(PNS reporting from MONTREAL, QUEBEC) Authorities here are scrambling to halt the spread of a Mexicanized version of poutine, Canada’s beloved national dish of French fries covered with gravy and cheese.
The increasingly-popular poutine burrito, known as a “pou-to” or “poutito” (photo, above) has already swept through Montreal, and officials fear “pou-tos” will cross the Quebec provincial border into neighboring Ontario.
Mas…MexiCanada: Montreal mayor fights poutine burritos – ‘pou-tos’
Competitive eater Molly Schuyler (all 125 pounds of her) takes on “the world’s hottest burrito” at Allan’s Authentic Mexican Restaurant in PDX. Can she show the same competitive spirit and stamina that helped her finish a 72-ounce steak in a previous webisode? The 2-pound “wet” Diablo Burrito is filled with rice, beans and habanero, serrano, Bhut Jolokia, Carolina Reaper and Trinidad Scorpion chiles. Allan challenges patrons to finish the $20 burrito bomb in 10 minutes to win the acclaim of the nation and get their burrito money back.
Aaron, who produced Molly’s Diablo Burrito web video, needed over 8 minutes when he tried to finish the Diablo Burrito himself:
Mas…Tiny gringa eats 2-pound multi-chile ‘Diablo Burrito’ in 3:23 (video)
San Diego homeboy El Guzzii shows how to prepare a gigantor marinated steak burrito with fries inside. Attention, families: This is what Daddy wants.
Running out of Christmas gift ideas for the little pochito in your life?
How about doubling down with a Comida Mexicana duo that wraps your baby up like a burrito in a tortilla-colored blanket and keeps his/her cute little cabeza warm with a hat that looks like the corn husk knot that secures tamales?
Bon Vivant Baby has you covered for only $48. [Baby not included.]
PREVIOUSLY ON BURRITO-LOOKING BABIES:
Link via MiBlogEsTuBlog.
Editor’s Note: POCHO Subcomandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón wants to remind you it is one tamal and two tamales; one frijol, two frijoles; one asshol, two assholes, etc.
A potentially dangerous burrito put the bomb squad of the Oklahoma City police on alert last week. NewsOK has the story:
A man brought a Thermos-type container into the Santa Fe Briefing Station, 9000 S Santa Fe Ave., on Thursday afternoon. The man said he found the container on his lawn and noticed tinfoil showing out of the lid, police Capt. Dexter Nelson said.
Officers told the man to leave the container outside and the police bomb squad X-rayed the item, Nelson said.
Authorities were cautious of the item because of how heavy the container was and the tinfoil protruding from the lid.
The suspicious thermos payload turned out to be a burrito, Nelson said.
Mas…OK City police bomb squad X-rays burrito, decides it’s safe
When you’ve got a lot left over, you need a big beautiful burrito! Jerry Springer reports.
The signature foods of Chanukah, which begins tonight, are potato latkes — as prepared by Hebrew homeboys Jaquann and Luis — and sufganiyot, Israeli-style donuts. Both foods, tu sabes, are fried in oil, commemorating the milagro at the heart of the Chanukah story.
Which is why, two years ago, before we thought of Mexican Turducken-style gag dishes we could attribute to Rick Bayless, Mexikosher chef (and Chopped winner) Katsuji Tanabe created a nopales and kosher carnitas burrito stuffed inside a donut/sufganiyot. Really.
Here’s an idea. Let’s decide what is the best food in each of the United Estates and make a big infographic.
What? Is that the voice of (Day of the) Dead Steve Jobs? What’s that, Steve? There’s a map for that?
Coming in at Numero Tres is a puro Califas burrito, known to non-locals as a “Misson Burrito.” Yes, I’m on a mission — I want a carne asada burrito ahorita:
New Mexico gets in the Top Ten with a stacked enchilada with green (Hatch, natch) chile:
Mas…There’s a map for that: Best foods in every state (infographic)
Lil MoCo loves the hyna hood rats (AKA jainas) so much, he made them a music video! [Totally NSFW language.]
PREVIOUSLY ON LIL MOCO:
Mas…What’s that smell? It’s Lil MoCo and his hyna ‘Skonkas’ (NSFW video)
This is an epic rant by @LuckyShirt, who says he is not really THAT angry:
Have you ever been to Earth? On Earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat.
Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends.
Mas…Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: Have you ever been to Earth?
(ALBUQUERQUE, NM) The Feds have arrested a man who allegedly threatened to detonate a bomb-filled burrito (artist’s conception, right) in the FBI office here, a man who has claimed that he was personally the subject of government spying.
His shocking accusation?
Uncle Sam AKA Tio Sam implanted brain-tapping equipment in his cabeza.
Brian DeMarco, 50, a resident of the Super 8 Motel off of Coors Boulevard, revealed to authorities that the government “placed a tracking device inside his head” in addition to “beaming photons.”
If confirmed, his allegation would dovetail perfectly with a POCHO Mexclusive story about how the National Security Agency (NSA) has outsourced surveillance of Americans in border states to the Mexican Security Agency (MSA.)
Mas…Feds arrest ‘burrito-bomber’ who says CIA tapped his brain
(PNS reporting from SACRAMENTO) Repeating his “small is beautiful” mantra from the 1970s, California Gov. Jerry Brown has taken steps to ban burritos that weigh more than one pound.
“We’re facing an obesity epidemic in the Golden State,” Brown told a press conference here this morning, “and I wouldn’t be the guy who shtupped Latina Linda Ronstadt back in the day if I didn’t travel to the beat of a different drum.”
