What do they look like? How can we tell? Is my new neighbor a Latino? Please tell me #whatlatinoslooklike.
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Mas…Americans demand answers: Is my new neighbor Latino? (video)
language
Shoutout to the Pinoys and Yo-Yos of Califas: You’re #3 (infographic)
Slate’s infographic mapping magic illustrates what we knew already — across most of the United Estates, Spanish is almost always the most commonly-spoken language besides English.
But after English and Spanish, what’s Numero Tres? Here in California, it’s Tagalog, first language of a quarter of all Filipinos and the second language of most. Pinoys, ruled by both Spain and the U.S., are the honorary (?) Latinos of Asia.
Tagalog? If you’ve got cooties, or play with a yo-yo, or live in the boondocks, you’re speaking Tagalog.
There are also unexpected results in Texas and Florida and New York and Illinois and…. Here’s the spoken language third place map:
Mas…Shoutout to the Pinoys and Yo-Yos of Califas: You’re #3 (infographic)
Pizza Patron: Our ‘La Chingona’ pies sold despite haters (video)
Last month we made fun of the out-of-touch radio stations who wouldn’t run commercials for Pizza Patron’s massive pepperoni and jalapeño topped pie because the La Chingona name was too, uhm, spicy. Silly squares! The joke was on you, and the triumphant mad men and marketeers at the Texas-based company posted this video Thursday to tell you all about it.
Don’t call me a ‘Mexican,’ America! Also, I’m not a ‘Latino’
It’s a phenomenon older than the United Estates of America. We’ve named it Looking Down On More Recent Immigrants Syndrome:
- In 1751, Founding Father Benjamin Franklin, a North American colonial with British roots, disparaged “stupid” and “swarthy” recently-arrvied German immigrants, who, he wrote, were too dumb to learn English, and did we mention they were “swarthy”?
- Discrimination against Irish Catholic immigrants by their English Protestant predecessors was one of the reasons 200 fresh-off-the-boat Irish United States Army draftees switched sides and fought for Mexico in the Mexican-American War of the 1840s. These deserters/heroes formed the famed Saint Patrick’s Battalion (Los San Patricios.)
- Hoity-toity German and Sephardic Jews who immigrated to the U.S.A. in the 18th and 19th Centuries were ashamed of the Hebrew homies who arrived later from Eastern Europe; the assimilated Jews banded together to “Americanize” the Russian and Polish immigrants in the 1880s.
Last week three latter-day Looking Down Syndrome sightings lit up our screen, INSISTENT MESSAGES from people who want you to know THEY ARE DEFINITELY NOT THOSE OTHER PEOPLE OVER THERE — those Mexicans and/or Latinos.
Mas…Don’t call me a ‘Mexican,’ America! Also, I’m not a ‘Latino’
John Vargas looks like a Mexican who could disembowel you (video)
Standup comic John Vargas looks Mexican (whatever that means) but he talks funny. [NSFW language.]
Where in the US is Carmen Sandiego? And WTF is she saying?
Courtesy of Tio Sam’s United States Census.gov is this screen capture of Mexican-American distribution in the USA. Click here for an interactive map of other “Latino/Hispanic” ethnicities. Spoiler: Most Cuban-Americans are in Florida. [Click image to enlarge.]
Mas…Where in the US is Carmen Sandiego? And WTF is she saying?
Did I ever tell you that I’m half Mexican? (Vine video)
Brandon Calvillo tells his friend David Lopez that he, Brandon, is half Mexican. Lopez, it seems, is not all that pumped.
[Remember, with these Vine videos, you need to hover and click on the top left corner of the graphic to hear the audio.]
PREVIOUSLY ON VINE VIDEOS:
‘America the Beautiful’ in Spanish pisses off the haters (videos)
Sunday’s Coca Cola’s Super Bowl commercial spotlighting America the Beautiful (sung in the languages of immigrants who built and continue to build our country) predictably pissed off the Internet haters who have been waiting to dis little patriotic kids since Sebastien de la Cruz sang The Star-Spangled Banner at last year’s NBA finals.
Didn’t see it? Not pissed off enough? Some people love America in Arabic:
Mas…‘America the Beautiful’ in Spanish pisses off the haters (videos)
Me? In London, I’m a ‘culturally-American Mexican’
Where are you from?
That is a simple question, isn’t? Well, for some of us, the answer is not so straight forward.
My experience in London in the past four months has included fascinating dialogue with people I have come across. It is one thing I have come to expect from such a global city where you are bound to meet people from so many places around the world.
