It’s across the street from St. John’s Cathedral in Fresno, CA. Maria Ybarra thinks it manifests a Godly miracle, dripping Holy Water from Heaven. A local tree expert says it’s aphid poop. The Archdiocese has no comment.
Year: 2013
Japanese Doritos put a whole new twist on ‘caliente’ (photos)
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Don’t ask us how we found these images. That’s between us and the NSA. Big versions below:
Mas…Japanese Doritos put a whole new twist on ‘caliente’ (photos)
Breaking: Marketing to Latins? Talk Latin to us, activists say
(PNS reporting from UPTON ABBEY, MI) Frater Cassius the Yon was adamant.
“In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti,” he insisted in a rare English-language interview Sunday. “There is no such thing as Latin dancing, unless you mean the “dance of death” from the Black Plague. And Latin music is Gregorian chants, Enya and Necrodeath. Ain’t nobody got no time for that! Tempus fugit!”
Mas…Breaking: Marketing to Latins? Talk Latin to us, activists say
@SaraChicaD: In Texas, Guadalupe photobombs you (Vine video)
“It’s very Catholic where I was in Texas,” Subcommandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón emailed the POCHO Ñewsroom from an undisclosed location in the Lone Star State.
“Mess around and la Virgen gets all up in your grill!” she wrote.
Follow Calderón on Twitter where’s she’s @SaraChicad.
[With these Vine videos you need to click on the speaker icon in the top left corner to hear WTF is happening.]
Who was ‘Little Latin Lupe Lu’? Three bands loved this chica! (videos)
Who was she? Who was the high-flying Guadalupe who inspired all the boys to sing about her hotness 50 years ago? The Righteous Brothers were first in 1963 with the original Little Latin Lupe Lu, followed by the Kingsmen, and then Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels.
Orange County native Bill Medley of the Righteous Brothers, who wrote the song, said he was inspired by a girl he dated named Lupe Laguna. Where is Lupe Lu now? Medley tells the story in this YouTube interview:
Mas…Who was ‘Little Latin Lupe Lu’? Three bands loved this chica! (videos)
Write for POCHO, earn the respect of your peers, mas o menos
Face it, pochos, money can’t buy you love. But respect —
And that’s why we want to remind you once again of a very special opportunity to earn the respect of your peers, street cred in your neighborhood and, possibly, the approbation of total strangers from all across the InterT00bZ, if not actual cash.
All you need to do is to send POCHO your dreams and nightmares for distribution on the World Wide Web — for the greater good of humanity.
Send original photos, videos, cartoons, illustrations, short stories and ñews that will amuse, titillate and elevate America.
Is that so much to ask? Srsly. These recent gems all came from “regular” folks just like you:
Mas…Write for POCHO, earn the respect of your peers, mas o menos
@SaraChicaD: My Pocho Ocho favorite foods (video)
POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón (also known as @SaraChicaD on the Twitter) is very particular about the foods she likes. Here are her Pocho Ocho faves…
Marina’s Way: A Cyber-Novela [Chapter One]
Marina is exhausted but exhilarated. Her entrails are convulsing violently as she pumps hundreds of rounds into the hordes of CSA Minutemen coming at her from all sides. After two sleepless nights of hard battle, she can barely hold onto the trigger, which is a throttle gyrating wildly in her hands.
She is emptying magazines from eight different machine guns placed strategically on the exoskeleton of her BattleBot or “Bot.” Bots are oversized suits of armor, equipped with lasers, machine guns, rocket launchers, grenades, poison gas canisters and other weapons systems.
Bots are operated by specialized Bot Pilots working deep inside the steel behemoths, which weigh thousands of pounds and stand five stories high. BattleBots were secretly developed by the U.S. Army and were now widely used by armies around the world.
“Incoming,” squawks Marina’s radar. “Shit! Some pinche vendido traitor ratted us out,” Marina hisses into her headset as fighter jets roar overhead and the forest explodes all around her.
Illegal American and European boat people heading for Peru (video)
They’re coming on boats and rafts from the United Estates and the Eurozone to this country on the Pacific Coast of South America — a representative democratic republic divided into 25 regions — to live The Peruvian Dream.
Diego Luna teaches Conan O’Brien Spanish: ‘¡Que pedo!’ (video)
Elysium star Diego Luna gives late-night host Conan O’Brien un poco de ayuda. No mames!
‘El Norte:’ Guatemalan teaches how to speak like a Mexican (video)
When a Guatemalen refugee fleeing the civil war of the 1980s is about to cross into Mexico on a journey to the U.S. — El Norte — he gets helpful advice on how to talk like a Mexican — hablar como Mexicano. [NSFW if people in your office don’t like Mexican obscenity.] Thanks to Laurita for the link!
Car-to-car video: Mexican chair-dances to music, shakes maracas
Twitter/Vine user YoungGod was driving along and he looked to the car on his left and found a vato who knows how to party! Is this Maracas Man you, or someone you know? [With these Vine videos, you need to click on the speaker icon in the top left corner to hear the sound.]
Pocho Ocho other smartphone alerts besides Amber Alerts
The Golden State’s smartphone users were startled late Monday night and early Tuesday morning as their phones buzzed, beeped and/or flashed an Amber Alert, the very first issued by the California Highway Patrol.
The Los Angeles Times reports:
It’s all thanks to the Wireless Emergency Alert program, a cellphone version of the Emergency Alert System that gives you the high-pitched test tone on your television.
Cellphone owners receive messages automatically, based on their proximity to the emergency, not based on their phone number.
And while accused kidnapper James Lee DiMaggio and kidnap victims Hannah Anderson, 16, and Ethan Anderson, 8, are still missing, cellphone owners have found that their iPhones, Androids and BlackBerries have the potential to issue alerts for all sorts of things.
Here are the Pocho Ocho potential alerts you probably weren’t aware of:
8. The Meta Amber Alert: Another Amber Alert is coming soon, so don’t freak the hell out
7. Like A Good Neighbor Alert: George Zimmerman just joined your Neighborhood Watch
6. Stinking Badges Alert: Sheriff Joe Arpaio is rounding up a posse
Accent Training: How to do a Mexican accent (video)
Do ju know how to talk like a Mexican? Watch thees video by voice and speech coach Andrea Caban and ju will learn how to speak Mexican. Ju know?
PREVIOUSLY ON TALK LIKE A MEXICAN:
Is it too late for Mother Earth? Is there ‘Espero?’ (Esperanto video)
You may not even need the English subtitles to understand this short Esperanto-language animation from England, but here’s a cheat sheet: Mother Earth AKA Gaia seems to be doing fine until Humanity comes along. Is her decline inevitable, or is there Espero?
If El Santo is having a bad day doesn’t mean you should (video)
An attack on another is an attack on oneself. El Santo learns his lesson, Jodorowsky style.
UFW vs UO: Corporate hipsters discover cool Chicano logo *UPDATED
In an incredibly outrageous and facepalming culture vulture move, the overpriced and underimaginative mall rat chain Urban Outfitters has done it again.
UO has willfully and bald-facedly swiped the iconic and pride-inducing United Farm Workers Union eagle logo and transformed it into crap denim shirt fodder for their slave-made clothing.
Wonderfully hipstery and ironic, que no, that clothing factory wage slaves in the Third World make a shirt with a logo that represents the struggle to improve migrant farmworkers’ lives in the U.S. so they are not slaving away in Third World working conditions.
Mas…UFW vs UO: Corporate hipsters discover cool Chicano logo *UPDATED
GOP alerts Congressmen on vacay to ‘looming threat of liberalism’
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) As the Republican-controlled House of Representatives left town for a five-week paid vacation, GOP leaders warned members returning to their home districts to be on high alert because of unspecified “threats of liberalism.”
“These liberals are out there with their ‘logic and facts and science,’ and all our malarkey will Ben Ghazi in our faces if we’re not careful,” Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) cautioned in a memo to his partisans Friday.
“Members are urged to stay close to their vacation retreats in gate-guarded communities, hunting lodges, country clubs and private marinas,” Boehner wrote, “and avoid potentially hazardous areas that may harbor liberals and their sympathizers. College campuses, where Republicans can easily get bamboozled by Improvised Intellectual Debates (IIDs), are particularly dangerous.”
Mas…GOP alerts Congressmen on vacay to ‘looming threat of liberalism’
Ciro Hurtado, guitar; April Espejo, dance: ‘La Negrita Tomasa’ (video)
There’s not much to this video. Ciro Hurtado plays his original composition La Negrita Tomasa on acoustic guitar as Julio Ledezma keeps the beat on the cajon. Radiant dancer April Espejo celebrates in bare feet on an empty wooden stage. No effects. No vocals. Perfectly sweet and wonderful.
Moses y Jesús team up in ‘Prophetic Fight for Immigrant Rights’ (video)
When Moses attracts the attention of the MIGRA, he seeks out his amigo Jesús for some help. Can this Holy Tag Team come up with a miracle to defeat the haters? [Written and produced by: Josh Healey. Directed by: Yvan Iturriaga. Starring: Corey Fischer (Moses), Richard Montoya (Jesús), and Jeri Lynn Cohen (Zippy). Produced by: Favianna Rodriguez. Executive Produced by: Culture Strike.]
As the Duck Farts: El Pato demands POCHO retract ‘sketchy salsa’ story
An attorney who claims to represent Walker Foods, U.S. distributors of El Pato (The Duck) salsa, demanded Thursday that POCHO “retract and correct” parts of our story Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead, even though he acknowledges it is satire.
Downtown Los Angeles lawyer Robert M. Newell, Jr. also wants POCHO to “remove the contrived picture showing what purports to be a bottle of El Pato Salsa Picante bearing a skull and crossbones,” adding that the “story is puro pedo!” (The letter is below.)
Mas…As the Duck Farts: El Pato demands POCHO retract ‘sketchy salsa’ story
Nail art by @SaraChicaD: The Frida Kahlo look (video)
What? Stand up for Pochas everywhere with some chingon nails? Frida Kahlo nail art with a unibrow and bigote? Show me how it’s done, @SaraChicaD!
Mahatma Dandys: Turning your ‘Miedos’ into sueños (music video)
Alternative folk-rock collective the Mahatma Dandys: They’re on your video, turning miedos (fears) into sueños (dreams.)
Legal Notice of Counsel: Contact Sanchez Bros Attorney-at-Law
This legal notice designating an Attorney of Record is herewith, hereby and homeboy published, August 2 2013, March 15 2012, May 29 2012, and August 31 2012 pursuant the requirements of the Aztlan Judicical Unity Act (AJUA) of 1997.
For any y all legal matters pertaining to Pochismo, Inc., DBA POCHO and POCHO DOT COM, please contact
Attorney-At-Law Sanchez Bros, Pocho City, CA @ 408-POCHO-28.
Sheriff Joe taps George Zimmerman for school posse (photos)
(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Now we know why child killer George Zimmerman was speeding through Texas with a gun in his vehicle — he was on his way to a new gig in Maricopa County, AZ.
Sheriff Joe Arpaio broke the news in a Tweet late Wednesday night: The sheriff has a new school patrol posse, and it includes Zimmerman, a failed cop wannabe.
Here’s a better picture of this new “sworn officer” (click to enlarge):
Mas…Sheriff Joe taps George Zimmerman for school posse (photos)
Elise Roedenbeck: U.S. needs to adjust to new Latino reality (video)
TV network Univision is numero uno and Latinos are fast becoming America’s new demographic champions. Our MiJA, Elise Rodenbeck, offers some advice for gringos on dealing with this new reality. Hint: Food is “spicy,” women are not.
Mas…Elise Roedenbeck: U.S. needs to adjust to new Latino reality (video)
Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead
NBC reports that El Pato Salsa Picante has been withdrawn from the American market because tests found it was contaminated with lead. El Pato is just one of several Mexican salsa brands that contain the poisonous substance, according to scientists at the University of Nevada Las Vegas.
Of course, there’s no way lead is the only nasty in these little bottles. And sure enough — buried in footnotes at the bottom of the report — are the Pocho Ocho OTHER sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce:
8. The average Cholula bottle contains 10 micrograms per deciliter of the “Bacillus Botas Picudas”, an organic pathogen thought to be behind the craving for pointy boots.
7. Habaneros chiles may be the top ingredient in El Yucateco Salsa Picante de Chile Habanero, but lurking at the bottom of the list are 8.8 micrograms per deciliter of “Barba Habanera,” said to be a homeopathic solution of hair scraped from Comrade Fidel’s razor.
Mas…Pocho Ocho sketchy substances in Mexican hot sauce besides lead
MR. POCHO goes to Washington, DC (photos)
I accompanied MR. POCHO on a trip to Washington, D.C. He said if we took photos and put them online then the trip would be deductible as a business expense. OK, then.
After we visited the White House, we went to look at where our money went — over at the Department of the Treasury:
Awkwafina: GOP! I don’t have to show you my steenking vag (NSFW vid)
Hands off my lady parts, you GOP pervs. My vag is awesome! (NSFW adult lyrics.)
And from Favianna Rodriguez, this NSFW poster…
Mas…Awkwafina: GOP! I don’t have to show you my steenking vag (NSFW vid)
Unfunny ‘Latino’ sitcom debuts Sunday, people will watch anyhow
(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Newcomer John Gomez stars as The John Gomez Show premieres Sunday night, the latest sitcom starring a Latino that is destined to join the long line of Latino TV shows that suck.
John and his sweet, sexy wife Lisa are a happily-married couple with two children. Daughter Rosie is just turning the corner to teenager, and son Sam is a precocious — oh, forget about the plot line, it promises to simply suck big time.
“It’s a formula for failure,” declared Hispanic TV audiences everywhere.
“I will watch it no matter how bad it is. Juan Gomez is one of our own, even though he is the unfunniest Latino on the planet,” said Latina inactivist Vera Tellez.
Mas…Unfunny ‘Latino’ sitcom debuts Sunday, people will watch anyhow