Attention, Zacatecas: Pocho Ocho top ways to calibrate your gaydar

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gaymayorBenjamin Medrano, 47, won Fresnillo’s July 7 election and will take office this September. His election — he is said to be the first openly-gay mayor in Mexico’s history — has led some observers to speculate that famously-macho Mexicans didn’t really know Medrano was gay, or didn’t believe him when he told them.

Hey, Zacatecas! Try these Pocho Ocho ways to calibrate your gaydar:

8. P.A.N. — not gay. P.R.I. — gay.

7. Maria del Barrio — not gay. Maria del Zona Rosa — gay.

6. Blue Demon — not gay. Santo Gay — gay.

Mas…Attention, Zacatecas: Pocho Ocho top ways to calibrate your gaydar

Mexican paleontologists unearth 15-foot-long dinosaur tail (video)

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It’s 72 million years old and really impressive, dug into the desert just across el otro lado from Texas. From the AP:

Mexican paleontologists say they have uncovered 50 vertebrae believed to be a full dinosaur tail in the northern desert of Coahuila state. The National Institute of Anthropology and History [INAH] says the tail is about 15 feet (5 meters) long and resembles that of a hadrosaur or crested duckbill dinosaur…. Paleontologist Felisa Aguilar says they uncovered roughly half of the dinosaur, which was 36 feet (12 meters) long and lived about 72 million years ago.

Mas…Mexican paleontologists unearth 15-foot-long dinosaur tail (video)

The map is not the territory — or is it? (toons)

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mainlandusamapbigWe’ve already run maps seeking to explain such mysteries as Texas and Florida. But now for something completely different via our friends at Wired.com. Well semi-different. Actually not that different from the Texas map but instructive, nevertheless. It’s a map [click to enlarge] of Los United Estates, from Yanko Tsvetkov’s Atlas of Prejudice. Look right to you?

And here’s Tsetkov’s map of the world according to Americans [click to enlarge]:

Mas…The map is not the territory — or is it? (toons)

From the OC: Finish this Mexican funnel cake and it’s free (video)

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At the Orange County Fair in Costa Mesa, there’s a tempting challenge for manly men — finish a gargantuan pile of fried dough (AKA a Mexican funnel cake) in 30 minutes and this exciting taste sensation is yours for free. It’s a $20 dessert, weighs five pounds and comes with whipped cream and strawberries. Of course, it’s easier said than done, as this video shows.

Breaking: Royal baby boy looks a bit familiar somehow (photo)

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mexiroyal(PNS reporting from LONDON) Normally perky Buckingham Palace Her Majesty’s Parking Valet Reymundo Hernandez Terraza was uncharacteristically quiet today after the birth of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s new baby boy, although some friends of the royal servant noticed he sported a “secret smile.”

Some Palace observers have remarked on the newborn’s apparent slight suntan, attributing the child’s skin tone to Britain’s recent heat wave, when temperatures soared into the high 60s.

Mas…Breaking: Royal baby boy looks a bit familiar somehow (photo)

Scary Naked Geraldo photo slashes ‘Walking While Black’ crime

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GATE1(PNS reporting from FLORIDA) Neighborhood Watch volunteers across the nation’s gated communities are posting Twitter photos of Naked Geraldo to frighten off dangerous junk food-toting hoodie-wearing kids.

Award-winning journalist Geraldo Rivera, who proclaimed in his initial Tweet that “Seventy is the new Sexty,” snapped the nude photo of himself in the bathroom in order to fight the rampant scourge of black teen crime.

In the wake of the child-killer George Zimmerman’s acquittal in the homicide of Trayvon Martin, the support for crushing “Black On Sidewalk” crime has been boosted by law abiding citizens everywhere, and the Naked Geraldo photo has been a big help.

