes’ (video)

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God gave us chi-chis and we’re thankful for that, but really, guys, how hard is it for you to look us in the eyes instead of staring at our breasts? Am I right, girls? Wait — there’s an app for that. Marion Cotillard introduces Tittaes. They’re from France!

RELATED:

PNS*Hot*Flash: Harvard MEChist@s pluck ban because Calderón

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(PNS reporting from BOSTON) This just in: Women of Harvard University’s MEChA collective have vowed they will not pluck their eyebrows until school officials revoke the fellowship of former Mexican President Felipe Calderón at the John F. Kennedy School of Government.

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

Pocho Ocho Lance Armstrong shocking surprise confessions

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Surprise, surprise! Tonight’s the night Lance Armstrong confesses to Oprah Winfrey: He used performance-enhancing drugs to win his races.

But wait, there’s more! Here are the pocho ocho other shocking surprise confessions you can expect on tonight’s show:

8. He once pooped in Al Roker’s pants
7. He DID have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky
6. Hasn’t spoken to his father “Stretch” Armstrong in years

Mas…Pocho Ocho Lance Armstrong shocking surprise confessions

Back from Baja vacay, local man laments Cabo’s lack of Mexican food

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(PNS reporting from PHILADELPHIA) Bobby Mueller doesn’t want to be unkind, really. “My mother taught me that if you don’t have something nice to say, it’s better to say nothing at all,” he explains. “But the so-called Mexican food in Cabo San Lucas bites the big one.”

The University City marketing rep, who returned Sunday night from a week-long vacation on the southern tip of Mexico’s Baja California peninsula, was complaining to friends at a local brew-pub-salumeria.

“I spent an entire week looking for decent quinoa taquitos with pesto guacamole,” the self-described ‘foodie’ said, “and do you think I found them anywhere? No dice, dude. Zilch. Nada!”

Mas…Back from Baja vacay, local man laments Cabo’s lack of Mexican food

Live from LAX: Best police chase video ever!

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It’s never a slow ñews day in Rancho Pocho, what with the freezing temperatures, babbling stars on awards shows and fools trying to outrun the police. Take, for example, this baboso who is born to run the streets near Los Angeles International Airport…

POCHO’s Lalo Alcaraz toons up Sotomayor interview on ’60 Minutes’

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Was that a cartoon by POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz hanging on Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor’s office wall in Sunday night’s 60 Minutes interview? Why yes it was!

Note from Lalo: The original cartoon, entitled L’il Judge Lopez, is signed by me and my daughter, who was the model/inspiration for the little girl in the toon.

Here’s the full-sized version of the cartoon and the 60 Minutes interview (cartoon @ 11:37):

Mas…POCHO’s Lalo Alcaraz toons up Sotomayor interview on ’60 Minutes’

Pocho Ocho worst new ‘Latino’ perfume scents after Eau de Tamales

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Chicago perfumer Zorayda Ortiz was so excited by her Dead of the Dead perfumes that she’s concocted a tamale fragrance as a followup:

It’s the scent of freshly steamed corn tamales, rich with red chile and plump with juicy pork.

The Pochodores discussed this at the weekly Eskype conference Tuesday and all agreed that there is only one thing they want to smell like pork, and it’s not their respective sweeties. But maybe there are worse ideas for perfumes! Here are the pocho ocho other scents:

Mas…Pocho Ocho worst new ‘Latino’ perfume scents after Eau de Tamales

Al Madrigal exposes crafty Cancuckian plans to bridge Detroit (video)

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The patriots of the Motor City aren’t fooled by Canadia’s plans to pay for a new international bridge to replace the aging Ambassador Bridge to Windsor, Ontario. The Daily Show‘s Jon Stewart sent Al Madrigal to Detroit (and Canadia!) to find out why soccer moms, Tea Partiers and the Black Panthers are all opposed to this suspicious scheme. SPOILER: Cheap milk and Chinamen. Disclaimer: Madrigal is POCHO’s Migrant Editor.

You’re entitled! Obamacare’s ‘Ojo Insurance’ option starts next week

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Latinos who voted to reelect Barack Obama are set to receive one of the benefits he promised: Insurance against mal ojo (“ojo” insurance for short) starts on January 15.

Ojo, more commonly referred to as the “evil eye,” is treated by touching something that one is envious of or by having an abuelita rub an egg over the target of the envidia while saying a prayer.

“Access to health care is not an ‘entitlement,'” Obama told the crowd at an Olvera Street appearance in downtown Los Angles at a 2008 campaign rally. “It is a fundamental right. And as president I promise that every American, not just Latinos, will have the right to protect themselves against ojo.”

Mas…You’re entitled! Obamacare’s ‘Ojo Insurance’ option starts next week

Pocho Ocho secret items from Frida Kahlo’s closet *not* on display

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What’s behind the blue door?

While visitors to the Casa Azul Museo Frida Kahlo in Mexico City think they’re viewing a definitive selection of items from Kahlo’s closet that have been hidden for 58 years, POCHO has learned that curators, sensitive to the artist’s legend, have held back some items from public display.

Here are the top eight items you won’t see:

8. Lifetime membership card, Hoop Earrings of the Month Club
7. Photoshop 0.1 beta test DVD
6. Leon Trotsky’s private cellphone number

Mas…Pocho Ocho secret items from Frida Kahlo’s closet *not* on display

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