Outer Espace

We Wish We Were There

Warning! Aliens will put your human baby in the microwave (video)

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Really, you want to do the right thing. Love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek, if it’s yellow let it mellow.

Enticing noises. Hypnotic lights.

All your life you’ve been thinking about the Mothership and the Space Brothers and ZOMG here they are in your backyard! What do you do? You do the Christian thing and invite them in for cuppa tea, of course. And what the frack do the aliens do? Hint: It involves babies and microwaves. (Based on a true story. Simulated gore may sicken people who are sickened by that kind of stuff.)

Argentine OVNI investigator warns of spacetime rifts on Route #5

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If you’re planning on driving National Route No. 5 in Argentina’s pampas region — especially between Santa Rosa and Catrilo — be extra careful. There are rifts in the spacetime continuum there, so-called “zonas de pérdida temporal.”  Drivers may be subject to “missing time.”

That’s the warning recently issued by Agentinean Oscar “Quique” Mario, founder of the Centro de Estudios OVNI (CEUFO.)

From the Inexplicata blog:

…People driving along National Route No. 5, specifically the segment between the localities of Lonquimay and Anguil, and who may have sensed time anomalies, should please report it immediately to CEUFO, as we have received reports of three cases at different times and days within the past month.”

Mas…Argentine OVNI investigator warns of spacetime rifts on Route #5

Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse

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Every day brings us closer to the End of the World as We Know It on December 21 (synchronize your chronometers with our MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY COUNTDOWN CLOCK in the right column.)

All over the Internets, extremely concerned Trekkies are banding together to wear “expendable red” jerseys on The Last Day, so they can “die as Mr. Gene Rodenberry intended.”

And policia stationed near San Luis, AZ found a freshly-plowed field on the American side of the Colorado River scarred by craters and dotted with payloads of Mayan Marijuana apparently shot by cannabis cannoneers using a pneumatic cannon.

Pneumatic cannon? Federales found an empty industrial-sized CO2 canister, presumably propellant, in their hood.

Mas…Mayan weed bombs scar U.S. field, Trekkies prepare for Apocalypse

Mayan Apocalypse, solar flares (video), Chinese man builds ‘ark’

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It’s coming — the End of the World As We Know it is just three weeks away — December 21 [CHECK OUR EXCLUSIVE MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY 2012 COUNTDOWN TIMER IN THE RIGHT COLUMN AND SYNCHRONIZE YOUR DEVICES.]

From the video:

The sun has been totally erupting with massive solar flares, dude, because the Earth and Jupiter are no longer in alignment, causing the Sun to fall inward on itself because there is less gravity pulling the Sun out, dig? Have you formulated emergency plans? It will be interesting to see what happens in the next 24 hours!

In China, Lu Zhenghai has been reading up on the upcoming Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday and he is totally prepared with his bitchin’ new self-constructed ark.

Mas…Mayan Apocalypse, solar flares (video), Chinese man builds ‘ark’

‘Prometheus’ exhibits subtle (and not-so-subtle) Hollywood racism

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First things first – Ridley Scott is an asshole.

OK. Now that that’s out of the way, I recently rented the film Prometheus and boy did it suck. I had to check the credits and make sure David Duke wasn’t executive producer.

There are a ton of sites that discuss why this film sucks so I won’t go into those here. There are also a ton of sites that get into why film snobs like me just don’t “get it” and that’s fine – I was actually disappointed to find that Roger Ebert not only liked this film but thought it was “magnificent.” Four stars? Pfft.

This film, while visually stunning at times, is just another notch in the belt for the subtle and not-so-subtle racism that spews out of the Hollywood machine. I Googled “Prometheus racist” and found one thread that had people mocking the very notion:

Racist?! Give me a break!

Mas…‘Prometheus’ exhibits subtle (and not-so-subtle) Hollywood racism

Adrian Tafoya: My life as an alien (In space, la raza assimilates you)

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There are certain situations in Hollywood where as an actor you have to have no shame.

This was one of those times as I stood inside a large curtained-off fitting room wearing only a flesh-colored dance belt, the equivalent of man panties. Well, it is true that actors are a strangely alien tribe which are most unique only in Hollywood. I mean, where else would a Latino wear such a ridiculous contraption?

OK, back to my man panties… Key costumer Kim Thompson enters with a box of silver and black shaded and molded latex pieces twisted into sinewy shapes and a box of safety pins. She hands me a stretchy nylon body suit and says, “Put this on,” not asking, knowing full well that I would welcome a cover-up of my nakedness.

Mas…Adrian Tafoya: My life as an alien (In space, la raza assimilates you)

Unmasked! Vatican-Jesuit conspiracy hides truth about aliens (video)

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Whistleblower Leo Zagami‘s The Vatican’s UFO Agenda unmasks the shocking New World Order-Zionist-Nazi-Jesuit-Illuminati disinformation campaign to hide the presence of space aliens among us, a centuries-old effort designed to further their vast merchant-of-death world domination power grab.

And be careful what you tell your priest. After all, the so-called Sacrament of Confession is Job One in the Black Popes’ international intelligence-gathering apparatus.

Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?

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It started out as a very well-executed hoax.

A Silly Valley startup was marrying advanced four-rotor light helicopter technology with America’s love of Mexican food to create a breakthrough business: Smart-phone-directed delivery of tacolicious love to your location.

Blogger Dan Shapiro:

The Tacocopters are coming. Sure, the original pitch was a clever troll aimed at credulous and impatient fast-food junkies. But the numbers don’t lie – a typical taco weighs less than a pound, and aircraft that can autonomously fly a few dozen ounces of payload to your doorstep are already available for around a thousand bucks. Amazon Prime is cool, and I can’t wait for self-driving delivery cars – but there’s a reason they call a beeline a beeline. Flying autonomous deliverybots are coming. Fast.

And if these choppers could also deliver cold, refreshing cerveza? The world would beat a mousetrap to their door!

¡Mira! An inspired hardware hacker just built a proof of concept that moves the technology a step closer to reality — the beer copter:

Mas…Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?

Rover on Mars, Negroes in space and ‘Whitey on the Moon’ (videos)

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As NASA’s rover Curiosity blazes new trails on Mars, POCHO recognizes the space agency’s racial advances since the early days, ’57 or ’58.  It was a different time. (NSFW language.)

And it was a different time in the 1970s when poet Gil Scott-Heron recorded his rap/poem Whitey On the Moon as well. Or not so much:

Mas…Rover on Mars, Negroes in space and ‘Whitey on the Moon’ (videos)

Mexclusive: Curiosity’s cameras photograph possible alien life-form

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BREAKING NEWS: The Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in Pasadena has just released the first in a series of photographs from the Curiosity Mars Rover that appear to show a strange alien life-form on the surface of the Red Planet. POCHO is following the story and will bring you updates as they come in.

Xican@ Space Odyssey: Lance Liberty reports for 101.3 Honest Radio

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It is sometime in the near future.

Laws have been set in motion to protect the American Homeland. Your freedom and sanity are at stake. Oh, and your jobs.

I forgot about your jobs. And your beautifully domesticated wives and children. You pay your taxes, yet you feel one-upped. Lied to. I know. I have a mortgage and a timeshare I haven’t paid in months. Meanwhile our lazy neighbors to the south consume our resources. But there’s no need to fear. No longer do we have to sit in Victoria’s Secret as our wives are gawked at by gang-banging border hoppers. No. Victoria is just beyond the horizon. And one man risks it all in his comfy radio studio located somewhere in the Arizona desert.

That man is Lance Liberty for 101.3 Honest Radio. Take it away, Lance…

Mas…Xican@ Space Odyssey: Lance Liberty reports for 101.3 Honest Radio

Pochas y pochos, beware! Aqua Net hairspray may cause mutations

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(PNS reporting from NEW NEW YORK CITY) Attention, pochas y pochos! Interstellar starship captain and Mutants’ Rights advocate Turanga Leela is warning of serious side-effects from a popularly-priced hair care product you may be using at this very moment.

Leela thinks her late mother Munda’s use of Aqua Net hairspray is the reason she’s a loveless mutant with only one eye, and says the ingredient cyclopentasiloxane is the culprit.

“I mean the name STARTS with cyclop, how did people miss that?” she asked a press conference in New New York City Sunday (photo, above.)

Aqua Net hairspray is a must-carry purse item for every well-prepared pocha, according to a recent survey, and is used as a “bug spray, deodorant and a…substitute for glue.”

Mas…Pochas y pochos, beware! Aqua Net hairspray may cause mutations

Navajo Rangers keep ‘open mind’ on Bigfoot, UFO reports (videos)

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OpenMinds.TV reports: “The Navajo Rangers have been modestly performing their duties on the reservation for more than 50 years…[and]…their investigations have included UFO sightings, paranormal cases and Bigfoot.”

In March, the Rangers’ work attracted the attention of the news team at the local CBS TV station. Here’s their exclusive news video:

Mas…Navajo Rangers keep ‘open mind’ on Bigfoot, UFO reports (videos)

Giant Sun-eating space dragon chased away by pot-banging hippies

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News photog Trey Buchet captured the space dragon's first bite
(PNS reporting from MALIBU) Pot-banging hippies gathered on Southern California beaches yesterday and chased away the space dragon that was swallowing our Sun.

