Joe Arpaio of Arizona’s Maricopa County — once known as America’s toughest sheriff — was convicted in Federal court Monday of criminal contempt for racial profiling Latinos. Now what are we going to do with all our Sheriff Joe Fan art!?
“Nah,” Brewer said in an interview with the Boston Globe. “They don’t get out and vote. They don’t vote.”
What else does she foresee? Here are her Pocho Ocho Mas Loco Predictions:
8. Pigs will fly.
7. When nasty women stop provoking the average guy with slutty clothes, rapes will stop.
6. If regulators approve the AT&T-Time Warner merger, the cable guy will actually arrive between 10am and 2pm.
PREVIOUSLY ON CHICANO PUNK ROCK ARTESANO:
PREVIOUSLY ON SHERIFF JOE:
Our Especial Correspondents have been on the phone with sources in Arizona, Iowa and New York probing the thinking behind this decision and we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho Top Reasons Sheriff Joe Arpaio Will Endorse Donald Trump:
8. Pigs of a feather oink together
7. New York values
6. Spawned in the U.S.A.
Arpaio said he doesn’t have the money for attorneys, adding that he feels “targeted” by the immigration rights groups that have sued him to stop what they say are racist policies targeting Latinos, according to the Los Angeles Times.
We don’t know this man, but we’d like to shake his hand! A (Phoenix?) demonstrator with a Mexican flag totally punked the pro-Sheriff Joe crowd in this new camera phone vid uploaded Wednesday by anti-immigration protestor Tucson William. [NSFW audio — some F-bombs.]
Manu Chao recorded El Viento (The Wind) five years ago in front of Arizona Racist Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s infamous “tent city” prison, but the tapes were unreleased until now.
In this new music video, the Arizona footage is paired with scenes of would-be Honduran migrants maimed on the infamous “Beast” train (La Bestia) that runs through Mexico en route to El Norte.
NDLON (National Day Laborers Organizing Network) explains:
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Racist Sheriff Joe Arpaio claims the Federal Government’s decision to reclaim “surplus” military gear (like tanks [photo] and M16 rifles) transferred to his department is no big deal since he has already procured new weapons to replace the full-auto rifles Uncle Sam wants back.
“Hell no! We don’t need tanks and M16s for these illegals,” the Maricopa County, Arizona lawman told reporters Wednesday. “We’re getting ethnically-appropriate personnel compliance effectuators from local manufacturers. I am told these things give Mexicans the FEAR!”
The Hectors© are named for POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz’ cousin Hector (photo), who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.
And the Hector© goes to:
Sheriff Joe Arpaio broke the news in a Tweet late Wednesday night: The sheriff has a new school patrol posse, and it includes Zimmerman, a failed cop wannabe.
Here’s a better picture of this new “sworn officer” (click to enlarge):
Of course we are sensitive to the complaints from Beantown (they’re beaners after all) about Rolling Stone’s decision to make controversial Caucasian-American Dzhokhar Tsarnaev their glamorous cover boy.
But as recovering ñewspeeps ourselves, we have to point out that the accused terrorist isn’t the first villain to make it to the cover of a slick zine:
- Mass-murdering terrorist Osama bin Laden was featured on the cover of Time with nary a protest.
- Pedophile-junkie Michael Jackson has been on every magazine cover everywhere and there are no crowds of moonwalkers with picket signs.
- Few heads were turned when serial bankrupter and ignorant liar Donald J. Trump graced Modern Toupee (his issue was the second-biggest seller after the Sen. Rand Paul cover.)
And there was no outrage when Oprah Winfrey put these two masterdeporters on the cover of O magazine in March of 2012.
We have to confess, though. POCHO’s biggest dream is to get banned in Boston.
The news broke out of Phoenix late Friday, but to tell you the truth, we weren’t surprised. Judge G. Murray Snow of the United States District Court for Arizona officially declared the policing policies of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio unconstitutionally “racist.”
… the sheriff relied on racial profiling and illegal detentions to target Latinos, using their ethnicity as the main basis for suspecting they were in the country illegally. Many of the people targeted were American citizens or legal residents.
It took us a while to read the entire ruling but we went through the whole thing and came up with eight additional findings about “America’s toughest sheriff”:
(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) The media may question the newly-elected pontiff’s ethnicity, but Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio firmly believes that Pope Francis is Latino.
“His real name is Jorge and he speaks Spanish. I’m damn sure he is a Latino; he’s probably a Mexican, ” Arpaio told the monthly breakfast meeting of the Sons of the Arizona Indian Wars Wednesday.
(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has fallen and he can’t get up. The 80-year old remains in St. Joseph’s Hospital after falling and breaking his left shoulder on the way to lunch.
Doctors say they can fix him up better than ever:
Joe Arpaio, racist cop. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world’s first bionic bigot. Joe Arpaio will be that man. More racist than he was before. Hateful, senile, old.
Someone estole Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s identity and used his name to purchase groceries in Chicago. The Maricopa, AZ sheriff, unlike the pochodores here in the POCHO ñewsroom, was not amused.
We have a lot of things we’d like to purchase with Sheriff Joe’s moneh, and here are the top eight:
According to the sheriff’s office, the boy had planned to beat one of his classmates at the Maricopa County school with a Wiffle Ball® bat but ended up on the wrong end of Steven Seagal’s sealskin boots instead.
Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office detectives were called to the elementary school by officials who were learned of the plot and found the student in possession of a tattered Wiffle Ball® bat.
Thrill as Sheriff Joe Arpaio returns in a Brand New Hate-Fest for the New Year!
Hold on to your seats as Still-Not-Dead-Yet Commie Super-Hero Hugo Chavez returns to reprise two of his greatest hits!
Smirk and snicker as CNN talking head Ruben Navarrette, Jr., who graduated from Harvard in case you didn’t know, tells those lazy DREAMers to sit up straight and quit talking or HE’S GOING TO STOP THE CAR and come back there. Dr. Rudy Acuña sets him straight.
These were the stories that broke the ñews on POCHO in the first week of 2013:
(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has begun Operation Rosca, a massive sweep designed to cripple the Tres Reyes smuggling cartel — the Three Kings. The cartel smuggles babies in bread and traffics in incense and precious metals, according to “America’s toughest sheriff.”
Arapio became aware of the cartel, which “came from the east,” when concerned citizens flooded his office with calls about “Middle-Eastern-looking men smelling of incense” walking westward on McDowell Road in Phoenix’ Bethlehem neighborhood. Locals reported that they asked where the Latino barrio was located, which “aroused suspicious about their status.”
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Last week, Arizona Attorney General Tom Horne proposed putting a gun in the hands of at least one kindergartner in every school and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is running with the idea.
“America’s toughest sheriff” wants a grenade launcher for every student.
According to Sheriff Joe, after he puts armed posse members near schools, he will focus on arming every student with a personalized grenade launcher to “blow the living shit out of anything that even looks suspicious…like Mexicans.”
We tried to pick just one Top Pendejo of 2012 but we ended up with two, both from the Hate State of Arizona: Gov. Jan Brewja and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio.
The witchy woman has taken every opportunity to lie, defame, harass and impede President Obama, Mexican-American Arizonans, a woman’s right to choose, Dreamers’ rights, students’ education, a minimum level of health care for constituents, and, to keep things current, she has an A+ Rating from the NRA merchants of death.
Pigasus Joe, who only missed being thrown out of office by a slim margin in the recent Maricopa County elections, just made headlines again by vowing to parade female DUI convicts in public chain gangs. His racist enforcement of the remaining provisions of AZ SB1070 has made him particularly abhorrent to those who fight for equality and justice.
So these two pendejos will share the ignominy of our Top Pendejos of 2012 award, and here are the reasons why:
As long as the boss isn’t looking, today is the day when pochos all over America go holiday gift shopping on the Internets. If you’re not shopping at Lalo Alcaraz’s place, these Pocho Ocho gift tips (with links) will turn your Cyber Lunes from Mission Impossible to Cyber Espace Mission Accomplished:
8. Santa’s Helpers are cool, sure, but so last year! Nalgas Helpers are bringing sexy back (and backs) with their American-made line of butt thong bar stools. When the clear view is the rear view, click on over to order the furniture that will make your family room the “Best of Barrio” for 2012!