Such interactions have sparked in me the need to explore my conception of identity as part of my own self-discovery process. Primarily because most of us conflate place of origin and ethnicity with identity.
If I claim to be from a certain part of the world, what does that mean about the way others expect me to look, speak, act and be? In engaging in this inquiry, the first realization I have made is that the answer to the question of “Where are you from?” is very telling not only about one’s own perception of identity but also of the one imposed by others.
@SaraChicaD: Why do Latinos shame each other over culture? (video)
POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews, Sara Inés Calderón (@SaraChicaD on the Twitter), wants to know why Latinos shame each other over culture.
Breaking: Marketing to Latins? Talk Latin to us, activists say
(PNS reporting from UPTON ABBEY, MI) Frater Cassius the Yon was adamant.
“In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti,” he insisted in a rare English-language interview Sunday. “There is no such thing as Latin dancing, unless you mean the “dance of death” from the Black Plague. And Latin music is Gregorian chants, Enya and Necrodeath. Ain’t nobody got no time for that! Tempus fugit!”
Mas…Breaking: Marketing to Latins? Talk Latin to us, activists say
Coming soon to a theater near them: Navajo ‘Star Wars’ (NPR audio)
If you find yourself in the Navajo Nation (in Arizona) on July 3, you’re in the right place at the right time for a once-in-a-lifetime experience — the premiere of Star Wars, translated into Navajo.
The 1977 classic has been translated into many languages, and the latest effort is the brainchild of Manuelito Wheeler, director of the Navajo Nation Museum in Window Rock, Ariz.
“We needed a way to preserve our culture,” Wheeler tells NPR’s Robert Siegel. “Language is at the core of a culture. And I felt we needed a more contemporary way to reach not just young people but the population in general. And so, that’s when the idea of translating a major movie into the Navajo language came up.”
Here’s the NPR interview:
Beyond the Facts: Patriotic student refuses to learn Spanish (video)
“You can’t force me to learn a foreign language on American soil,” high school sophomore Kyle Johnson said. “Spanish sucks! I’m American and I speak American!” And he went to court to fight for his rights. (NSFW explicit language.)
Speaking bad Spanish makes Silverlake artist look like douche
(PNS reporting from SILVERLAKE) It was a shocker when encaustic and collage mixed-media artist Ben Brown found out.
Even though he spent two years of high school learning Español, his habit of dropping a word or two in Spanish into day-to-day English conversations has not increased his “street cred” even un poquito.
The self-proclaimed free-spirit, a three-year resident of this trendy “East Hollywood-adjacent” neighborhood, said he had to face the fact that others did not perceive him as special or cool merely because said “hermano” or “comprende” at the end of his sentences, and they weren’t impressed by the pains he took to pronounce the double R in words like “burrito” or “ferrocarril.”
Mas…Speaking bad Spanish makes Silverlake artist look like douche
Eligio El Nene wants you to know: ‘En America Se Habla Ingles’ (video)
Eligio The Kid and his super hero squad of Extranjeros realize that in America, one needs to speak English. I’m so sorry you don’t know what I say!
Pocho Palabra with @SaraChicaD ‘Supposebly’ (video)
POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón (@SaraChicaD on Twitter) doesn’t care what the rulebooks say. She’s going to keep on saying “supposedbly.”
My immigrant mom says ‘Yo quiero Feisbuk’ — what to do? (video)
She’s so cute, my old country Mexican mom, says Rick Izquieta, but she wants to get on “Feisbuk.” No way, Jose!
‘I have a bad case of diarrhea’ the Japanese disco remix (video)
When you have to go, you have to go. Let’s dance!
Another semester of Spanish and yet another ‘Love Song’ (video)
She’s brown and beautiful; he’s white and smitten. And the only way he can express his feelings is to sing the Second Semester of Spanish Love Song.
He tried before, when he had only one semester of Spanish:
Mas…Another semester of Spanish and yet another ‘Love Song’ (video)
Cri-Cri, El Grillito Cantor: ‘La Marcha De Las Letras’ (video)
Face it — you could use some remedial work on your Spanish vowels (las cinco vocales.) But when everyone’s favorite singing cricket is around, mijos, it’s easy! Cri-Cri is here with La Marcha De Las Letras. (Yes, we know about the flaca and the gorda and the letters I and O. This song is from history. The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there.)
