GOP primary votes drive ‘knowledge industry’ shares lower

Traders at the NYSE
(PNS reporting from WALL STREET) The spectacle of enthusiastic GOP voters choosing one pinche pendejo or the other in the Florida primaries sent the widely-watched RIF index lower Tuesday, as investors acted on fears that ignorance was the new black.

The Reading Is Fundamental index tracks firms like academic textbook publishers, for-profit educators and sliderule manufacturers.

The RIF index, which reached its highest level (3,141,592) immediately after the election of then Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) in November 2008, sunk to a new low of √-1 in after-hours trading.

Mas…GOP primary votes drive ‘knowledge industry’ shares lower

Is a GOP unity platform in the cards?

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Even as Republican primary voters in the Sunshine State head to the polls, rumors coming out of the Romney and Gingrich campaigns hint at a startling new development.

Mindful of the tremendous credibility issues raised by the vicious negative ads driving the contest, the candidates may bury the hatchet and declare that only Republican unity can defeat President Obama and “rekindle the American Dream.”

What would a unified GOP stand for? Here’s one report.

Mas…Is a GOP unity platform in the cards?

Moonbase issue casts shadow on final GOP debate

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) The moon was high on the debate agenda last night as Gov. Mitt Romney and former Rep. Newt Gingrich crossed lightsabers with both candidates fighting hard to capture the crucial lunar vote.

The encounter, held at Farpoint Station Laser Tag in Orlando, was the 79th GOP debate and the last before Tuesday’s primary election.

Gingrich, his arms unfurled, set the tone by calling for the establishment of a permanent base on the moon by the year 2020. Gingrich has also set this date as a deadline for establishing a new marriage with a heretofore unexplored Mrs. Gingrich #4.

Warning that the Chinese would dominate outer space if the U.S.A. does not step up in the moonbase race, Gingrich said “Frankly, the Chinese can probably set up the first Panda Express on the moon in 30 minutes or less.”

Mas…Moonbase issue casts shadow on final GOP debate

Week of Ñews: AZ showdown, FLA follies, CT jerk, MX mischief

President Barack Obama flew into Arizona and was greeted on the tarmac by a nasty Gov. Jan Brewer; POCHO has the audio.

In political news, Herman Cain backed Newt Gingrich in the GOP nomination race and released a new poster, while Newt’s peeps supplied a subtitled version of his Spanish-language TV commercial.

Jerkiosity spread to CT as a small town mayor made small-minded remarks and troubles in Mexico bubbled over the border as far as The Hague.

Click on the [Mas…] for, you know, mas!

Mas…Week of Ñews: AZ showdown, FLA follies, CT jerk, MX mischief

BREAKING: Cain backs Gingrich, releases campaign poster


(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In an apparent play for the VP nod, former gangster pizza mogul and serial groper Herman Cain has endorsed former Freaker of the Spouse Newt Gingrich in his bid for the Republican presidential nomination. Enthusiastic Cain aides leaked this prototype of their dream ticket campaign poster.

Earlier this week, the Gingrich campaign HQ released a subtitled version of their candidate’s Spanish-language TV commercial.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of the Pocho Corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

Video: Gingrich Spanish TV ad now with English subtitles

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) As the Newt Gingrich campaign fights to win votes in the upcoming GOP primaries, his campaign has reached out to the Sunshine State’s Spanish-espeaking voters. As a public service, the former Freaker of the Spouse has prepared this version of the commercial with subtitles for voters who don’t habla Espanol. Mitt Romney’s campaign released a similarly-subtitled video last week.

Mas…Video: Gingrich Spanish TV ad now with English subtitles

Breaking Ñews: @MexicanMitt releases first campaign poster

@MexicanMitt

(PNS reporting from NEAR THE BORDER) Campaign aides at Gov. Mitt Romney’s headquarters at a palatial goat rancho here have just released the candidate’s first campaign poster. Romney released his first English-subtitled Spanish-language commercial last week.

“The Most Mexican Man In The World,” @MexicanMitt is  pictured enjoying the glamorous lifestyle of a “Baindido” of the money industry, or the “cash cartel,” as he likes to call it.

Romney is shown posed in his campaign garb – looking over his vast land holdings – as a herd of chivos frolics in the corral.

His juanderful campaign slogan, “I AM THE JUAN PERCENT” is winning over many converts to his jihad against taxes on the uber-super-maxi-rich.

Mas…Breaking Ñews: @MexicanMitt releases first campaign poster

Romney campaign releases subtitled ‘Nosotros’ TV ad


(PNS reporting from the CAYMAN ISLANDS) Addressing complaints from English-speaking voters that his new Spanish-language Nosotros TV commercial was Greek to them, Gov. Mitt Romney’s campaign today released a subtitled version of the ad, available here for the first time as a POCHO exclusive video.

