Cultura

It’s Not News to Us

Pocho Ocho First World Back-to-School Problems

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backtoschool We don’t know what the schedule is in your barrio, but here in Pocho Estates, A Gated Community, the kids are starting a new school year.

We know it’s not easy,  the way things are in the world today. The Libtard’s “climate change” hoax, the Federal Reserve’s phony money and Obummer’s Gay Socialist Nazi Muslim New World Order all conspire to make things difficult, especially for you, Mr. or Ms. Returning to School First World Entitled Student.

So the world better understands your plight, we’ve compiled your Pocho Ocho back-to-school gripes:

8. I didn’t get the new iPhone

7. My bulletproof backpack is so heavy

6. My parents say no tattoo until senior year

Mas…Pocho Ocho First World Back-to-School Problems

Help the homeless with this new ThingStarter campaign (video)

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Homelessness is hard, especially if you have to solicit money on the street with a crudely-scrawled sign. But there is a way YOU can help. Please take two minutes to watch this video for a new ThingStarter campaign. You’ll be glad you did.

Freestyle rap by Ray Sipe: ‘Thank you, thank you, Mexico!’ (video)

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Ray Sipe loves so many things about Mexico, especially hot and spicy food, chiles and piñatas, and he rhymes them all in Thank you, thank you, Mexico. Here’s what he has to say for himself on his YouTube page:

Funny songs on any subject.I do take requests.Send me a message.Facebook:raymond.sipe.9:Twitter;raysipe:Instagram;ra ysipe.twitter;raysipe. Instagram;raysipe.My videos are PARODIES;no copyright infringement intended.

Everything you wanted to know about ‘Colors’ but were afraid to ask

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If you grew up in the 80’s and 90’s, you remember the film Colors. It spawned a lot of headlines about violence at movie theaters and the spread of Los Angeles-style gang wars. The Guardian Angels even protested the flick and left a toilet bowl outside of Sean Penn’s home as an “award.” They also strapped makeshift coffins to the roofs of their cars.

The film had this weird mystique. Colors introduced suburban kids (and their parents) to a whole new world – one they would spend the next decade imitating. Long gone were the fierce but safe dance-offs in Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo – in Colors, Turbo and Ozone would have simply blown the heads off of Electro-Rock’s crew with a 12-gauge shotgun.

Mas…Everything you wanted to know about ‘Colors’ but were afraid to ask

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Breaking: Marketing to Latins? Talk Latin to us, activists say

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latinspeakersq(PNS reporting from UPTON ABBEY, MI) Frater Cassius the Yon was adamant.

“In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti,” he insisted in a rare English-language interview Sunday. “There is no such thing as Latin dancing, unless you mean the “dance of death” from the Black Plague. And Latin music is Gregorian chants, Enya and Necrodeath. Ain’t nobody got no time for that! Tempus fugit!”

Mas…Breaking: Marketing to Latins? Talk Latin to us, activists say

@SaraChicaD: In Texas, Guadalupe photobombs you (Vine video)

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“It’s very Catholic where I was in Texas,” Subcommandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón emailed the POCHO Ñewsroom from an undisclosed location in the Lone Star State.

“Mess around and la Virgen gets all up in your grill!” she wrote.

Follow Calderón on Twitter where’s she’s @SaraChicad.

[With these Vine videos you need to click on the speaker icon in the top left corner to hear WTF is happening.]

Who was ‘Little Latin Lupe Lu’? Three bands loved this chica! (videos)

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Who was she? Who was the high-flying Guadalupe who inspired all the boys to sing about her hotness 50 years ago? The Righteous Brothers were first in 1963 with the original Little Latin Lupe Lu, followed by the Kingsmen, and then Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels.

Orange County native Bill Medley of the Righteous Brothers, who wrote the song, said he was inspired by a girl he dated named Lupe Laguna. Where is Lupe Lu now? Medley tells the story in this YouTube interview:

Mas…Who was ‘Little Latin Lupe Lu’? Three bands loved this chica! (videos)

Marina’s Way: A Cyber-Novela [Chapter One]

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2marina900Marina is exhausted but exhilarated. Her entrails are convulsing violently as she pumps hundreds of rounds into the hordes of CSA Minutemen coming at her from all sides. After two sleepless nights of hard battle, she can barely hold onto the trigger, which is a throttle gyrating wildly in her hands.

She is emptying magazines from eight different machine guns placed strategically on the exoskeleton of her BattleBot or “Bot.” Bots are oversized suits of armor, equipped with lasers, machine guns, rocket launchers, grenades, poison gas canisters and other weapons systems.

Bots are operated by specialized Bot Pilots working deep inside the steel behemoths, which weigh thousands of pounds and stand five stories high. BattleBots were secretly developed by the U.S. Army and were now widely used by armies around the world.

“Incoming,” squawks Marina’s radar. “Shit! Some pinche vendido traitor ratted us out,” Marina hisses into her headset as fighter jets roar overhead and the forest explodes all around her.

Mas…Marina’s Way: A Cyber-Novela [Chapter One]

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Moses y Jesús team up in ‘Prophetic Fight for Immigrant Rights’ (video)

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When Moses attracts the attention of the MIGRA, he seeks out his amigo Jesús for some help. Can this Holy Tag Team come up with a miracle to defeat the haters? [Written and produced by: Josh Healey. Directed by: Yvan Iturriaga. Starring: Corey Fischer (Moses), Richard Montoya (Jesús), and Jeri Lynn Cohen (Zippy). Produced by: Favianna Rodriguez. Executive Produced by: Culture Strike.]

Unfunny ‘Latino’ sitcom debuts Sunday, people will watch anyhow

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johngomez(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Newcomer John Gomez stars as The John Gomez Show premieres Sunday night, the latest sitcom starring a Latino that is destined to join the long line of Latino TV shows that suck.

John and his sweet, sexy wife Lisa are a happily-married couple with two children. Daughter Rosie is just turning the corner to teenager, and son Sam is a precocious — oh, forget about the plot line, it promises to simply suck big time.

“It’s a formula for failure,” declared Hispanic TV audiences everywhere.

“I will watch it no matter how bad it is. Juan Gomez is one of our own, even though he is the unfunniest Latino on the planet,” said Latina inactivist Vera Tellez.

Mas…Unfunny ‘Latino’ sitcom debuts Sunday, people will watch anyhow

Are you a ‘Chipster’ (Chicano + hipster)? Pocho Ocho ways to tell

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Are you a Chipster (Chicano + hipster)? There are Pocho Ocho ways to tell. You might be a Chipster if…

8. You wear skinny jeans instead of Levi’s when swimming at the beach

7. You scored a medical marijuana prescription to protect you from the ojo

6. Your tricked-out chrome lowrider bike is a vintage Schwinn fixie

Mas…Are you a ‘Chipster’ (Chicano + hipster)? Pocho Ocho ways to tell

They know what we want! Pocho Ocho trendiest Latino baby foods

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gordobaby400BURNS: Smithers! The Latinos! With the demographics! And the babies! Quick, we need Latino baby food! It’s a goldmine of a wagon de band upon which we must to hop!

SMITHERS: But, Mr. Burns? Latino baby food? WTF? For God’s sake, man, we already have Clorox Latino. When will the madness end?

BURNS: It’s already happening, Smithers, and I just read on Fox Latino that “one of the concerns that Hispanic mothers have is losing touch with their culture and their culinary roots.” Cashing in on concerns is the capitalist way, Smithers. Release the perros!

What are these trendy Latino baby food items anyhow? We’ve got the deets on the Pocho Ocho:

Mas…They know what we want! Pocho Ocho trendiest Latino baby foods

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