Here are the lyrics:
Mas…Cri-Cri, El Grillito Cantor: ‘La Marcha De Las Letras’ (video)
Fake Mexicans: Why Julian Castro failed the Mexican test
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Can you speak eSpanish like Mexican Mitt? Can you dance around a sombrero at a moment’s notice? Do you crease your Dickies until they can cut through glass? If you answered “no” to any of these questions then you might be a fake Mexican, just like San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro.
In the latest “fake Mexican” scandal, Castro made headlines across the country as the first Latino keynote speaker at the Democratic National Convention earlier this month, but his glaring lack of forced Spanish catch-phrases has some people questioning his Mexican card. Some have even dared to call the vato a pocho…
Mas…Fake Mexicans: Why Julian Castro failed the Mexican test
Pocho Ocho best words the French gave to Spanglish
The French have contributed a great deal to pocho culture, including some choice palabras. We got a few of them together for your review:
8. Mamón You might think it means “asshole,” but in French it sounds like “mother.” Don’t be a douche.
7. Chingadeaux It sounds fancy when you spell it in French, but in Spanish it’s an expletive.
6. Le Cuchí In French it means “smart woman.”
American Romance: ‘The One Semester of Spanish Love Song’ (video)
She’s brown and beautiful; he’s white and smitten. And the only way he can express his feelings is to sing the One Semester of Spanish Love Song.
Speaking Spanish gets you a free pizza – and Pocho Ocho other things
The Pizza Patron chain has ignited a nationwide controversy with its offer of free pepperoni pies on June 5 if you order en Español.
What else you can get for speaking Spanish?
8. In Arizona, you get pulled over, disrespected and hassled.
7. In Miami, you get nothing, stupid. That’s how you’re supposed to talk.
6. In New York, you get to speak a secret language that everyone else understands.
Mas…Speaking Spanish gets you a free pizza – and Pocho Ocho other things
Pocho Ocho ironic nicknames that aren’t as insulting as they seem
8. Gordo/a – This word (it means “overweight”) seems like an insult, but it’s just another way to say, “Hey you!” You don’t have to be fat to get this nickname.
7. Flaco/a – And you don’t actually have to be skinny to get this nickname. Of course, you could be relatively skinny compared to everyone else in the room, but it’s just a way to speed things along.
6. Viejo/a – This word (“old”) could be used to refer to one’s significant other, parent, or friend. Whether or not one is actually old depends on those involved in the conversation.
Mas…Pocho Ocho ironic nicknames that aren’t as insulting as they seem
4/20 Video: Lawrence Welk is ‘One Toke Over the Line’
In one of the most bizarre episodes ever run on the super square Lawrence Welk TV variety show, the ensemble presents their feel-good version of Brewer & Shipleys’ One Toke Over the Line.
I know, right? What were they thinking? Why is the under-conductor coughing like he sparked a harsh nug? Is the band giggling in the background? Did Welk think it was some kind of gospel tune?
Ricky Martin Santorum wants Puerto Rico to be blahlingual
(PNS reporting from POCHO RICO) Former senator and current GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum caused a furor on this island yesterday when he said English would have to be the “main language” for the Puerto Rican Commonwealth to ever become a state.
To be fair, when Santorum told a campaign rally crowd here in San Juan that Puerto Ricans should make English the official language, he didn’t think they could understand English at all.
Mas…Ricky Martin Santorum wants Puerto Rico to be blahlingual
Rick Santorum’s Pocho Ocho political proposals
Although many are shocked by presidential pretender Rick Santorum’s proposal to consider statehood for Puerto Rico if it drops Spanish and espeaks English, it turns out this idea is only the newest of his Brainfarts Brainstorms for America.
Here are the Pocho Ocho:
8. Mexico’s Los Tigres del Norte will be offered citizenship if they lose their stripes
7. Jews get to go to Catholic Heaven if they stop being, you know, Jews
6. African-Americans get access to high-paying Wall Street jobs when they straighten out that hair thing
Am I a racist because I want to date Latino guys?
During my seemingly eternal quest for love, I’ve been accused more than once of being “racist” for mostly dating Latinos.
Part of this is totally my fault and the result of my whining and chiflazón. There’s a misunderstanding about what motivates me and other people like me, who are interested primarily in dating other Latinos.
First and foremost, let me say that I have dated mostly pochos like me, but I’ve also dated Cubans, white men, and Asian men, finally coming to the conclusion that all men on this planet are idiots when they are in their 20s. Some of my complaints, which other Latinas share, include: They want to get married too soon, or they’re divorced with kids young, they’re too short, as you become more educated there are less Latinos around you, they’re scared of educated/professional women. The list goes on.