GOP VP pick Paul Ryan is the ‘machine’ that RATM rages against

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Tom Morello is a meanie who makes Paul Ryan cry.

The powerful guitarist of Rage Against the Machine has blasted a thunderous riff on Mitt Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan.

Ryan, in a typical blockheaded, know-nothing right wing move, has declared that the left wing, bomb-throwing, anti-establishment rock group (fronted by fellow pocho Zach de La Rocha) is his favorite band. Talk about not paying attention to details! (It must be hard to think when he works out with P90X to the powerful guitar rock rolas.)

Maybe this is why Ryan is painfully oblivious to the suffering going on in the U.S. when the uber wealthy continue to hoard all the money and leave the rest of us to scrape by.

Could be why he thinks giving tax cuts to the 1% and making the rest of us pay for it is a Christian act?

No wonder he does not flinch when people call him a “zombie-eyed Granny starver.” Maybe it’s not that he doesn’t care — maybe he has no pinche idea what is going on around him. Either way, it’s not exactly the kind of leadership the U.S. needs right now.

Mas…GOP VP pick Paul Ryan is the ‘machine’ that RATM rages against

Rover on Mars, Negroes in space and ‘Whitey on the Moon’ (videos)

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As NASA’s rover Curiosity blazes new trails on Mars, POCHO recognizes the space agency’s racial advances since the early days, ’57 or ’58.  It was a different time. (NSFW language.)

And it was a different time in the 1970s when poet Gil Scott-Heron recorded his rap/poem Whitey On the Moon as well. Or not so much:

Mas…Rover on Mars, Negroes in space and ‘Whitey on the Moon’ (videos)

Letter to the Editor: Do not be pissed crazy from being an expert

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Keep your goals dumpy and simple-hearted as you start on a unknown pertinence program. You can without difficulty bowl over yourself if, after a lifetime of being a tete-…-tete potato, you settle on you should be masterly to get the lead out of one’s pants 10 miles at chuck-full alacrity on the treadmill.

At the beginning, keep your goals simple. Start to with well-deserved a trek for a few minutes every other day. Vocation up to longer and more frequent walks as you progress.

A famous health inside information is to dispatch pictures of yourself on online forums to get a critique of your physique. Getting a critique of your bodily structure from other people can aide you look at where your weak areas are. It’s easier exchange for a alien to look at your portion objectively.

Mas…Letter to the Editor: Do not be pissed crazy from being an expert

Farmworker releases tax returns and asks ‘Where are Romney’s?’

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(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Early this morning, area farmworker Celestino Sepúlveda made five years of his tax returns public.

Holding faded copies of his 1040EZ from tax years 2007 to 2011, Sepúlveda told reporters, “Quiero ser un ejemplo para Romney” (I want to be an example for Romney) by publicly revealing his Federal returns.

At a press conference  held at 3AM scheduled to accommodate his need to obtain agricultural day work from farm labor contractors, who start recruiting at 3:30, Sepúlveda explained.

“I have nothing to hide about the way I earn my money, because I earned it through honest work,” said the 37-year-old native of Jalpa, Zacatecas, standing with several other farmworkers on the corner of Paisano and Oregon Streets. (A family photo, above, shows him harvesting cucumbers.)

Fellow farmworker Pepe Martínez agreed. “Sí, una persona humilde como mi compadre lo hizo, ¿porqué no El Romney?”

Mas…Farmworker releases tax returns and asks ‘Where are Romney’s?’

AZ Gov. Jan Brewja OKs curbs on undocumented youth, apples, twigs

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Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer (photo, right) has signed an executive order directing state agencies to deny driver’s licenses and other public benefits to young undocumented immigrants who obtain work authorizations under the new Obama administration Deferred Action program.

She also signed executive orders dealing with undocumented children and other matters:

Young undocumented immigrants line up to apply for Deferred Action

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(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Hundreds of thousands of undocumented immigrants brought to this country as children are applying today for a deportation reprieve under a new program established by the Obama administration.

DREAMers will receive a two­-year deferment of deportation proceedings. If approved by U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, those DREAMers can also apply for a work permit and later reapply for another deportation deferment.