Brown has issued an executive order directing inspectors from Cal/OSHA (the California Occupational Hazard and Safety Administration) to cite and penalize restaurants that serve massive San Francisco-style “Mission burritos.”
Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: California Gov. Jerry Brown bans big burritos
Eric Brown, 36, of Pt. Lucie, FL, is awaiting an arraignment for “assault” because he allegedly threw a Taco Bell burrito in his 16-year-old brother-in-law’s face.
Just so you don’t run afoul of the Law of Burritos, make note of the pocho ocho things you should never EVER do with a Taco Bell burrito:
8. Smoosh it in a 16-year-old’s face
7. Use it as a suppository
6. Mix with papier mache to make a piñata
Mas…Pocho Ocho absolutely worst things to do with a Taco Bell burrito
When you have no gravity but want a sammich on the International Space Station, what’s a hungry astronaut to do? Canuckian spaceman Chris Hadfield makes outer space burritos with peanut butter and honey.
WAIT! WE HAVE ANOTHER SPACE BURRITO VIDEO:
Mas…Canadian astronaut makes peanut butter and honey burrito (video)
Everything you need to know about Mexico in 72 seconds, courtesy of filmmaker Chui Galvan of Morelia, D.F., MX. Cliché, you say?
POCHO, your web authority on taco- and burrito-loving geekological innovation, is proud to feature this video showcasing the latest advance in remote burrito delivery logistics, just in time for Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 [SEE COUNTDOWN CLOCK IN RIGHT COLUMN.]
Real, unlike the bogus Taco Copter, outshining the burrito-making robot and the limited Siri-assisted margarita maker, the Burrito Bomber actually flies and drops tasty burritos at your location. ¡Orale!
Mas…Mexican food tech flies high with the ‘Burrito Bomber’ (video)
When you’ve got a lot left over, you need a big beautiful burrito! Jerry Springer reports.
She’s a popular math geek on Youtube with mad origami skillz and she takes a special approach to making a burrito.
The kids are all right with their burrito-making bots and taco-delivering copters. All we need now is a way for Siri to phone in a margarita on the way home from work. ¡Mira!
It started out as a very well-executed hoax.
A Silly Valley startup was marrying advanced four-rotor light helicopter technology with America’s love of Mexican food to create a breakthrough business: Smart-phone-directed delivery of tacolicious love to your location.
The Tacocopters are coming. Sure, the original pitch was a clever troll aimed at credulous and impatient fast-food junkies. But the numbers don’t lie – a typical taco weighs less than a pound, and aircraft that can autonomously fly a few dozen ounces of payload to your doorstep are already available for around a thousand bucks. Amazon Prime is cool, and I can’t wait for self-driving delivery cars – but there’s a reason they call a beeline a beeline. Flying autonomous deliverybots are coming. Fast.
And if these choppers could also deliver cold, refreshing cerveza? The world would beat a mousetrap to their door!
¡Mira! An inspired hardware hacker just built a proof of concept that moves the technology a step closer to reality — the beer copter:
Mas…Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?
It was an ordinary day in an ordinary Mexican convenience store and recorded in grainy black and white by an ordinary surveillance video camera. And then the masked luchador entered – with a posse of ostriches.
This POCHO ñewsweek featured the Florida burritos with offensive names, chicken culture war hawk Col. Sanders’s statement on gay marriage and a chance for you to join Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz’s personal campaign to help the survivors of the Anaheim police department’s trigger-happy cops. Here are the links:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Ostriches attack, burritos offend and chickens go gay
Astronaut Drew Feustel demonstrates how to assemble a burrito in zero-gravity outer espace. Yes, Georgia, Mexican food is the new American. And let us never forget Astronaut Jose Hernandez.
Yes, we know the TacoCopter, the food-delivering unmanned aerial vehicle, was a gosh darn internet hoax, but this new Burritob0t with a web page and tech specs and photos filled with truthiness is the real thing. We swear!
So this guy at NYU made something special. Are you listening? Put down your phone. Listen. So they made a machine that prints… no, don’t check Twitter. They made a machine that prints burritos. It’s called Burritob0t. I know, right? Seriously. Slow down with the porn for a second. This is important.
Mas…Mayan Apocalypse 2012: Meet the word’s first burrito-making robot
This guy Juan Faura is all pissed off because burritos aren’t just the way he wants them to be anymore. Now they have icky stuff in them. Breakfast stuff sometimes. Bleu cheese even. The Horror!
Bleu cheese and chikken (yes with two Ks) with thyme “burrito” really? Burrito? What is going on? I’ll tell you what’s going on, someone has come in the dead of night and quietly, with full knowledge and malice, abducted our beloved “burrito”.
Definitions can be either prescriptive or descriptive. You can prescribe that a puro pizza must be made with tomato, basil and cheese only, or it isn’t really a pizza. Or describe that in wacky Califas, we have Thai barbecued chicken pizzas, and carnitas picsa and Oh! there’s The Horror again.
People are always trying to keep things “pure.” In Spain, the Royal Academy wants to regulate Spanish. Words they don’t like — new words, loan words, Spanglish words that are actually spoken — are forbidden. They fight a losing battle, because the only constant in language is change, despite the king and his court.
This mad delusion is everywhere. In poor, flooded Bangla Desh, they are trying to outlaw the mixture of Bengali and English called Banglish. POCHO pities the fools.
Mas…Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?
Tucson public school students are no longer taught Mexican-American history, and POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal (who also moonlights as Senior Latino Correspondent for The Daily Show) went to the Hate State to find out why.