El Now
It’s News to Us!
Driving While Brown? Try ‘Arizona-me’ (SB1070 NSFW video) *UPDATED
UPDATED JUNE 25: Now that the Supreme Court says it’s OK for Arizona’s cops to continue their demands for “papers,” this advice video for folks contemplating a drive through the Hate State of Arizona is even more critical. From Familia del Barrio. Watch and learn!
—
(MARCH 24) The U.S. Supreme Court today hears the appeal from proponents of the racist Arizona SB1070 law, which legalized racial profiling in the Hate State. Long before this vile measure was challenged by legal experts, it was spoofed by in the Mexican cartoon series Familia del Barrio.
Their animated episode Arizona-me details how the cartoon family wanted to cope with this foul attack on immigrants. Click the [CC] button for English closed captions. (NSFW language Spanish and English.)
And look below to see how their fans coped.
Mas…Driving While Brown? Try ‘Arizona-me’ (SB1070 NSFW video) *UPDATED
Ñewsweek: Joe vs girl, Mitt vs you, Adidas steps in it, CT OKs MM
Arizona’s notorious Sheriff Joe Arpaio tried to save his flailing career with an arrest of a six-year-old cartel leader, GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney totally tripped over his tootsies again, the Nutmeg State joined the future for lonche with the approval of Medical Menudo (MM), Adidas stepped in it big time with their slavery-themed sneakers and Facebook gave everyone a new finger.
These POCHO stories broke the news this week. We’ve got the links and more:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Joe vs girl, Mitt vs you, Adidas steps in it, CT OKs MM
Pocho Ocho other things banned in Houston beside piñatas
In the suburbs of Houston – Harris County, TX – officials are reviewing a controversial policy that prohibits piñatas in certain county parks after Tony Diaz of Librotraficantes questioned the rule and signs that singled out piñatas:
It’s mind-boggling. Why be so culturally specific? If you want to say ‘No littering,’ then say ‘No littering.’ But this is like saying, ‘No Mexicans.’
We had to ask: What are the Pocho Ocho other things that are banned in Houston aside from piñatas?
8. Eating tacos without a fork
7. Parking cars on blocks
6. Sleeping under a cactus
Mas…Pocho Ocho other things banned in Houston beside piñatas
How Obama’s DREAM Act end run is ruining our democracy (video)
The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart goes to the tape to expose the shocking Obama plan to stop the deportation of innocent DREAMERs. It’s an Affront to Democracy, the Action of a Dictator and a Threat to Our American Way of Life.
Mitt Romney and Latinos: Something has gone wrong *UPDATED
Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz commented on this story for NBC Latino *UPDATED 6/22
The Mitt Romney presidential campaign, both online and offline, is the gang that can’t shoot straight.
From the Mitt Romney mobile app that spells “America” as “Amercia” to the RNC Latino outreach poll that Obama won, and the ignorant use of a stock photo of Asian kids as Latino kids, the Romney GOP Presidential campaign seems to be run by an Amish IT team.
On June 19, a tipster sent POCHO the url to www.mittromney.com/latinos, and when we typed it in, we got this simply hilarious clip art donkey 404 page. (Get it? the Democratic donkey indicates an error! Priceless.) along with the prescient message that pretty much sums up Mitt Romney’s and the Republicans predicament with Latinos, “SOMETHING SEEMS TO HAVE GONE WRONG.”
Refresh, Mitt, refresh.
……..
Sorry about the autoplay, pochos, and the pinche Flash video. That’s the way NBC rolls.
La Chilindrina announces her retirement — she finally ‘hit puberty’
La Chilindrina has officially retired.
The lovable freckled child star and a main character of El Chavo del Ocho is saying adios to her 40-year entertainment career.
La Chilindrina gave POCHO an exclusive interview after the recent Univision television upfronts and said the main reason for ending her long run as La Chilindrina is that she “finally hit puberty:”
I think I’m ready to go out and see the world, maybe explore some of these weird feelings I’m having.
