election

Victorious Hugo Chavez to Americans: ‘Back my socialist amigo Obama’

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(PNS reporting from CARACAS) Hugo Chavez — re-elected to a third six-year term as president of Venezuela — has again called on Americans to re-elect Pres. Barack Obama.

In a four-hour televised speech to his nation late Sunday, Chavez called Obama the best hope for Socialism in the Western Hemisphere. The left-wing strong man had previously endorsed the President in September.

“El Obama deserves your support, gringos,” he said in a rare foray into English. “He may not admit to being a Marxist-Leninist but inside he is as red as your Danny Glover and Oliver Estone. “

Mas…Victorious Hugo Chavez to Americans: ‘Back my socialist amigo Obama’

Ñewsweek: Romney rocked, America crocked, FDR shocked

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It’s Mitt Romney’s world, and we just live in it.

This ñewsweek the GOP presidential wannabe filled up POCHO’s infotainment bandwidth with debate shenanigans, Big Bird bashing, Latino-loving at Chipotle and a new commercial shot on Los Angeles’ Olvera Street.

Reaction from around the country included emergency rooms overflowing with debate drinking game alcohol poisoning cases, the previously dead Franklin Delano Roosevelt rising from grave and making a YouTube appearance, y mas mas more.

The most popular stories this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Romney rocked, America crocked, FDR shocked

Forget Big Bird! Meet Señor Loro, the Latino parrot candidate (video)

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From Los Titeres (the puppets): Don’t waste your vote on the phony mainstream yellow bird candidate until you consider wasting your vote on the Puppet Party’s Latino red parrot candidate — Señor Loro for Presidente! (Borderline NSFW language and a disturbing bird bigote.)

Video by Felix Pire. LosTiteresTV is on Facebook and on the Internets.

–Freelancer Junior Wences PhD writes by hand.

Don’t wait for immigration reform: PORT-A-BORDER is here! (video)

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“Comprehensive immigration reform” is like the weather — everyone talks about it but no one does anything about it. That’s why real Americans are going wild over PORT-A-BORDER, the personal hi-tech illegal immigration solution that keeps those darn Mexicans out of your personal space. (Possibly NSFW language.)

@MexicanMitt Romney: I’m prepped y ready for Debate Number Juan

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I AM TANNED, RESTED AND READY. AND MORE TANNED.

AJUA! I have been preparing all night for my debate against BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA. Tonight there will be A LOT OF JUAN ON JUAN MASTERDEBATING. I will right ALL THE LEFT-LEANING POLLS with my victory!

I will completely dominate, not LIKE A BOSS, but LIKE A CEO.  I want you to take a break from your MOOCHING and FREELOADING to watch me mop up the floor with Obama like I was one of ANN’s FEARFUL SERVANTS.

HERMAN CAIN did not work out as OBAMA DEBATE STAND-IN (all his answers were “NINE NINE NINE”) SO NOW I PRACTICE AGAINST A CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF URKEL.

Mas…@MexicanMitt Romney: I’m prepped y ready for Debate Number Juan

Ñewsweek: Romney el moreno; no photo, no voto; santo monkey

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POCHO’s ñewsweek was all about the Mittster as the GOP wannabe wished he were a puro Latino, dissed half of America and looked mysteriously moreno on a Univision appearance.

But wait, there’s more! Sarah Silverman explained how the GOP is trying to keep you from voting, Latinas have racist vaginas, and that new monkey species discovered in Africa reminded us of…JESUS?

The links:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Romney el moreno; no photo, no voto; santo monkey

@MexicanMitt: Corrected subtitles for my Univision appearance

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Those vendidos at Univision‘s Espanish subtitling department are lying Cubanos and they hate Mexicans like me. That is the ONLY EXPLANATION I have for the way they translated my remarks for my Espanish-speaking friends.

Here is what I really said:

So-called transcript: But the truth is as you know my dad was born of American parents living in Mexico.

