(PNS reporting from BOSTON) This just in: Women of Harvard University’s MEChA collective have vowed they will not pluck their eyebrows until school officials revoke the fellowship of former Mexican President Felipe Calderón at the John F. Kennedy School of Government.
Dead Man Talking: George Carlin is no fan of Lance Armstrong (video)
Back from the dead and live on tape, George Carlin is not afraid to share his feelings about Lance Armstrong. [Totally NSFW language.]
Pocho Ocho Lance Armstrong shocking surprise confessions
Surprise, surprise! Tonight’s the night Lance Armstrong confesses to Oprah Winfrey: He used performance-enhancing drugs to win his races.
But wait, there’s more! Here are the pocho ocho other shocking surprise confessions you can expect on tonight’s show:
8. He once pooped in Al Roker’s pants
7. He DID have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky
6. Hasn’t spoken to his father “Stretch” Armstrong in years
Mas…Pocho Ocho Lance Armstrong shocking surprise confessions
Obama’s lamestream media is too scared to run this truthy gun video
This short video exposes uppity Obama’s selfish assault on the God-given rights of real Americans — a truthy look at guns TOO REAL for the lamestream media because chemtrails. NRA: Straight out of Downton.
Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor up close and personal (video)
When the camera stops rolling, she’s just Sonia from the Bronx. [NSFW audio.] Video by Roberta Valderrama.
MORE ROBERTA VALDERRAMA:
Mas…Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor up close and personal (video)
Back from Baja vacay, local man laments Cabo’s lack of Mexican food
(PNS reporting from PHILADELPHIA) Bobby Mueller doesn’t want to be unkind, really. “My mother taught me that if you don’t have something nice to say, it’s better to say nothing at all,” he explains. “But the so-called Mexican food in Cabo San Lucas bites the big one.”
The University City marketing rep, who returned Sunday night from a week-long vacation on the southern tip of Mexico’s Baja California peninsula, was complaining to friends at a local brew-pub-salumeria.
“I spent an entire week looking for decent quinoa taquitos with pesto guacamole,” the self-described ‘foodie’ said, “and do you think I found them anywhere? No dice, dude. Zilch. Nada!”
Mas…Back from Baja vacay, local man laments Cabo’s lack of Mexican food
Live from LAX: Best police chase video ever!
It’s never a slow ñews day in Rancho Pocho, what with the freezing temperatures, babbling stars on awards shows and fools trying to outrun the police. Take, for example, this baboso who is born to run the streets near Los Angeles International Airport…
El Sportivo & The Blooz: The ‘Waking World’ feels so strange (video)
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Shot in Morelos, MX.
POCHO’s Lalo Alcaraz toons up Sotomayor interview on ’60 Minutes’
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Was that a cartoon by POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz hanging on Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor’s office wall in Sunday night’s 60 Minutes interview? Why yes it was!
Note from Lalo: The original cartoon, entitled L’il Judge Lopez, is signed by me and my daughter, who was the model/inspiration for the little girl in the toon.
Here’s the full-sized version of the cartoon and the 60 Minutes interview (cartoon @ 11:37):
Mas…POCHO’s Lalo Alcaraz toons up Sotomayor interview on ’60 Minutes’
Another semester of Spanish and yet another ‘Love Song’ (video)
She’s brown and beautiful; he’s white and smitten. And the only way he can express his feelings is to sing the Second Semester of Spanish Love Song.
He tried before, when he had only one semester of Spanish:
Mas…Another semester of Spanish and yet another ‘Love Song’ (video)
Pocho Ocho worst new ‘Latino’ perfume scents after Eau de Tamales
Chicago perfumer Zorayda Ortiz was so excited by her Dead of the Dead perfumes that she’s concocted a tamale fragrance as a followup:
It’s the scent of freshly steamed corn tamales, rich with red chile and plump with juicy pork.
The Pochodores discussed this at the weekly Eskype conference Tuesday and all agreed that there is only one thing they want to smell like pork, and it’s not their respective sweeties. But maybe there are worse ideas for perfumes! Here are the pocho ocho other scents:
Mas…Pocho Ocho worst new ‘Latino’ perfume scents after Eau de Tamales
Al Madrigal exposes crafty Cancuckian plans to bridge Detroit (video)
The patriots of the Motor City aren’t fooled by Canadia’s plans to pay for a new international bridge to replace the aging Ambassador Bridge to Windsor, Ontario. The Daily Show‘s Jon Stewart sent Al Madrigal to Detroit (and Canadia!) to find out why soccer moms, Tea Partiers and the Black Panthers are all opposed to this suspicious scheme. SPOILER: Cheap milk and Chinamen. Disclaimer: Madrigal is POCHO’s Migrant Editor.
