Polanco, they say, is the Beverly Hills of Mexico DF, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t illegal taco carts on the street. They serve trendy tacos de guisados to area workers during the day, Daniel Hernandez reports, and to partying pinches borrachos at night.
Breaking: Aeromexico Airlines is changing its name
(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY, D.F.) Mexico’s largest and longest-flying airline announced today that it is undergoing a complete corporate makeover.
Aeromexico Chief of Communications Rigoberto Saenz Bolillo explained in this statement:
We are going through a rebranding, and we are shedding our old name Aeromexico, and our logo, which evokes an Aztec Eagle warrior flying through the air. A flying Indio was frightening to the new type of upscale passenger we are going after, and that is why Aeromexico will now be known as GueroMexico.
Bolillo added:
The best part of waking up is Estaobucks in your cup (video)
Oh, how I hate to get up in the morning!
Flaco Jimenez vs Los Gabachos: ‘El Mojado Sin Licencia’ (music video)
The wetback drove from Laredo to San Antonio to see his girl — and that’s when the trouble started.
Little Moco does PSY’s ‘Gentleman’ cholo style (NSFW video)
PSY‘s Gentleman provides the inspiration as Little Moco and his cholos tear up the town in their quest for hynas and hilarity. (Totally NSFW audio.)
Zapata’s Mexican Cantina in Shanghai: No prostitutes, please (photo)
Zapata’s Mexican Cantina in Shanghai, China, makes its mission clear on its website:
CADA DIA ES FIESTA – EVERYDAY IS A PARTY OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK from 6pm till late
Breaking: TX boy, 9, slays Mexican boogeyman El Cucuy, 521
(PNS reporting from SEGUIN, TX) A nine-year-old boy killed El Cucuy Tuesday night.
El Cucuy, AKA the Mexican Boogeyman, was pronounced dead at 10:30 PM at the Balli family residence here. The legendary monster was said to be 521, with a birth date pegged in 1492.
It was a more or less typical evening for the Balli family, according to a Guadalupe County Sheriff’s detective familiar with the case. There was no hint of the trouble to come, he said, “when boy’s parents threatened the perpetrator with El Cucuy if he didn’t brush his teeth before he went to bed.”
The youth, who turned nine July 13, refused, the officer said, so his parents summoned El Cucuy to the modest ranch-style home.
El Cucuy (file photo, above) manifested in the kid’s room around 9:40 PM, according to the investigator, and was killed during a brief firefight by “some type of particle-beam weapon” created by the boy.
The room was “a mess with comic books and plasma everywhere,” he said, and El Cucuy’s remains “looked and smelled like burnt frijoles.”
Mas…Breaking: TX boy, 9, slays Mexican boogeyman El Cucuy, 521
Pocho Ocho First World Back-to-School Problems
We don’t know what the schedule is in your barrio, but here in Pocho Estates, A Gated Community, the kids are starting a new school year.
We know it’s not easy, the way things are in the world today. The Libtard’s “climate change” hoax, the Federal Reserve’s phony money and Obummer’s Gay Socialist Nazi Muslim New World Order all conspire to make things difficult, especially for you, Mr. or Ms. Returning to School First World Entitled Student.
So the world better understands your plight, we’ve compiled your Pocho Ocho back-to-school gripes:
8. I didn’t get the new iPhone
7. My bulletproof backpack is so heavy
6. My parents say no tattoo until senior year
Help the homeless with this new ThingStarter campaign (video)
Homelessness is hard, especially if you have to solicit money on the street with a crudely-scrawled sign. But there is a way YOU can help. Please take two minutes to watch this video for a new ThingStarter campaign. You’ll be glad you did.
- ALSO ON THINGSTARTER: iNotRacist: Social media app keeps track of your non-racism (video)
Freestyle rap by Ray Sipe: ‘Thank you, thank you, Mexico!’ (video)
Ray Sipe loves so many things about Mexico, especially hot and spicy food, chiles and piñatas, and he rhymes them all in Thank you, thank you, Mexico. Here’s what he has to say for himself on his YouTube page:
Funny songs on any subject.I do take requests.Send me a message.Facebook:raymond.sipe.9:Twitter;raysipe:Instagram;ra ysipe.twitter;raysipe. Instagram;raysipe.My videos are PARODIES;no copyright infringement intended.
Mexican scientist reveals underground high speed travel system
(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) Not to be outdone by Space X founder Elon Musk’s proposed high speed “Hyperloop” rail system, a Mexican engineer has plans to commercialize his country’s high speed travel infrastructure, a proprietary closed system that has been in operation for years.
