Pocho Ocho things to charge on your new Sheriff Joe MasterCard

Que lastima!

Someone estole Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s identity and used his name to purchase groceries in Chicago. The Maricopa, AZ sheriff, unlike the pochodores here in the POCHO ñewsroom, was not amused.

We have a lot of things we’d like to purchase with Sheriff Joe’s moneh, and here are the top eight:

8. Taco USA by POCHO amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano
7. ¡Ban This! by POCHO Florida Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera
6. 2013 Good Luck Cartoon Calendar by POCHO Jefe Lalo Alcaraz

Mas…Pocho Ocho things to charge on your new Sheriff Joe MasterCard

Arpaio busts dangerous 10-year-old (with Steven Seagal’s help)

(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) The 10-year-old at Frank Elementary School in Guadalupe who got arrested Tuesday learned a valuable lesson about Sheriff Joe Arpaio and celebrity deputy Steven Seagal:

Don’t fuck with them.

According to the sheriff’s office, the boy had planned to beat one of his classmates at the Maricopa County school with a Wiffle Ball® bat but ended up on the wrong end of Steven Seagal’s sealskin boots instead.

Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office detectives were called to the elementary school by officials who were learned of the plot and found the student in possession of a tattered Wiffle Ball® bat.

Mas…Arpaio busts dangerous 10-year-old (with Steven Seagal’s help)

Ñewsweek: DREAMers dream, Arpaio hates, Hugo Chavez lives

Hey, pochos, it’s 2013 and it looks like we’re in for more of the same old same old from our regular cast of characters!

Thrill as  Sheriff Joe Arpaio returns in a Brand New Hate-Fest for the New Year!

Hold on to your seats as Still-Not-Dead-Yet Commie Super-Hero Hugo Chavez returns to reprise two of his greatest hits!

Smirk and snicker as CNN talking head Ruben Navarrette, Jr., who graduated from Harvard in case you didn’t know, tells those lazy DREAMers to sit up straight and quit talking or HE’S GOING TO STOP THE CAR and come back there.  Dr. Rudy Acuña sets him straight.

These were the stories that broke the ñews on POCHO in the first week of 2013:

Mas…Ñewsweek: DREAMers dream, Arpaio hates, Hugo Chavez lives

Arpaio plans massive ‘Operation Rosca’ to find Tres Reyes gang

(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has begun Operation Rosca, a massive sweep designed to cripple the Tres Reyes smuggling cartel — the Three Kings. The cartel smuggles babies in bread and traffics in incense and precious metals, according to “America’s toughest sheriff.”

Arapio became aware of the cartel, which “came from the east,” when concerned citizens flooded his office with calls about “Middle-Eastern-looking men smelling of incense” walking westward on McDowell Road in Phoenix’ Bethlehem neighborhood. Locals reported that they asked where the Latino barrio was located, which “aroused suspicious about their status.”

Mas…Arpaio plans massive ‘Operation Rosca’ to find Tres Reyes gang

Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s new plan: Arm AZ kids with grenade launchers

(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Last week, Arizona Attorney General Tom Horne proposed putting a gun in the hands of at least one kindergartner in every school and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is running with the idea.

“America’s toughest sheriff” wants a grenade launcher for every student.

According to Sheriff Joe, after he puts armed posse members near schools, he will focus on arming every student with a personalized grenade launcher to “blow the living shit out of anything that even looks suspicious…like Mexicans.”

Mas…Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s new plan: Arm AZ kids with grenade launchers

Top Pendejos of 2012: AZ’s Gov. Jan Brewer and Sheriff Joe Arpaio

We tried to pick just one Top Pendejo of 2012 but we ended up with two, both from the Hate State of Arizona: Gov. Jan Brewja and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

The witchy woman has taken every opportunity to lie, defame, harass and impede President Obama, Mexican-American Arizonans, a woman’s right to choose, Dreamers’ rights, students’ education, a minimum level of health care for constituents, and, to keep things current, she has an A+ Rating from the NRA merchants of death.

Pigasus Joe, who only missed being thrown out of office by a slim margin in the recent Maricopa County elections, just made headlines again by vowing to parade female DUI convicts in public chain gangs. His racist enforcement of the remaining provisions of AZ SB1070 has made him particularly abhorrent to those who fight for equality and justice.

So these two pendejos will share the ignominy of our Top Pendejos of 2012 award, and here are the reasons why:

Mas…Top Pendejos of 2012: AZ’s Gov. Jan Brewer and Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse

Every day brings us closer to the End of the World as We Know It on December 21 (synchronize your chronometers with our MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column.)

All over the Internets, extremely concerned Trekkies are banding together to wear “expendable red” jerseys on The Last Day, so they can “die as Mr. Gene Rodenberry intended.”

And policia stationed near San Luis, AZ found a freshly-plowed field on the American side of the Colorado River scarred by craters and dotted with payloads of Mayan Marijuana apparently shot by cannabis cannoneers using a pneumatic cannon.

Pneumatic cannon? Federales found an empty industrial-sized CO2 canister, presumably propellant, in their hood.

Mas…Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse

Gov. Jan Brewer and Arizona’s asinus aspirations aplenty

Despite the clamoring of dozens of its citizens, officials recently turned back the equus asinus aspirations of a donkey as candidate for a seat in the Ecuadorean National Assembly.

Regrettably, the canny citizens of Guayaquil, Ecuador were denied their electoral ends — to register a donkey aptly named “Mr. Donkey” to run for the national legislature.

But I have a new suggestion for “Mr. Donkey.” Perhaps, “Mr. Donkey” should move to Arizona, “The Meth Lab of Democracy” – but of course, only after all his immigration papers are properly in order.

Here, he may yet thwart the ambitions of Arizona’s current Gov. Jan Brewer (photo, right) who, unconstitutionally speaking, contemplates a possible third term.

