Hey Donald Trump: Where is your college yearbook photo?
We have a question for Donald Trump:
Where is your 1968 college graduation photo? It’s not in your college yearbook, the University of Pennsylvania Record.
You’ve written that you were “very glad to get finished.” Too busy for a senior photo?
The Record also notes the Celebrity Apprentice performer comes from someplace called “Jamaica” in New York State, which doesn’t sound very American.
Come clean, Donald: Did you really graduate like you claim? And if you did, where is your photo? How about a diploma?
Otherwise, you’re fired!
Louis C.K. flies ‘First Class’ because he’s a professional asshole (video)
“First Class” from Jim Brown. (NSFW language.)
Who took the pants off? Selena Gomez in ’50 Shades of Blue’ (video)
What’s a girl to do when a love hunk comes knocking at the front door?
Romney is out of the closet and into the polling booth, girls (photos)
Mitt camps it up in this high school yearbook photo.
And in this photo taken after the first debate:
Mas…Romney is out of the closet and into the polling booth, girls (photos)
Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano on the ‘New South’ (audio)
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POCHO amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano talks to the Southern Foodways Alliance 2012 symposium “Barbecue: An Exploration of Pitmasters, Places, Smoke, and Sauce.”
Gov. Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney according to The New York Times (photo)
“At his worst, Mr. Romney sounded like a beauty pageant contestant groping for an answer to the final question…” –Editorial, The New York Times.
¿Qué tal? Leave MR. POCHO a voice mail and tell us wassup
You know MR. POCHO loves you. He loves you all night long!
That’s why he wants you pochos to give him a call and tell him what’s on your mind.
- Is there some ñews we should cruise?
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We’ll use Google Voice to turn your spoken voice mail into text and post it here. Like bits on the Internet, these are the daze of our lives.
Call 408-POCHO-28 now! Robots are standing by! (408) 762-4628
Aha! Our first caller. Let’s see what Google Voice thinks he/she had to say…
Mas…¿Qué tal? Leave MR. POCHO a voice mail and tell us wassup
Yes, I know you want me — it’s because ‘Soy Guapo’ (video)
I’m so happy Soy Guapo!. Sing along now, mujeres!
Attn Night Editor: Replace debate images, rewrite hed, update story
NIGHT EDITOR! REPLACE THIS TEXT, REWRITE THE HEADLINE AND SWAP IN NEW IMAGES BEFORE WE GO LIVE.
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney met for their final debate here tonight and blah blah bah.
The two clashed over foreign policy with Romney accusing the president of herp, derp and zoool, and Obama countering that Romney really la la la I can’t hear you.
Staged in the retiree-heavy community of Rat Mouth, where eternally-flashing left-turn signals are the law of the land and the population lives on Early Bird Specials, the debate was declared a draw by people who weren’t paying attention and a total oratorical victory for Obama by everyone else.
Boca Raton and nearby communities of Delray and Boynton Beach are fetid humid swampland still unredeemed from the biting, itching and crawling creatures that call this their natural home. The area was only chosen as the debate venue because Jerry Seinfeld’s parents live nearby and wanted to come. PAGE BREAK HERE.
Mas…Attn Night Editor: Replace debate images, rewrite hed, update story
Sofia not Latina? Disney preps real Latina princess: Meet Malinche
(PNS reporting from BURBANK) Now that an embarrassed Disney has explained that the animated character Princess Sofia the First is NOT a Latina princess, the studio was quick to announce that a real Latina princess is in the works, this time for a feature-length film.
Princess Malinche will be the heroine of Disney’s next animated film, due for release in the summer of 2014, according to a statement issued today.
The tentative cast already includes Catherine Zeta Jones as the voice of Malinche, Justin Bieber as Cortés and Paul Rodriguez as Fray Xicken.
The story of Malinche follows her idyllic upbringing in the then-Aztec empire in what is now Mexico during the early 1500s to her whirlwind romance with Spaniard Hernán Cortés, and finally to the epic drowning of her own children in the river.
Mas…Sofia not Latina? Disney preps real Latina princess: Meet Malinche
The Gap cancels entire ‘Final Solution’ line of t-shirts
(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) After the public outcry sparked by its “Manifest Destiny” t-shirt, the Gap is now cancelling its entire line of t-shirts in what was to be their signature “Final Solution” collection.
“Guess people aren’t as wild about genocide as we had hoped,” a Gap insider told PNS, “which is a damn shame.We had some great designs planned which we felt would appeal to the coveted ‘racist hipster douche’ demographic currently locked up by Urban Outfitters.”
