PDX resident loses street cred after Whole Foods Instagram snafu

by

wholefoodshipster(PNS reporting from PORTLAND) Mario Rojas grew up in a tough Chicago barrio, but since he moved here for college he’s gotten soft, according his friends and family. His old street cred is gone, they worry, and he doesn’t resemble the Mario they used to know.

“He’s all into that hipster shit, organic and whatever, qué es eso? Organic ni nada, ponte a trabajar!” said Rojas’ father, Mario Sr., when contacted by PNS.

Eating a gluten-free alfalfa sprout and chevre cheese taco on an organic blue corn tortilla — and then getting tagged in an Instagram photo by his friend Maggie — didn’t helped Mario Jr.’s reputation either. Until the stylized photographic foul-up, Rojas kept his family in the dark by never sharing pictures of his newly-grown beard, clothes, or food preferences.

Mas…PDX resident loses street cred after Whole Foods Instagram snafu

Attention: It’s time to get real about Latino movie projects

by

attentionhollywoodOkay, time for a reality check.

Despicable Me 2 made $59.5 million in its first two days of release. Do any of you seriously believe that Universal gives a flying fuck if Latinos are upset over the negative stereotyping of a Latino character ?

As my good friend Bob Eisele likes to say, “Here’s the situation…” THEY DON’T CARE. Please allow me to repeat that… THEY DON’T CARE.

We Latinos can yell, scream, jump up and down, stand on our heads, do somersaults and they still won’t care. The movie is on track to make hundreds of millions of dollars for Universal.

Year before last, Ron Meyer, the head of Universal Studios, spoke at a NALIP luncheon and told us to our faces that Universal doesn’t make Latino-themed or Latino-starred movies because Latinos don’t go to see them. And you know what? He’s right. Latinos are almost 40% of the all important opening day box office. Unfortunately, Latinos go to see Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Transformers, Star Trek, Star Wars, Iron Man, Batman, Spiderman, anything but Latino-themed movies. What’s the solution?

Mas…Attention: It’s time to get real about Latino movie projects

Breaking: Rick Perry moving West: ‘Let’s turn Cali red!’

by

rickperryreelection(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Rick Perry told a crowd of press and supporters here Monday that he will not seek another term as Texas governor when his term expires in 18 months.

Instead, the longest-serving governor in Texas’ history said he was going to do the unthinkable: move to California to turn the state back into a Republican stronghold.

“Now that Democrats have set their sights on Texas, I want to return the favor and head to the Golden State and bring a brand of compassionate conservatism that ruled the state in the good ol’ days,” the  former GOP presidential nominee wannabe said.

Mas…Breaking: Rick Perry moving West: ‘Let’s turn Cali red!’

They were watching ‘Desafío Final 5,’ then this happened (video)

by


David and Javi are just chilling, watching TV, Desafío Final 5 — Last Challenge 5, or maybe Desafío Final 4. And then everything got complicated, especially in Castillian Espanish! [GUIÓN Y DIRECCIÓN: Manuel Bartual. INTÉRPRETES: David Pareja, Javier Botet, Mireia Pérez, Xabi Tolosa, Aaron Rux, Lorena Iglesias, Julián Génisson. MÚSICA: Aaron Rux. AYUDANTE DE DIRECCIÓN: Alba Diethelm. ESTRENO: 19/12/2012.]

iNotRacist: Social media app keeps track of your non-racism (video)

by


You’re not a racist. You open doors for African-Americans, you talk with the Latino guy behind the counter at lunch and you even make friends with that Asian guy at work, the crazy weird one on the fifth floor. But wouldn’t it be cool if you could get credit for all your non-racist activities? Check out iNotRacist — available soon for your iPhone.

[Guest Editorial] Let’s face it, Morrissey was bad for Egypt

by


Morrissey was neither qualified nor cholafied to run Egypt. Totally in the Nile.

Srsly. “By order of the Prophet,” he banned that boogie sound. WTF?

Muslim Brotherhood, my peckerwood! If the rebels get re-Tweeted, the tyrant is defeated.

In ancient Africa, the pharoahs and pharoahitas communicated with Sirius the Dog Star — long before the white devils barked at the Moon. Nubians found the Monolith, and we were nubies no more.

Mas…[Guest Editorial] Let’s face it, Morrissey was bad for Egypt

Breaking: Bolivia says U.S. ‘racially-profiled’ Morales’ jet

by

not_evo(PNS reporting from LA PAZ) Bolivian Pres. Evo Morales is angry that the United States “racially-profiled” his jet as it was leaving a conference in Moscow and forced it to land in Austria, the whitest country in Europe.

