Republican standard-bearer Gov. Willard “Mitt” Romney has released a new Spanish-language TV commercial. If you don’t hablar, we’ve prepared an English-subtitled/captioned version for your enlightenment.
If every picture tells a story–does this one? Caption contest! *UPDATED
*We have a winner! Scroll down for all the entries and the best caption.
Caption this image to win something cool from us and perhaps the esteem of pochos everywhere!
Contest begins now and ends at midnight PDT tonight. POCHO decisions final. Bribes accepted but no guarantees, OK? Deal? Deal. Write your caption below to enter. Captions posted on Facebook don’t count, even with bribes. You can’t win a prize if you don’t enter a real email address.
Image borrowed from The Chita’s Clitoris, a Tumblr well worth your adult eyeballs; the pre-cholafied painting is here.
Burrito robot[✓] Taco copter[✓] Next: Margaritas by Siri (video)
The kids are all right with their burrito-making bots and taco-delivering copters. All we need now is a way for Siri to phone in a margarita on the way home from work. ¡Mira!
Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium
Is brown the new black?
That’s the question POCHO asked in a massively-popular photo essay that featured Japanese women who dress like cholas. They make ‘gang’ signs, they pose and they mad-dog the camera. Is this a good thing?
Political coverage broke most of the ñews this week as just-released-from-Twitterham-jail @MexicanMitt Romney debuted a music video and had lots to say about the Democratic Convention in Dixie, especially that Bill Clinton guey.
Here are POCHO’s big estories:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium
Unmasked! Vatican-Jesuit conspiracy hides truth about aliens (video)
Whistleblower Leo Zagami‘s The Vatican’s UFO Agenda unmasks the shocking New World Order-Zionist-Nazi-Jesuit-Illuminati disinformation campaign to hide the presence of space aliens among us, a centuries-old effort designed to further their vast merchant-of-death world domination power grab.
And be careful what you tell your priest. After all, the so-called Sacrament of Confession is Job One in the Black Popes’ international intelligence-gathering apparatus.
@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!
COMO CHINGA ESE OBAMA.
If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA!
There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face.
Even Julian Castro’s Menudo Cook-Off-winning abuela could not boil enough pansa for Americans to stomach four more years of Marxist Socialist Communism Veganism. I have no facts to back that up, but GUATEVER. I don’t need facts, I AM A RICH DUDE.
As for the actual Democrap convention, here’s my review:
Cholas turning Japanese? We really think so! Meet the J-Cholas (photos)
- Yakuza lowriders? Check.
- Spanish Crip-walking cholo wannabes? Check.
- Good ole boy Southern Comfort luchador-looking surf rockers? Check.
Face it, brown is the new black. Today’s example? Japanese cholas!
Mas…Cholas turning Japanese? We really think so! Meet the J-Cholas (photos)
Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?
It started out as a very well-executed hoax.
A Silly Valley startup was marrying advanced four-rotor light helicopter technology with America’s love of Mexican food to create a breakthrough business: Smart-phone-directed delivery of tacolicious love to your location.
The Tacocopters are coming. Sure, the original pitch was a clever troll aimed at credulous and impatient fast-food junkies. But the numbers don’t lie – a typical taco weighs less than a pound, and aircraft that can autonomously fly a few dozen ounces of payload to your doorstep are already available for around a thousand bucks. Amazon Prime is cool, and I can’t wait for self-driving delivery cars – but there’s a reason they call a beeline a beeline. Flying autonomous deliverybots are coming. Fast.
And if these choppers could also deliver cold, refreshing cerveza? The world would beat a mousetrap to their door!
¡Mira! An inspired hardware hacker just built a proof of concept that moves the technology a step closer to reality — the beer copter:
Mas…Hold on — you mean those taco copters could be for reals?
What did Obama tell the DNC? We did the word salad arithmetic!
POCHO was so inspired by Bill Clinton’s espeech, with all the math and stuff, that we decided to arithmetically analyze President Obama’s address to the Democratic National Convention.
What does it all mean? Dunno. Math is hard. What do you think?
| Some top phrases containing 8 words (without punctuation marks) | Occurencies |
| harder but it leads to a better place | 2 |
| and now you have a choice we can | 2 |
| share and everyone plays by the same rules | 2 |
| does their fair share and everyone plays by | 2 |
| fair share and everyone plays by the same | 2 |
| and everyone does their fair share and everyone | 2 |
| their fair share and everyone plays by the | 2 |
| fair shot and everyone does their fair share | 2 |
| everyone gets a fair shot and everyone does | 2 |
| shot and everyone does their fair share and | 2 |
| gets a fair shot and everyone does their | 2 |
| a fair shot and everyone does their fair | 2 |
| everyone does their fair share and everyone plays | 2 |
Mas…What did Obama tell the DNC? We did the word salad arithmetic!
Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC
Former President Bill Clinton’s speech Wednesday to the Democratic Convention was long (48 minutes), complex and filled with facts and arithmetic — maybe too long and filled, although girth is as important as length according to the email we get here.
As a public service, therefore, and sanitized for your protection, we present the Pocho Ocho best lines from Clinton’s speech to the DNC:
8. In Hope, Arkansas, offshore banking deposits are at that glory hole down by Stonewall Creek.
7. Republican arithmetic makes as much sense to this old country boy as those Chinese hookers in Harlem!
6. Sandra Fluke: Call me maybe.
Mas…Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC
@MexicanMitt on Bill Clinton: Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech
Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech.
Ex-Presidente BILL CLINTON spoke to the Democratic National Convention last night before heading out to a night of debauchery and cheeseburgers in Charlotte.
Sure, you might say he delivered a good defense of Barack Obama’s awful Presidency. But he filled the whole long rant with PINCHE BORING FACTS and even ARITHMETIC!
If you watch Fox News or listen to my man Rush, you know that facts will not get in my GUEY. You know that OBAMA IS THE MOST DIVISIVE PRESIDENT OF ALL TIME BECAUSE HE HAS DIVIDED THE RACISTS FROM THE NON-RACISTS.
Mas…@MexicanMitt on Bill Clinton: Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech
Take back the world: Vote the Dinosaur Party in 2012 (toon)
Bring back the world the way it was! Vote Dinosaur in 2012.
@MexicanMitt Romney responds to Democratic Convention espeeches
I was recovering from the Clint Eastwood Chair Incident, pretending to listen to some storm victims in who-knows-what-FOCKED-UP backwards-ass SOUTHERN STATE, and I was forced by my campaign adviser to watch the Democratic National Convention.
TV COVERAGE OF THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION IS HILARIOUS, the camerapeoples have to constantly pan around to find THE ONE STRAIGHT WHITE MALE.
Then I was forced to watch the espeech given by JULIAN CASTRO. Yes, the espeech gave ME A PAIN IN THE BIDEN.
First of all, how did a 12-year-old version of Jimmy Smits become the mayor of a major American City? Oh it’s San Antonio? Never mind.
Mas…@MexicanMitt Romney responds to Democratic Convention espeeches
Pocho Ocho top differences between Republicans and Democrats
What, you may axe, distinguishes the Republican and Democratic parties?
Here’s our list of the the Pocho Ocho top differences:
8. GOP: Ted Nugent; Dems: Ted Nguyen
7. GOP: Hands off my guns; Dems: Hands off my vagina
6. GOP: “Boy the way Glenn Miller played”; Dems: “I’ll be there for you”
Mas…Pocho Ocho top differences between Republicans and Democrats
Al Madrigal reports from exotic Charlotte, North Carolina (video)
POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal — on assignment with The Daily Show crew — explores the folklore and traditions of exotic Charlotte, NC.
Take my job, please (video)
You’re better than this stupid job. You deserve better. Take this job and shove it! Am I right, people?
Hey Vato! WTF are you typing on Feisbuk? ‘Friend me, ese!’ (video)
Our favorite existentially-troubled puppets Chuy and Smiley are back with the first new Hey Vato! episode of the fall season. It’s called Friend me, ese and it’s all about — you guessed it – beeches and Feisbuk. Guest star: Jane Austen.
When Clint Eastwood met the Chairman of the Board (toon)
What happens in Tampa doesn’t stay in Tampa.
New music from @MexicanMitt Romney: ‘The Juan Percent’ (video)
Popular and controversial Twitter character and POCHO contributor MexicanMitt Romney sings for himself in this post-Republican Convention lament, a new song to mark his release from Twitterham Jail. It’s called The Juan Percent. Co-starring Rafalca Romney and Pollo Ryan.
Pocho Ocho bits dropped from the Democrat’s convention schedule
As fact checkers continue ripping apart the speeches from last week’s GOP liarpalooza, wary Democratic National Convention officials have dropped some scenes from their own star-studded Great Moments in White House History Pageant.