Mas…Scary Naked Geraldo photo slashes ‘Walking While Black’ crime

NYPD fingers, pinches ‘twisted’ Geraldo Rivera in ‘sexting’ probe

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geraldoselfie(PNS reporting from NEW YORK CITY) Cable news reporter Geraldo Rivera was named a “person of interest” Sunday and detained for questioning in a “sexting” case by police here after he posted a twisted semi-nude “selfie” on Twitter. [Editor’s Note: Ruh, roh! Looks like Mr. Rivera has deleted that Tweet! But that’s the photo from Saturday night, for reals.]
Complaining Tweeple from around the world overwhelmed the NYPD website, email and phone banks Saturday night and Sunday with reports of a twisted Geraldo floating around the Internets, calling him a “flasher” and a “pervert” and saying they felt threatened.

Offline, residents of his high-end Upper West Side cooperative apartment building called the NYFD to report the smell of sulphur coming from his penthouse.

Mas…NYPD fingers, pinches ‘twisted’ Geraldo Rivera in ‘sexting’ probe

Breaking: ‘Everything is everything,’ WeHo man reports

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everything(PNS reporting from WEST HOLLYWOOD) “Everything is everything,” a long-time West Hollywood denizen reminded passersby Sunday.

Kenny Southpaw, who has observed the local scene in this small Los Angeles County city since he completed his court-ordered halfway house stay in October 2010, maintains an office on the mini-mall sidewalk in front of Los Tacos on the south side of Santa Monica Boulevard, just west of Fairfax Avenue, across from the Method Acting school and between the 7-Eleven and the gay “Wash & Cruise” laundromat.

“What goes around comes around,” he informed convenience store shoppers, Mexican food diners and people with dirty clothes who ignored his pleas for cigarettes, food and beer.

“Got any spare change?” he added.

Kenny photo by PattyMooney. Los Tacos photo via VisitWestHollywood.com

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO, INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

Nopal en la frente, nopales for dinner w/ @SaraChicaD (video)

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Sara Inés Calderón (@SaraChicaD on the Twitter) does not look Mexican. But even if she doesn’t have a nopal on her forehead, she has nopales in the frying pan. [With these Vine videos you need to click on the speaker icon in the top left of the image to hear Sara Inés squee.]

NOPAL EN LA FRENTE ROUNDUP:

Release the hounds? What, me worry? I’m @ #SDCC (photos)

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whatmeworry releasethehounds2

I’m back in my hometown — however briefly — for the San Diego Comic-Con, SDCC, where I had a chance to talk with and take photos with two of my heroes, Montgomery Burns and Alfred E. Neuman.

Alcaraz. Lalo Alcaraz. I’ve got a license to toon:

lic2toon

Photographers here are always happy to snap pix of hot chicas in super hero garb. Click on the gigantor image to enlarge:

Mas…Release the hounds? What, me worry? I’m @ #SDCC (photos)

Elise @buttronica Roedenbeck VS the Pope — on Twitter (video)

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Our MiJA, Elise @buttronica Roedenbeck, doesn’t want much. She just wants additional followers on the Twitter as part of her plan for worldwide social media domination. Follow Elise to win a small box lunch with individual carafe of wine plus other cool incentives like scribbled notes and video winks (must be over legal drinking age and legal box-eating age in your jurisdiction.) Vegans — ask about the kale-quinoa bowls!

And then comes along Pope Francis (his handle is @pontifex) who is offering PAPAL INDULGENCES on Twitter. Not PayPal, you geeks, but Papal Indulgences from the Holy Father that shorten your stay in the limbo of Purgatory. What’s our MiJA to do?

[What can we say about Elise Roedenbeck, POCHO’s New Jack City Burro Jefe Emeritus, that hasn’t been ruled out by the terms of the negotiated settlement and mutual release of all claims? Just this: She sure likes butter, and it’s “butt-ronica” not “but-tronica.”]

Chicano concludes ‘Pacific Rim’ is not a movie about his MEChAs

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pacificrimmecha(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Fabian Ramirez expressed deep disappointment Wednesday night as he left the 7PM showing of Pacific Rim at the Premiere Cinema 18 at Bassett Place Mall.

