La Chilindrina announces her retirement — she finally ‘hit puberty’

by

La Chilindrina has officially retired.

The lovable freckled child star and a main character of El Chavo del Ocho is saying adios to her 40-year entertainment career.

La Chilindrina gave POCHO an exclusive interview after the recent Univision television upfronts and said the main reason for ending her long run as La Chilindrina is that she “finally hit puberty:”

I think I’m ready to go out and see the world, maybe explore some of these weird feelings I’m having.

Confiding that it was getting awkward working with her male co-workers, half of whom she had a crush on — causing her to flub her lines — she confessed she can no longer fit into her costumes since she now needs a real brassiere instead of a training bra.

Mas…La Chilindrina announces her retirement — she finally ‘hit puberty’

Sheriff Joe arrests six-year-old girl suspected of leading cartel

by
Cártel de Elmo de Los Cookie Monster Ganga is notorious for its brutal den and kitchen invasion robberies according to Arpaio

(PNS reporting from SESAME STREET) On the same day that President Obama announced an immigration policy that will make it easier for young undocumented immigrants to remain in Los United Estates, Arizona’s numero uno douchebag, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, announced the arrest of a six-year-old girl suspected of leading the infamous Cártel de Elmo de Los Cookie Monster Ganga.

The Arizona Bugle reported that the girl was with 15 other cartel members who were traveling to the Midwest and northeast United States. Also arrested: Big Bird, Mr. Snuffleupagus, Prairie Dawn, Curly Bear, Bert, Grover and Guy Smiley. According to Chris Hegstrom, spokesman for the Sheriff’s Office, this is the “single biggest cartel bust” in Maricopa County history.

And even though the girl was old enough to get arrested, she was not old enough to have her name released, according to Hegstrom. “This is huge for us and for Joe – just huge. Arpaio is an expert when it comes to sleuthing dangerous things…like children and phony birth certificates.”

Mas…Sheriff Joe arrests six-year-old girl suspected of leading cartel

Adidas honors Juneteenth by releasing ‘Shackle’ sneakers

by

Adidas and fashion designer Jeremy Scott honored the nation’s Juneteenth holiday today by releasing the new JS Shackles sneakers, which feature orange plastic cuffs, evoking the très à la mode suffering of black slaves in 19th Century America.

Juneteenth, also known as Freedom Day or Emancipation Day, honors African-American  heritage by commemorating the announcement of the abolition of slavery in Texas in 1865.

Adidas’ celebratory post on Facebook went up with the question: “Got a sneaker game so hot you lock your kicks to your ankles?” Many FB users commented that the shoes as “slave wear” and asking why anyone would want to voluntarily wear shackles.

Mas…Adidas honors Juneteenth by releasing ‘Shackle’ sneakers

Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold

by
The University of Houston and National Center for Airborne Laser Mapping team produced this 3D digital topological map which when examined shows a man-made plaza ringed in red

They tried to discredit the calendars that clearly show the Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse is set for December. They laughed at the evidence of Ancient Astronauts who worked with indigenous people to build the pyramids of Aztlan. But now their own lasers — lasers controlled by a university named after the man who ripped Tejas away from La Raza — now their lasers have found Ciudad Blanca, the legendary lost “White City” of gold in Honduras. Who is laughing now?

The University of Houston reports:

A field team from the University of Houston and the National Science Foundation (NSF) National Center for Airborne Laser Mapping (NCALM) has mapped a remote region of Honduras that may contain the legendary lost city of Ciudad Blanca.

Mas…Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold

Republican ‘Latino outreach’ website confused by non-white kids

by
Website screen capture shows GOP's outsourced Asian kids

RNCLatinos.com, the Republican National Committee’s new Latino outreach website, is apparently a laboratory for developing new ways of screwing up Latino outreach.

Last week RNCLatinos hosted a Spanish-language poll asking “Has President Obama disillusioned you?” (the overwhelming response was “No”) and then they used a stock photo of Asian children at the top of their page.

The RNC blamed the error on outsourced web developers — rumored to be in either Bombay or Honduras — who misread the tags on the photo.

Outreach spokestaco Beltina Inchancla offered up this explanation:

It was an honest mistake. They thought the picture was labeled as featuring “Latino” children, but actually read, “Laotian.”

Mas…Republican ‘Latino outreach’ website confused by non-white kids

Pocho Ocho responses to &^%$#@ hot chile

by

Not all pochos love hot chile, but the ones that do understand that there is more than one way to respond to that too-hot picante sauce in your mouth. Here’s a list of our Top Eight:

8. Denial – It’s not that hot. Maybe you are trying to impress your old country relatives, or a date, or anyone. But you know better. It’s hot and it stings.

7. Exaggerated mouth breathing – No one has ever confirmed that breathing heavily in and out of your mouth, as though you were doing lamaze, makes the chile any less hot, but you try it anyway.

6. Drinking water – Predictable. This doesn’t help of course.  Drink milk* which does.

Mas…Pocho Ocho responses to &^%$#@ hot chile

Ñewsweek: POCHO vs Drudge, DREAMERS, bienvenue à Mexicanada

by

Wassup in Pochostan this week, you ask?