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF THE POCHO CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

Hispanic labor federation backs Romney nomination

(PNS reporting from DIXIE) The Latino Labor Association and Limpiadores Alliance today announced they are backing former Mass. Gov. Mitt Romney in advance of Saturday’s South Carolina GOP primary vote.

LALALA president Ed “Big Tiny” Calvados said Romney offers the best hope for Hispanics to achieve the American dream of fame, fortune and greed.

“The choice is obvious,” he said. “Gingrich wants to take our food stamps and ghetto language, Santorum’s trickle-down stinks and Rick Perry’s Tejano tushie will get spanked in the general election.”

“Mitt walks the walk. Take his position on jobs,” he said. “Mitt has eight houses, and if you figure a gardener and a housekeeper in each, that’s almost a dozen and a half gente off the welfare rolls and onto the payroll.”

Mas…Hispanic labor federation backs Romney nomination

Week in Ñews: @MexicanMitt, bishop with kids, racist white ladies, immigrants suck

It was a big week for big news here at POCHO, where the big estory was our Mexclusive interview with new Twitter sensation @MexicanMitt, who told Pocho Ñews Service PNS “I’m in it to guin it!”

We also released the voicemail Catholic Bishop Gabino Zavala left when he told his boss the Archbishop about his secret life with a chica and two shorties.

The Racist White Ladies video (and response and apology videos) continued to amaze people who thought they’d seen everything from Arizona.

Turns out, Arizona-watchers, you ain’t seen anything, yet!

Click through for the stories and links.

Mas…Week in Ñews: @MexicanMitt, bishop with kids, racist white ladies, immigrants suck

Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!

(PNS reporting from CYBER ESPACE) Like virtual huitlacoche  growing on a diseased ear of GOP political corn, an avatar of candidate Mitt Romney emerged on Twitter Wednesday, a digital fungus thriving on the stinking mess of Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary.

Using the handle @MexicanMitt,  the campaign’s online Hispanic personality exalts Romney as a canny opportunist, occasionally-job-killing corporate turnaround guru and proud-to-be-loaded capitalist examplar. MexicanMitt now has 1,100 followers.

Pocho Ñews Service  interviewed @MexicanMitt via email:  

PNS: You seem to love enforcing immigration policies. How many of your own Mexican family members have you deported?

MexicanMitt: I keep deporting them back after they finish working for me selling oranges. So I don’t think of it as deporting them, more like firing them

Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!

Rick Perry: Mexi-Klingon threat could require Viet troops

(PNS reporting from NEW ENGLAND) As president, Rick Perry “would send troops back into Vietnam,” the Texas governor declared during Saturday’s presidential debate.

Blasting Pres. Barack Obama for letting Vietnam “just sit there,” Perry (R-TX) said the area is susceptible to a light-speed invasion from Mexican Klingons and possibly people who hate Christmas.

“Look, these people have the technology. I’ve seen it. I think the idea that we allow these Mexi-Klingons to come back into Vietnam and take over that country, with all of the treasure, both in blood and money, and uhm, one other thing, oh shit…well with all that we have spent there because this president wants to kowtow to his Borg leftist base…I think it is a huge mistake,” Perry said during the debate.

Mas…Rick Perry: Mexi-Klingon threat could require Viet troops

Iowa analysis: Hatred for poor edges out homophobia, racism

Former Sen. Rick Santorum's election campaign rubbed up behind Romney's muscular Iowa presence

(PNS reporting from IOWA) Hatred for the poor won in Iowa yesterday,  squeaking by second-place entry homophobia and runners-up racism and tax evasion in the hotly-contested GOP caucuses.

In a stunning, almost come-from-behind finish, current homophobe and former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum ended the caucus vote in a number two position, rubbing up right behind human simulation Mitt Romney.

Mas…Iowa analysis: Hatred for poor edges out homophobia, racism

Traditional GOP caucus ritual marks Iowanian New Year

Don D. S. Waldo, 24, is a medical student: "Mitt Romney seems to have cornered the Just for Men contingent, but the Tres Flores activists are still up for grabs."

(PNS reporting from THE HEARTLAND, USA) Thousands of Iowanians are fighting their way across the wind-blown plains today to perform the traditional Republican caucus ritual.  Sioux City City College PoliSci Professor Rico Alvarado explains the Ceremony of the Caucus this way:

First, the gabachos make a 4WD posada to the high school gym for the ritual gathering. There, by standing and waving, they compete for a majority of the donuts and coffee. The Caucus Ceremony must end before the Big Tornado Siren heralds the start of the Iowanian New Year.  

We photographed six citizens and asked them to evaluate the political process and the contenders. Here they are and here’s what they said:

Mas…Traditional GOP caucus ritual marks Iowanian New Year