(PNS reporting from PDX) Area collector Reynaldo “Ronnie” Morales’ heart was broken Sunday night when a last-minute auction bid from an eBay “sniper” pushed the coveted September 1953 issue of Amazing Future Tales out of his grasp and into the arms of another.
The sniper killed Morale’s chances with a $37.83 winning bid.
Mas…eBay ‘sniper’ outbids local man for ‘Chola Low Riders’ pulp magazine
An foreign invader threatens underwater life in the reefs of the Caribbean — a plague of lion fish. Video by Quique Rivera Rivera.
Que lastima!
Someone estole Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s identity and used his name to purchase groceries in Chicago. The Maricopa, AZ sheriff, unlike the pochodores here in the POCHO ñewsroom, was not amused.
We have a lot of things we’d like to purchase with Sheriff Joe’s moneh, and here are the top eight:
8. Taco USA by POCHO amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano
7. ¡Ban This! by POCHO Florida Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera
6. 2013 Good Luck Cartoon Calendar by POCHO Jefe Lalo Alcaraz
Mas…Pocho Ocho things to charge on your new Sheriff Joe MasterCard
North Korea’s Glorious Space Program, launched by Eternally Alive Fearless Leader Kim Jong-Il, has crushed the American Capitalist Running Dogs, destroyed flag-shrouded New York City, all while you sleep, accompanied by the luscious sounds of the Marxist Muzak Orchestra playing We Are the World — and we’ve got video!
Mas…North Korean space shuttle attacks U.S., Manhattan on fire (video)
(PNS reporting from FRESNO) Latino farmworkers say Dodge’s American Farmer Super Bowl commercial is a bunch of manure, according to Claude Rhodappel, spokesman for the Minority Organization for Farmworkers and Obreros (MOFO).
The commercial, directed by filmmaker Ken Burns, used crisp documentary-style photography to celebrate America’s farmers while espousing the values of Dodge’s Ram Truck.
MOFO is objecting to the fact that almost all of the farmers depicted in the ad were white, with the exception of one African-American man, who was included as the “Magical Negro” featured in so many Hollywood productions.
Mas…Ken Burns Super Bowl commercial angers minority farmworkers
(PNS reporting from FLUSHING, N.Y.) This just in: Long Island dry cleaner Beau Riqua was an unhappy man this morning when he prevented nurses from administering an enema prescribed by his doctor. Riqua, who was visiting internist Dr. Lee Cuado with concerns about bloating, was upset that Cuado, a longtime friend, recommended this delicate procedure.
“That charlatan is just getting revenge because he lost $500 to me on a Super Bowl bet,” says Riqua, “so now he’s on my list. Go Ravens!”
Caption this photo in the comments section below. Reportedly it was posted to Twitter by AZ Cardinals’ wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald.
This week on Mija Weekly I discuss immigration and la ganga de ocho, Obama’s love of skeet, and I celebrate Black History Month Peruvian style — all while battling the flu!
Don’t forget to leave me your comments below; I promise I’m not contagious.
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) This just in: Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor has introduced a bill to shorten February to 26 days. Cantor says February is getting too “uppity” and two of its days should be given to April, which he claims is being discriminated against as “the cruellest month,” because it features the observance of “Confederate History Month” and “Patriots Day.” The bill also aims to cancel leap years, just to be a dick.
Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: GOP aims to cut ‘uppity’ February to 26 days
Marvel Comics’ Captain American celebrates the African-Americans who helped make the U.S. what is today. This panel is from Truth: Red, White and Black, written by Robert Morales and drawn by Kyle Baker. Can you ID everyone in the “photos” on the wall? [Click on the image for a bigger version.]
These shorties are ready to fight — banda style!
Related:
I wrote a uke song called “White Men Are Good” and sang it at a comedy club about 4 years ago. I could feel the audience tense up. Why? Why is there a Black History Month but not a White History Month? Now, that the white race is becoming a minority in America, perhaps we need to make…say, January, White History Month.
The New York Times says, “White births are no longer a majority in the United States.”
I’m just really tired of the white male, and especially the white conservative, Christian male being attacked in cartoons, movies, TV shows, politics, Affirmative Action, etc. It’s like in order to fix the “discrimination” problem, culture flipped the racism from “against blacks” to “against whites”. Why do we have to be “against” anyone? Aren’t we all equal?
Mas…Victoria Jackson: What we need is a ‘White History Month’
Will a Republican shift on immigration help them with Hispanic voters? The Daily Show’s Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal is in Jon Stewart’s His Panic Room as they explore the GOP’s Nuevo Deal. Jessica Williams sneaks in to assist. DISCLOSURE: Madrigal is also POCHO’s Migrant Editor.
GOP leaders are undergoing sensitivity training as they re-evaluate immigration reform. Too often, insiders say, Republicans’ choice of words has hidden their true love for Latinos.
“Tone and rhetoric will be key,” is the message from Jennifer Korn, executive director of the Hispanic Leadership Network. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FLA), who chairs the GOP’s Vendido Caucus, champions “a kinder, gentler racism.”