The governor is undoubtedly unfulfilled and unsatisfied thus far with her gubernatorial benefactions to the state. There’s more to be done notwithstanding Arizona’s damaged reputation or that along with Nevada, Arizona stands at the pole position of America’s “Dumbest States.”

Mas…Gov. Jan Brewer and Arizona’s asinus aspirations aplenty

Have you seen her? Search for LOST GOV takes it to the streets (photo)*

Concerned Americans across this great nation covered telephone poles with flyers today as the search for missing Gov. Jan Brewer (R-AZ) galvanized the citizenry.

Have you seen a flyer in your neighborhood? Have you spotted Brewer? Email a photo to info@pocho.com and we’ll get it online ASAP. Need a flyer to print and post yourself? The large-size printable flyers are here: LOST GOV Please print and share!

*UPDATED: Concerned citizen David W in Oregon posted and photographed the flyer in his neighborhood:

Mas…Have you seen her? Search for LOST GOV takes it to the streets (photo)*

Where in the &*+@# is Jan Brewer? The Pocho Ocho places…

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is MISSING. Before you uncork the champagne, and before she comes back from her one-week vanishing, here’s the Pocho Ocho places Jan Brewer COULD BE:

8. At the Rawlings factory getting her skin re-laced

7. In Georgia filming the lead zombie role in “Walking Dead”

6. At a private correctional prison junket to Alcatraz

Mas…Where in the &*+@# is Jan Brewer? The Pocho Ocho places…

Marry a citizen, become a citizen at PendejoMatch.com (video)

Sen. John Kyl, a Republican (surprise surprise!) from the Hate State of Arizona, is pleased to announce his online dating site for the young, undocumented and desperate.

Marry a citizen, become a citizen!

It’s just that easy with the “quick path to citizenship” from PendejoMatch.com.

Try Pendejo Match for free for 30 days or your money back! Just looking for love? Our sister site MojadoMingle.com is the place for you. Or maybe GueyDate.net.

CA’s Jerry Brown vetoes ‘Trust Act,’ AZ’s Jan Brewer approves

(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer has deemed California Gov. Jerry Brown an honorary citizen following his veto of the Golden State’s Trust Act which would have ended deportation of undocumented immigrants busted for minor offenses.

¡AltoArizona! reports:

Jan Brewer, Arizona’s governor notorious for her signing of the state’s racial profiling bill, SB1070, issued Brown honorary residence in her state. “Anyone who can manage to deny basic protections to domestic workers, farm workers, and entire immigrant families, all in one night, is bound to need some friends,” explained Brewer. “I want him to know, Jerr, you’ve got a friend in me.”

Mas…CA’s Jerry Brown vetoes ‘Trust Act,’ AZ’s Jan Brewer approves

Sheriff Joe gears up for tough re-election battle, reveals secret weapon

(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Arizona’s toughest sheriff, Joe Arpaio, might soon be known as Arizona’s fiercest sheriff. Arpaio is gearing up for what he expects will be the toughest of his five re-election campaigns and he is pulling out all the stops this time by revealing his alter ego, “KoKo.”

No stranger to controversy, Arpaio is facing a determined effort from immigration rights activists and the Justice Department to push him out of office but says that “KoKo” will give him the edge this time in fending off his enemies.

A ruling in a lawsuit that alleges his department violated the civil rights of Latinos is expected any day now but Arpaio says that he will weather the storm with “swag and style” the likes of which Maricopa County has never witnessed.

Mas…Sheriff Joe gears up for tough re-election battle, reveals secret weapon

Hey SB1070 loser Russell Pearce, karma’s a bitch…

Our homies at NBC Latino are reporting that Aryanzona SB1070 creator and sloppy sack of sadness Russell Pearce has lost what is hopefully his final political campaign. We at POCHO are celebrating and gloating that this racist pendejo has been taken out by a fellow Republican.

Hopefully he can join bag o’ drunken bones AZ Governor Jan Brewer at her rest home soon, and they can complain together about their Mexican adult care attendants.

See ya, don’t let Arizona hit you on the ass!

RNC Drinking Game: Turn lame to LOLs with Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila

Endless speeches, stupid roll calls and pointless posturing can make national political convention watching a boring exercise — that’s why you need to play games along with the pinche politicians.

Mira! The Republican National Convention Drinking Game, sponsored by Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila.

Keep your eyes on the screen, stay alert and react swiftly! Life is chort!

Mas…RNC Drinking Game: Turn lame to LOLs with Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila

AZ Gov. Jan Brewer unwraps her roots in Guanajuato, MX (photo)

(PNS reporting from MEXICO) In a bid to rehabilitate her image with Latinos, Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer visits her old friends in Guanajuato, Mexico.



Ñewsweek: Arizona racism? Thankfully, we have Jesus El Luchador

Arizona hate made POCHO headlines again this week; the Pocho Ocho crew came up with Pro Tips for white-collar Latinos plus eight caveats for goofy gabachos; and while AZ Gov. Jan Brewja haunted POCHO, Jesus Christos El Luchador (who drinks Corona with a lime, btw) made a miraculous appearance.

These big stories broke the ñews on POCHO this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Arizona racism? Thankfully, we have Jesus El Luchador

Jan Brewja: Save time, hassle with the Self-Deportation Station (video)

All real Arizonans know it’s a pain in the AZ to racially-profile, harass, arrest and then deport people who look different from you! That’s why Gov. Jan Brewer is pleased to announce her automagic, high-tech, made-in-America, job-creating final solution for all those damn Mexicans.

Inspired by pioneering self-deportationist Daniel D. Portado, Brewja is introducing nifty new Self-Deportation Stations that make racism look quick, easy and clean.

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