Here are the Pocho Ocho historical recreations you won’t see at the Democrat’s convention:
8. Franklin D. Roosevelt (Bill Murray) is all about West Wing wheelchair wheelies as he sends Japanese-American citizens into “internment” camps
7. Harry Truman (Lewis Black) tries on funny hats and growls as he orders the nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
6. John F. Kennedy (Dr. House) humps Mafia hookers, gets high on pain killers and decides it’s a good idea to send “military advisors” to help the corrupt military dictatorship in an obscure former French colony in Southeast Asia
Mas…Pocho Ocho bits dropped from the Democrat’s convention schedule
Two views of L.A. — from the brown side and hillside (videos)
By Zapata the Ghost (NSFW lyrics.)
By Colin Rich
Ñewsweek: Did the GOP send @MexicanMitt to Twitterham Jail?
Could it be? Was Presidential future loser Mitt Romney’s campaign so upset with POCHO contributor MexicanMitt Romney‘s Twitter feed that they made the social networking company lock @MexicanMitt in Twitterham Jail just before their candidate’s speech to the GOP convention Thursday?
Although @MexicanMitt’s simultaneous Twitter espeech to the RNC was smuggled out of Twitterham Jail and re-Tweeted by @PochoDotCom, thousands of MM’s “followers” were baffled by the disappearance of the popular account.
Tech journalists are questioning if the censorship was provoked by Romney’s people — who appear to be the only parties who can lodge a complaint with Twitter — and the “coincidental” $120,000 ad purchase on Twitter by the GOP.
We have MexicanMitt’s draft speech to the RNC, the story on the Twitter censorship and @MexicanMitt’s Letter from a Twitterham Jail here — all part of a really big ñewsweek on POCHO:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Did the GOP send @MexicanMitt to Twitterham Jail?
Don’t you hate it when you wake up and no one is alive? ‘Rosa’ (video)
Rosa takes place in a post-apocalyptic world where most natural life has disappeared. Rosa awakes amidst the destruction, a cyborg from the Kernel Project, humanity’s last attempt to restore the earth’s ecosystem. Rosa will soon learn that she is not the only entity who has awakened and must fight for survival.
Video by Jesús Orellana.
MexicanMitt’s ‘Letter from a Twitterham Jail:’ I have been paroled
Mexican Mitt Romney wrote this estatement when he was incarcerated in the Twitterham City Jail.
LETTER FROM A TWITTERHAM JAIL
31 August 2012
My Dear Fellow Twitter Fans:
While confined here in the Twitterham City Jail, I came across your recent statement calling my present activities "unwise and untimely."
Seldom do I pause to answer criticism of my work and ideas.
If I sought to answer all the criticisms that cross my desk, my secretaries would have little time for anything other than such correspondence in the course of the day, and I would have no time for constructive work.
But since I feel that you are men of genuine good will and that your criticisms are sincerely set forth, I want to try to answer your statement in what I hope will be patient and reasonable terms.
Twitter suspended my account for violating the terms outlined in its Parody Account guidelines.
Apparently, someone was misled by my account, which portrays Mitt Romney as a cartoonish Mexican ranchero. This indicates that this person was an estupido idiota pendejo, meaning he is a Republican voter.
I call them my base. Ajua.
Mas...MexicanMitt’s ‘Letter from a Twitterham Jail:’ I have been paroled
Did Romney’s (underpaid?) housekeeper show up in RNC video?
Who is that woman washing dishes or doing laundry in the Romney family home?
Before Mitt Romney was introduced at the Republican National Convention on a Thursday night viewers saw a 10-minute video created to humanize Romney. The video featured the Romney family inside their home several times but in one of the scenes a women who appears to be working for the family in the background was simply ignored.
Is she one of the four housekeepers the reports have alleged Romney is underpaying? It could be, but more importantly some say the video made her invisible.
“As I’m watching Romney’s RNC video spotlighting his family, I find it interesting there is no mention of the woman in the red shirt in the background, who is obviously there helping,” said artist Ramiro Gomez, who’s art looks to start conversations about the labor force that takes care of families and homes.
Colorlines has the whole story and the video.
RELATED: Ramiro Gomez’s latest creation, Antonio, sells Maps to the Stars Homes
Video screen capture courtesy Colorlines via Ramiro Gomez.
I’m running for President because I believe in America and I’m white
Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that I am running for President of the United States of America!