Confiding that it was getting awkward working with her male co-workers, half of whom she had a crush on — causing her to flub her lines — she confessed she can no longer fit into her costumes since she now needs a real brassiere instead of a training bra.
Mas…La Chilindrina announces her retirement — she finally ‘hit puberty’
Sheriff Joe arrests six-year-old girl suspected of leading cartel
(PNS reporting from SESAME STREET) On the same day that President Obama announced an immigration policy that will make it easier for young undocumented immigrants to remain in Los United Estates, Arizona’s numero uno douchebag, Sheriff Joe Arpaio, announced the arrest of a six-year-old girl suspected of leading the infamous Cártel de Elmo de Los Cookie Monster Ganga.
The Arizona Bugle reported that the girl was with 15 other cartel members who were traveling to the Midwest and northeast United States. Also arrested: Big Bird, Mr. Snuffleupagus, Prairie Dawn, Curly Bear, Bert, Grover and Guy Smiley. According to Chris Hegstrom, spokesman for the Sheriff’s Office, this is the “single biggest cartel bust” in Maricopa County history.
And even though the girl was old enough to get arrested, she was not old enough to have her name released, according to Hegstrom. “This is huge for us and for Joe – just huge. Arpaio is an expert when it comes to sleuthing dangerous things…like children and phony birth certificates.”
Mas…Sheriff Joe arrests six-year-old girl suspected of leading cartel
Adidas honors Juneteenth by releasing ‘Shackle’ sneakers
Adidas and fashion designer Jeremy Scott honored the nation’s Juneteenth holiday today by releasing the new JS Shackles sneakers, which feature orange plastic cuffs, evoking the très à la mode suffering of black slaves in 19th Century America.
Juneteenth, also known as Freedom Day or Emancipation Day, honors African-American heritage by commemorating the announcement of the abolition of slavery in Texas in 1865.
Adidas’ celebratory post on Facebook went up with the question: “Got a sneaker game so hot you lock your kicks to your ankles?” Many FB users commented that the shoes as “slave wear” and asking why anyone would want to voluntarily wear shackles.
Mas…Adidas honors Juneteenth by releasing ‘Shackle’ sneakers
Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold
They tried to discredit the calendars that clearly show the Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse is set for December. They laughed at the evidence of Ancient Astronauts who worked with indigenous people to build the pyramids of Aztlan. But now their own lasers — lasers controlled by a university named after the man who ripped Tejas away from La Raza — now their lasers have found Ciudad Blanca, the legendary lost “White City” of gold in Honduras. Who is laughing now?
The University of Houston reports:
A field team from the University of Houston and the National Science Foundation (NSF) National Center for Airborne Laser Mapping (NCALM) has mapped a remote region of Honduras that may contain the legendary lost city of Ciudad Blanca.
Mas…Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold
Republican ‘Latino outreach’ website confused by non-white kids
RNCLatinos.com, the Republican National Committee’s new Latino outreach website, is apparently a laboratory for developing new ways of screwing up Latino outreach.
Last week RNCLatinos hosted a Spanish-language poll asking “Has President Obama disillusioned you?” (the overwhelming response was “No”) and then they used a stock photo of Asian children at the top of their page.
The RNC blamed the error on outsourced web developers — rumored to be in either Bombay or Honduras — who misread the tags on the photo.
Outreach spokestaco Beltina Inchancla offered up this explanation:
It was an honest mistake. They thought the picture was labeled as featuring “Latino” children, but actually read, “Laotian.”
Mas…Republican ‘Latino outreach’ website confused by non-white kids
Ñewsweek: POCHO vs Drudge, DREAMERS, bienvenue à Mexicanada
Wassup in Pochostan this week, you ask?
President Obama’s groundbreaking executive order halting the deportation of innocent kids brought cheers and hateful feedback from the right wing mediocracy, more Mexicans are bypassing the U.S. and heading to Canadia and a mathematician proved Chicanos have only one degree of separation.