“We totally knew this humongous dragon was comin’ brah, so we set up a Facebook page and got everyone down here with their bongos and pots and pans. Our sonic countermeasures commenced mere seconds after the sun-gobbling began,” a pot-banger named Donald Dank told PNS.

National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) officials confirmed the monster space dragon’s departure.

Mas…Giant Sun-eating space dragon chased away by pot-banging hippies

Silver UFO crashes on hillside, retrieved by Chilean military (videos)

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It was a silvery object 15 meters (50 feet) across, the witnesses said.

The excellent “Hispanic Ufology” blog Inexplicata reports:

[At]… 15:45 hours, residents of Paihuano, a small village in Valle de Elquí (Chile) underwent an extraordinary experience which keep its 2,500 residents on the edge of their seats. A flying object described as having a metallic color and measuring some 15 meters across remained motionless over the Las Mollacas hill, from which the entire town could be seen.

Mas…Silver UFO crashes on hillside, retrieved by Chilean military (videos)

Opinion: We must fight the anti-Mayan Calendar Illuminati 1% (video)

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We might not know anything about them, but Anonymous knows almost everything about us, including stuff THE MAN doesn’t want YOU to know.

The modishly-masked online crusaders will soon shock our chakras with the truth about apocalyptic confluences predicted by the Mayan Calendar and aether-entities from outer espace. Predictably, the Mainstream Media New World Order 1% Wall Street Ivy League Illuminati White Elite is fighting back.

The recent Anonymous blipvert above, for example, was followed by UPenn (founded by life on Mars expert and immigrant hater Benjamin Franklin) joining the Illuminati conspiracy to discredit the Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 scenario.

One group of chronology-challenged eschatologists even claimed that a recently-discovered calendar — which is older than the Doomsday Calendar — somehow makes the newer calendar wrong. Doh! Illogical!

Mas…Opinion: We must fight the anti-Mayan Calendar Illuminati 1% (video)

Luminous white UFOs turn Mexican skeptics into believers (videos)

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Up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane it’s — Marcianos! Mexican investigators Jaime Maussan and Santiago Yturria Garza share exceptional videos of unexplained aerial phenomena that turned them from skeptics into believers.

Watch news footage as one Mexican mayor spots the “fleet” of luminous white OVNIs and says, “The Martians have arrived!”  TV host Maussan calls for more citizen and media participation in compiling OVNI reports in this 90-minute presentation from 2006.

“The Martians Have Arrived” — Los Marcianos Llegaron Ya — was also a pop music hit in Mexico in 2005 by children’s music star Tatiana. Which came first — the sightings or the song? We have the video below.

Mas…Luminous white UFOs turn Mexican skeptics into believers (videos)

Argentina WTF: Crop circle? UFO landing site? Cow abduction? (video)

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The diameter of the circle cut into the Tossi family’s sorghum field Wednesday night or Thursday morning is 25 meters — 82 feet across. The transformation of the consenusal reality of the small town of Las Perdices in Argentina’s Tercero Arriba district is yet to measured.

Who — or what — made the circle? Is it of earthly origin? Or did an OVNI leave evidence of a brief terrestrial tango? We have more of the story and an incredible video report of a cow abducted by a UFO in Argentina, below.

Mas…Argentina WTF: Crop circle? UFO landing site? Cow abduction? (video)

Share with your parents: UFO Mayan secrets, ancient aliens revealed

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This video comes directly from TrueReality.org so you know it’s right:

Irrefutable Evidence of ExtraTerrestrial Contact carved in Stone Thousands of Years ago on Pre-Mayans site. We shall finally change our History’s Books and let humanity knows our True Origins. The World is wakening up! Share the video with your parents and let everyone discuss it rationally and openly.

Part 2 below.

Mas…Share with your parents: UFO Mayan secrets, ancient aliens revealed

Paranormal investigators investigate Argentina cornfield OVNI tracks

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Experts from Argentina’s leading ufologist group Vision OVNI are investigating strange skid marks where some say an objeto volador no identificado landed in a farmer’s field in the northeastern province of Santa Fe.

Inexplicita explains the inexplicable this way:

A cornfield that appeared to display strange marks caused astonishment to many citizens of the town of Pujato… The event prompted a visit from member of Visión Ovni, the Victoria-based group devoted to the study of unidentified flying objects.

On 5 April, cornstalks standing 2 meters tall were found flattened in the same direction in the middle of a lot. The field is some 2 kilometers distant from Route 33 and the marks were found by Rubén Marelli, the owner, who presented a complaint on the following day…During a field survey, they found a trail measuring 2.10 meters wide and nearly 600 meters long, which presents side trails that open and mark a sort of figure eight, doubling back on themselves.

Scroll down for two big photos of the tracks. What do you think?

Mas…Paranormal investigators investigate Argentina cornfield OVNI tracks

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