All my life, I’ve been told I could never be president — not because I’m a woman (PMS = Global Thermonuclear War) or a high-functioning alcoholic (um, hi, Grant, Taft, FDR, JFK, George Dubya…) but because I was not born in the United States.
However, the birther movement has changed all that. If Barack Hussein Obama was able to overcome the bureaucratic spaghetti goop monster that is immigration and fake his citizenship, so can I.
Mas…I’m running for President because I believe in America and I’m white
Who killed @MexicanMitt Romney’s Twitter account? And why?
[Editor’s Note: After a sleepless, tormented night in Twitter jail, MexicanMitt awoke to find his account un-suspended and his list of followers and followees restored. He has thanked all his supporters and promises an update for you people as soon as possible. He’s running for office for Pete’s sake!]
Has the wildly popular and hilarious Twitter parody account @MexicanMitt self-deported? That’s what many of his fans and followers are asking on Twitter tonight.
Complicating the anger and disbelief at the scuttling of the Mexican Mitt Romney account is the timing: The night of actual Mitt Romney’s big RNC speech, an event at which @MexicanMitt was prepared to “live tweet.”
Mexican Mitt has been named as the Number One funniest parody political account on Twitter by Politico, and has been lauded by several sites and countless Twitter users and journalists, and even mentioned by Rachel Maddow on MSNBC and the L.A. Times.
Mitt Romney’s Mexican alter ego no doubt has pissed off somebody very important, or has been the victim of a coordinated reverse-spam complaint attack from humorless right wingers. Or worse.
Besides pointing out the convenient timing on the eve of the RNC speech, there’s the appearance of a new, promoted Mitt Romney campaign Twitter topic. Hmm.
Twitter has yet to respond to numerous press inquiries, including from our friends at LatinoRebels and at NBC Latino.
Mas…Who killed @MexicanMitt Romney’s Twitter account? And why?
Hey SB1070 loser Russell Pearce, karma’s a bitch…
Our homies at NBC Latino are reporting that Aryanzona SB1070 creator and sloppy sack of sadness Russell Pearce has lost what is hopefully his final political campaign. We at POCHO are celebrating and gloating that this racist pendejo has been taken out by a fellow Republican.
Hopefully he can join bag o’ drunken bones AZ Governor Jan Brewer at her rest home soon, and they can complain together about their Mexican adult care attendants.
See ya, don’t let Arizona hit you on the ass!
Mexclusive: Draft of Mexican Mitt Romney’s speech to RNC leaked
A version of Mexican Mitt Romney’s RNC speech for tonight in Tampa has been leaked, and we have it mexclusively for you.
MEXICAN MITT ROMNEY RNC ESPEECH 8/30/12
------------
ENTER ON WHITE HORSE
(because Rafalca will trip)
(NOTE: If anyone throws peanuts, Chris Christie will not let those go to waste)
(REMEMBER to adjust sombrero, don't block the expensive background set)
AJUUUUUUA!
HELLO, TAMPAX!
No one has ever asked me for my birth certificate, because that's not what you ask rich white dudes.
Big shout out to Stripper Sarah Palin, see you at the afterparty tonight.
Thank you to all the espeakers, especially my vieja Annn Romney. She really loves you women. And she loves to Unzip The Mitt!
POLLO RYAN. Pinche Eddie Munster rules! The viejitas fear him, but he promises eternal life, just let him bite your Medicare.
CHRIS CRISPY IS THE ONLY HOMBRE I KNOW WHO DEEP FRIES HIS NAILS BEFORE HE CHEWS ON THEM.
Mas...Mexclusive: Draft of Mexican Mitt Romney’s speech to RNC leaked
Top Tips: Pocho Ocho ways modern Chicanas can get their man
Anyone who has read the Dear Abuelita columns, or dated, knows that it can be a rough world out there. Here we are, beautiful, educated Chicanas, and we can’t seem to bag husbands in time to put a bun in the oven.
What’s a Chicana to do? We came up with a few ways that modern Chicanas can bag a man in no time:
8. Make friends with his mom. That way, she can just order him to go out with you.
7. Get in a fight with his ex. While this may not result in a relationship, it will certainly get his attention, and shit, who doesn’t love to watch girls fight?
6. Flirt with his best friend. Machismo at its finest would not permit a man to see a woman he liked with another vato.
Mas…Top Tips: Pocho Ocho ways modern Chicanas can get their man