President Obama’s groundbreaking executive order halting the deportation of innocent kids brought cheers and hateful feedback from the right wing mediocracy, more Mexicans are bypassing the U.S. and heading to Canadia and a mathematician proved Chicanos have only one degree of separation.

The most popular POCHO stories that broke the ñews this week are right here:

Mas…Ñewsweek: POCHO vs Drudge, DREAMERS, bienvenue à Mexicanada

Happy Father’s Day: Are these the niños you were looking for?

by

Are you a father? If so, your big day is here.

Dinner plans are in motion. The finger paints are out. You can hear the ugly ties and BBQ equipment being poorly wrapped  by tiny hands with still-developing fine motor skills. Glitter is strewn about the kitchen like the aftermath of a grisly triple Twilight-vampire murder scene.

Now, let me cast a doubt on your most precious day, “Dad,” if that’s what the little sticky-fingered heathens are calling you.

Take a really good look at that kid. The one – who like some Pavlovian dog – wants ice cream every time he/she hears bells. The one who seems to outgrow shoes every 18 hours and who loses his/her retainer every other week. The one who bit you when you were trying to leave the park the other day and vomited all over your car’s interior like some twisted Dr. Moreau sprinkler system gone awry.

It is estimated that 4-10% of men are unwittingly raising someone else’s kid.

Mas…Happy Father’s Day: Are these the niños you were looking for?

Obama’s DREAM announcement freaks out the right wing racists

by

President Barack Obama’s announcement today that he is halting the possible deportation of up to 800,000 DREAMERs has the right wing (racist) blogosphere in fits. Example: The Drudge Report (owned by Matt Drudge, who does not love sex with men) was so freaked out, they posted this headline and image but later took it down. POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz grabbed a screenshot first, though. Mira!

Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do on Father’s Day

by

Father and Son Chile-Eating Contest: Quién es más macho? The East Pocho Optimists Club once again sets up shop at Fernando Valenzuela Field for their annual chile-eating contest, which pits father-son teams against each other to see who can ascend the Picante Podium of Pain. The winning team wins even more chile! Sunday, noon.

Bronche: Angry Bull cocktails (Red Bull, tequila, orange juice) are just $3 and Dads get all the Mexican Meatloaf Sliders they want for free on Father’s Day at TGI Viernes in the Rancho Pocho Mall. Sunday 10 AM – 2 PM. Mention my name, Chale Knickerbocker, for a blank stare.

Mas…Around Our Town: Where to go, what to do on Father’s Day

Mis-addressed email leads to intercontinental Latino love (video)

by


PBS says it’s a true story:

In January 2007, Rachel P. Salazar and Ruben P. Salazar were living 9,000 miles apart and completely unaware of each other’s existence. But when an email meant for Rachel accidentally went to Ruben, it wasn’t long before an ordinary mistake began to look like an extraordinary stroke of luck

.

Pocho Ocho other George and Shellie Zimmerman family secrets

by

The covert cash in their PayPal account they hid from the judge wasn’t the only George and Shellie Zimmerman Family Secret. POCHO espills the beans:

8. George and Shellie were married at a Ku Klux Klan Rally

7. George roomed with Mitt Romney at False Police Academy

6. The couple was once kicked out of Disneyworld for following seven hoodie-wearing dwarfs

Mas…Pocho Ocho other George and Shellie Zimmerman family secrets

Unreal! Cholula and Tapatio Denny’s sex tape is espicy! (NSFW video)

by

Like Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben, these two salsa estrellas were made for each other. But we never thought we’d see a Señorita Cholula/Señor Tapatio sex tape with them doin’ the nasty at Denny’s. And now you can, too. POCHO.COM – where sharing is caring. (NSFW simulated adult activities: When a man and a woman love each other very much, they hug each other with a very special hug…)

Mayan Apocalypse 2012: Meet the word’s first burrito-making robot

by
Screenshot of the Burritob0t project page
A cute logo is included with every burrito!

Yes, we know the TacoCopter, the food-delivering unmanned aerial vehicle, was a gosh darn internet hoax, but this new Burritob0t with a web page and tech specs and photos filled with truthiness is the real thing. We swear!

TechCrunch reports:

So this guy at NYU made something special. Are you listening? Put down your phone. Listen. So they made a machine that prints… no, don’t check Twitter. They made a machine that prints burritos. It’s called Burritob0t. I know, right? Seriously. Slow down with the porn for a second. This is important.

Mas…Mayan Apocalypse 2012: Meet the word’s first burrito-making robot

Pocho Ocho things those darn kids are doing instead of playing outside

by
Pochitos: Descubre el bosque

According to a recent study, only six percent of Latino kids regularly play outdoors. So, if they’re not outside “enjoying” nature, what are those darn kids doing now?