The most popular POCHO stories that broke the ñews this week are right here:
Mas…Ñewsweek: POCHO vs Drudge, DREAMERS, bienvenue à Mexicanada
Obama’s DREAM announcement freaks out the right wing racists
President Barack Obama’s announcement today that he is halting the possible deportation of up to 800,000 DREAMERs has the right wing (racist) blogosphere in fits. Example: The Drudge Report (owned by Matt Drudge, who does not love sex with men) was so freaked out, they posted this headline and image but later took it down. POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz grabbed a screenshot first, though. Mira!
Pocho Ocho other George and Shellie Zimmerman family secrets
The covert cash in their PayPal account they hid from the judge wasn’t the only George and Shellie Zimmerman Family Secret. POCHO espills the beans:
8. George and Shellie were married at a Ku Klux Klan Rally
7. George roomed with Mitt Romney at False Police Academy
6. The couple was once kicked out of Disneyworld for following seven hoodie-wearing dwarfs
Mas…Pocho Ocho other George and Shellie Zimmerman family secrets
PochoCast #5: Alcaraz y Madrigal on face-chewing and boobs (NSFW)
POCHO primos Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz and Migrant Editor Al Madrigal chop, channel and lower the ñews:
- Miami munchies and Canadian cannibals
- Salma Hayek’s boob optimization
- POCHO web traffic
- Wisconsin recall
- Organized labor
- Lalo’s copyright trouble on Facebook
- These kids today
— Produced by Jefe de Creative Marcelo Ziperovich. (NSFW language.)
Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) The anti-import National Food Safety Workshop (NFSW) here claims a dangerous foreign food virus is infecting Caucasian-American digestive systems nationwide.
The comida cops say the virus is spread by manipulating the DNA of four foods native to Mexico — chiles, avocado, corn and agave.
“We’re calling it the CACA Virus,” says NFSW chief researcher Dr. Creflo Smith-Buster. “It’s something we had hoped we’d never see – a genetically-modified steaming turd of an illegal alien scientific conundrum on the pristine white floor of an American lab.”
Mas…Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’
Mathematician: Chicanos have only one degree of separation
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) All people have six degrees of separation? Hells, nah! A new study by an area mathematician begs to differ.
“The truth is that, for Chicanos, there is only a single degree of separation,” says UCLA Ph.D. mathematics candidate Beto Pérez, of Painter Avenue in Whittier. “I’ve done a global calculation based on a plethora of factors and concluded that journalist Frigyes Karinthy’s theory of the general population does not apply to Chicanos.”
Pérez published his findings in article and photo essay titled, “Inlakesh: Chicano Identity One-On-One,” in the June issue of National Geographic.
“First of all, most Chicanos have too many primos,” he told PNS, “and therefore there are never too many people you won’t know. When you add in homies and rucas, plus tíos and tías, plus people you start calling “compadres” five minutes after you meet them, you never even get to the point where more than three degrees of separation are required,” Pérez said.
Mas…Mathematician: Chicanos have only one degree of separation
Latino unemployment rate holds steady – except on TV (video)
Al Madrigal, Daily Show Senior Latino Correspondent (and POCHO Migrant Editor), takes a look at the tragic unemployment rate for Latinos in the television industry.
Mitt Romney’s ‘Deprimente’ (depressing) TV ad with English subtitles
(PNS reporting from SALT LAKE CITY) As Mitt Romney works to grow support before the GOP convention, his campaign has reached out to Spanish-speaking voters with a new ad, Deprimente (depressing). POCHO translated the commercial for voters who don’t habla Español.
Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court. Don’t ask us, we just work here.
Here’s the winner of our ‘caption this POCHO photo contest’
The response was huge after we posted a snapshot from the notorious American Apparel California Farmer ad that has been decried and debated, and even spoofed by artist Julio Salgado.
This pic is striking, regardless of what you think of it, making it a prime candidate for CAPTION THIS POCHO PHOTO. The judges had to sort through a mound of over 60 entries, many hilarious, some painful, one an accusation of racism, but we finally picked one. It wasn’t easy, but the POCHO Caption Selection Committee selected the caption by the poster known as
Mas…Here’s the winner of our ‘caption this POCHO photo contest’
Caption this POCHO photo, win a Mexican Mitt Romney poster
In the comments section below, caption this photo with your funniest, cleverest or stupidest possible line. Winner gets a Mexican Mitt Romney poster!
Contest ends at 6PM Pacifico time. Employees of POCHO and their families are not eligible so please stop trying to win already, Linda, we know who you are.
All entries become the property of POCHISMO, INC., a California corporation who is also a person according to the Supreme Court, and this person can get very yealous, so watchate.
Offer not valid in jurisdictions where it is not valid and and also in places where you are not valid. Arizona we’re looking at you!
UPDATE: Here’s our winner!
Florida voter fraud crackdown finally snares a live one
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Even as the U.S. Department of Justice seeks to shut down Florida’s effort to disenfranchise voters, state officials are overjoyed that their purge of voter role has finally nabbed a real fraud, even if their case is a dog.
Much to the relief of Republican witch-hunters who were under fire for challenging the eligibility to vote of war veterans, grandmothers and local heroes, a French Bulldog puppy named Mr. ChaCha was charged on Tuesday for voting fraudulently in a local Miami election last year.
The eight-month-old pup snuck into a neighborhood high school, sniffed the ballot and then pulled the lever for Hammad Jose de Marx, the Green Party candidate for Dade County Residential Service Officer, according to poll watchers. “Though Mr. ChaCha’s motives are unclear, one fact is clear: Voter fraud is real,” an election board spokesman said.
First George Zimmerman Prize goes to fellow Florida racist
I am compelled to award the first George Zimmerman Prize for Ignorant Racism to Joaquin Amador Serrapio, the Miami college student who threatened on Facebook to assassinate Pres. Barack Obama.
Serrapio recently pleaded guilty to threatening the president’s life but claimed that he simply aimed to rile up Obama supporters on the Internets. In other words, he’s a troll.
It’s not the first time Serrapio has acted trollishly.
His now-private Twitter feed included gems such as “Why can’t all girls be white? :(” and “Martin Luther King day: the day where black people forget it was a white man that abolished slavery,” which makes no sense since the people actually enslaving African-Americans where white.
Seriously, if slaves could have ended slavery it would have created a rip in the space-time continuum or something. And besides, what does that have to do with Martin Luther King?
Mas…First George Zimmerman Prize goes to fellow Florida racist
Pocho Ocho Top Old-School Abuelita-Style Remedios (cures)
Abuela knows best, amirite?
She recommends these old-fashioned remedios for whatever ails you:
8. Chile
Does it matter that you don’t eat chile? Or that this special hot sauce will burn a hole in your ulcer? No, eat it, you’ll see how much better you feel.
7. Nopal or linaza (cactus or flax seed)
If there’s something wrong with you, let’s flush it out. Sure, you will be spending the next week in the bathroom, but by the time you come out, whatever was ailing you will be long gone.
6. Rubbing an egg all over you while saying a prayer. (Una limpia con huevo)
Did your abuelita learn this ritual in church? Hell no, but for whatever reason, when she’s rubbing a cold egg all over you saying a Catholic prayer, it somehow makes you feel better. By the time that egg sucks up whatever evil eye someone gave you, the idea that this ritual is strange and old world will have slipped your mind.
Mas…Pocho Ocho Top Old-School Abuelita-Style Remedios (cures)
Mexican Mitt Romney: ¡I AM THE LAST JUAN STANDING!