The 42-year-old father of three teenagers told PNS he heard the “movie was about MEChA” and “wanted to expose my kids to a movie about Chicanos.” Ramirez, a former chair of the Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano(a) de Aztlan (MEChA) at the University of Texas campus here, gathered his children Vladimir, Xochitl and Emiliano for what he hoped would be a big family night out: Seeing “Chicanos fighting against the power structure of AmeriKKKa.”

Instead, Ramirez found the “the movie was about these big robots piloted by military shooting monsters.”

“Pacific Rim,” he sadly concluded, “is not about my MEChAs.”

Mas…Chicano concludes ‘Pacific Rim’ is not a movie about his MEChAs

Controversial magazine cover photos? Ask Oprah! (photo)

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ocoverOf course we are sensitive to the complaints from Beantown (they’re beaners after all) about Rolling Stone’s decision to make controversial Caucasian-American Dzhokhar Tsarnaev their glamorous cover boy.

But as recovering ñewspeeps ourselves, we have to point out that the accused terrorist isn’t the first villain to make it to the cover of a slick zine:

  • Mass-murdering terrorist Osama bin Laden was featured on the cover of Time with nary a protest.
  • Pedophile-junkie Michael Jackson has been on every magazine cover everywhere and there are no crowds of moonwalkers with picket signs.
  • Few heads were turned when serial bankrupter and ignorant liar Donald J. Trump graced Modern Toupee (his issue was the second-biggest seller after the Sen. Rand Paul cover.)

And there was no outrage when Oprah Winfrey put these two masterdeporters on the cover of O magazine in March of 2012.

We have to confess, though. POCHO’s biggest dream is to get banned in Boston.

Breaking: Activists say Zimmerman verdict hurts the babies

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pigeon(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) Repercussions from the Zimmerman acquittal — which officially confirmed suspicions that nighttime walks to the store by brown and black children are risky, potentially fatal excursions — are already hurting area youngsters, according Avian-American activists.

“Trayvon Martin was just a kid walking home from the local store with Tribbles and a drink, and he ended up dead. That’s troubling,” said Southern California Birds of A Feather (BOAF) regional director The Rev. Al Pigeon (photo) in carrier email to PNS. “Now Moms are afraid to let their kids go out and my flock is having a hard time making a living.”

“Where do you think our food comes from?” he wrote. “Berries? Minnows in the Los Angeles River? Delivery from Urban Spoon? Don’t be a bird brain! Our loaves and Pepperidge Farm Goldfish are out on the street. If it wasn’t for Spittles and Flamin’ Hot Dingoes crumbs on the well-trod path between home and the 7-Eleven we’d have shit to eat. Now that’s what we call a ‘Valley of the Shadow of Death!’ And what about the children?”

East Los BOAF chapter head Popocatepetl Paloma agreed.

Mas…Breaking: Activists say Zimmerman verdict hurts the babies

East Los Angel Hope Sandoval and Mazzy Star: ‘California’ (video)

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ZOMG! Comic Saenz’s girlfriend Hope Sandoval is back fronting Mazzy Star in this day-old video-less video California from an upcoming (September) release Seasons of Your Day. Saenz loves her immediately-recognizable smokey voice and encourages Ms. Sandoval to please forgive him for that one time at the Dal Rae in Pico Rivera.

White Hispanics: ‘Hey! We’re not ALL murderous douchebags’

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ronstadtbrown“White Hispanic” is one of mainstream media’s hottest new buzzwords, a term that has leaped off of old census forms and job applications to join the ranks of “twerking,” “3-D printing,” and “Death to Edward Snowden!”

The mainstream media needs to distinguish between different colors of Latinos because it was too polite to ask  “Why is Trayvon Martin’s killer, George Zimmerman, so… DARK for his name? And isn’t Aaron Hernandez, that allegedly trigger-happy New England Patriots player, a little… LIGHT for his?”