Researchers and engineers in this high tech city in Mexico’s Silicon Barrio are not impressed with Musk’s Hyperloop, a system of people-sized pods that move through a network of air-free tubes built over or under the ground at speeds of up to 800 MPH.
“We have had almost the same method of transportation a very long time, so I do not understand what the big deal is,” Universidad de Guanajuato Prof. Carlos Sagañez told PNS Tuesday.
Mas…Mexican scientist reveals underground high speed travel system
Everything you wanted to know about ‘Colors’ but were afraid to ask
If you grew up in the 80’s and 90’s, you remember the film Colors. It spawned a lot of headlines about violence at movie theaters and the spread of Los Angeles-style gang wars. The Guardian Angels even protested the flick and left a toilet bowl outside of Sean Penn’s home as an “award.” They also strapped makeshift coffins to the roofs of their cars.
The film had this weird mystique. Colors introduced suburban kids (and their parents) to a whole new world – one they would spend the next decade imitating. Long gone were the fierce but safe dance-offs in Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo – in Colors, Turbo and Ozone would have simply blown the heads off of Electro-Rock’s crew with a 12-gauge shotgun.
Mas…Everything you wanted to know about ‘Colors’ but were afraid to ask
‘Tears of God’ or dripping bug poop? Fresno tree has believers (video)
It’s across the street from St. John’s Cathedral in Fresno, CA. Maria Ybarra thinks it manifests a Godly miracle, dripping Holy Water from Heaven. A local tree expert says it’s aphid poop. The Archdiocese has no comment.
Japanese Doritos put a whole new twist on ‘caliente’ (photos)
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Don’t ask us how we found these images. That’s between us and the NSA. Big versions below:
Mas…Japanese Doritos put a whole new twist on ‘caliente’ (photos)
Breaking: Marketing to Latins? Talk Latin to us, activists say
(PNS reporting from UPTON ABBEY, MI) Frater Cassius the Yon was adamant.
“In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti,” he insisted in a rare English-language interview Sunday. “There is no such thing as Latin dancing, unless you mean the “dance of death” from the Black Plague. And Latin music is Gregorian chants, Enya and Necrodeath. Ain’t nobody got no time for that! Tempus fugit!”
Mas…Breaking: Marketing to Latins? Talk Latin to us, activists say
@SaraChicaD: In Texas, Guadalupe photobombs you (Vine video)
“It’s very Catholic where I was in Texas,” Subcommandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón emailed the POCHO Ñewsroom from an undisclosed location in the Lone Star State.
“Mess around and la Virgen gets all up in your grill!” she wrote.
Follow Calderón on Twitter where’s she’s @SaraChicad.
[With these Vine videos you need to click on the speaker icon in the top left corner to hear WTF is happening.]
Who was ‘Little Latin Lupe Lu’? Three bands loved this chica! (videos)
Who was she? Who was the high-flying Guadalupe who inspired all the boys to sing about her hotness 50 years ago? The Righteous Brothers were first in 1963 with the original Little Latin Lupe Lu, followed by the Kingsmen, and then Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels.
Orange County native Bill Medley of the Righteous Brothers, who wrote the song, said he was inspired by a girl he dated named Lupe Laguna. Where is Lupe Lu now? Medley tells the story in this YouTube interview:
Mas…Who was ‘Little Latin Lupe Lu’? Three bands loved this chica! (videos)
Write for POCHO, earn the respect of your peers, mas o menos
Face it, pochos, money can’t buy you love. But respect —
And that’s why we want to remind you once again of a very special opportunity to earn the respect of your peers, street cred in your neighborhood and, possibly, the approbation of total strangers from all across the InterT00bZ, if not actual cash.
All you need to do is to send POCHO your dreams and nightmares for distribution on the World Wide Web — for the greater good of humanity.
Send original photos, videos, cartoons, illustrations, short stories and ñews that will amuse, titillate and elevate America.
Is that so much to ask? Srsly. These recent gems all came from “regular” folks just like you:
Mas…Write for POCHO, earn the respect of your peers, mas o menos
@SaraChicaD: My Pocho Ocho favorite foods (video)
POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón (also known as @SaraChicaD on the Twitter) is very particular about the foods she likes. Here are her Pocho Ocho faves…
Marina’s Way: A Cyber-Novela [Chapter One]
Marina is exhausted but exhilarated. Her entrails are convulsing violently as she pumps hundreds of rounds into the hordes of CSA Minutemen coming at her from all sides. After two sleepless nights of hard battle, she can barely hold onto the trigger, which is a throttle gyrating wildly in her hands.