Bolivian Foreign Minister David Choquehuanca, who was mistaken for Morales at a press conference in Vienna, said the incident last week was a clear case of racial profiling, as the first question authorities asked the pilot when they landed was, “Do you know why we pulled you over?”

Austria charged the plane matched the description of another plane that was suspected of smuggling fugitive U.S. intelligence leaker Edward Snowden out of Russia, and that its tail light was out, according to Choquehuanca.

Mas…Breaking: Bolivia says U.S. ‘racially-profiled’ Morales’ jet

Feliz Cuatro de Julio from MR. POCHO y Los Pochodores

by

nailgreets

Sostenemos como evidentes por sí mismas dichas verdades: que todos los hombres son creados iguales; que son dotados por su Creador de ciertos derechos inalienables; que entre estos están la vida, la libertad y la búsqueda de la felicidad.   We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

 

And now, with the The Star Spangled Banner, El Mariachi Kid: Sebastien de la Cruz:

Mas…Feliz Cuatro de Julio from MR. POCHO y Los Pochodores

La Virgen de Guadalupe: ‘I’m too sexy for your cover!’ (toon)

by

SEXYLUPELa Virgen de Guadalupe’s new Summer 2013 look — as seen on a recent cover of the Santa Fe Reporter — has gotten some people upset. Fox Latino reports:

“If your intent was to in effect slap Catholics across the face, by putting forth this public depiction of Our Lady as a party girl, during the very week that we honor her as our patroness, then I can only say that from my perspective, you succeeded,” wrote the Rev. Adam Lee Ortega y Ortiz, the rector of the Cathedral Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi in Santa Fe, in a letter to the editor. “I must voice my outrage and disgust at the decision to depict Our Lady of Guadalupe in such a demeaning manner. I am personally and professionally insulted by the cover.”

POCHO wants to confess, too! Mea culpa, Padre. We have sinned with some of our recent illustrations, like this one of the Virgin contemplating a pregnancy test:

Mas…La Virgen de Guadalupe: ‘I’m too sexy for your cover!’ (toon)

Texas Senate to ban ‘non-traditional’ colored sneakers on floor

by

wendysneakersbig(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) The Texas Senate is set to pass legislation to ban “non-traditional” colored sneakers on the chamber floor.

Sen. Dan Ireland (R-Dallas) introduced Senate Bill 5 to “raise sartorialism of the chamber by mandating the use of traditional colors of sneakers.”

The Texas legislature has begun its second special session to push through legislation that sent thousands of Texans to the Capitol to protest last week.  Ireland called these Texans the “unruly mob, whose decorum and multi-colored footwear, left much to be desired.”

SB5 “mandates that all sneakers worn shall be plain white.”

Mas…Texas Senate to ban ‘non-traditional’ colored sneakers on floor

In Buenos Aires, look both ways before crossing the street (videos)

by


Remember Capt. “Sully” Sullenberger who landed his airliner in New York’s Hudson River? Move over, bro. Flight AR 1304 is coming in for a landing at Parque de Palermo in downtown Buenos Aires! [Directed by Fernando Livschitz for Black Sheep Films.]

Here’s a reprise of another mind-blowing Buenos Aires vid from Livschitz we ran last year:

Mas…In Buenos Aires, look both ways before crossing the street (videos)

Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do this July 4

by

FIREWORKS: Mission Pocho Viejo American Legion Post 536 once again presents their Annual Fireworks Extravagonzo Thursday at sunset. This year the pyrotechnics are sponsored by the Japanese-Mexican-American-owned Mexikosher in LA’s Pico-Robertson district. The show, America Such A Country, is a tribute to new Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti who is Jewish, Mexican AND Italian! Such a country! Moms: bring your blankets and sit the kids on the grass at Sotomayor Stadium. Dads: Do NOT bring your own fireworks.

INK AND DRINK: Two businesses in the El Rancho Pocho Downtown Historical District are getting together for a patriotic combo deal that’s hard to beat. Get any flag or patriotic tat at Inky Dinky’s House of Pain on Porciuncula Place Wednesday through Sunday and Inky will slide you a $10 pre-paid bar tab for the Loco Lounge next door. And guys, if you like thick chicks, you’ll love new tattoo artist Salma’s Fernando Botero-inspired portraits of your true hyna, right over your heart.