Top Republicans will receive a list of phrases that should never, ever be used when discussing immigration reform. Here are the pocho ocho things NEVER to say:
8. Git’ back in your beaner-mobile!
7. Speak inglish you ‘ignant brownie.
6. We ain’t need no anchor babies.
Mas…From the ‘new’ GOP: Pocho Ocho things we shouldn’t say to Latinos
Terry Morales is a hard-working dad and doesn’t spend as much time with his family as he should. Stay-at-home spouse Kerry Morales feels alone, under-appreciated and overwhelmed. And 12-year-old adopted son Tyrollo Morales is “acting out.” Time to call Rescue Nanny 911! (NSFW.)
Mas…This week on ‘Rescue Nanny 911’: The naughty adopted child (video)
Subcommandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón has a one-minute Spanish lesson for you pochos. She’s on Twitter as @SaraChicaD.
Defying the horizontally-correct nay-sayers of videoville, POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz took his iPhone where no phone has gone before — up close and pinche personal with a bowl of menudo at famed Mi Tierra Cafe in San Antonio, TX for a verboten vertical video. Is this the medical menudo we’ve been hearing about?
It’s more than just a minor irritation for the folks at work when the Internet’s Out. (NSFW language.)
I went to San Antonio, Tejas, got some posing tips from the Mexican Elvis and these photos, too. Note: I am the vato without the cape.
Mas…I went to San Antonio and met the Mexican Elvis (photos)
We know some of you are morons or racists or both. Different strokes, meng, different strokes. It’s cool. Here’s a transcript of the speech on immigration that Bronco Bama just delivered in Las Vegas, translated into easy-to-understand Moron. Just for you!
(APPLAUSE)
Dank you. It is good t’ be back in Las Begas.
And it is good t’ be among so many good friends. Let – let me start off by dankigg ebehybody at Del Sol High School f’ hostigg us.
(APPLAUSE)
Go Dragons. Let me especial dank your outstandigg principal, Lisa Primos (ph).
(APPLAUSE)
Dehe are all kinds of notaggle guests hehe, uh uh uh, but I dgust want t’ minion a few. Firss of all, our outstandigg secret of de Departmin of Homeland Security, Dganet Napolitano, is hehe.
Mas…Heya morons! Click HERE for Obama immigration speech transcript
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) It took a lot of burning sage, cedar, sweetgrass and tobacco, but Tymangoua, the first Native American murdered by a gun in what is now the United States, delivered a message from the spirit world to Washington:
Getting shot and killed sucks!
Indigenous Peoples Against Gun Violence (IPAG) introduced Tymangoua to a press conference here Monday.
IPAG president Lauren Ko’n-Za explained:
Gun violence is not a recent phenomenon. It has existed for hundreds of years and indigenous people like Taymangoua were the first victims. Tymangoua was murdered on Sept. 14, 1513, by Spanish sailors looking to enslave him on the shores of Biscayne Bay in what is now Miami.
Before Al Madrigal got rich and famous as POCHO’s Migrant Editor (and Senior Latino Correspondent for The Daily Show) he spent time on the road as a stand-up comedian, always trying to become a better Mexican. Here he is in 2010, as seen in 3 Non Juans. (NSFW language.)
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) In a groundbreaking study just released by Atlanta’s Center for Brain Development Place, scientists have found that the more racist an individual is the less likely he or she is to comprehend satire.
In the controversial study, published in Totally Not Made Up Magazine last week, participants were asked to read an article titled “Monkey escapes from zoo, spreads poop and socialism” and then asked to comment.
Scientists found that those who believed the monkey should be taught to uphold democracy and abstain from sex before marriage but without the use of taxpayer money were 10 times more likely to be racists.
In the second installment of Mija Weekly ñews wrap I discuss lip-synching, immigration, my chusma hair dresser and I answer questions from you pochos. Also I don’t drop the F-bomb.
Thank you to everyone who watched last week! Don’t forget to leave me your comments below.
Is that a green card in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Prince Harry’s CNN interview about combat in Afghanistan is just gonna have to wait. One does not simply ignore the amplified call of the tamalero oaxaceño!
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) The 10-year-old at Frank Elementary School in Guadalupe who got arrested Tuesday learned a valuable lesson about Sheriff Joe Arpaio and celebrity deputy Steven Seagal:
According to the sheriff’s office, the boy had planned to beat one of his classmates at the Maricopa County school with a Wiffle Ball® bat but ended up on the wrong end of Steven Seagal’s sealskin boots instead.
Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office detectives were called to the elementary school by officials who were learned of the plot and found the student in possession of a tattered Wiffle Ball® bat.
Mas…Arpaio busts dangerous 10-year-old (with Steven Seagal’s help)
At 7:35 AM all Marta wanted was her regular coffee and pastry at the local cafe. But this morning was different.
From Pres. Barack Obama’s Second Inaugural Address: “Your baby cousin likes me because I’m more normal and have a smooshy finger? No!”
