Letter to straight guys from a Latina vagina: I’m too sexy for my chonies

latinavaginaDear Straight Dudes:

Why, hello there, I’m a Latina vagina and I have a message for heterosexual guys. Now I know what you’re going to ask me: “How well-groomed am I?”

No seas cochino! That’s none of your business, that’s personal. But I am here to, uh, talk business because I’m tired of all of these assumptions people make about me!

Mas…Letter to straight guys from a Latina vagina: I’m too sexy for my chonies

Brazil TV guy tries to punk Mexicans with extra-picante salsa (video)


When a Brazilian TV guy tries to prank visiting Mexican futbol fans with what he thinks is super-spicy salsa, it turns out the joke is actually on him. What’s uber picante in Brazil, tu sabes, ranks as “meh” to Mexicanos. One intended victim actually thinks Brazil-boy’s salsa is kind of “sweet.”

PREVIOUSLY ON SALSA:

Mas…Brazil TV guy tries to punk Mexicans with extra-picante salsa (video)

Tiny gringa eats 2-pound multi-chile ‘Diablo Burrito’ in 3:23 (video)


Competitive eater Molly Schuyler (all 125 pounds of her) takes on “the world’s hottest burrito” at Allan’s Authentic Mexican Restaurant in PDX. Can she show the same competitive spirit and stamina that helped her finish a 72-ounce steak in a previous webisode? The 2-pound “wet” Diablo Burrito is filled with rice, beans and habanero, serrano, Bhut Jolokia, Carolina Reaper and Trinidad Scorpion chiles. Allan challenges patrons to finish the $20 burrito bomb in 10 minutes to win the acclaim of the nation and get their burrito money back.

Aaron, who produced Molly’s Diablo Burrito web video, needed over 8 minutes when he tried to finish the Diablo Burrito himself:

Mas…Tiny gringa eats 2-pound multi-chile ‘Diablo Burrito’ in 3:23 (video)

Mom feeds baby salsa to mooch burgers (photos, video)

(PNS reporting from RANCHO POCHO ESTATES) In a shocking file uploaded to the Internets last week, a mom in suburban Southern California has been captured on video feeding her baby hot salsa in a baby bottle in order to pay for her husband’s “picante burger” habit.

In the video, a spicy burger pusher known only as “Jack” — his true identity hidden by a grotesque disguise — rings the family’s doorbell and pretends to be religious missionary so the neighbors don’t suspect. “Do you have three minutes to talk about spicy hamburgers?” he asks burger-junkie Juan Desperado, who opens the door.

jackfrontdoor

“I have some something here I think you’ll like,” the pusher says.

Mas…Mom feeds baby salsa to mooch burgers (photos, video)

Dorito Danger: Mexican-style chips threaten our borders

perilPraise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

Like a Biblical prophet of doom, a God-fearing Christian Conservative who tracks “Degenerate Culture” is trumpeting the news of a clear and present danger:

Hot and spicy tortilla chips are destroying the AMERICA WE LOVE WHICH USED TO EAT LOTS OF PATRIOTIC POTATO CHIPS NOT THESE ADDICTIVE ALIEN ABOMINATIONS.

derbymackDerby Mac (An American Patriot who has dedicated his life to loving his country and preparing his family for the National Apocalypse. He would like to thank the Founding Fathers, President Reagan and Jesus Christ for the opportunity to share Wisdom) writes:

They’re dark. They’re spicy. They’re one of the most alluring treats in our food aisles today. For a child, they’re something fancy, like attending a birthday party in a collared shirt.

For a man home alone, a single bag is as good as an entire meal. But what are we really getting ourselves into with these flashy foreign snacks?

Should we be at all concerned that Doritos are now more popular than good old-fashioned American potato chips?

Mas…Dorito Danger: Mexican-style chips threaten our borders

Foot star Selena Gomez is top tootsie on wikiFeet (photos)

footwiki640It’s on the Internets, so it’s got to be true. Actress and singer Selena Gomez’s “gorgeous, five-star” feet are the most popular celebrity tootsies on wikiFeet, the all feet, all the time website (screen cap).

Here are just two of the photos that got foot star Gomez to the top of the wikiFeet charts:

Feets don’t fail me now! How about some Jessica Alba (tenth most popular) foot action? (Just so you know, “the foot (plural feet) is an anatomical structure found in many vertebrates. It is the terminal portion of a limb which bears weight and allows locomotion,” according to Wikipedia.) OK, back to Jessica Alba:

Mas…Foot star Selena Gomez is top tootsie on wikiFeet (photos)

Area man scores 12 cases of Sriracha, hopes to Get Rich Quick (videos)


(PNS reporting from CULVER CITY, CA) Westside entrepreneur Pico E. Sepulveda tries not to count his pollos before they hatch, but he will admit to being stoked about the profit potential of the 12 cases of Huy Fung Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce he purchased at Smart & Final Iris here Thursday morning.

“Now that the State of California has joined the City of Irwindale in cutting off the supply of America’s favorite hot sauce, the sky’s the limit on these babies,” the Mar Vista man told PNS. “When I pulled out of the store’s parking lot onto Venice Boulevard, I actually started chair dancing in my car and even broke out the maracas!” (Sepulveda’s excitement was captured by a POCHO reader who emailed us this VINE video, right)

“I got a dozen 12-count cases of the 28-ounce bottles,” Sepulveda explained, “for $35 each — for a total for $420, which I thought was good omen. This could be bigger than Bitcoins, if Bitcoins had a trailer for a video on demand download on Vimeo!”

Mas…Area man scores 12 cases of Sriracha, hopes to Get Rich Quick (videos)

New ‘East Los High’ web series exposes sexrification of East L.A. (video)


(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) A new web series on Hulu is poised to blow the lid off the unprecedented rise of sexy Latinos currently overrunning East Los Angeles.  The series, East Los High, is a riveting expose of the rapid “sexrification” of the historically low-and-slow Chicano community.

“The kids at East Los High are hot, they’re ripped, and they can dance,” said Garfield High School alum Alberto “Sleepy” Gonzalez.  “When I drop my kid off at school, it looks like he’s stepping into another country, like Puerto Rico.”

Mas…New ‘East Los High’ web series exposes sexrification of East L.A. (video)

Pocho Ocho responses to &^%$#@ hot chile

Not all pochos love hot chile, but the ones that do understand that there is more than one way to respond to that too-hot picante sauce in your mouth. Here’s a list of our Top Eight:

8. Denial – It’s not that hot. Maybe you are trying to impress your old country relatives, or a date, or anyone. But you know better. It’s hot and it stings.

7. Exaggerated mouth breathing – No one has ever confirmed that breathing heavily in and out of your mouth, as though you were doing lamaze, makes the chile any less hot, but you try it anyway.

6. Drinking water – Predictable. This doesn’t help of course.  Drink milk* which does.

Mas…Pocho Ocho responses to &^%$#@ hot chile