This short educational video from Mal★Mart (a Bain Capital subsidiary) explains how the retail chain is a good neighbor, supporting local communities and creating jobs all across America — with a smile. The case study features Latina entrepreneur Maria Muñoz of Maria’s Flan.
gop
Ñewsweek: Romney rocked, America crocked, FDR shocked
It’s Mitt Romney’s world, and we just live in it.
This ñewsweek the GOP presidential wannabe filled up POCHO’s infotainment bandwidth with debate shenanigans, Big Bird bashing, Latino-loving at Chipotle and a new commercial shot on Los Angeles’ Olvera Street.
Reaction from around the country included emergency rooms overflowing with debate drinking game alcohol poisoning cases, the previously dead Franklin Delano Roosevelt rising from grave and making a YouTube appearance, y mas mas more.
The most popular stories this week:
Forget Big Bird! Meet Señor Loro, the Latino parrot candidate (video)
From Los Titeres (the puppets): Don’t waste your vote on the phony mainstream yellow bird candidate until you consider wasting your vote on the Puppet Party’s Latino red parrot candidate — Señor Loro for Presidente! (Borderline NSFW language and a disturbing bird bigote.)
Video by Felix Pire. LosTiteresTV is on Facebook and on the Internets.
–Freelancer Junior Wences PhD writes by hand.
Pocho Ocho moderators we’d like to see at the next debate
With complaints about debate moderator Jim Lehrer’s stupid questions and complete lack of huevos filling the mediascape, we came up with a list of the Pocho Ocho moderators we’d like to see at the next debate:
8. Machete
7. The Wu-Tang Clan
6. Paul Mooney
5. Andrew Dice Clay
Mas…Pocho Ocho moderators we’d like to see at the next debate
@MexicanMitt Romney: I’m prepped y ready for Debate Number Juan
I AM TANNED, RESTED AND READY. AND MORE TANNED.
AJUA! I have been preparing all night for my debate against BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA. Tonight there will be A LOT OF JUAN ON JUAN MASTERDEBATING. I will right ALL THE LEFT-LEANING POLLS with my victory!
I will completely dominate, not LIKE A BOSS, but LIKE A CEO. I want you to take a break from your MOOCHING and FREELOADING to watch me mop up the floor with Obama like I was one of ANN’s FEARFUL SERVANTS.
HERMAN CAIN did not work out as OBAMA DEBATE STAND-IN (all his answers were “NINE NINE NINE”) SO NOW I PRACTICE AGAINST A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF URKEL.
Mas…@MexicanMitt Romney: I’m prepped y ready for Debate Number Juan
BFFs Mitt, Darryl visit Latino sites for Hispanic Heritage Month (photos)
They hooked up Tuesday when the candidate visited a Denver-area Chipotle.
Then GOP presidential candidate and Latino-lover Mitt Romney and new BFF Darryl went on a bromance tour of other important Latino institutions to mark Hispanic Heritage Month, as seen in this photo of their visit to Sophia Vergara’s breasts. (She recently described her chi-chis as a “pain in the ass.“)
Inspired by Vergara, the duo made a few more estops:
Mas…BFFs Mitt, Darryl visit Latino sites for Hispanic Heritage Month (photos)
As predicted, Romney does it gangnam style (NSFW video)
With some reports showing Gov. Mitt Romney’s support is lagging with younger voters, the candidate decided he’d join the gangnam style video parody crowd. (NSFW language.)
Latino-lover Romney visits a Chipotle store for a photo opportunity
Latino-loving GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney stopped by a Denver Chipotle outlet for a photo-opportunity today. What’s for lonche, Mitt?
- MORE PHOTOS LIKE THIS: BFFs Mitt, Darryl visit Latino sites for Hispanic Heritage Month (photos)
Romney campaign’s latest commercial shot on Olvera Street (video)
Gov. Mitt Romney reaches out to Latino voters in this new Hispanic Heritage Month commercial filmed in downtown Los Angeles’ historic Olvera Street neighborhood.
RELATED:
Ñewsweek: Mitt’s party pix, Mayan survival tips, Latino outreach
POCHO photogs landed in Florida just in time to capture candid snapshots of Gov. Mitt Romney’s scandalous party escapades, we published a handy CLIP & SAVE Guide to preparing your Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 Survival Kit and uncovered the frat-boys-gone-wild music video that rich college student Romney made with his friends — it’s (surprise! surprise!) Mexican-themed and all about Dinero.