Correct subtitle: YO SER MEXI-MORMON GUERO

The immigration system, I think we all agree, is broken and it’s been a political football for years. MEXICANOS DEBER EL SELF-DEPORTO

Mas…@MexicanMitt: Corrected subtitles for my Univision appearance

Al Madrigal, Jessica Williams to Jon Stewart: Minorities = lucky (video)

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Mitt Romney wishes he were a Latino because it would bring him advantages he didn’t have as a rich white kid from the suburbs. On The Daily Show, POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal and his minority TDS office-mate Jessica Williams explain to Jon Stewart how that works.

@MexicanMitt Romney: It would be helpful to be ME

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I say that jokingly, but it would be helpful to be Latino.

Sometimes I say the DARNDEST THINGS. As a Republican Presidential candidate with a good chance of unseating an incumbent Presidente, it is very important to watch what you say. But I keep on saying CREYSY CHET.

It’s as if I’m not aware that I am ALREADY LATINO. I am already enjoying the benefits of being MORE LATINO THAN SHOULD BE LEGALLY ALLOWED.

People really don’t realize that Mexican Mitt Romney is SOOOO LATINO. Let me help the still clueless. My PADRE was born in CHIHUAHUA on a RANCHO. (Rancho is Spanish for MORMON POLYGAMOUS COMPOUND.) His parents had Self-Deported to Mexico before the Mexican Revolution, and Self-Deported back during. Then they were on government assistance. WHOOPS, THAT WAS A PRETTY MEXICAN THING TO DO.

Mas…@MexicanMitt Romney: It would be helpful to be ME

Pocho Ocho reasons Latinos weren’t turned on by political conventions

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The political conventions are finally over and the poll results are in: Latinos don’t really care.

How can this be!? The Democrats saw the GOP’s Rubio and raised them two Castros!

To help our political friends understand, here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Latino voters were not turned on by the conventions:

8. No piñatas crafted in the opponent’s likeness.

7. No sophisticated flamenco dance numbers performed by kindergarteners.

6. No midgets.

Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Latinos weren’t turned on by political conventions

Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium

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Is brown the new black?

That’s the question POCHO asked in a massively-popular photo essay that featured Japanese women who dress like cholas. They make ‘gang’ signs, they pose and they mad-dog the camera. Is this a good thing?

Political coverage broke most of the ñews this week as just-released-from-Twitterham-jail @MexicanMitt Romney debuted a music video and had lots to say about the Democratic Convention in Dixie, especially that Bill Clinton guey.

Here are POCHO’s big estories:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium

@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!

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COMO CHINGA ESE OBAMA.

If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA!

There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face.

Even Julian Castro’s Menudo Cook-Off-winning abuela could not boil enough pansa for Americans to stomach four more years of Marxist Socialist Communism Veganism. I have no facts to back that up, but GUATEVER. I don’t need facts, I AM A RICH DUDE.

As for the actual Democrap convention, here’s my review:

Mas…@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!

Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC

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Former President Bill Clinton’s speech Wednesday to the Democratic Convention was long (48 minutes), complex and filled with facts and arithmetic — maybe too long and filled, although girth is as important as length according to the email we get here.

As a public service, therefore, and sanitized for your protection, we present the Pocho Ocho best lines from Clinton’s speech to the DNC:

8. In Hope, Arkansas, offshore banking deposits are at that glory hole down by Stonewall Creek.

7. Republican arithmetic makes as much sense to this old country boy as those Chinese hookers in Harlem!

6. Sandra Fluke: Call me maybe.

Mas…Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC

@MexicanMitt on Bill Clinton: Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech

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Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech.

Ex-Presidente BILL CLINTON spoke to the Democratic National Convention last night before heading out to a night of debauchery and cheeseburgers in Charlotte.

Sure, you might say he delivered a good defense of Barack Obama’s awful Presidency.  But he filled the whole long rant with PINCHE BORING FACTS and even ARITHMETIC!

If you watch Fox News or listen to my man Rush, you know that  facts will not get in my GUEY. You know that OBAMA IS THE MOST DIVISIVE PRESIDENT OF ALL TIME BECAUSE HE HAS DIVIDED THE RACISTS FROM THE NON-RACISTS.

Mas…@MexicanMitt on Bill Clinton: Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech

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