Conan O’Brien’s show is more popular with Hispanic viewers than any other late-night program, the vaguely-talented host announced Monday night. Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons why:
8. He has hair like everyone’s tio.
7. Hispanics think he is funny; Latinos don’t.
6. He has more Latino comedy writers than George Lopez did — one.
So you wanna join a gang. Got a resume? (NSFW language.)
POCHO’s ñews team started the week in glossy Hollyweird and ended up scraping the crap off their shoes near Rush Limbaugh’s headquarters in La Floridita, but the big story of the week was the release of Mexican Mitt Romney’s music video/camapaign commercial.
Will the GOP wannabe become the nation’s first Latino president? And why does his MittShake bring all the viejas to yard? You’ll have to watch and figure it out yourself!
The Academy Awards were just around the corner from installation artist Ramiro Gomez Jr. so he made sure the neighborhood got to see normally-invisible Latino elements of the star-making machinery with a poignant installation on Hollywood Boulevard.
[If you liked the video, you can now own the song. Get it on iTunes ahora! Mexican Mitt's "(I Wanna Be) The First Latino President" ]
After sweeping both Arizona and Michigan –– he says it’s because the gringos won’t do it -– a certain South-of-the-Border candidate is clearing his way to “paint the White House brown!” The affable and mariachi-like Mexi-Mormon is a tough campaigner, and says he is “in it to guin it.” Mexican Mitt Romney, the Most Mexican Man in the World, wants to be the first Latino President. This is his story — in song.
Mas…Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)
We all know it’s coming. It’s only Thursday, but THE WEEKEND is right ahead of us — a sign post up ahead that spells PARTY. And somebody is gonna get her drink on.
If that means you, perhaps we can help with the Pocho Ocho cures for your hangover (la cruda.)
8. Menudo. In my social circles, menudo is the go–to method for scaring away that nasty cruda. The power of the Aztec gods? Meat? Corn? Who knows why, but word has it that it works.
7. More alcohol! Hair of the dog, as it were. This method is perhaps one of the oldest cures for cruda. Does it work?
8. You’re always late.
7. You laugh or talk too loudly.
6. You have a short temper.
5. You’re spicy/overly sexual.
There’s a fine line between truth and satire, a twisty maze of passageways, all alike. POCHO was doing that line dance all week with these stories:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Lalo the valet, the gay GOP sheriff, fishsticks and boobs
Representing Pocho.com, I was a panelist along with a table full of young, savvy Latino digital media types as part of last night’s Digital LA Latino Content event.
Afterwards, I finished up networking and headed outside to leave. As I waited to get my car in front of the host restaurant in Beverly Hills, you’ll never guess what happened: A white lady tried to give me her car valet ticket. Twice.
You’ve heard this story a thousand times before; it’s a Latino cliché. Or is it a tradition?
Anglo person assumes brown person is a worker, there to serve them.
An old Chicano chestnut goes something like this:
I’m a Mexican-American, am married to a white woman, and I was mowing our lawn in front of our nice, big home. A white lady pulled up in a car and asked, “How much do you charge to mow a lawn?” My answer: Nothing. The lady of the house lets me sleep with her.
Mas…Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car
In what’s been termed “the tweet heard ’round the world,” Pres. Barack Obama’s campaign manager Jim Messina tweeted today that a line from a Washington Post editorial— “The chimichanga? It may be the only thing Republicans have left to offer Latinos” — was the “line of the day.”
Consequently, and in short order, Republicans began attacking Messina (not Latino) and lefties in general for being racist, insensitive, not offering Latinos much in the way of policies anyway, and much more. Repercussions of the tweet, however, reach much further than the Twitterverse.
Conservative Republican Hispanic activist Daniel D. Portado, the original self-deportationist, explains the origin of the self-deportation movement in his own words. Portado’s rallying cry is now backed by GOP wannabe Mitt Romney. Portado is on Twitter, too.
Video by Giovanni Solis and Eduardo M Zamora.
A Mississippi state lawmaker introduced legislation Tuesday that would rename the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America.”
According to state Rep. Stephen Holland’s bill, the name would apply only to his home state, much to the relief of embarrassed neighboring states.
Ironically, Holland chose to rename this international body of water “Gulf of America,” not understanding that “America” is the name of the whole American hemisphere, mainly because the word “hemisphere” is twice as long as most words the average Mississippian legslator understands.
Would you like to swing on a star? Carry moonbeams home in a jar? And be better off than you are? Or would you rather be a cholo? Watch this video to find out how! NSFW (language.)
