(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) America will pause Monday to remember the life and message of Ricky Martin Luther King Jr., whose Tengo a Dream y Dance! speech changed the nation forever.
Post offices and other public facilities will be closed, banks and stock exchanges take the day off and salsa picante and sweet potato pie – his favorite snack combo – are on sale all across America. Today would have been RMLK’s 34th birthday.
Despite his tragic death in 2007 (he was shot and killed by the president of his fan club before an appearance in Dallas) King’s promotion of “love, equality, justice, innocence, malice, refuge, oppression, freedom” has continued to resonate among confused Latinos and Anglos alike.
A 28-year-old San Antonio, TX man is the can after threatening a waitress with a sword in an attempt to scare her into giving up a half dozen tacos, which Wikipedia describes as “a traditional Mexican dish composed of a corn or wheat tortilla folded or rolled around a filling.”
“Mr. [Adam] Kramer was yelling that he wanted his free tacos or somebody was going to die,” authorities said in an affadavit for his arrest, according to Raw Story. Kramer is being held in Bexar County Jail on $50,000 bail.
PREVIOUSLY ON TEXAS TACOS:
Hey! I took Russki in college. Труп чупакабры в Венесуэле means “corpse of a chupacabra [found] in Venezuela.”
First came the toilet paper shortage which Maduro blamed on imperialist sabotage, although he later tried to paint it as an example of his economic successes, claiming Venezuelan shit production had reached record levels, thereby outstripping the papel hygenico supply.
It’s no surprise to us Pochodores — it’s why we started POCHO.COM:
Actual research reveals more and more U.S. Latinos are getting their ñews in Ingles — ñews from respected journalists like brothers Jorge Cooper-Ramos (right), and Anderson Ramos-Cooper (left.)
OK, sometimes Latinos get their ñews from Gustavo Almadovar live in the O.C., but not lately.
Meanwhile, Univision is leading in the July ratings wars with the most viewers under 50, the first time a Spanish-language network topped the charts.
Hey there, Pochos! This week on MiJA I totally don’t pole dance, Obama isn’t a dork, and the Gang of Eight don’t mix well with vinegar. Also, Kim Jung Un has one black friend.
Don’t make me unleash my powers of brujería! Leave your comments and questions below.
Happy Presidents Day from Mija Weekly! This week: the State of the Union is doomed! Also, I say adios to el Popa and hello to some ruby red slippers. Last, don’t forget it’s Lent (avoid pork chops and cruise ships.)
The UFO/OVNI sightings of bright lights flying into Mexico City’s Popocateptl volcano — the ones authorities said were optical illusions last time around — have shown up on TV news again.
And peep this video of what appears to be the Mothership flying over Santa Clarita, northwest of Los Angeles:
This week on Mija Weekly I discuss immigration and la ganga de ocho, Obama’s love of skeet, and I celebrate Black History Month Peruvian style — all while battling the flu!
Don’t forget to leave me your comments below; I promise I’m not contagious.
- PREVIOUSLY ON MIJA WEEKLY…
In the second installment of Mija Weekly ñews wrap I discuss lip-synching, immigration, my chusma hair dresser and I answer questions from you pochos. Also I don’t drop the F-bomb.
Thank you to everyone who watched last week! Don’t forget to leave me your comments below.
- RELATED: Previously on Mija Weekly…
POCHO’s New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck wraps up this week’s ñews in the premiere installment of Mija Weekly. Please note she is quite insistent that you leave comments below. (NSFW language.)
It’s never a slow ñews day in Rancho Pocho, what with the freezing temperatures, babbling stars on awards shows and fools trying to outrun the police. Take, for example, this baboso who is born to run the streets near Los Angeles International Airport…
He’s young, he’s guapo and he’s on TV, mujeres!
Laws have been set in motion to protect the American Homeland. Your freedom and sanity are at stake. Oh, and your jobs.
I forgot about your jobs. And your beautifully domesticated wives and children. You pay your taxes, yet you feel one-upped. Lied to. I know. I have a mortgage and a timeshare I haven’t paid in months. Meanwhile our lazy neighbors to the south consume our resources. But there’s no need to fear. No longer do we have to sit in Victoria’s Secret as our wives are gawked at by gang-banging border hoppers. No. Victoria is just beyond the horizon. And one man risks it all in his comfy radio studio located somewhere in the Arizona desert.