These top stories broke the ñews this week:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Mitt’s party pix, Mayan survival tips, Latino outreach
Wild! @MexicanMitt Romney and frat bros in music video: ‘Dinero’
In his freshman year at Stanford, @MexicanMitt Romney and his Kappa Lota Gelta fraternity brothers made a music video under the name Joe King Carrasco and the Crowns. In retrospect, Dinero seems prophetic, showing the future Bean Capitalist’s magic carpet knack for amassing large amounts of other people’s cash. (The future Mrs. Ann Romney is on keyboards.)
In other news, @MexicanMitt’s campaign released a new poster:
Mas…Wild! @MexicanMitt Romney and frat bros in music video: ‘Dinero’
Quick, hide! The GOP is channeling my dead Abuelita!
Some people think the Republican Party has gone crazy; others just think they are severely out of touch.
Both of these assumption are wrong.
The GOP has been possessed by the spirit of my dear late Abuela Elisa to spite me for being such a malcriada. If you don’t believe en los espiritos, explain this:
‘Mitt Romney Latino Outreach’ ad seeks Colorado votes (video)
Gov. Mitt Romney’s campaign has released another commercial aimed at Latino voters. This one is designed for the Colorado electorate.
Ferengi-Americans endorse Romney: ‘We totally admire his greed’
(PNS reporting from SALT LAKE CITY) Gov. Mitt Romney‘s Presidential campaign, which has little support outside its base of old, ignorant white people, picked up a key “ethnic” endorsement late Sunday as the Ferengi-American Political Action Committee (FAPAC) backed his White House bid.
“Frankly,” FAPAC Grand Nagus Ishka told a hastily-called press conference here, “he had us at ‘corporations are people, my friend’ but when we started matching up his beliefs with the Rules of Acquisition we knew he was our guy! We totally admire his greed.”
FAPAC released a photograph (above) of the group after a meeting with the candidate at the majestic Mormon Temple here and passed out a chart showing their similar philosophies:
Mas…Ferengi-Americans endorse Romney: ‘We totally admire his greed’
Ñewsweek: Romney el moreno; no photo, no voto; santo monkey
POCHO’s ñewsweek was all about the Mittster as the GOP wannabe wished he were a puro Latino, dissed half of America and looked mysteriously moreno on a Univision appearance.
But wait, there’s more! Sarah Silverman explained how the GOP is trying to keep you from voting, Latinas have racist vaginas, and that new monkey species discovered in Africa reminded us of…JESUS?
The links:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Romney el moreno; no photo, no voto; santo monkey
Esteban Colberto explains Romney’s Latino outreach effort (video)
It’s not going to be easy for Gov. Mitt Romney to win Latino votes, but Esteban Colberto lays out the possible approaches
@MexicanMitt: Corrected subtitles for my Univision appearance
Those vendidos at Univision‘s Espanish subtitling department are lying Cubanos and they hate Mexicans like me. That is the ONLY EXPLANATION I have for the way they translated my remarks for my Espanish-speaking friends.
Here is what I really said:
So-called transcript: But the truth is as you know my dad was born of American parents living in Mexico.
Correct subtitle: YO SER MEXI-MORMON GUERO
The immigration system, I think we all agree, is broken and it’s been a political football for years. MEXICANOS DEBER EL SELF-DEPORTO
Mas…@MexicanMitt: Corrected subtitles for my Univision appearance
Pocho Ocho reasons Romney appeared so ‘dark’ on Univision
The Internets are buzzing with questions about about Gov. Mitt Romney’s appearance on last night’s Univision forum live from Miami. Digerati are confused about what he said AND how he looked.
POCHO’s Campaign Team 2012 was online all night handling their news sources to find the Pocho Ocho reasons the candidate looked so dark-skinned:
8. Was present at explosion at enchilada sauce factory
7. Stayed in a sauna too long with Speaker John Boehner
6. He is a huge Annoying Orange fan
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Romney appeared so ‘dark’ on Univision
Al Madrigal, Jessica Williams to Jon Stewart: Minorities = lucky (video)
Mitt Romney wishes he were a Latino because it would bring him advantages he didn’t have as a rich white kid from the suburbs. On The Daily Show, POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal and his minority TDS office-mate Jessica Williams explain to Jon Stewart how that works.