The news came as a shock to loyal customers.
Mas…The Gap cancels entire ‘Final Solution’ line of t-shirts
Fan boys with a video blog: ‘We Love Spanglish’ (the movie)
These two fans really love the movie Spanglish, with Adam Sandler and Tea Leoni.
Hey Buenos Aires! What song are you listening to? (video)
Hey You! What Song Are You Listening To from Greg Henkel
Hey pochos — what are YOU listening to? Comments below:
Mas…Hey Buenos Aires! What song are you listening to? (video)
Ñewsweek: Rosie tells Romney, Rodriguez backs Romney, RIP Impala
These are the stories that broke the ñews this week on POCHO.
Award-winning Pocho Rican actress Rosie Perez released a video that explained how she is totally in agreement with Gov. Mitt Romney about how it SO helpful being Latino; Mexican-American Paul Rodriguez spoke up for the Rominator in a Spanish audio message we translated for you; and New Mexico was the setting for a sad story of the last unmodified 1964 Chevrolet Impala.
Mira los links:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Rosie tells Romney, Rodriguez backs Romney, RIP Impala
For undocumented students, every day is a day in ‘Limbo’ (video)
Three undocumented Los Angeles students were given small video cameras to record their lives for three months. Limbo is their story.
Sitting in limbo, eh? Jimmy Cliff knows all about that:
Mas…For undocumented students, every day is a day in ‘Limbo’ (video)
We’re up to our ears in Mexicans, so ‘Maybe I’ll vote this year’ (video)
Maybe I’ll vote this year. Really, as long as I remember where the place is and I can get a space, and if, well, it depends what’s going on that day. After all, “we’re up to our ears in Mexicans!” (An epic musical production.)
H/T LAObserved.com.
Paul Rodriguez Spanish ad for Romney now in English (video)
Mexican-born (just like his BFF’s dad!) actor and comedian Paul Rodriguez wants Latinos to vote for Gov. Mitt Romney in November and recorded 60 seconds of audio (below) to explain why. No habla Espanish? No problemo! We made this video with English titles so you can follow along.
Background footage via the Occupy Wall Street Archive.
Cypress Hill, Rusko, Damian Marley: ‘Can’t Keep Me Down’ (video)
South Gate, CA homeboys Cypress Hill released Insane in the Brain (video, below) almost 20 years ago. It’s 2012, do you know where your brain is? Why here it is — up “amongst the clouds!”
This visually stunning new music video, Can’t Keep Me Down, is a Cypress Hill collaboration with dubstep producer Rusko and Damian Marley. You totally want to maximize your video player and crank your sound for this. (Possibly NSFW lyrics.)
Here’s your flashback:
Mas…Cypress Hill, Rusko, Damian Marley: ‘Can’t Keep Me Down’ (video)
Denver man’s shocking confession: ‘I prefer flour to corn tortillas’
(PNS reporting from DENVER) Felix Garcia is out of the closet. The Five Points resident called friends and family together yesterday to confess the secret he had kept hidden for so long:
I just didn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t Mexican enough. I mean, corn is OK and everything, but oh my God, a good flour tortilla is unlike anything else!
Long considered the more “authentic” tortilla, corn tortillas have been the favorites of Mexicans from Southern Mexico for centuries, as well as Chicanos interested in joining MEChA.
Advertising executive Garcia (photo) spent most of his life feigning a preference for corn over flour, hoping that no one would notice his secret stash hidden in the deli drawer of the fridge, under the cold cuts, cream cheese and lox.
Mas…Denver man’s shocking confession: ‘I prefer flour to corn tortillas’
End of Hispanic Heritage Month leaves many unsure how to go on
(PNS reporting from BROOKLYN) Hispanic Heritage Month is over and without the corporate-approved celebration as a focus, members of the local Hispanic/Latino community aren’t really sure how they can go on being members of the local Hispanic/Latino community.
“Where do I go from here?” lamented Brooklyn native and prolific bloguera Marielena Gutierrez (photo).
“Should I tell people to call me Mary Ellen for the remaining 11 months of the year? It’s not like they ever pronounce it right anyway,” she wrote on her PobrePickle blog.
Mas…End of Hispanic Heritage Month leaves many unsure how to go on
Sometimes the hardest choice is ‘The Second Choice’ (video)
In Los Angeles, an immigrant single mom tries to teach her son to do the right thing, but talk is cheap when the rent is due tomorrow and your only income is as an unlicensed street vendor. What would you do when it all came down to The Second Choice?
