It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Peep the lovely green Xmas foliage and twinkling red holiday lights plus an Art Nouveau Feminist Madonna in this illustration/logo for NorCal attorney Omar Rodriguez.
To: sw6n-34kd31fa8@dcjobs.craigslist.org Re: GOP Latino Wrangler
Dear Party of Lincoln:
I am very interested in the Latino Wrangler opening at the Republican National Committee you advertised on CraigsList.
My wife is half Mexican, my son is one-quarter Mexican and I have been to Mexico four times for cheap lobster, not that anyone's ethnicity would be used as a qualification for this job. I'm white, of course.
Mas...To: sw6n-34kd31fa8@dcjobs.craigslist.org Re: GOP Latino Wrangler
Black Friday or ‘How I stabbed myself in the eye’
Hey, everybody! Here comes that most horrible days of days: Black Friday, or as I like to call it, stab-myself-in-the-eye-and-roll-under-a-bus day!
Black Friday makes me want to jump off a cliff into a pile of rusty knives. I can’t think of anything worse than waking up at the butt-crack of dawn to go shopping in a crowded mall full of deal-crazed screamy people while the smell of pretzel donuts fills the air and dance beats blast over the sound system.
Seriously, why are they always playing that horrible uplifting dance music? Are they trying to force me to be happy? Shopping is not Happy Time. I don’t want to do the sandbar shimmy while I try on pants, I want to feel awkward and inadequate like God intended.
William S. Burroughs: ‘Thanksgiving Prayer’ (NSFW video)
Beat icon, literary treasure, junkie, poet and provocateur William S. Burroughs offered this Thanksgiving Prayer in 1986. You don’t know Burroughs? His most famous book was Naked Lunch, and Wikipedia says he specialized in satire and “paranoid fiction.” (NSFW language.)
Pleased as ponche, Tres Flores triplets give company to workers
(PNS reporting from ALTADENA) Pleased with the reelection of the President, thrilled to provide Obamacare for their employees and acknowledging their loyal workers built a small family firm into a billion-dollar corporation, the three siblings who own the Tres Flores Corporation are giving their company to their staff.
Abelardo, Bernardo and Chichi Flor — 83-year-old triplets who gave Tres Flores their name — started bottling home-made hair oil in a garage in this L.A. suburb over 50 years ago. Tres Flores is now a worldwide operation that employes 600 people and has facilities in Southern California, Louisiana and New Jersey.
“We’re retiring and we don’t have any heirs,” oldest triplet Abelardo (born 20 minutes before brother Bernardo) told a press conference this morning. “We’ve been approached to sell the firm, but we couldn’t think of anyone better to run it than the folks who have been with us all these years.”
“Shaddap, Lardo,” Bernardo responded. “I would have an heir if you hadn’t scared away Selena Valderrama with that Migra Maus costume on Halloween in 1974!”
Mas…Pleased as ponche, Tres Flores triplets give company to workers
Pocho Ocho secrets of the first Thanksgiving
See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago? We’ve got eight things right here:
8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date
7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly
6. Squanto’s succotash was really takeout from Fieri’s Tipi
Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Turkey al pastor tacos for Thanksgiving Day
Happy Mexican Thanksgiving Day!
Is Tia Lencha here. Gwhat is Mexican Thanksgiving Day you ask? Is Thanksgiving but with all Mexican food. What?!?! My gringo frends say. Oh no! How you can do that! Is crazy! And Tia Lencha say, no really.
When I help mijo with his homeworks, I learn that Thanksgiving come from a Puritan holiday in Englands. When it was the Reformation the Protestantes wanted to throw away all the Catholic holidays, even Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny!
Gwell, I no happy with that. (I think the Indios here in this country oso no happy with the Puritans who bring disease and then take their land–I just saying.) Anyways, Thanksgiving oso is part of a festival of the harvest and for to celebrate special blessings. So to celebrate when the al pastor taco was invent and oso that the Mexican peoples were the first ones to make the turkey domesticate, I make the turkey al pastor taco.
Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Turkey al pastor tacos for Thanksgiving Day
Pocho Ocho ‘gifts’ Democrats gave Latinos to vote for Obama
Loser and liar Willard “Mitt” Romney finally got something correct! The overwhelming Latino margin for President Bronco Bama was entirely due to “gifts” the Democrats used as bribes. Here are the top eight:
8. Taco Tuesdays covered by Obamacare
7. Rick Bayless gets full-time gig with Food and Drug Administration (Drug Division)
6. New “path to citizenship:” SuperLotto
Mas…Pocho Ocho ‘gifts’ Democrats gave Latinos to vote for Obama
‘Prometheus’ exhibits subtle (and not-so-subtle) Hollywood racism
First things first – Ridley Scott is an asshole.
