It’s News to Us!
Many visual artists have united for today’s Artstrike #nomorecuts Day of Action. I was invited to contribute a piece that pushes back against the rhetoric of the so-called “Fiscal Cliff,” a construct that seems to be a set up to slash needed social service budgets. We’ve created art to fight budget cuts that impact the poor and middle class and to demand the wealthy pay their fair share of taxes.
From the site:
Mas…Artstrike #nomorecuts: Artists fight budget cuts, demand fair taxes
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine.
I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty Black Ops II and an iPhone 5 for Christmas.
I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them.
Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting.
Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat.
Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Don’t scoff. Don’t laugh. The Mayan Apocalypse End of The World As We Know It is December 21. [SYNCHRONIZE YOUR CHRONOMETERS WITH OUR COUNTDOWN CLOCK IN THE RIGHT COLUMN.] Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard knows what the real deal is, and she says goodbye to her all her Ozzie mates in this video from December 5, which just floated into POCHO headquarters from the Juander Down Under.
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We tried to pick just one Top Pendejo of 2012 but we ended up with two, both from the Hate State of Arizona: Gov. Jan Brewja and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio.
The witchy woman has taken every opportunity to lie, defame, harass and impede President Obama, Mexican-American Arizonans, a woman’s right to choose, Dreamers’ rights, students’ education, a minimum level of health care for constituents, and, to keep things current, she has an A+ Rating from the NRA merchants of death.
Pigasus Joe, who only missed being thrown out of office by a slim margin in the recent Maricopa County elections, just made headlines again by vowing to parade female DUI convicts in public chain gangs. His racist enforcement of the remaining provisions of AZ SB1070 has made him particularly abhorrent to those who fight for equality and justice.
So these two pendejos will share the ignominy of our Top Pendejos of 2012 award, and here are the reasons why:
Mas…Top Pendejos of 2012: AZ’s Gov. Jan Brewer and Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Denial is not only a river in Egypt but also an official policy of the Chinese Communist Party as the police state’s police arrested dozens for trying to warn the captive population about the Mayan Apocalypse Friday. [Be sure to synchronize your chronometers for The End of the World As We Know It with the OFFICIAL POCHO MAYAN DOOMSDAY countdown clock in the right column of this page.]
These brave “counter-revolutionaries” and “enemies of the people” are behind bars because they dared to tell to truth to billions of clueless Chinos.
Mas…China busts Mayan Apocalypse rumor spreaders, ex-USSR in panic mode
The tragic death of Long Beach homegirl Jenni Rivera and the school massacre in Newtown, MA inspired two editorial cartoons from POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz this week. And then there was the guy who emailed some Photoshop experts asking for helping removing the Mexicans from his snapshot of Disneyland.
These are the stories that broke the ñews this week on POCHO:
Apocalyptic manifestations are occurring at accelerating rates and spreading all across the country as we approach The End of the World as We Know it on December 21. [SYNCHRONIZE YOUR DEVICES WITH POCHO’S MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY COUNTDOWN CLOCK IN THE RIGHT COLUMN.]
Close to our headquarters in Rancho Pocho, CA, municipal officials just installed a Spanish-speaking hottie robot-like being to offer greets to peeps at Long Beach Airport.
Mas…Spanish-speaking ‘holobot’ greets you at Long Beach Airport (video)
If you’re planning on driving National Route No. 5 in Argentina’s pampas region — especially between Santa Rosa and Catrilo — be extra careful. There are rifts in the spacetime continuum there, so-called “zonas de pérdida temporal.” Drivers may be subject to “missing time.”
That’s the warning recently issued by Agentinean Oscar “Quique” Mario, founder of the Centro de Estudios OVNI (CEUFO.)
From the Inexplicata blog:
…People driving along National Route No. 5, specifically the segment between the localities of Lonquimay and Anguil, and who may have sensed time anomalies, should please report it immediately to CEUFO, as we have received reports of three cases at different times and days within the past month.”
Mas…Argentine OVNI investigator warns of spacetime rifts on Route #5
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Every day brings us closer to the End of the World as We Know It on December 21 (synchronize your chronometers with our MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column.)
All over the Internets, extremely concerned Trekkies are banding together to wear “expendable red” jerseys on The Last Day, so they can “die as Mr. Gene Rodenberry intended.”
And policia stationed near San Luis, AZ found a freshly-plowed field on the American side of the Colorado River scarred by craters and dotted with payloads of Mayan Marijuana apparently shot by cannabis cannoneers using a pneumatic cannon.
