migra

Texas Governor Perry ‘outraged’ at deportation center photos

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deporttion640(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Texas Governor Rick Perry was “outraged” after seeing leaked photos of crowded child detainees at the U.S. Border Patrol Detention center in Brownsville, PNS has learned.

“The kind of sloppy detention seen in those photos is a clear waste of space as well as taxpayer dollars,” Perry said in an email sent to aides Monday night.

Perry thinks the centers could squeeze in more detainees using the “tight pack” system long advocated by GOP lobbyist John E. Rebb.

Mas…Texas Governor Perry ‘outraged’ at deportation center photos

Shocking live video: ICE busts motorist for ‘Driving While Canadian’

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They’re on guard all across Los Angeles — the dedicated officers of L.A. Illegal Canadian Enforcement (LA-ICE) — keeping us safe from the border-crashing Canuckians hordes of the Great White North. In this episode, the LA-ICE team investigates a motorist suspected of Driving While Canadian.

Quetzal wants to make sure you watch out for the ‘MIGRA’ (video)

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Latinopia writes:

Quetzal is an East Los Angeles Chican@ band whose music reflects the social, political and cultural struggles of Latinos in the United States and Latin America. Founded in 1994 by Quetzal Flores, the group won a Grammy for their album Imaginaries in 2013. They performed their original song, “Migra,” about the plight of Mexican immigrants crossing into the United States to seek a better life, at the Levitt Pavilion in Pasadena’s Memorial Park on August 14, 2013. The lead singer of the group is Martha Gonzalez. This video was produced, is owned an copyrighted by Barrio Dog Productions, Inc. and is posted on vimeo and Latinopia.com by permission.

Moses y Jesús team up in ‘Prophetic Fight for Immigrant Rights’ (video)

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When Moses attracts the attention of the MIGRA, he seeks out his amigo Jesús for some help. Can this Holy Tag Team come up with a miracle to defeat the haters? [Written and produced by: Josh Healey. Directed by: Yvan Iturriaga. Starring: Corey Fischer (Moses), Richard Montoya (Jesús), and Jeri Lynn Cohen (Zippy). Produced by: Favianna Rodriguez. Executive Produced by: Culture Strike.]

Defense contractors on immigration bill: ‘Time to get a new Beemer’

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) The Senate’s approval of a bipartisan “immigration reform” bill Thursday — a bill which Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) says will create “the most militarized border since the Berlin Wall” — has defense contractors talking, and drooling.

The hot topic? The untold millions of dollars that may become available if Uncle Sam gets serious about “security.”

It’s the inevitable transition, cynics say, from Eisenhower’s old-school military-industrial complex to the new Post-Millennial MIGRA-Industrial Complex. But government contractors and suppliers have a more nuanced view.

Mas…Defense contractors on immigration bill: ‘Time to get a new Beemer’

Breaking: Immigration plan includes MIGRA clone army

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The “Gang of Eight” immigration reform plan revealed yesterday mandates a Border Patrol Agent Clone Army, according to details released by Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL.)

“Two hundred thousand clones are immediately available for deployment on the border” when the bill passes, a jubilant Rubio said at a Capitol Hill press conference this morning. “The minute Obama signs the bill, we’ll send in the clones!”

Mas…Breaking: Immigration plan includes MIGRA clone army

Sequester-released immigrants head to D.C. to fix the budget

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Scores of immigrants released due to sequester-forced budget cuts are headed to the nation’s capital to fill gaps in the labor pool, PNS has learned.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) began releasing low priority immigrants from detention centers in New Jersey, Louisiana, California, Texas and Florida earlier this week.

After the immigrants were released, PNS got reports that congressional staffers were driving past detention centers trying to pick up the immigrants for jobs in Washington.

“Immigrants are, once again, doing the job that no one else can do: balancing the budget,” said Manuel Padilla, who was released from a detention center in New Jersey Monday. “About 40 of us came from Jersey, in the back of three pickups!”

Mas…Sequester-released immigrants head to D.C. to fix the budget

Ñewsweek: The Chicano handshake, RATM, Bimbo ♥ Twinkie?

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Make friends and influence people with a Chicano handshake?

