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It’s Not News to Us

Hey, Hollywood! Peep your next Pocho Ocho Latino TV blockbusters

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In an effort to capture the growing Latino audience, Grammy-winning producer Emilio Estefan (better known for marrying Gloria Estafan), will be producing a Latino-themed TV drama. Estafan hopes to create a show that will attract a Latino audience without “demeaning roles.”

Good luck Emilio! There’s no better example of Latino pride than El Chavo del Ocho!

Here are our suggested top eight Latino-themed tv dramas:

8. Dos Mujeres, Un Doctor Who – A handsome Time Lord battles evil MIGRA robots while forced to choose between two sexy companions.
7. Frijole & Isles – (pero que? son patas?)
6. Mariachi Medium – A man has visions of violent crimes while playing the tuba in shiny pants.

Mas…Hey, Hollywood! Peep your next Pocho Ocho Latino TV blockbusters

When the going gets loco, locos turn pro: ‘Roberto’s Dreams’ (video)

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Roberto’s Dreams comes straight from today’s headlines. Roberto has been laid off, Angelica cleans houses to make ends meet and 10-year-old daughter Brittany struggles to reconcile her Latino roots and her American education. Roberto opts for the American Dream of being his own jefe and decides to start his own business: The first Latino green cleaning business in North Carolina.

Perspective: UN adds Salma Hayek’s breasts to world heritage list

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[Editor’s Note: With all the attention Salma Hayek’s been getting about pride in her Mexican heritage or lack thereof, POCHO wants to put things in perspective. This story first appeared on June 4.]

(PNS reporting from GENEVA) The U.N.’s Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) has added Salma Hayek’s breasts to the official list of the world’s greatest cultural assets.

Joining the Pyramids in Egypt, the Eiffel Tower in France, the Taj Mahal in India and the Great Wall of China, the Mexican-American actresses’ ample bosom is now acclaimed as one of the great “Cultural Wonders of the World.”

Mas…Perspective: UN adds Salma Hayek’s breasts to world heritage list

Jesus Christos and His 12 Apostle-Luchadores: ‘The Last Fiesta’ (toons)

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Jesus drinks Corona, of course, and tacos, taquitos and burritos are on the menu in this painting of the Last Fiesta by Pale Horse, a fine art illustrator. Who is that drinking Tecate?

Pale Horse writes:

The Last Fiesta’ is my 12-skateboard deck shout-out to Leonardo da Vinci’s ‘The Last Supper’ with Jesus Christos and his 12 Luchador apostles getting down one last time. This piece was created for my solo exhibit Saints & Sinners, here at the Pale Horse Studio. Hand-made shadow box by Casey Paquet.

Mas…Jesus Christos and His 12 Apostle-Luchadores: ‘The Last Fiesta’ (toons)

Louis CK: ‘I came to America as a little Mexican boy’ (video)

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As Seen on Conan: Comedian Louis CK was in Arizona (of course — where else?) when his driver started spewing some racist crap…

[Editor’s Note: Oh my! It looks like this video, which dates from January, is suddenly not kosher. Who knew? Our apologies to those of you who tuned in late. And to the thousands who did get to see it on POCHO before Big Brother came around — that was some funny stuff, eh?]

Hot improv mob gets all wet Hermosa at Black Tie Beach Party (photos)

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Those intrepid improvisationalists from GuerillaLAImprov (photo, right) staged their Second Annual Black Tie Beach Party at Hermosa Beach Saturday, and POCHO amigo and ace photog Dan Cooke was there.

Black Tie Beach? Huh? You get all dressed up like you’re going to the prom and then you go swimming. What’s so hard to understand about that? Especially in this weather.

Peep these big versions of the shenanigans and check out the link to the complete Beach Tie Beach Party photo album:

Mas…Hot improv mob gets all wet Hermosa at Black Tie Beach Party (photos)

Guns, drugs, a plane – three men on ‘La Cañada (The Cliff)’ [video]

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La Cañada (The Cliff) A film by Carlo Corea. Spanish with English subtitles (Spanish dialog NSFW if people at work don’t like Spanish adult language.)

Emilio and Nicolás, two drug dealers, are filling up their private plane with packages of cocaine in the Mexican mountains when a peasant stumbles into their operation. The Indio asks for a ride to the other side of the cliff.

The decision divides Nico (the boss) and Emilio (his helper), who must face the consequences of their decisions.

Mas…Guns, drugs, a plane – three men on ‘La Cañada (The Cliff)’

Work in ‘The Office’? You need our Pocho Ocho Pro Tips for Latinos

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8. Don’t wear your sombrero to the office — unless it’s casual sombrero Friday.

7. If you are going to speak in Spanish at the office, talk shit about your non-Spanish speaking co-workers.

6. Respond with “Yes, I am an immigrant” when your co-workers ask you where you are from. You don’t want to be rude and tell them you were actually born in Chicago, now do you?

Mas…Work in ‘The Office’? You need our Pocho Ocho Pro Tips for Latinos

Rover on Mars, Negroes in space and ‘Whitey on the Moon’ (videos)

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As NASA’s rover Curiosity blazes new trails on Mars, POCHO recognizes the space agency’s racial advances since the early days, ’57 or ’58.  It was a different time. (NSFW language.)

And it was a different time in the 1970s when poet Gil Scott-Heron recorded his rap/poem Whitey On the Moon as well. Or not so much:

Mas…Rover on Mars, Negroes in space and ‘Whitey on the Moon’ (videos)

Letter to the Editor: Do not be pissed crazy from being an expert

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Keep your goals dumpy and simple-hearted as you start on a unknown pertinence program. You can without difficulty bowl over yourself if, after a lifetime of being a tete-…-tete potato, you settle on you should be masterly to get the lead out of one’s pants 10 miles at chuck-full alacrity on the treadmill.

At the beginning, keep your goals simple. Start to with well-deserved a trek for a few minutes every other day. Vocation up to longer and more frequent walks as you progress.

A famous health inside information is to dispatch pictures of yourself on online forums to get a critique of your physique. Getting a critique of your bodily structure from other people can aide you look at where your weak areas are. It’s easier exchange for a alien to look at your portion objectively.

Mas…Letter to the Editor: Do not be pissed crazy from being an expert

‘La Cucaracha’ salutes Hollywood great Lupe Ontiveros (toon)

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I drew this tribute obituary comic strip for the great actress and activist Lupe Ontiveros,  who passed away on July 26. In this strip, Vero, Eddie and Cuco send off Lupe as she appears before her Hollywood Walk of Fame star in the sky. Lupe was a one-of-a-kind soul who brought lots of joy to many.

This image was displayed at her rosary and wake.

Read more about Lupe here, and see more La Cucaracha comics at Go Comics.

Sassy cutie Armida stars in 1944’s ‘Machine Gun Mama’ (video)

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(Machine Gun Mama, 1944, 60 mins) Two Brooklyn fishes-out-of-water are south of the border when their truck breaks down on the way to deliver an elephant. (Yes. On the way to deliver an elephant. This lightweight comedy is big on gags and short on plot.) Luckily (!) they run into a roadside Mexican circus-carnival-sideshow. Homegirl cutie-pie Armida is hysterical as the sassy female circus star. Listen to her curse at the gringos in Spanish!

Who is Armida? From IMDB:

Mas…Sassy cutie Armida stars in 1944’s ‘Machine Gun Mama’ (video)

Wikipedia: Please add these Pocho Ocho ethnic slurs for Mexicans

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Can’t get no respect, not even from Wikipedia.

The online encyclopedia offers a comprehensive entry on ethnic slurs:

  • Bad names for Italians? Wikipedia is right there with Dago, Goombah, Greaseball, Guido, Guinea and Wop.
  • Wikipedia offers a shoutout to the Jews: Hymie, Kike, Mocky, Hebe and Sheeny.
  • African-Americans? Wikipedia has you covered: Coon, Crow, Boogie, Eggplant, Macacaca, Sambo and Spook.

And yet there is no listing of nasty names for Latinos in general, let alone Mexicans. No pinche respect!

So, pochos, if you’re Wikipedia editors, please note our Pocho Ocho top ethnic slurs for Mexicans:

Mas…Wikipedia: Please add these Pocho Ocho ethnic slurs for Mexicans

Nasty Nalgas Research: Stressed out guys like big butts (with videos)

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I am always so proud when humanity expands the frontiers of knowledge. Scientific American reports the result of a new study:

The team took college men and had half of them perform a stressful task unrelated to food or money which raised their cortisol levels. They then asked the stressed and unstressed men to take a look at some images of women, and rate their attractiveness. The images varied in body size, from underweight to obese. Finally, they recorded the participants own weight, height, and hunger status, as controlling variables.

The results were clear. The stressed out guys preferred a larger body size than their relaxed counterparts – but that was not all. “Men experiencing stress not only perceive a heavier female body size as maximally attractive, but also more positively perceive heavier female body sizes and have a wider range of body sizes considered physically attractive.

There may be less to this than meets the eye, according to colleague Victor Payan:

Mas…Nasty Nalgas Research: Stressed out guys like big butts (with videos)

Remake of Spanish classic, this ‘Lazarillo Z’ has zombies (trailer)

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In this remake of the 16th-Century Spanish-language novel, The Life of Lazarillo de Tormes and of His Fortunes and Adversities, we follow the adventures of young Lazarillo Z. He’s just a poor boy, from a poor family, who has to live by his wits after being sold to a series of cruel masters. In this upcoming production from Spain, everyone’s tryin’ bring the poor kid down, including zombies. And the trailer has a totally unexpected ending. (Spanish with English subtitles. Gory zombie stuff.)

Dear Abuelita: Sporting man, subway kind of love, these kids today

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Dear Abuelita,
The fourth race at Hollywood Park Friday night (mares and fillies, 5 1/2 furlongs, three-year-olds and up) appears very competitive to me, but analysis indicates I should look closely at #7 La Sancha, with 117-pound jockey V. Espinoza holding the reins. Some handicappers maintain that the predicted hot weather points to #5 Onyx Be Good with jockey A. Perez at 112 pounds; the hope is the lighter load will be easier in the heated air. Any thoughts?
A horse is a horse

Dear Exacta mente,
Who do you think I am? Charles Bukowski, or worse your pinche bookie? So you like mares and fillies with 5 1/2 furlongs. I thought waxing was the “in” thing these days.

Well, seeing how you’re looking at La Sancha, it’s safe to say you like the exotic wagers. Smart move, you can kill two ponies with a two-peso quinella and come out quite the stud. Speaking of stud, what say you meet me with your winnings at the Turf Club? Remember to dress “smart casual.” I’ll be in my fancy muumuu.

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Sporting man, subway kind of love, these kids today

The Pope’s Pocho Ocho relaxed rules for Catholics besides condoms

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Pope Benedict XVI‘s 2010 statement that condoms are OK to prevent the spread of HIV is getting new attention now that some religious institutions are fighting a mandate to offer birth control as part of employee health plans.

The Pontiff’s relaxing the rules on condoms was mostly overlooked when he made it, along with Pocho Ocho other changes in Catholic doctrine you might not be aware of:

8. Premarital sex still forbidden except on alternate side of the week Thursdays.

7. It’s now OK to refer to the Three Wise Men as the Three Wise Dudes.

6. Confession now starts with “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned but You Only Live Once.”

Mas…The Pope’s Pocho Ocho relaxed rules for Catholics besides condoms

You’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do you ‘feel locky’? (video)

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Se hacen llaves (Feeling locky): After a long day at work, Misifús Godínez just wants to go home and rest. Nevertheless, a broken key and a peculiar locksmith will stand in the way for peace. (Después de un largo día de trabajo, Misifús Godínez solo quiere llegar a su casa a descansar. Sin embargo, no contaba con que una llave rota y un cerrajero muy peculiar se interpondrán entre él y su tranquilidad.)

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