Mas…Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do this July 4

Pocho Ocho new ignorant GOP proposals for Texas (photos, video)

by

texasmapThe anti-abortion SB5 bill was delayed but not defeated after Sen. Wendy Davis’s spectacular filibuster with pink sneakers, but the battle for common sense in Texas (photo, above) continues.

We already told you about the attempt to outlaw “looking too Mexican,” but that’s not the only trick the Republicans have up their (cotton-poly-blend) sleeves.

From our Ostin Especial Correspondents — this just in — here are the GOP’s Pocho Ocho new proposals for Texas:

8. Henceforth, the value for Pi π shall, for efficiency purposes, be rounded down to 3.00; additionally only apple pi is permitted

7. SB666, dubbed the “God Is My Co-Pilot Bill,” requires a Gideon Bible in every glove compartment

6. Hug a tree, go to jail

Mas…Pocho Ocho new ignorant GOP proposals for Texas (photos, video)

Update: We made it through the hack attack but still need your help

by

loadsmThis graphic shows how hackers overwhelmed the site one day last week. Those three “load” figures at the top should be close to “1.” All the “USERS” you see on Comic Seanz’s screen cap show our webserver software (Apache) trying to keep up with bullshit requests from evil hack robots.

Can you donate $20 or $50 so we can make more ñews y satire?
MR. POCHO SAYS ¡GRACIAS!

The hackers who overwhelmed our site are gone — for now. But we still need your help so we can beef up POCHO’s infrastructure. Money help.

  • Bringing in security pro to sweep our site will cost at least $100 — and could cost more if she finds something.
  • Updating our hosting package — now provided as a public service by our friends at Pixelgate.net — means more dinero — over $100 more each month.
  • Upgrading our WordPress theme software (the recent upgrade left a slew of bugs we’re trying to iron out), is another hundred or so plus expensive web developers.

We don’t have the money to do this stuff — without you.

Mas…Update: We made it through the hack attack but still need your help

Elise Roedenbeck Filibusters: ‘How To Do the Wendy’ (video)

by


It’s not easy standing up for women’s rights in Texas, but the heroic filibuster by State Sen. Wendy Davis kept the GOP’s anti-abortion SB5 from passing Tuesday night. Our MiJA, Elise Roedenbeck, learned how to Do the Wendy for the camera. [Disclosure: The settlement agreement approved by the judge means we must stay at least 100 yards away from Ms. Roedenbeck, but we can still remind people that she is POCHO’s New Jack City Burro Jefe, Emeritus.]

Defense contractors on immigration bill: ‘Time to get a new Beemer’

by

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) The Senate’s approval of a bipartisan “immigration reform” bill Thursday — a bill which Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) says will create “the most militarized border since the Berlin Wall” — has defense contractors talking, and drooling.

The hot topic? The untold millions of dollars that may become available if Uncle Sam gets serious about “security.”

It’s the inevitable transition, cynics say, from Eisenhower’s old-school military-industrial complex to the new Post-Millennial MIGRA-Industrial Complex. But government contractors and suppliers have a more nuanced view.

Mas…Defense contractors on immigration bill: ‘Time to get a new Beemer’

Big sound for small bucks with new iMex iPhone dock (video)

by


Why pay big money to get the big sound your music deserves? The new iMex iPhone or iPod dock is easy to assemble, does not need weird Ikea wrenches, and is fabricated from recyclable and easily-replaceable components available wherever Mexicans are served. Also available for Android! Sorry, Redmondites — a Windows 8 version has encountered difficulty with integration of the Clippy function, but look for a Win version in 2014.

Pocho Ocho things you should know now that Salvadorans > Cubans

by

People with roots in El Salvador may soon replace Cuban-Americans as the third-largest “Hispanic-origin group,” according to The Pew Research Center:

For more than 40 years, one rock-solid element of Hispanic demographics has been the relative ranking of the three largest Hispanic-origin groups: Mexicans have always been the largest by population, followed by Puerto Ricans and then Cubans.

But this may be changing. The Salvadoran population’s growth rate has been about double that of the Cuban population (33% versus 17%). As a result, the Salvadoran population is now poised to overtake the Cuban population in the next few years.

But what does this mean to me, you ask? Here are the Pocho Ocho things you should know about your new neighbors:

Mas…Pocho Ocho things you should know now that Salvadorans > Cubans

+ Load More Posts