The Mitt Romney is on Univisión’s hot seat drinking game
GOP Presidential nominee Gov. Mitt Romney will be in the hot seat on Univisión at 7PM PDT tonight. Anchors Jorge Ramos and María Elena Salinas will ask him questions in Spanish, and Latino wannabe Romney will respond in English.
It’s an ideal time to bust out your Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila for a drinking game! Every time Mitt Romney does something from Column A, take a drink according to the rules in Column B:
Mas…The Mitt Romney is on Univisión’s hot seat drinking game
@MexicanMitt Romney: It would be helpful to be ME
I say that jokingly, but it would be helpful to be Latino.
Sometimes I say the DARNDEST THINGS. As a Republican Presidential candidate with a good chance of unseating an incumbent Presidente, it is very important to watch what you say. But I keep on saying CREYSY CHET.
It’s as if I’m not aware that I am ALREADY LATINO. I am already enjoying the benefits of being MORE LATINO THAN SHOULD BE LEGALLY ALLOWED.
People really don’t realize that Mexican Mitt Romney is SOOOO LATINO. Let me help the still clueless. My PADRE was born in CHIHUAHUA on a RANCHO. (Rancho is Spanish for MORMON POLYGAMOUS COMPOUND.) His parents had Self-Deported to Mexico before the Mexican Revolution, and Self-Deported back during. Then they were on government assistance. WHOOPS, THAT WAS A PRETTY MEXICAN THING TO DO.
Randy Newman: ‘I’m Dreaming of a White President’ (video, audio)
Randy Newman weighs in on the election with I’m Dreaming of a White President.
Here’s streaming audio and a free download:
Mas…Randy Newman: ‘I’m Dreaming of a White President’ (video, audio)
Ñewsweek: Romney? Ya No Más, I wish I were Latino; iPhone La Raza
Que busy ñewsweek!
Say hello to Angry Abuelas, pochos. The new iPhone 5 — code-named La Raza — is especially designed for Latinos.
Two videos broke the news: GOP presidential wannabe Mitt Romney wished he were a puro Latino and his campaign released a new Spanish-language ad aimed at “white Hispanics.”
In science ñews, cilantro haters breathed a sigh of relief as genetics proved it was not their fault and the new African monkey species looks familiar somehow.
Here are the links:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Romney? Ya No Más, I wish I were Latino; iPhone La Raza
Mitt Romney: ‘If I were a Latino, I’d be doing much better’ (video)
From the You Can’t Make This Shit Up Department: Gov. Willard “Mitt” Romney, Republican candidate for Presidente of the United Estates, wishes things were a little different. Would he self-deport?
Thanks to LatinoRebels.com for the tip.
Pocho Ocho reasons Latinos weren’t turned on by political conventions
The political conventions are finally over and the poll results are in: Latinos don’t really care.
How can this be!? The Democrats saw the GOP’s Rubio and raised them two Castros!
To help our political friends understand, here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Latino voters were not turned on by the conventions:
8. No piñatas crafted in the opponent’s likeness.
7. No sophisticated flamenco dance numbers performed by kindergarteners.
6. No midgets.
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Latinos weren’t turned on by political conventions
Romney’s new ‘Ya No Más’ ad for Latinos (captioned video)
Republican standard-bearer Gov. Willard “Mitt” Romney has released a new Spanish-language TV commercial. If you don’t hablar, we’ve prepared an English-subtitled/captioned version for your enlightenment.
Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium
Is brown the new black?
That’s the question POCHO asked in a massively-popular photo essay that featured Japanese women who dress like cholas. They make ‘gang’ signs, they pose and they mad-dog the camera. Is this a good thing?
Political coverage broke most of the ñews this week as just-released-from-Twitterham-jail @MexicanMitt Romney debuted a music video and had lots to say about the Democratic Convention in Dixie, especially that Bill Clinton guey.
Here are POCHO’s big estories:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium
@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!
COMO CHINGA ESE OBAMA.
If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA!
There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face.
Even Julian Castro’s Menudo Cook-Off-winning abuela could not boil enough pansa for Americans to stomach four more years of Marxist Socialist Communism Veganism. I have no facts to back that up, but GUATEVER. I don’t need facts, I AM A RICH DUDE.
As for the actual Democrap convention, here’s my review: