Gustavo Arellano at ASU: The Glories of the Arizona Latino

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hispanicconvocation900

POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano (he's the ¡Ask A Mexican! guy and editor of the O.C. Weekly) delivered this keynote speech at Arizona State University's biannual Hispanic Convocation Wednesday. The photo (below) shows him at his day job.

Gracias, Arizona State, for asking me to be this year’s Hispanic Convocation keynote. I’m sure it’s a mercy offering to UCLA, after your Sun Devils demolished my Bruins this year in football. No hard feelings–hey, at least we both kicked the nalgas of USC this season, right?

When I announced that I was giving a speech here today, congratulations came from across the country. But also invading my inbox were the inevitable insults–not toward me, but toward the state of Arizona. “Don’t forget to take your papers!” was the most obvious dig. “Watch out for Sheriff Arpaio!” was another one–that one I took to heart, because he did have my former bosses at the New Times arrested a couple of years back. But the slams that I found especially egregious were those that insisted I shouldn’t bother coming to this so-called evil estado in the first place.

Mas…Gustavo Arellano at ASU: The Glories of the Arizona Latino

Bob Dylan, Norteño-style: ‘It Must Be Santa’ (music video)

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Who’s got a beard that’s long and white?
Santa’s got a beard that’s long and white
Who comes around on a special night?
Santa comes around on a special night
Special night, beard that’s white
Must be Santa, must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

(Listen closely as Bob Dylan lists Santa’s eight reindeer — names not in the official lyrics: “Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon; Carter, Reagan, Bush and Clinton”.)

Thanks to Bill Vitka for the link.

Foot star Selena Gomez is top tootsie on wikiFeet (photos)

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footwiki640It’s on the Internets, so it’s got to be true. Actress and singer Selena Gomez’s “gorgeous, five-star” feet are the most popular celebrity tootsies on wikiFeet, the all feet, all the time website (screen cap).

Here are just two of the photos that got foot star Gomez to the top of the wikiFeet charts:

Feets don’t fail me now! How about some Jessica Alba (tenth most popular) foot action? (Just so you know, “the foot (plural feet) is an anatomical structure found in many vertebrates. It is the terminal portion of a limb which bears weight and allows locomotion,” according to Wikipedia.) OK, back to Jessica Alba:

Mas…Foot star Selena Gomez is top tootsie on wikiFeet (photos)

Mami, it’s cold outside (video)

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Post by DigiBunch.

That awkward moment when your boogers freeze and you miss the nice warm playa back in the DR. ¡Mami!

Advanced Mexican leaf blower powers new Pentagon/Google robot

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(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) State-of-the-art leaf blower technology developed in Mexico’s Silicon Barrio is at the heart the Pentagon’s latest robot warrior, PNS has learned.

The PopoPotencia leaf blower engine powers the WildCat, a Boston Dynamics combat robot (video) built for the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).

Mas…Advanced Mexican leaf blower powers new Pentagon/Google robot

Area man scores 12 cases of Sriracha, hopes to Get Rich Quick (videos)

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(PNS reporting from CULVER CITY, CA) Westside entrepreneur Pico E. Sepulveda tries not to count his pollos before they hatch, but he will admit to being stoked about the profit potential of the 12 cases of Huy Fung Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce he purchased at Smart & Final Iris here Thursday morning.

“Now that the State of California has joined the City of Irwindale in cutting off the supply of America’s favorite hot sauce, the sky’s the limit on these babies,” the Mar Vista man told PNS. “When I pulled out of the store’s parking lot onto Venice Boulevard, I actually started chair dancing in my car and even broke out the maracas!” (Sepulveda’s excitement was captured by a POCHO reader who emailed us this VINE video, right)

“I got a dozen 12-count cases of the 28-ounce bottles,” Sepulveda explained, “for $35 each — for a total for $420, which I thought was good omen. This could be bigger than Bitcoins, if Bitcoins had a trailer for a video on demand download on Vimeo!”

Mas…Area man scores 12 cases of Sriracha, hopes to Get Rich Quick (videos)

Top five appearances by La Virgen de Guadalupe

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virgen_de_guadalupe_tattoo_by_srhiena-d5b99mpYou know you’ve heard the story before. A grandmother in a faraway place has found La Virgen on her tortilla or her window or her ceiling or wherever it is that she found her.

Don’t pretend like you haven’t looked for things shaped like La Virgen before! It’s all a part of our culture, but because it’s also a recurring and hilarious part, we wanted to round up the list for you.

  1. A Tortilla – This is one of the most common ones, close second to Jesus on a piece of toast.
  2. A Tree – I wrote about this one when I was a reporter on the border, but I’m not the only one.

    Mas…Top five appearances by La Virgen de Guadalupe

Cuban Reds say Raul Castro-Obama handshake betrayed Revolution

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(PNS reporting from HAVANA) El Presidente Comrade Raul Castro’s handshake with imperialist war criminal Barack Obama at the Nelson Mandela memorial service in South Africa was a slap in the face of the workers of the world and a betrayal of Cuba’s Communist Revolution, an old school Communist Bay of Pigs veteran charged Tuesday.

“That handshake marks a Day That Will Live in Infamy,” Ernesto “Little Che” Altacaca, 76, told everyone hanging out at People’s Barbershop #245 on Calle de Los Cadres. “It is like the Hitler-Stalin nonaggression pact (photo, below) combined with a very special episode of Chico and the Man.”

“Did El Presidente demand the Yanqui perro return Guantanamo?” the long-time area resident asked. “No! Did he demand an end to the embargo that has penalized the people for half a century? Nyet! Did he insist Obama recognize the workers’ rights to self determination without capitalist exploitation and immediately send six dozen complete gasket sets for 1954 Chrysler New Yorkers? No way! And what about Pete Seeger remitting that record business royalty money for the song he stole from the poor people of Guantanamera?”

Mas…Cuban Reds say Raul Castro-Obama handshake betrayed Revolution

Religious figures to Guadalupe: You’re a ‘miraculous appearance hog’

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(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Leading Catholic personalities gathered here this week to address a simmering controversy in the official Divine Advent & Manifestation Union (DAMU): members claim that La Virgen de Guadalupe (photo, center) is a publicity hog when it comes to miraculous appearances.

“Can’t the Son of God just miraculously appear on a slice of toast without someone copying me?” asked Jesus Christ (photo, right). “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for faith and everything, but she goes out of her way to appear on everything! Am I right, people?”

Another virgin in attendance, rarely-seen La Virgen de San Juan (photo, left), said that although she’s “totally cool” with being a lesser-known virgin, she will never be able to grow her Twitter following or sell more CDs when Guadalupe is always “hogging the spotlight.”

“The union has rules for a reason, so everyone has a chance at appearing on tortillas or an oil stain,” San Juan told PNS. “I don’t expect to be number one — I mean, c’mon, we’re talking about the Mother of God here — but I do expect my fair share.”

Mas…Religious figures to Guadalupe: You’re a ‘miraculous appearance hog’

From Texas: ‘Give me six tacos or I’ll kill you with a sword!’

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swordguyA 28-year-old San Antonio, TX man is the can after threatening a waitress with a sword in an attempt to scare her into giving up a half dozen tacos, which Wikipedia describes as “a traditional Mexican dish composed of a corn or wheat tortilla folded or rolled around a filling.”

“Mr. [Adam] Kramer was yelling that he wanted his free tacos or somebody was going to die,” authorities said in an affadavit for his arrest, according to Raw Story. Kramer is being held in Bexar County Jail on $50,000 bail.

PREVIOUSLY ON TEXAS TACOS:

Mas…From Texas: ‘Give me six tacos or I’ll kill you with a sword!’

All I want for Xmas is a burrito-wrapped baby in a tamal-looking hat

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burritobabyRunning out of Christmas gift ideas for the little pochito in your life?

How about doubling down with a Comida Mexicana duo that wraps your baby up like a burrito in a tortilla-colored blanket and keeps his/her cute little cabeza warm with a hat that looks like the corn husk knot that secures tamales?

Bon Vivant Baby has you covered for only $48.  [Baby not included.]

PREVIOUSLY ON BURRITO-LOOKING BABIES:

Link via MiBlogEsTuBlog.

Editor’s Note: POCHO Subcomandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón wants to remind you it is one tamal and two tamales; one frijol, two frijoles; one asshol, two assholes, etc.

Thank you Virgen de Guadalupe for helping POCHO break the ñews

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The Feast Day of La Virgen de Guadalupe, the Empress of Latin America, celebrated every December 12.

La Virgen has consistently helped POCHO break the ñews – with stories that included Nuestra Señora:

Visionary behind Doritos Locos Tacos dies at 41 (photos + video)

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toddtacosTodd Mills, who came up with the idea for Doritos Locos Tacos, lost his battle with cancer on Thanksgiving. The Little Rock, Arkansas father of two was 41 (photo, above.)

USA Today reports:

Mills started the Facebook page “Taco Shells from Doritos Movement” in 2009, encouraging followers to “tell Frito-Lay that we demand nacho cheesy taco shells!”

On the page, Mills posted photoshopped images of well known figures including Albert Einstein with a cheesy taco shell in a thought bubble, Steve Jobs holding a Macbook with a cheesy taco shell on the screen and Chuck Norris doing a karate kick while holding a cheesy taco shell….

Mas…Visionary behind Doritos Locos Tacos dies at 41 (photos + video)

Will Shakila’s ‘Feliz Navidad’ win the next ‘Christmas Idol’? (video)

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The Christmas Idol panel of judges is a tough one. Santa Claus, Lady Sharoun the Purple and Jesus H. Christ Himself have power to make a contestant’s dreams come true. Can Shakila (Roberta Valderrama) win them over with her hot hot hot version of Feliz Navidad?

PREVIOUSLY ON ROBERTA VALDERRAMA:

Mas…Will Shakila’s ‘Feliz Navidad’ win the next ‘Christmas Idol’? (video)

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