I guess I could be called a “White Hispanic,” as my dad’s from Colombia and my Yiddishe momme reps Brooklyn.  I really wish it didn’t take two high-profile killings to bring Latino-and-white people into the public eye, but Linda Ronstadt (photo) and Joan Baez aren’t making new albums and Little Ricky’s been off TV for a while.

Mas…White Hispanics: ‘Hey! We’re not ALL murderous douchebags’

The Pocho Ocho top favorite ways racists try to tell me off

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Screen Shot 2013-07-15 at 9.59.39 AMIt comes with the territory — when you tackle controversial issues you attract controversial responses.  Or, as I like to call it, Crackpot Racist Hate Mail From Right Wing Nut Jobs (CRHMFRWNJ for short.)

Some of the messages scrawled on paper bags in crayon (and blood?) are mailed to various newspapers around the country that publish La Cucaracha and/or my editorial cartoons.  Some post comments here on POCHO and assorted loons follow me from Twitter to Facebook to my blog to leave me droppings from their thought processes.  No one follows them around with pooper escoopers, so I’m stuck with what they call in the sewage industry “solid waste” — mierda for you pochos.

I spent maybe 10 or 20 minutes going through the folder on my Mac desktop named Love_Letters, and came up with this list of my Pocho Ocho favorite insults:

8. Go back to Africa!

Mas…The Pocho Ocho top favorite ways racists try to tell me off

Breaking: Zimmerman arrested in bizarre gun heist

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zimmermanbustedbig(PNS reporting from SANFORD, FLA) George Zimmerman is back in jail here tonight, arrested after a bizarre attempt to pinch his pistola from the police evidence room.

Zimmerman, 29, got away with murder Saturday night in the killing of unarmed teenager Trayvon Martin. Under Florida law, he is entitled to the return of his child-killing semi-automatic, a Kel-Tec 9mm handgun.

But the law apparently wasn’t moving fast enough for Zimmerman, who took matters into his own hands (sound familiar?) and attempted to sneak into the Sanford Police Department evidence room and retrieve his roscoe (photo, below.)

The Z-man tripped a security beam and cameras spotted the semi-disguised Zimmerman (photo) before he could go on the lam with his swag. The Zimster was formally arrested at 7:30PM Monday night on suspicion of burglary.

Mas…Breaking: Zimmerman arrested in bizarre gun heist

Texas lawmakers focus on Latinos with poll tax, redistricting

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texaslegislature640(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) The Republican-controlled Texas legislature (photo) has wasted no time in exploiting last month’s Supreme Court ruling that gutted the Voting Rights Act:

The lawmakers have passed a draconian redistricting scheme and enacted new voter registration requirements that many liken to a poll tax.

SB17, nicknamed “The Liberty Forever Bill,” mandates a laundry list of voter registration requirements “to ensure that only Texans are allowed to vote.” It passed Saturday and awaits GOP Gov. Rick Perry’s signature.

Among the measure’s exacting requirements:

Mas…Texas lawmakers focus on Latinos with poll tax, redistricting

Argentine band Poncho explores Mother Earth in ‘Tiki Tiki’ (video)

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“We set out on an adventure on foot together with a young man to find out more about the native flora and fauna of different Latin-American landscapes,” Argentinian band Poncho writes. “On the way, this young man discovers new plants and animals and becomes one with them, and meets a sexy Mother Earth goddess (Pachamama) with whom he falls in love.”

And from the other side of the moon, comes Chilean actress and singer Celine Raymond:

Mas…Argentine band Poncho explores Mother Earth in ‘Tiki Tiki’ (video)

Breaking: Napolitano brings harsh border enforcement to UC

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napolitano600(PNS reporting from BERKELEY) Department of Homeland Security Secretary (and former Arizona Governor) Janet Napolitano has accepted an offer to head up the University of California system.

Napolitano promised to do the same for the UC system that she did for the border during her time at DHS:

“I kept out and quashed as many Mexicans as any DHS Secretary could during my tenure, and now that Latinos are overtaking whites in California, I promise to do the same at the UC system,” she said in a statement.

Mas…Breaking: Napolitano brings harsh border enforcement to UC

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