You’re entitled! Obamacare’s ‘Ojo Insurance’ option starts next week
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Latinos who voted to reelect Barack Obama are set to receive one of the benefits he promised: Insurance against mal ojo (“ojo” insurance for short) starts on January 15.
Ojo, more commonly referred to as the “evil eye,” is treated by touching something that one is envious of or by having an abuelita rub an egg over the target of the envidia while saying a prayer.
“Access to health care is not an ‘entitlement,'” Obama told the crowd at an Olvera Street appearance in downtown Los Angles at a 2008 campaign rally. “It is a fundamental right. And as president I promise that every American, not just Latinos, will have the right to protect themselves against ojo.”
Mas…You’re entitled! Obamacare’s ‘Ojo Insurance’ option starts next week
Pocho Ocho secret items from Frida Kahlo’s closet *not* on display
What’s behind the blue door?
While visitors to the Casa Azul Museo Frida Kahlo in Mexico City think they’re viewing a definitive selection of items from Kahlo’s closet that have been hidden for 58 years, POCHO has learned that curators, sensitive to the artist’s legend, have held back some items from public display.
Here are the top eight items you won’t see:
8. Lifetime membership card, Hoop Earrings of the Month Club
7. Photoshop 0.1 beta test DVD
6. Leon Trotsky’s private cellphone number
Mas…Pocho Ocho secret items from Frida Kahlo’s closet *not* on display
She’s Puerto Rican! She’s a dancer! She’s a dog! (video)
“POCHO,” they email us, “why you be hatin’ all the time? Imma tell you the gente are tired of all that. They want dancing — and dogs!” We are so here for you, dear readers.
In ‘Reportero’ Tijuana journalists try to do their jobs — and live (video)
Reportero follows a veteran reporter and his colleagues at Zeta, a Tijuana-based independent newsweekly, as they stubbornly ply their trade in one of the deadliest places in the world for members of the media. As the drug war intensifies and the risks to journalists become greater, will the free press be silenced?
Pocho Ocho upcoming books from Latino authority Ruben Navarrette
Professional Latino authority Ruben Navarrette, Jr., who is not a DREAMer thank you very much, already wrote one book and he has more on the way!
Here’s a peek at his pocho ocho upcoming publishing projects:
8. Selling Out Is Easy — The Five-Step Plan
7. Turn Self-Hatred Into Profits!
6. Cognitive Dissonance for Dummies
Mas…Pocho Ocho upcoming books from Latino authority Ruben Navarrette
Happy 78th Birthday Elvis Presley, undocumented worker (video)
El Rey de Rock Elvis Presley would have been 78 today. Here, in Fun in Acapulco, he needs to score cash but he has no working papers. What to do?
Huell Howser is classic in this ‘Lowrider Magazine’ car show video
I am sad about yesterday’s passing of a California treasure, the extremely upbeat public TV host Huell Howser.
He was the longtime host of California Gold, a show that covered the nuggets of Cali history in a hilarious and charming way.
If you don’t understand the fuss, watch this classic video of Huell cheerily interviewing participants at a Lowrider Magazine Car Club show in L.A. in the early 90s. Enjoy!
Hey white bitches talkin’ sh*t: You better back your sh*t up (video)
Yo yo yo you white bitches: If you’re talkin’ shit about Mexicans, you better back your shit up! (NSFW audio.)
Local woman tired of having personal relationship with bodega owner
(PNS reporting from DA BRONX) Area resident Paloma Campos is fed up with the “familiarity” at her local bodega.
Campos, a molecular biologist, complained to friends last week about the exhausting personal relationship she’s expected to maintain with bodega owner Victor Martinez (photo, right.)
“Why can’t I just buy a can of soda without discussing my personal life? Just give me my goddam Jupiña,” Campos said.
Campos first started visiting the bodega on the corner of 182nd and Grand as a young teen when her family moved to the area. Though she moved away for four years to attend college, Campos was eventually guilt-tripped by her mother to move back to the West Bronx.
Campos ended up renting the apartment directly above the small store where she has lived for the past eight years. While she was able to sublet the apartment from her cousin’s step-sons’s girlfriend’s cousin at a great price, she cannot make a simple grocery purchase without a 20-minute discussion.
Mas…Local woman tired of having personal relationship with bodega owner
Eeeeek! It’s the Fiscal Cliff! (video toon)
Rich people need love, too, President Obama!