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Joining First Lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! initiative, Goya Foods, the largest Hispanic-owned U.S. food company, will help promote MiPlato, the USDA program designed to encourage children to make healthier eating choices.
“Today’s announcement is about eliminating diabetes in the Mexican-American community by helping them make better choices, and, with the help of Goya, forcing them to eat like Cubans and Puerto Ricans,” Obama said Friday.
“Everything that Goya is doing,” she said, “centers around a simple idea: this country’s Mexican children need to be told what to eat by a corporate conglomerate that mass-produces Caribbean food.”
Obama joined Goya president Bob Unanue and leading Latino organizations at a Tampa supermarket to promote healthy eating nationwide with a special focus on the incorrectly-nourished Mexican-American community.
Mas…FLOTUS on healthy food for Chicano kids: Eat like Puerto Ricans
Immigrant Mexican labor has all but disappeared from the Alabama landscape and the state has lost $10.8 billion in rotting crops and revenue.
Lawmakers desperate for solutions hope the Canuck Program will resuscitate the Yellowhammer State’s ignorant and bigoted economy.
Mas…Alabama legislators to ‘import’ Canadian workers to fill jobs
In our ongoing search for advertisers to match our diverse audience, it looks like we have found a winner – a company with deep pockets and its heart in the right place.
POCHO is glad to welcome RentALatino to the echelons of our Premium Sponsors.
To learn how you might qualify for RentALatino‘s latest discounts and see the full message from our sponsor, read on!
Latino nerds are into both American and Latino popular culture. Latinos are part of United States of America. This standard is not based upon documented status or the ability to speak English. It not based upon the ability to bleach one’s hair a lighter shade of blonde. No, Latinos are part of the nation because we have produced something more profound — Latino nerds.
President Barack Obama flew into Arizona and was greeted on the tarmac by a nasty Gov. Jan Brewer; POCHO has the audio.
In political news, Herman Cain backed Newt Gingrich in the GOP nomination race and released a new poster, while Newt’s peeps supplied a subtitled version of his Spanish-language TV commercial.
Jerkiosity spread to CT as a small town mayor made small-minded remarks and troubles in Mexico bubbled over the border as far as The Hague.
Click on the [Mas…] for, you know, mas!
Mas…Week of Ñews: AZ showdown, FLA follies, CT jerk, MX mischief
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) The warmer the U.S. gets, the more Latinos live here. That’s the controversial conclusion of a scientific study released Thursday by the Demographic Climatology Trend Institute at Maricopa County Community College.
“We don’t know if the warmer weather makes El Norte a more comfortable place to live for Mexicans used to desert living, you know, with the sombreros and cacti and burros, or that the number of brown people on our side of the border means more sunlight is getting absorbed and kicking up the thermometer,” said Assistant Professor of Ignorametry Joe “Junior” Arapaio.
Mas…Shocking study links global warming and Latino immigration
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) As the Newt Gingrich campaign fights to win votes in the upcoming GOP primaries, his campaign has reached out to the Sunshine State’s Spanish-espeaking voters. As a public service, the former Freaker of the Spouse has prepared this version of the commercial with subtitles for voters who don’t habla Espanol. Mitt Romney’s campaign released a similarly-subtitled video last week.
Mas…Video: Gingrich Spanish TV ad now with English subtitles
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) When Gov. Jan Brewer met visiting Pres. Barack Obama at the Phoenix-Mesa Gateway airport Wednesday they appeared to have engaged in a testy verbal exchange. The PNS crack mobile team of forensic audiologists have managed to extract the sound of the conversation from the background noise. Here’s what Obama and Brewer said (NSFW.)
Mas…BARACK vs. BREWER! Exclusive audio: When Obama met Brewer at the PHX airport (NSFW)
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) The new wave of so-called “Cuban” immigrants washing up on the shores of the Sunshine State are really Mexicanos in disguise, at least according to one coyote.
In an exclusive interview with PNS, people smuggler Chivo Rodriguez says the scheme is already an open secret in Mexico and it’s only a matter of time before the whole country is singing Guantanamera!
Pop quiz: Say you’re the mayor of East Haven, CT and you wouldn’t know the meaning of STFU even if someone dropped a dumpster-full of it on your head from 90 stories up.
A TV reporter asks for comment after the FBI busted four of your police officers on charges they acted like “bullies with badges,” beating up, harrassing and lying about Latinos – who make up 10% of your citizenry.
How do you promise you’ll reach out to your Latino community? Wait – you’re gonna what? Dig yourself into a bottomless hole like a meth-addicted Marine on a Red Bull bender under heavy machine gun fire? Okay – hang on a sec, we need to grab some popcorn and a couple of beers.