She is emptying magazines from eight different machine guns placed strategically on the exoskeleton of her BattleBot or “Bot.” Bots are oversized suits of armor, equipped with lasers, machine guns, rocket launchers, grenades, poison gas canisters and other weapons systems.
Bots are operated by specialized Bot Pilots working deep inside the steel behemoths, which weigh thousands of pounds and stand five stories high. BattleBots were secretly developed by the U.S. Army and were now widely used by armies around the world.
“Incoming,” squawks Marina’s radar. “Shit! Some pinche vendido traitor ratted us out,” Marina hisses into her headset as fighter jets roar overhead and the forest explodes all around her.
Illegal American and European boat people heading for Peru (video)
They’re coming on boats and rafts from the United Estates and the Eurozone to this country on the Pacific Coast of South America — a representative democratic republic divided into 25 regions — to live The Peruvian Dream.
Diego Luna teaches Conan O’Brien Spanish: ‘¡Que pedo!’ (video)
Elysium star Diego Luna gives late-night host Conan O’Brien un poco de ayuda. No mames!
‘El Norte:’ Guatemalan teaches how to speak like a Mexican (video)
When a Guatemalen refugee fleeing the civil war of the 1980s is about to cross into Mexico on a journey to the U.S. — El Norte — he gets helpful advice on how to talk like a Mexican — hablar como Mexicano. [NSFW if people in your office don’t like Mexican obscenity.] Thanks to Laurita for the link!
Car-to-car video: Mexican chair-dances to music, shakes maracas
Twitter/Vine user YoungGod was driving along and he looked to the car on his left and found a vato who knows how to party! Is this Maracas Man you, or someone you know? [With these Vine videos, you need to click on the speaker icon in the top left corner to hear the sound.]
Pocho Ocho other smartphone alerts besides Amber Alerts
The Golden State’s smartphone users were startled late Monday night and early Tuesday morning as their phones buzzed, beeped and/or flashed an Amber Alert, the very first issued by the California Highway Patrol.
The Los Angeles Times reports:
It’s all thanks to the Wireless Emergency Alert program, a cellphone version of the Emergency Alert System that gives you the high-pitched test tone on your television.
Cellphone owners receive messages automatically, based on their proximity to the emergency, not based on their phone number.
And while accused kidnapper James Lee DiMaggio and kidnap victims Hannah Anderson, 16, and Ethan Anderson, 8, are still missing, cellphone owners have found that their iPhones, Androids and BlackBerries have the potential to issue alerts for all sorts of things.
Here are the Pocho Ocho potential alerts you probably weren’t aware of:
8. The Meta Amber Alert: Another Amber Alert is coming soon, so don’t freak the hell out
7. Like A Good Neighbor Alert: George Zimmerman just joined your Neighborhood Watch
6. Stinking Badges Alert: Sheriff Joe Arpaio is rounding up a posse
Accent Training: How to do a Mexican accent (video)
Do ju know how to talk like a Mexican? Watch thees video by voice and speech coach Andrea Caban and ju will learn how to speak Mexican. Ju know?
PREVIOUSLY ON TALK LIKE A MEXICAN:
Is it too late for Mother Earth? Is there ‘Espero?’ (Esperanto video)
You may not even need the English subtitles to understand this short Esperanto-language animation from England, but here’s a cheat sheet: Mother Earth AKA Gaia seems to be doing fine until Humanity comes along. Is her decline inevitable, or is there Espero?
If El Santo is having a bad day doesn’t mean you should (video)
An attack on another is an attack on oneself. El Santo learns his lesson, Jodorowsky style.
UFW vs UO: Corporate hipsters discover cool Chicano logo *UPDATED
In an incredibly outrageous and facepalming culture vulture move, the overpriced and underimaginative mall rat chain Urban Outfitters has done it again.
UO has willfully and bald-facedly swiped the iconic and pride-inducing United Farm Workers Union eagle logo and transformed it into crap denim shirt fodder for their slave-made clothing.
Wonderfully hipstery and ironic, que no, that clothing factory wage slaves in the Third World make a shirt with a logo that represents the struggle to improve migrant farmworkers’ lives in the U.S. so they are not slaving away in Third World working conditions.
Mas…UFW vs UO: Corporate hipsters discover cool Chicano logo *UPDATED