Ñewsweek: DREAMers dream, Arpaio hates, Hugo Chavez lives
Hey, pochos, it’s 2013 and it looks like we’re in for more of the same old same old from our regular cast of characters!
Thrill as Sheriff Joe Arpaio returns in a Brand New Hate-Fest for the New Year!
Hold on to your seats as Still-Not-Dead-Yet Commie Super-Hero Hugo Chavez returns to reprise two of his greatest hits!
Smirk and snicker as CNN talking head Ruben Navarrette, Jr., who graduated from Harvard in case you didn’t know, tells those lazy DREAMers to sit up straight and quit talking or HE’S GOING TO STOP THE CAR and come back there. Dr. Rudy Acuña sets him straight.
These were the stories that broke the ñews on POCHO in the first week of 2013:
Mas…Ñewsweek: DREAMers dream, Arpaio hates, Hugo Chavez lives
Navarrette vs Acuña: The debate about DREAMers gets personal
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| Ruben Navarrette, Jr. | Dr. Rodolfo Francisco Acuña |
It’s the debate that’s burning up the blogosphere. Talking head and self-promoting Latino expert Ruben Navarrette, Jr. thinks those DREAMers are so SELFISH and LAME and NEEDY that they are drawing attention away from important topics, the most important of which is Navarrette who is no pinche DREAMer, thank you very much. Dr. Rodolfo Francisco Acuña, the father of Chicano Studies, responds.
Here are the two columns, side by side:
Mas…Navarrette vs Acuña: The debate about DREAMers gets personal
Arpaio plans massive ‘Operation Rosca’ to find Tres Reyes gang
(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has begun Operation Rosca, a massive sweep designed to cripple the Tres Reyes smuggling cartel — the Three Kings. The cartel smuggles babies in bread and traffics in incense and precious metals, according to “America’s toughest sheriff.”
Arapio became aware of the cartel, which “came from the east,” when concerned citizens flooded his office with calls about “Middle-Eastern-looking men smelling of incense” walking westward on McDowell Road in Phoenix’ Bethlehem neighborhood. Locals reported that they asked where the Latino barrio was located, which “aroused suspicious about their status.”
Mas…Arpaio plans massive ‘Operation Rosca’ to find Tres Reyes gang
They met at Ikea, fell in love, and now it’s ‘Tango for Janjsö’ (video)
Kvart (left) strong, tall and firm, led a lonely life on the floor of the Lighting Department of Ikea, until he met the lovely, lithe Jonjsö (right). Now their life is a romantic tango.
Mas…They met at Ikea, fell in love, and now it’s ‘Tango for Janjsö’ (video)
The Pocho Ocho cosas I found in my Rosca de Reyes
Sunday is Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus.
Check out the pocho ocho things we found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters:
8. Plastic Baby Jesus
7. One long black hair
6. Homies action figure “Cholo Priest”
Local man blames Obama after ‘get up and go’ got up and went
(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Jason Morales finally figured out why his “get up and go” got up and went, he told friends at Hoopy Frood’s on New Year’s Eve, and all clues point to President Barack Obama.
“President Afrika Hussein Bambata is the worst president in this country’s history,” he announced to the teeming North Mesa Street establishment after his fourth Blue Moon with an orange wedge, “and he has robbed me of my chance at the American dream.”
Mas…Local man blames Obama after ‘get up and go’ got up and went
Opera Video: Enrico Caruso sings ‘Una Furtiva Lagrima’ (with fish)
Something fishy is afloat in Berkeley, and the sad aria Una Furtiva Lagrima sung by Enrico Caruso will get you hooked.
Before capitalism cancer kills Hugo Chavez, a look back
Before capitalism cancer kills commie commissar Hugo Chavez and it would be TOO SOON to mock him, here’s a look back at POCHO’s coverage of the Venezuelan jefe:
- Victorious Hugo Chavez to Americans: ‘Back my socialist amigo Obama’
(PNS reporting from CARACAS) Hugo Chavez — re-elected to a third six-year term as president of Venezuela — has again called on Americans to re-elect Pres. Barack Obama.
In a four-hour televised speech to his nation late Sunday, Chavez called Obama the best hope for Socialism in the Western Hemisphere. The left-wing strong man had previously endorsed the President in September.
“El Obama deserves your support, gringos,” he said in a rare foray into English. “He may not admit to being a Marxist-Leninist but inside he is as red as your Danny Glover and Oliver Estone.” [Continued here…]