8. Usando el Fiesbook.

7. Reading Erí Potter books.

6. Creating top-secret taco recipes they will never share with gringos.

Mas…Pocho Ocho things those darn kids are doing instead of playing outside

My friend went to Tokyo and all I got was this Tex-Mex bar video

by


Featuring a stereotypical “Mexican font,” the Virgen, a bottle of tequila, a poorly-painted taco and Mexican and Texican flags, the art direction and commercial for this Tex-Mex bar and restaurant leave no cliche unused. Same old same old, eh? But wait — this joint is in Tokyo’s jumping Roppongi night clubbing neighborhood. Is this an offensive advertisement, or would it be a relief for sore eyes and a growling estomach if you were in Nippon? Wouldn’t a cold Negra Modelo be nice right now, pocho-san?

Doctors discover natural, instant antidote for unwanted erections

by

(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Doctors here have discovered an all-natural, fast-acting antidote to unwanted, persistent erections caused by Viagra.

The “erectile dysfunction” drug when taken in excess (and sometimes when taken normally) can cause serious cardiovascular and nerve damage, just like the familiar warnings say.

“We sort of made the discovery by accident when one of our study participants shared his home remedy for overcoming the powerful effects of Viagra,” Dr. Phillip Werner of the University of Texas Health Science Center told a press conference Monday:

The truth is that, often, as physicians we all too often turn to drugs to counteract other drugs when the answer is staring us in the face — literally.

Mas…Doctors discover natural, instant antidote for unwanted erections

PochoCast #5: Alcaraz y Madrigal on face-chewing and boobs (NSFW)

by

POCHO primos Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz and Migrant Editor Al Madrigal chop, channel and lower the ñews:

  • Miami munchies and Canadian cannibals
  • Salma Hayek’s boob optimization
  • POCHO web traffic
  • Wisconsin recall
  • Organized labor
  • Lalo’s copyright trouble on Facebook
  • These kids today

— Produced by Jefe de Creative Marcelo Ziperovich. (NSFW language.)

Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’

by
Two modifications were found in chile DNA — are they a clue to the ‘intruder virus’ creator?

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) The anti-import National Food Safety Workshop (NFSW) here claims a dangerous foreign food virus is infecting Caucasian-American digestive systems nationwide.

The comida cops say the virus is spread by manipulating the DNA of four foods native to Mexico — chiles, avocado, corn and agave.

“We’re calling it the CACA Virus,” says NFSW chief researcher Dr. Creflo Smith-Buster. “It’s something we had hoped we’d never see – a genetically-modified steaming turd of an illegal alien scientific conundrum on the pristine white floor of an American lab.”

Mas…Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’

Mathematician: Chicanos have only one degree of separation

by

(PNS reporting from EAST LOS)  All people have six degrees of separation? Hells, nah! A new study by an area mathematician begs to differ.

“The truth is that, for Chicanos, there is only a single degree of separation,” says UCLA Ph.D. mathematics candidate Beto Pérez, of Painter Avenue in Whittier. “I’ve done a global calculation based on a plethora of factors and concluded that journalist Frigyes Karinthy’s theory of the general population does not apply to Chicanos.”

Pérez published his findings in article and photo essay titled, “Inlakesh: Chicano Identity One-On-One,”  in the June issue of National Geographic.

“First of all, most Chicanos have too many primos,” he told PNS, “and therefore there are never too many people you won’t know. When you add in homies and rucas, plus tíos and tías, plus people you start calling “compadres” five minutes after you meet them, you never even get to the point where more than three degrees of separation are required,” Pérez said.

Mas…Mathematician: Chicanos have only one degree of separation

Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero: Good vs evil, plus a little kid (video)

by


The late, “despicable” wrestling pocho Eddie Guerrero insists opponent Rey Mysterio seat his son Dominic Mysterio ringside — so the son will witness Guerrero’s trimumph over his dad, up close and personal. Will Mysterio be so pre-occupied with his son’s safety that he’ll lose focus and let Guerrero’s distraction trick work its evil magic?

Evil wrestling superstar Eddie Guerrero? Wikipedia has the deets:

Mas…Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero: Good vs evil, plus a little kid (video)

Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

by
God bless America, and the moo-shu pork burrito

This guy Juan Faura is all pissed off because burritos aren’t just the way he wants them to be anymore. Now they have icky stuff in them. Breakfast stuff sometimes. Bleu cheese even. The Horror!

Bleu cheese and chikken (yes with two Ks) with thyme “burrito” really?  Burrito?  What is going on?  I’ll tell you what’s going on, someone has come in the dead of night and quietly, with full knowledge and malice, abducted our beloved “burrito”.

Definitions can be either prescriptive or descriptive. You can prescribe that a puro pizza must be made with tomato, basil and cheese only, or it isn’t really a pizza. Or describe that in wacky Califas, we have Thai barbecued chicken pizzas, and carnitas picsa and Oh! there’s The Horror again.

People are always trying to keep things “pure.” In Spain, the Royal Academy wants to regulate Spanish. Words they don’t like — new words, loan words, Spanglish words that are actually spoken — are forbidden. They fight a losing battle, because the only constant in language is change, despite the king and his court.

This mad delusion is everywhere. In poor, flooded Bangla Desh, they are trying to outlaw the mixture of Bengali and English called Banglish. POCHO pities the fools.

Mas…Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

+ Load More Posts