Pneumatic cannon? Federales found an empty industrial-sized CO2 canister, presumably propellant, in their hood.
Mas…Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse
When Jan Brewja, governor of the Hate State of Arizona (photo,right), officially announced her absence from the jurisdiction, concerned Americans began a desperate search for LOST GOV, posting flyers on telephone polls and all over the Internets.
Her mysterious disappearance almost overshadowed the shocking revelation of Iowa’s Brian Peterson, who finally had to come to grips with the fact that he watches telenovelas for the boobs, not to learn Spanish like he originally told himself.
And in San Diego, a multimillionaire commissioned a billboard to get himself a new girlfriend for Christmas — a “Christmas Latina.” Our Especial Correspondents uncovered some earlier versions of the billboard, and an intrepid photographer snapped the final version of the message.
Here are the links to the top stories that broke the ñews:
Mas…Ñewsweek: LOST GOV Jan Brewja, boobs, San Diego billboard
San Diego real estate mogul Marc Paskin is looking for love in a very unusual place: A highway billboard overlooking the 28th Street exit of the I-5 freeway. “All I Want for Christmas is a Latina Girlfriend,” reads the giant personal ad that includes an AOL email address for interested “Christmas Latinas.”
This wasn’t the first billboard concept Paskin considered. Here are the Pocho Ocho billboards he rejected:
Mas…UPDATED: San Diego multimillionaire’s Pocho Ocho rejected billboards
Despite the clamoring of dozens of its citizens, officials recently turned back the equus asinus aspirations of a donkey as candidate for a seat in the Ecuadorean National Assembly.
Regrettably, the canny citizens of Guayaquil, Ecuador were denied their electoral ends — to register a donkey aptly named “Mr. Donkey” to run for the national legislature.
But I have a new suggestion for “Mr. Donkey.” Perhaps, “Mr. Donkey” should move to Arizona, “The Meth Lab of Democracy” – but of course, only after all his immigration papers are properly in order.
Here, he may yet thwart the ambitions of Arizona’s current Gov. Jan Brewer (photo, right) who, unconstitutionally speaking, contemplates a possible third term.
The governor is undoubtedly unfulfilled and unsatisfied thus far with her gubernatorial benefactions to the state. There’s more to be done notwithstanding Arizona’s damaged reputation or that along with Nevada, Arizona stands at the pole position of America’s “Dumbest States.”
Mas…Gov. Jan Brewer and Arizona’s asinus aspirations aplenty
Yes, your Uncle Sam wastes your tax money on blogs while millions suffer and our country lurches toward the fiscal cliff. And Tio Sam says no Mayan Apocalypse for you, despite the obvious DOOMSDAY 2012 COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column of EVERY PAGE ON POCHO which says we only have two weeks left!
Ignoring hundreds of thousands of blog posts, websites, videos, prophecies and Tweets, Big Government wants to tell you what “scientists” think. These are the same “people” who think they know better than Hispanic Sen. Marco “Pollo” Rubio the age of the Earth. (It’s 6000 years, but who’s counting?)
Why are they doing this? “For the children!” )*&^%#
Here’s Monday’s official posting, from Blog.USA.gov:
Scary Rumors about the World Ending in 2012 Are Just Rumors
False rumors about the end of the world in 2012 have been commonplace on the Internet for some time. Many of these rumors involve the Mayan calendar ending in 2012 (it won’t), a comet causing catastrophic effects (definitely not), a hidden planet sneaking up and colliding with us (no and no), and many others.
Mas…Tio Sam’s official gummint blog: No Mayan Apocalypse for you
Concerned Americans across this great nation covered telephone poles with flyers today as the search for missing Gov. Jan Brewer (R-AZ) galvanized the citizenry.
Have you seen a flyer in your neighborhood? Have you spotted Brewer? Email a photo to info@pocho.com and we’ll get it online ASAP. Need a flyer to print and post yourself? The large-size printable flyers are here: LOST GOV Please print and share!
*UPDATED: Concerned citizen David W in Oregon posted and photographed the flyer in his neighborhood:
Mas…Have you seen her? Search for LOST GOV takes it to the streets (photo)*
Governor Janet Brewer of Arizona has gone missing. Please help by printing out and sharing this poster.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is MISSING. Before you uncork the champagne, and before she comes back from her one-week vanishing, here’s the Pocho Ocho places Jan Brewer COULD BE:
8. At the Rawlings factory getting her skin re-laced
7. In Georgia filming the lead zombie role in “Walking Dead”
6. At a private correctional prison junket to Alcatraz
Mas…Where in the &*+@# is Jan Brewer? The Pocho Ocho places…
Make friends and influence people with a Chicano handshake?