AJUA! You didn’t think I could do it. You doubted me. You said, “Oh no, Mexican Mitt, you cannot be the Republican nominee! They hate you so! They would never EVER let such a VIRILE, MACHO HOMBRE become the REPUBLICAN NOMINEE!” By virile and macho hombre, you must mean that a Mormon could never win the GOP nomination.
But you were WRONG. Last night, I finally got the required 1,144 delegates for the Republican nomination by winning Texas, the lone state to vote this week. Like I always said, “ALL MY VIEJAS LIVE IN TEJAS!” And I received a full 90% of my viejas’ votes. (I’ll have a word with you later, Margarita.)
Desperate Texas Democrats vote to secede from union
(PNS reporting from TEJAS) The votes have finally been counted and it looks like Democrats in Texas voted overwhelmingly yesterday to secede from the United States of America
“Texas Democrats are tired of Gov. Rick Perry’s partisan politics and of a Republican legislature that seems hell-bent on destroying the rights of hardworking Texans,” said state Democratic spokeswoman Rebecca Acuña.
The vote to secede was a desperate move for the Dems, who fought a hard fight against Republican redistricting that is still tied up in Federal courts. Hidden at the end of the state constitution — after the part where Rick Perry famously said the state could secede from the union — was a footnote that allows for areas of the state to secede as well.
Pocho Ocho other things to eat in Miami other than a man’s face
8. Cuban Manwich
7. Tacos de Lengua
6. Arroz con Hobo
Mas…Pocho Ocho other things to eat in Miami other than a man’s face
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FLA) proposes new DREAMY Act
(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) In an attempt to capitalize on the political gains made by Pres. Barack Obama’s support for gay marriage, Florida GOP senator and possible presidential candidate Marco Rubio has revamped his unpopular DREAM Act alternative.
The original federal DREAM Act allowed undocumented youth brought here as minors a path to citizenship if they served in the military or attended college. Rubio’s DREAM Act “lite” version offered these youth only a non-immigrant visa and permanent status as second-class citizens.
Now, hoping to suck off gay votes from Obama, Rubio has introduced the DREAMY Act.
Speaking Spanish gets you a free pizza – and Pocho Ocho other things
The Pizza Patron chain has ignited a nationwide controversy with its offer of free pepperoni pies on June 5 if you order en Español.
What else you can get for speaking Spanish?
8. In Arizona, you get pulled over, disrespected and hassled.
7. In Miami, you get nothing, stupid. That’s how you’re supposed to talk.
6. In New York, you get to speak a secret language that everyone else understands.
Mas…Speaking Spanish gets you a free pizza – and Pocho Ocho other things
Facebook IPO #FAIL cost you money? Try MexicanMitt’s Feisbuk
Facebook stock is foundering and cash-heavy investors are looking for a better place to lose their online money. That’s why MexicanMitt Romney is launching his own social media site – Feisbuk.
POCHO asked the nominee wannabe one question: What does Feisbuk have that Facebook doesn’t? Here’s his reply:
Mas…Facebook IPO #FAIL cost you money? Try MexicanMitt’s Feisbuk
Grad flash mob perfect setting for surprise marriage proposal (video)
Rocio Almaraz was graduating with honors and organized a flash mob to dance after the ceremonies. Her long-time boyfriend Alex Carrillo thought the flash mob was the perfect setting to surprise Almaraz with a proposal of marriage.
California State University at Fullerton tells the story:
Rocio Almaraz, who is graduating magna cum laude from Cal State Fullerton with a bachelor of science degree in human services, organized a flash mob dance as a surprise for attendees at her CSUF commencement exercise Sunday in Titan Stadium.
For those in the stands, they held up a sign, reading: “Thank you Parents and Friends.”
While dancing alongside her classmates, Almaraz got an even bigger surprise — from her boyfriend, Alex Carrillo of South Gate, who had arranged for the flash mob members to keep on dancing when the song playing over the loudspeaker switched to Bruno Mars’ “Marry Me.”
Mas…Grad flash mob perfect setting for surprise marriage proposal (video)