OK. Now that that’s out of the way, I recently rented the film Prometheus and boy did it suck. I had to check the credits and make sure David Duke wasn’t executive producer.
There are a ton of sites that discuss why this film sucks so I won’t go into those here. There are also a ton of sites that get into why film snobs like me just don’t “get it” and that’s fine – I was actually disappointed to find that Roger Ebert not only liked this film but thought it was “magnificent.” Four stars? Pfft.
This film, while visually stunning at times, is just another notch in the belt for the subtle and not-so-subtle racism that spews out of the Hollywood machine. I Googled “Prometheus racist” and found one thread that had people mocking the very notion:
Racist?! Give me a break!
Mas…‘Prometheus’ exhibits subtle (and not-so-subtle) Hollywood racism
Ñewsweek: Adios to Florida, viral Latinophilia, hot sex escandal
Florida once against led the nation in advanced asshattery (Arizona — step up your game!) as it became the first state to actually secede from the United Estates, thanks to President Bronco Bama’s “Don’t Let the Door Hit Your Ass on the Way Out” declaration.
In East Los, gangbangers finally got their chance to do it Ganga/Gangnam style with Don Cheto, and across America many right-wing racists seemed to be suffering from an infection of acute contagious Latinophilia, with Fox-head Sean Hannity leading the pack of patients.
And then there was the shock resignation of Maria Cholula after revelations of her affair with Tagberto Tapatio.
We have all the big ñews links here:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Adios to Florida, viral Latinophilia, hot sex escandal
Bill Santiago: ‘The Funny of (Latin) Dance’ [live performance video]
Like to laugh? Like to dance? Check out The Funny of (Latin) Dance from comic Bill Santiago, a video mashup of performances of his show across America. (NSFW language.)
Al Madrigal goes to Arizona to understand legislative gridlock (video)
The Daily Show’s Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal goes to Arizona to understand how a streamlined legislative process can benefit the country.
DISCLOSURE: Madrigal is also POCHO’s Migrant Editor.
Pets for Pochos: Mexican Redknee Tarantula (video)
Cats? Been there. Dogs? Done that. Birds? Meh. What you need is a Mexican Redknee Tarantula — quiet, neat, just feed them crickets and keep them warm. And their venom may hurt like hell, but it’s not lethal!
Spanglish! Chingo Bling: ‘Call me maybe/Why ju hating on me?’ (video)
We only met once. Ju think I’m creepy. Am I estalking ju?
On House floor, Rep. Luis Gutierrez schools GOP on Latinos (video)
Congressman Luis V. Gutierrez (D-IL) continues his education efforts on the House floor, introducing the Republican Party to Latinos.
Is it a crime to cross the line? ‘Dame Agua, Give Me Water’ (video)
A nameless man — let’s call him Juan Doe — dies in the desert near the border. This is his song: Dame Agua from Eric Holland‘s CD American Inmigrante.
Update: Mexico says Popocatepetl UFO/OVNI was distant meteorite
Mexican civil defense officials are reassuring a troubled nation that the UFO/OVNI captured on video apparently falling down INTO the smoldering Popopcatepetl volcano was actually a distant meteorite.
Inexplicata translated the report:
Mas…Update: Mexico says Popocatepetl UFO/OVNI was distant meteorite
Pocho Ocho ways you gabacho guys might be Hispandering
Since the election, all the cool guys want to be Latinos and maybe you do too, Mr. White, Non-Hispanic-American. We understand, but we want to make sure you don’t go overboard. Peep our pocho ocho ways you might be Hispandering:
8. Goodbye iPod, hello maracas
7. Your name is now spelled Bíll Coñnelly
6. You call the guys in your golf foursome “mi gente”
5. You lower your Prius
4. You change your name to Geraldo
3. Lifetime membership in Chest Hair Club for Men
2. Complain “it would be easier if I were Latino”
And the numero uno way you might be Hispandering is…
Florida secedes from the union, no one seems to care very much
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In a shocking post-election development, the state formerly known as Florida will no longer be a part of the United States of America. After gaining the required 25,000 petition signatures needed to elicit a response from the White House, Florida has been granted permission to secede from the U.S.