That’s right, pochas y pochos, you too can reinforce your raza credibility with a puro handshake, as Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón demonstrates in her viral video. She illustrates the proper form for handshakes in Califas and Tejas plus throws in a variation that answers the musical question Why Can’t We Be Friends?
On the music front, Pocho Ñews Service Floridita Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera takes a look at the contradiction between Rage Against the Machine’s message and some clueless fans’ love of the band. Hint: VP wannabe Paul Ryan isn’t the only doofus.
On the international business news beat, Subcommandante del Cultura Victor Payan blows the lid off the Republican effort to thwart the sale of bankrupt Hostess to Mexico’s Bimbo. Revelations from the TwinkieLeaks website include this money quote from GOP guru Karl Rove: “They can have my DingDong when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.”
And New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck illuminates the softer side of South America with the sad tale of a Peruvian girl and her llama — a lament for lost youth, innocence and a little girl’s dreams.
These are top stories that broke the ñews on POCHO this week:
In the wake of the Benghazi attacks, Sen. John McCain still has “many many” unanswered questions. Even after a private meeting with U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice and acting CIA Director Michael Morell, McCain’s thirst for knowledge remains unquenched.
Here are the pocho ocho things he still needs to know:
8. Where is this Ben Ghazi fellow?
7. Who is responsible for this pudding?
6. Why hasn’t Ronald Reagan called me back?
Mas…Pocho Ocho things Senator John McCain still needs to know
The best defense is good offense, pochos. Watch and learn!
If only these undocumented immigrants had seen the video before they got stopped in the middle of Oklahoma!
Mas…Gringo uses the old Christianity trick to get past the MIGRA (video)
It’s coming — the End of the World As We Know it is just three weeks away — December 21 [CHECK OUR EXCLUSIVE MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY 2012 COUNTDOWN TIMER IN THE RIGHT COLUMN AND SYNCHRONIZE YOUR DEVICES.]
From the video:
The sun has been totally erupting with massive solar flares, dude, because the Earth and Jupiter are no longer in alignment, causing the Sun to fall inward on itself because there is less gravity pulling the Sun out, dig? Have you formulated emergency plans? It will be interesting to see what happens in the next 24 hours!
In China, Lu Zhenghai has been reading up on the upcoming Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday and he is totally prepared with his bitchin’ new self-constructed ark.
Mas…Mayan Apocalypse, solar flares (video), Chinese man builds ‘ark’
Sen. John Kyl, a Republican (surprise surprise!) from the Hate State of Arizona, is pleased to announce his online dating site for the young, undocumented and desperate.
Marry a citizen, become a citizen!
It’s just that easy with the “quick path to citizenship” from PendejoMatch.com.
Try Pendejo Match for free for 30 days or your money back! Just looking for love? Our sister site MojadoMingle.com is the place for you. Or maybe GueyDate.net.
Everyone in Politistan is talking about the upcoming “fiscal cliff,” but that’s not the only topographical terror in America’s future. Here’s our list of the Pocho Ocho problems ahead:
8. Gay Marriage Hump
7. Entitlement Mountain
6. Wall Street Falls
5. Corporate Gorge
Mas…Pocho Ocho topographical terrors ahead besides the ‘fiscal cliff’
They got a serious ass-whupping and they know it, so Republican “moderates” are crafting a “Dream Act Lite” to try to bridge the gap with Latinos.
Here are their Pocho Ocho key provisions:
8. Replace old slogan “No wet backs, no wet dreams” with something more encouraging.
7. Military service need not be completed to achieve citizenship if you are killed in line of duty.
6. You dropped some “anchor babies”? Can you sing “In the Navy”? We thought you could.
Mas…Pocho Ocho key provisions of Republican ‘Dream Act Lite’
There were these Pilgrims, OK? They were like undocumented boat people refugees fleeing religious oppression in England and they drove all the way to America. Err, sailed over. And there they met these Noble Native Americans who taught them how to plant corn with fish and everyone had this amazing turkey dinner together because they were all thankful.
Later on they killed each other for discounts on flat screen TVs and the chance to bust unions and bankrupt Twinkies. What? You missed these headlines? Here are the week’s big estories, as POCHO once again breaks the ñews:
