gop
Hey, wetbacks! Meet Rep. Don Young (R-AK) [audio]
Meet Congressman Don Young, a Republican from Alaska, who just called agricultural laborers who once worked on his father’s ranch “wetbacks.”
In a radio interview Thursday with KRDB this fine American legislator was full of the kind of wisdom that has inspired the deep thoughts of his homegirl, Sarah Palin, and assorted white power NRA-voting posses, militias and tea parties across the U.S. of A.
A three-second clip is at the bottom of this story. Play it here or download it and make it into a ring tone, or an auto-tuned viral meme! Thanks to KRDB for the audio. Oh, and here are the phone numbers for all the Congressman’s offices.
GOP marks ‘Decade of the Dominican’ after immigrant’s Powerball win
(PNS reporting from NEW YERSEY) Literally hours after Dominican immigrant Pedro Quezada won the $338 million New Jersey Powerball jackpot Saturday, the Republican Party announced that the years 2013-2023 will be known as the Decade of the Dominican.
The news was met with universal cynicism, and is seen as the latest in a series of floundering attempts by the party to attract new minority members to its ranks.
“We are really thrilled for Mr. Quezada, as this is the first time in years a Dominican in New Jersey has raised his hands over his head without being surrounded by police,” said African-American GOP spokesman Sam Beau.
“Plus, the fact that he is named ‘Pedro’ makes it easier for us to remember his name.”
Mas…GOP marks ‘Decade of the Dominican’ after immigrant’s Powerball win
GOP Latino voter outreach circa 1998 — look familiar? (toon)
The names of the singers may have changed since I drew this editorial cartoon in 1998, but the song remains the same.
Pocho Ocho top ways to tell Spring has esprung
Spring began at 7:02 EDT this morning as the Northern Hemisphere marked the Vernal Equinox. But if you’re not looking at a calendar, how would you know? Here are the pocho ocho best ways to tell that Spring has sprung:
8. Muslim Brotherhood now wears sundresses to Arab Spring protests and violent crackdowns
7. Hunger-striking Guantanamo Bay prisoners are working on their tans
6. Jan Brewer goes wild in Baja with the sorority sisters of Kappa Kappa Kappa
Rand Paul: Don’t call my plan ‘Pathway to Citizenship’
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Master flip-flopper Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) now supports allowing undocumented immigrants to remain in the United States, receive legal status and eventually apply to become citizens, just so long as he can call them “chili-choking pepper bellies” and they provide lawn service to his friends and family.
But Paul said he would rather not use the term “pathway to citizenship” because it makes him feel “soft” and he feels he should be “hard.” On immigration.
“I think we’re trapped. I mean, I hate these goddamn people. They disgust me and make me my and my dad’s skin crawl. And believe me, it takes a lot to make that bastard’s skin crawl. I’d like nothing more them to send them to the frickin’ moon but the immigration debate has been trapped and it’s been polarized by two terms: ‘path to citizenship’ and ‘amnesty,'” Rand told reporters on a conference call Tuesday.
GOP to spend $10 million further alienating minorities
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Reeling from back-to-back presidential losses and struggling to cope with the country’s changing racial and ethnic makeup, the Republican National Committee plans to spend $10 million this year to send hundreds of party workers in white sheets into Hispanic communities to promote its brand.
With Operation Wetback 2016, the committee hopes putting a fresh face on the same old racism will help them net more Hispanic voters.
“Hispanics are so lazy and slow-witted that they won’t be able to do the deep investigation required to see that our effort is a complete and utter sham,” GOP committee head Reince Priebus declared on Meet the Press. “We won’t change any of our hateful and xenophobic policies, but we will definitely alter our marketing pitches to this unambitious, burrito-brained demographic.”
Chilanga DREAMer Aury Martinez is all ‘Si Se Puede!’ (NSFW video)
President Obama’s “deferred action” program is working out really well for DREAMer Aury Martinez. (NSFW audio.)
PNS*Hot*Flash: Sequestration Proclamation frees the ‘Pedroes’
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, DC) President Barack Obama today issued a “Sequestration Proclamation,” which authorizes the freeing of an additional 300 undocumented immigrants from detention centers around the country in advance of looming budget cuts.
While Republicans claimed the freeing of these so-called “Pedroes” would lead to the total collapse of the U.S. economy, the only immediate impact has been the creation of 900 new jobs.
Obama is being hailed as “The Great Sequestrator” by Latinos around the country, and Obama-themed corridos are already staples on Mexican radio.
Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: Sequestration Proclamation frees the ‘Pedroes’
It came from outer espace: Demographic meteor disaster (toon)
More toons from POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz @ Huffington Post Latino Voices…
RELATED:
Pocho Ocho reasons GOP Sen. Marco Rubio drank so much water
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FLA) sure drank a lot of Poland Spring® water during his Republican State of the Union rebuttal speech Tuesday night.
Here are the pocho ocho reasons the GOP’s Great Brown Hope was so thirsty:
8. He’s a pinche mojado
7. Global warming
6. He finds this bullshit hard to swallow himself
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons GOP Sen. Marco Rubio drank so much water
Arizona ‘pro-life’ bill promises a gun for every unborn child
(PNS reporting from TUCSON) Arizona Republicans today proposed new legislation aimed at reducing the number of abortions performed in the state.
Although Arizona already has some of the country’s most extreme restrictions on abortion, State Rep. Kimberly Yee (R-Maricopa), sponsor of House Bill HB1069, says the Hate State still doesn’t fully protect “unborn children.”
“As Republicans, we understand that redefining a fetus as a person will not stop it from being killed. Only one thing stops unlawful killing, and that’s concealed carry. With this in mind, the new law mandates every unborn person in Arizona will be issued his or her own handgun,” she told the mostly-empty legislative chamber.
Mas…Arizona ‘pro-life’ bill promises a gun for every unborn child
Mexclusive: Pocho Ocho steps on the GOP’s ‘Path to Citizenship’
The Republican Party has jumped on the immigration reform bandwagon with their own “Path to Citizenship” proposals. Here are the GOP’s pocho ocho ways undocumented residents can get legal:
8. Mow Mitt Romney’s lawn
7. Pose for publicity photo with AZ Gov. Jan Brewja
6. Pretend you’re “Hispanic” for the CIA
Mas…Mexclusive: Pocho Ocho steps on the GOP’s ‘Path to Citizenship’
PNS*Hot*Flash: GOP aims to cut ‘uppity’ February to 26 days
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) This just in: Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor has introduced a bill to shorten February to 26 days. Cantor says February is getting too “uppity” and two of its days should be given to April, which he claims is being discriminated against as “the cruellest month,” because it features the observance of “Confederate History Month” and “Patriots Day.” The bill also aims to cancel leap years, just to be a dick.
Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: GOP aims to cut ‘uppity’ February to 26 days
Al Madrigal, Jon Stewart: Big trouble in GOP His Panic Room (video)
Will a Republican shift on immigration help them with Hispanic voters? The Daily Show’s Senior Latino Correspondent Al Madrigal is in Jon Stewart’s His Panic Room as they explore the GOP’s Nuevo Deal. Jessica Williams sneaks in to assist. DISCLOSURE: Madrigal is also POCHO’s Migrant Editor.
From the ‘new’ GOP: Pocho Ocho things we shouldn’t say to Latinos
GOP leaders are undergoing sensitivity training as they re-evaluate immigration reform. Too often, insiders say, Republicans’ choice of words has hidden their true love for Latinos.
“Tone and rhetoric will be key,” is the message from Jennifer Korn, executive director of the Hispanic Leadership Network. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FLA), who chairs the GOP’s Vendido Caucus, champions “a kinder, gentler racism.”
Top Republicans will receive a list of phrases that should never, ever be used when discussing immigration reform. Here are the pocho ocho things NEVER to say:
8. Git’ back in your beaner-mobile!
7. Speak inglish you ‘ignant brownie.
6. We ain’t need no anchor babies.
Mas…From the ‘new’ GOP: Pocho Ocho things we shouldn’t say to Latinos
Obama’s lamestream media is too scared to run this truthy gun video
This short video exposes uppity Obama’s selfish assault on the God-given rights of real Americans — a truthy look at guns TOO REAL for the lamestream media because chemtrails. NRA: Straight out of Downton.
Eeeeek! It’s the Fiscal Cliff! (video toon)
Rich people need love, too, President Obama!
Year in Review: The lonely, fading star of Texas Gov. Rick Perry
The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas. Except, of course, when Gov. Rick Perry (photo, right) is involved.
The one-time GOP nominee wannabe Perry is so underwhelming that when he walks into a room, it seems as if someone just left.
Rick Perry is so stupid he peels M&M’s to make chocolate chip cookies. Rick Perry is so stupid he went to the dentist for Bluetooth. Rick Perry is so stupid he forgot his own talking points in a Republican presidential debate.
Think about it: Republican voters in the primaries liked Rick Perry even LESS than Mitt Romney.
But enough about Rick Perry. What about MY needs?
Mas…Year in Review: The lonely, fading star of Texas Gov. Rick Perry
Marry a citizen, become a citizen at PendejoMatch.com (video)
Sen. John Kyl, a Republican (surprise surprise!) from the Hate State of Arizona, is pleased to announce his online dating site for the young, undocumented and desperate.
Marry a citizen, become a citizen!
It’s just that easy with the “quick path to citizenship” from PendejoMatch.com.
Try Pendejo Match for free for 30 days or your money back! Just looking for love? Our sister site MojadoMingle.com is the place for you. Or maybe GueyDate.net.
Pocho Ocho key provisions of Republican ‘Dream Act Lite’
They got a serious ass-whupping and they know it, so Republican “moderates” are crafting a “Dream Act Lite” to try to bridge the gap with Latinos.
Here are their Pocho Ocho key provisions:
8. Replace old slogan “No wet backs, no wet dreams” with something more encouraging.
7. Military service need not be completed to achieve citizenship if you are killed in line of duty.
6. You dropped some “anchor babies”? Can you sing “In the Navy”? We thought you could.
Mas…Pocho Ocho key provisions of Republican ‘Dream Act Lite’
Pocho Ocho Cyber Lunes gift tips are just a clika guey
As long as the boss isn’t looking, today is the day when pochos all over America go holiday gift shopping on the Internets. If you’re not shopping at Lalo Alcaraz’s place, these Pocho Ocho gift tips (with links) will turn your Cyber Lunes from Mission Impossible to Cyber Espace Mission Accomplished:
8. Santa’s Helpers are cool, sure, but so last year! Nalgas Helpers are bringing sexy back (and backs) with their American-made line of butt thong bar stools. When the clear view is the rear view, click on over to order the furniture that will make your family room the “Best of Barrio” for 2012!
Pocho Ñews Insight: Mal*Mart gives back to local communities (video)
This short educational video from Mal★Mart explains how the retail chain is a good neighbor, supporting local communities and creating jobs all across America — with a smile. The case study features Latina entrepreneur Maria Muñoz of Maria’s Flan.
Mas…Pocho Ñews Insight: Mal*Mart gives back to local communities (video)
To: sw6n-34kd31fa8@dcjobs.craigslist.org Re: GOP Latino Wrangler
Dear Party of Lincoln:
I am very interested in the Latino Wrangler opening at the Republican National Committee you advertised on CraigsList.
My wife is half Mexican, my son is one-quarter Mexican and I have been to Mexico four times for cheap lobster, not that anyone's ethnicity would be used as a qualification for this job. I'm white, of course.
Mas...To: sw6n-34kd31fa8@dcjobs.craigslist.org Re: GOP Latino Wrangler
Pleased as ponche, Tres Flores triplets give company to workers
(PNS reporting from ALTADENA) Pleased with the reelection of the President, thrilled to provide Obamacare for their employees and acknowledging their loyal workers built a small family firm into a billion-dollar corporation, the three siblings who own the Tres Flores Corporation are giving their company to their staff.
Abelardo, Bernardo and Chichi Flor — 83-year-old triplets who gave Tres Flores their name — started bottling home-made hair oil in a garage in this L.A. suburb over 50 years ago. Tres Flores is now a worldwide operation that employes 600 people and has facilities in Southern California, Louisiana and New Jersey.
“We’re retiring and we don’t have any heirs,” oldest triplet Abelardo (born 20 minutes before brother Bernardo) told a press conference this morning. “We’ve been approached to sell the firm, but we couldn’t think of anyone better to run it than the folks who have been with us all these years.”
“Shaddap, Lardo,” Bernardo responded. “I would have an heir if you hadn’t scared away Selena Valderrama with that Migra Maus costume on Halloween in 1974!”
Mas…Pleased as ponche, Tres Flores triplets give company to workers
Pocho Ocho ‘gifts’ Democrats gave Latinos to vote for Obama
Loser and liar Willard “Mitt” Romney finally got something correct! The overwhelming Latino margin for President Bronco Bama was entirely due to “gifts” the Democrats used as bribes. Here are the top eight:
8. Taco Tuesdays covered by Obamacare
7. Rick Bayless gets full-time gig with Food and Drug Administration (Drug Division)
6. New “path to citizenship:” SuperLotto
Mas…Pocho Ocho ‘gifts’ Democrats gave Latinos to vote for Obama