When asked why he was so swift to let the Sunshine State go, President Bronco Bama was concise:
Because fuck Florida.
As the dust settled in the wake of the President’s decisive re-election, the White House “We the People” website has been flooded by a series of secession requests from conservative crybabies from New Jersey to Oregon.
Mas…Florida secedes from the union, no one seems to care very much
You’re so Hispanic, you probably think this video is about you
Univision thinks this is the New American Reality. Is it your reality?
Get the skills you need at Vosotros Polytechnic Institute (video)
You know it, pochos! An education is the gateway to a successful climb up the career ladder. Get the training you need to succeed at Vosotros Polytechnic Institute.
Contagious Latinophilia hits U.S.; Boehner, Hannity, Arpaio infected
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Public health officials are concerned about contagious Latinophilia that has spread with breathtaking speed across America since Bronco Bama’s reelection last week.
Former anti-Latino pundits and politicians who for years went out of their way to make life miserable for Latinos are now succumbing to what scientists believe may be a viral condition.
“Almost immediately after the election — which may have been decided by the massive Latino vote — reports began flooding our offices,” Robert McLean, Director of Public Health Outbreaks at the Centers for Disease Control in Washington, D.C. said this morning at a press conference.
“All across the nation an increasing number of white men have expressed a new need to reach out to Latinos,” he said.
Mas…Contagious Latinophilia hits U.S.; Boehner, Hannity, Arpaio infected
Maria Cholula resigns as company president, cites affair with Tapatio
(PNS reporting from JALISCO) Maria Cholula resigned Monday night as president of the Mexican hot sauce company that bears her name, citing a brief affair with Tagberto Tapatio, who heads a competing corporation. Her resignation follows a Facebook posting of a blurred photo of the executive with her picante amigo.
Maria Cholula founded the company in 1989 and sold it to Jose Cuervo S.A. de C.V. 10 years later, but continued to run the local firm. Tapatio, an American company headquartered in Southern California, is considered to be Cholula’s top competitor in the Mexican-style hot sauce category.
Mas…Maria Cholula resigns as company president, cites affair with Tapatio
@MexicanMitt Romney tells all in first post-defeat interview (audio)
@MexicanMitt Romney phoned public radio station KUNM in New Mexico Monday night for his first post-election interview. The Twitter Idol liberally assigned blame for his defeat by Bronco Bama, reminisced about the fireworks he planned to set off had he juan and revealed he’s still on the lookout for his missing running mate Pollo Ryan. Here’s the interview from the program RAICES.
For the Veterans: Anti-war poem from WWI: ‘Dulce et decorum est’
Today we observe Veterans Day, AKA Armistice Day, which marks the end of the first World War.
Dulce et Decorum est is a poem written by poet Wilfred Owen in 1917, during the War, and published posthumously in 1920. Owen’s poem is known for its horrific imagery and condemnation of war.
They don’t use poison gas any more but phosphorous flares and drone strikes aren’t much fun either.
POCHO dedicates this poem to all our veterans in gratitude for their service and sacrifice and with the hope no child will ever be sent into war again.
Mas…For the Veterans: Anti-war poem from WWI: ‘Dulce et decorum est’
Big Knife vs Small Pipe: Two men enter, one man leaves (video)
It’s the very first Mr. Mean Adventure, Filero Grande vs Pipa Chica, from Louis Moncivias.
Ñewsweek: Bronco Bama reelected, @MexicanMitt Romney concedes
President Bronco Bama was reelected this week despite the valiant campaign mounted by Juan Percenter @MexicanMitt Romney; the Mexi-Mormon challenger released a last-minute campaign espeech and animated music video which were very popular on POCHO but apparently didn’t help in Ohio, Florida and Pennsylvania.
POCHO’s ñews-breaking coverage included toons by Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz, election recaps and a look at what’s up next for the former first lady in waiting Ann Romney.
Cable TV star Don Cheto make a video Gangnam Style and a huge OVNI/UFO was filmed flying down into Mexico’s Popocatapetl volcano.
The links are here:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Bronco Bama reelected, @MexicanMitt Romney concedes
Laugh your nalgas off with ‘The Best of Culture Clash’ (video)
Enjoy this hour-long compilation of skits from the pioneering Chicano Los Angeles comedy troupe’s television program. LOLz guaranteed or your money back.