Mas…TACO THE TOWN: Idiot CT mayor defends cops against racism charges
During the interview, Lalo gave props to pioneering Latino cartoonist Gus Arriola, confessed he misses Herman Cain and revealed that he stands 100% behind @MexicanMitt.
The interview is three decades old but still amazing. Listen to the man that started “pochismo!”
As the University of Texas presents the Mexican American Experience writes:
Jose Antonio Villarreal discusses his 1959 novel, Pocho, and the ways in which his own life and politics influenced his writing. Villarreal first discusses his experiences growing up in the pre-World War II era in California. He traces some of the similarities between his own life and that of his character, Richard Rubio, but he stresses that his novel is not a biography. Villarreal says he wrote Pocho because he wanted to introduce the rest of the U.S. to a group of Americans they knew nothing about.
(PNS reporting from TUCSON) Even as John Huppenthal takes a breather now that teaching the alphabet is banned in Tucson schools, his Taliban-style campaign of education purification continues in the hands of allies.
“We won’t stop with just readin’ and writin’,” they say, “so ‘rithmetic is next!”
Superintendent of Public Instruction Huppenthal told PNS why he is terrified by brown-skinned children who read books and ask preguntas:
(PNS reporting from DIXIE) The Latino Labor Association and Limpiadores Alliance today announced they are backing former Mass. Gov. Mitt Romney in advance of Saturday’s South Carolina GOP primary vote.
LALALA president Ed “Big Tiny” Calvados said Romney offers the best hope for Hispanics to achieve the American dream of fame, fortune and greed.
“The choice is obvious,” he said. “Gingrich wants to take our food stamps and ghetto language, Santorum’s trickle-down stinks and Rick Perry’s Tejano tushie will get spanked in the general election.”
“Mitt walks the walk. Take his position on jobs,” he said. “Mitt has eight houses, and if you figure a gardener and a housekeeper in each, that’s almost a dozen and a half gente off the welfare rolls and onto the payroll.”
When the memes come knocking POCHO starts rocking. Check out this “Sh!t Pocha Girls Say” video from Jessica Braganza and Sara Inés Calderón – it’s safe for work and cleared for fun.
During my seemingly eternal quest for love, I’ve been accused more than once of being “racist” for mostly dating Latinos.
Part of this is totally my fault and the result of my whining and chiflazón. There’s a misunderstanding about what motivates me and other people like me, who are interested primarily in dating other Latinos.
First and foremost, let me say that I have dated mostly pochos like me, but I’ve also dated Cubans, white men, and Asian men, finally coming to the conclusion that all men on this planet are idiots when they are in their 20s. Some of my complaints, which other Latinas share, include: They want to get married too soon, or they’re divorced with kids young, they’re too short, as you become more educated there are less Latinos around you, they’re scared of educated/professional women. The list goes on.
It was a big week for big news here at POCHO, where the big estory was our Mexclusive interview with new Twitter sensation @MexicanMitt, who told Pocho Ñews Service PNS “I’m in it to guin it!”
We also released the voicemail Catholic Bishop Gabino Zavala left when he told his boss the Archbishop about his secret life with a chica and two shorties.
The Racist White Ladies video (and response and apology videos) continued to amaze people who thought they’d seen everything from Arizona.
Turns out, Arizona-watchers, you ain’t seen anything, yet!
Click through for the stories and links.
Mas…Week in Ñews: @MexicanMitt, bishop with kids, racist white ladies, immigrants suck
Gang Boy (1955) is a gem of an “educational film” from the Ozzie y Harriet Era by genre master Sid Davis. “This 50s film is surprisingly sympathetic in its portrayal of a Chicano gang leader and the events leading up to the formation of the gang,” writes reviewer Christine Hennig.
(PNS reporting from CYBER ESPACE) Like virtual huitlacoche growing on a diseased ear of GOP political corn, an avatar of candidate Mitt Romney emerged on Twitter Wednesday, a digital fungus thriving on the stinking mess of Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary.
Using the handle @MexicanMitt, the campaign’s online Hispanic personality exalts Romney as a canny opportunist, occasionally-job-killing corporate turnaround guru and proud-to-be-loaded capitalist examplar. MexicanMitt now has 1,100 followers.
Pocho Ñews Service interviewed @MexicanMitt via email:
PNS: You seem to love enforcing immigration policies. How many of your own Mexican family members have you deported?
MexicanMitt: I keep deporting them back after they finish working for me selling oranges. So I don’t think of it as deporting them, more like firing them
Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!