Short film by Alberto Belli. Spanglish with English subtitles.
Miami braces for mass influx as Cuba lifts travel restrictions
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Restrictions that kept Cubans from fleeing the island for half a century will be lifted, according to the Communist Party Central Committee’s official newspaper, Granma.
And in a candid interview, America’s favorite Latino rebel Fidel Castro was asked how he felt America would respond to the new policy and expected exodus. He replied simply: “Fuck ‘em.”
“As part of the work under way to update the current migratory policy and adjust it to the conditions of the present and the foreseeable future, the Cuban government, in exercise of its sovereignty, has decided to again flood Miami with even more of our people because fuck America. How you like me now, bitches?” Castro told PNS.
Mas…Miami braces for mass influx as Cuba lifts travel restrictions
Michael J. Fox is Martinez McFly in ‘Back to the Future’ blooper (video)
We don’t think “Hey, puto!” was in the script.
Season of the Witch: Pinche zombies walk all over Hollywood (photos)
Halloween and Dia de Los Muertos AND Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 are approaching, and, dontcha know, the pinche zombies are getting restless. Some zombified cholas showed up at the Zombie Walk on Hollywood Boulevard Sunday and POCHO amigo photographer Dan Cooke AKA The Steel Shark was there.
Here’s a mini gallery:
Mas…Season of the Witch: Pinche zombies walk all over Hollywood (photos)
Radioambulante: When Lalo invented ‘Self Deportation’ (audio)
Lalo Alcaraz AKA Daniel D. Portado invented Self Deportation as a joke in 1994, and now it’s part of Gov. Mitt Romney’s platform. Nancy Lopez interviewed the Jefe-in-Chief for Radioambulante.
Exclusive: Obama preps ‘zingers’ for debate with Romney (photo)
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Pres. Barack Obama, stung by criticism of his lackluster performance in the first debate, is hard at work prepping for tonight’s encounter with Gov. Mitt Romney. Sources tell PNS that First Lady Michelle Obama is helping out with flashcards of “zingers” and furnished this exclusive photo.
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
Letter from Ex-MRS. POCHO: ‘All employees must vote for Romney’
Dear Employees of Pochismo, Inc.:
As most of you know, the company continues to grow in spite of the half-assed crap job you do. However, I can’t really expect you to be good at anything, considering my huevon ex-husband, MR. POCHO, is your boss. A piñata has better leadership skills than him. That is why I am taking the initiative to educate you about the upcoming election.
Currently, your lack of talent poses no threat to your job status. What does pose a threat is another four years of the Obamanation Administration.
Having been awarded a substantial portion of POCHO stock as part of our divorce settlement, I have a great interest in your financial well-being. MR. POCHO and I started this company almost 11 months ago and even though I am heiress to the Jupína soda fortune, I have put my duties of exotic travel and party-time debauchery on hold in order to focus on POCHO’s growth.
Mas…Letter from Ex-MRS. POCHO: ‘All employees must vote for Romney’
End of an era: The 1964 Chevrolet Impala is extinct in the wild
(PNS reporting from NEW MEXICO) The United States Department of Transportation (USDOT) has offically declared the 1964 Chevrolet Impala “extinct on the streets of the nation” according to USDOT spokesperson Pablo Boone, who said yesterday the last remaining unmodified Impala was “poached earlier this month in Northern New Mexico.”
The 64 Chevy Impala SS Sports Coupe with a 327-cubic-inch 5.4 L engine with matching serial numbers that went missing was owned by Bob Gallegos of Costilla, NM who inherited it from his Abuelo Eulogio. Grandpa traded 15 sheep for the vehicle in 1965 (photo from 2009, above.)
An anonymous tip lead led to a USDOT raid on Maestas’s Custom Shop in Cibola County where the Impala was found with newly-installed hydraulics and a blue metal-flake paint job.
Mas…End of an era: The 1964 Chevrolet Impala is extinct in the wild
Things were simpler then: Convenience food ad from the 50s (video)
Things were simpler then, when you didn’t have to worry about stuff like cholesterol and vegetables and carbs and gluten — the good old 1950s when a foil-wrapped TV Dinner meant a party for your mouth — a mouth party in vivid black and white! It was the Age of Tang for Pete’s sake! How many of you are old enough to remember this Mom-approved easy-to-prepare specialty, oven-ready Suck’em Downs?