That man is Lance Liberty for 101.3 Honest Radio. Take it away, Lance…
A MAD-TV news crew is on the air live from an East Los bank branch. Live TV news can be so unpredictable.
(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Selena’s old band is hitting the road this summer with a holographic version of the murdered superstar and Jennifer Lopez wants the part.
JLo played Selena Quintanilla-Pérez in a 1997 biopic about the singer.
“We tried to tell her a hologram was not an actual person and that playing a hologram was not the same thing as being in a movie, but she didn’t seem to understand,” band manager Beto Salinas told PNS.
Lopez called band members directly and begged for the role.
Vicente Fernandez, Los Grammys and the continuing adventures of presidential hopeful @MexicanMitt were the big stories this week on POCHO:
- The Grammys were faced with a boycott led by Latino artists calling themselves Los 60%.
- Mexican singing superstar Vicente Fernandez announced both his upcoming retirement and plans to open a Las Vegas casino called Guadalajara, Guadalajara.
- GOP wannabe @MexicanMitt released his first TV commercial and claimed the title of The Most Mexican Man in the World.
- An angry Arizona legislator called for a Caucasian Appreciation Day to highlight the achievements of the patriotic white citizens that are routinely ignored in America’s foremost Hate State.
- A Mississippi legislator offered a bill to rename the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. Unlike the Arizona hater, he was joking.
- New contributor Tia Lencha offered a nopalitos recipe for gringos y pochos.
- A helpful video offered advice on How to Be A Cholo and Supreme Court Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor showed up on Sesame Street for a cafecito.
- POCHO Jefe-in-Chief shared a cartoon tribute to Whitney Houston.
(PNS reporting from an undisclosed Goat Ranch in Chihuahua) Mexican Mitt Romney’s headquarters here today released their first television commercial, a tribute to the “most Mexican man in the world.” This ad shows why @MexicanMitt is the leader of the Juan Percent. He doesn’t always make TV commercials, but when he does, they’re pinche funny. Stay wealthy, my friends.
Immigrant Mexican labor has all but disappeared from the Alabama landscape and the state has lost $10.8 billion in rotting crops and revenue.
Lawmakers desperate for solutions hope the Canuck Program will resuscitate the Yellowhammer State’s ignorant and bigoted economy.
(PNS reporting from CYBERESPACE) Although Mitt Romney has lately been in the news for promoting self-deportation, there is someone who beat him to the concept back in the 1990s — Daniel D. Portado. The self-proclaimed “original self-deportationist” encouraged others to follow his example and self-deport during California’s brush with anti-immigration legislation in the 1990s.
In this current round of self-deportation, groups have sprung up to actually promote self-deportation, and Romney’s rhetoric has been taken seriously in some politically conservative circles. We interviewed Daniel D. Portado about self-deportation and here’s what he said.
PNS: Rumor has it that you are the original self deportation asked, is that true?
Daniel D. Portado: Yes. I clearly invented self-deportation in 1994 during the wonderful Proposition 187 era in California. I founded the group “Hispanics For Wilson”, a GOP support group of Governor Pete Wilson. Wilson correctly wanted to chase all the illegals out of California after they were done mowing our lawns, but before payday.
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) The moon was high on the debate agenda last night as Gov. Mitt Romney and former Rep. Newt Gingrich crossed lightsabers with both candidates fighting hard to capture the crucial lunar vote.
The encounter, held at Farpoint Station Laser Tag in Orlando, was the 79th GOP debate and the last before Tuesday’s primary election.
Gingrich, his arms unfurled, set the tone by calling for the establishment of a permanent base on the moon by the year 2020. Gingrich has also set this date as a deadline for establishing a new marriage with a heretofore unexplored Mrs. Gingrich #4.
Warning that the Chinese would dominate outer space if the U.S.A. does not step up in the moonbase race, Gingrich said “Frankly, the Chinese can probably set up the first Panda Express on the moon in 30 minutes or less.”