That’s right, pochas y pochos, you too can reinforce your raza credibility with a puro handshake, as Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón demonstrates in her viral video. She illustrates the proper form for handshakes in Califas and Tejas plus throws in a variation that answers the musical question Why Can’t We Be Friends?

On the music front, Pocho Ñews Service Floridita Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera takes a look at the contradiction between Rage Against the Machine’s message and some clueless fans’ love of the band. Hint: VP wannabe Paul Ryan isn’t the only doofus.

On the international business news beat, Subcommandante del Cultura Victor Payan blows the lid off the Republican effort to thwart the sale of bankrupt Hostess to Mexico’s Bimbo.  Revelations from the TwinkieLeaks website include this money quote from GOP guru Karl Rove: “They can have my DingDong when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.”

And New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck illuminates the softer side of South America with the sad tale of a Peruvian girl and her llama —  a lament for lost youth, innocence and a little girl’s dreams.

These are top stories that broke the ñews on POCHO this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: The Chicano handshake, RATM, Bimbo ♥ Twinkie?

Don’t wait for immigration reform: PORT-A-BORDER is here! (video)

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“Comprehensive immigration reform” is like the weather — everyone talks about it but no one does anything about it. That’s why real Americans are going wild over PORT-A-BORDER, the personal hi-tech illegal immigration solution that keeps those darn Mexicans out of your personal space. (Possibly NSFW language.)

Son of immigrants takes the oath to become a ‘Pinche Migra’

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CBP_Border_Patrol_agent_reads_the_Miranda_rights(PNS reporting from EL PASO) The smell of grilled cebollas greeted visitors to a carne asada party in the back yard of the Lopez home in El Paso’s lower valley Saturday evening, as the family celebrated the graduation of the Lopez family’s prodigal son as a “Pinche Migra.”

José “Johnny” Marrufo completed the 58-day course at the United States Customs and Border Protection’s Border Patrol Academy located in Artesia, NM in July.

He graduated as a Border Patrol Agent and is now ready to detain his Mexican brethren.

“I feel happy that I will protect our border from terrorists and criminal aliens, some of whom are my relatives”  the former Riverside High School third baseman told PNS.

Mas…Son of immigrants takes the oath to become a ‘Pinche Migra’

Uncle Sam on lookout for oldsters trying to pass as DREAMers

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) Older undocumented immigrants have been trying to pass as youngsters so they can qualify for the Obama Administration’s new Deferred Action program, PNS has learned.

On Thursday, several elderly immigrants were hustled out in the Denver, CO immigration office trying to fake the required cutoff age of 30.

ICE reported that they found one viejito, known only as “Chavo,” hiding inside a barrel and dressed in in a striped shirt, red suspenders, brown khaki shorts and a propeller hat. ICE told PNS that the man was malnourished and kept asking for ham sandwiches.

Mas…Uncle Sam on lookout for oldsters trying to pass as DREAMers

Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot

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He’s artificially intelligent, muy guapo with dark hair and blue eyes, plus he speaks and understands Spanish and English. He also has a new, high-profile job with Tio Sam’s U.S. Customs and Border Protection Service interviewing people crossing into Los United Estates at Nogales, AZ (photo, above.)

What’s he missing aside from a body and an analog existence? This poor robovato needs a name; right now his bosses just refer to him as the AVATAR (Automated Virtual Agent for Truth Assessments in Real-Time.)

Here are the Pocho Ocho names we like best:

8. Mex Headroom
7. C3 Pito
6. Will Robinson

Mas…Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot

Ex-cyber-cop: Stop border infiltration by Internet-powered ‘netbacks’

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Mexican taquerias that double as Internet cafes are a launching-point for netback infiltration

(PNS reporting from CYBERESPACE) They slip across the border at night, invisible, hidden in the multitude of American web surfers, bringing with them accented characters, exclamation points turned on their heads and foreign ideas like “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Mexican and Mexican-adjacent Internet users called “netbacks” are sucking up American bandwidth and adding so-called “salsa” to American websites — and right-wing forces want them stopped.

Mas…Ex-cyber-cop: Stop border infiltration by Internet-powered ‘netbacks’

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