Some of the details of the program are still being ironed out. Eliseo Medrano of Aurora, who was lined up (photo, left) at the Chicago FCIS Office said, “I didn’t know there was going to be a talent portion to the application today. I suppose I can sing “Volver” or something.”

Mas…Young undocumented immigrants line up to apply for Deferred Action

Fluffy Gabriel Iglesias caught Driving While Brown in Arizona

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Chicano comic Gabriel Iglesias found out first hand what it’s like to be caught Driving While Brown in Arizona.

Iglesias, who is currently on tour, was pulled over between Yuma and Phoenix in his giant tour bus (that bears his likeness and name), and his entire crew was subjected to a “papers please” search.

Iglesias said after the incident that he has “madd love” for Arizona but might paint his tour bus with Larry the Cable Guy next time around.

Click all the way through to see Gabriel’s own quote!

By way of the mas chingon Three Sonorans blog!

Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot

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He’s artificially intelligent, muy guapo with dark hair and blue eyes, plus he speaks and understands Spanish and English. He also has a new, high-profile job with Tio Sam’s U.S. Customs and Border Protection Service interviewing people crossing into Los United Estates at Nogales, AZ (photo, above.)

What’s he missing aside from a body and an analog existence? This poor robovato needs a name; right now his bosses just refer to him as the AVATAR (Automated Virtual Agent for Truth Assessments in Real-Time.)

Here are the Pocho Ocho names we like best:

8. Mex Headroom
7. C3 Pito
6. Will Robinson

Mas…Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot

Breaking Ñews: GOP VP pick Paul Ryan reveals his new budget plan

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(PNS reporting from KANSAS CITY) GOP Vice Presidential candidate Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis., is introducing his budget plan to voters today and POCHO is on the scene as he begins his press conference (photo, above.)

  • Check back with POCHO for updates — we break the ñews 24/7.
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO, INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

Joe the Plumber: Shoot the damn Canucks and ask questions later!

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(PNS reporting from the HATE STATE OF ARIZONA) Samuel Wurzelbacher – known to most Americans as simply “Joe the Plumber” or “dumbass” – made an recent appearance at a fundraiser for Republican Arizona State Senator candidate Lori Klein and shocked the audience by telling them that the way to solve the country’s illegal Canadian immigration problem is to station troops along the northern border and have them “start shooting the damn snowbacks.”

“For years I’ve said, you know, put a damn fence on the border going to Canada and start shooting. I’m running for Congress and that should be a bad thing to say. But you know what, it’s how I feel…I want my borders protected, I’m very, very adamant about that. I’m sick of these snowbacks sneaking in here illegally!” Wurzelbacher said.

Mas…Joe the Plumber: Shoot the damn Canucks and ask questions later!

‘La Cucaracha’ salutes Hollywood great Lupe Ontiveros (toon)

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I drew this tribute obituary comic strip for the great actress and activist Lupe Ontiveros,  who passed away on July 26. In this strip, Vero, Eddie and Cuco send off Lupe as she appears before her Hollywood Walk of Fame star in the sky. Lupe was a one-of-a-kind soul who brought lots of joy to many.

This image was displayed at her rosary and wake.

Read more about Lupe here, and see more La Cucaracha comics at Go Comics.

Letters Ñ, ¡ and ¿ sue computer keyboard makers for bias

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(PNS reporting from SILICON VALLEY) Attorneys for typographical characters including enya (Ñ), the inverted exclamation mark (¡) and the inverted question mark (¿) accused major computer keyboard makers of deliberately ignoring their clients’ needs in a relentless race for profits in a class action suit filed here today.

“It’s a case of acquisitiveness over accents,” visibly-angry lead attorney Cuauhtémoc Basta-Piñata (photo, above) told reporters as he emerged from the court clerk’s office. “The key cap cartels make us jump through hoops just to get ourselves equal time in the public eye, all to save a few pennies on costs.”

Basta-Piñata represents the Front for Acceptance of Character Equality (FACE). Plaintiffs in the suit also include transgender characters like И and Я as well as bi-textual characters like Ǽ and Œ.

Mas…Letters Ñ, ¡ and ¿ sue computer keyboard makers for bias

Ñewsweek: Crip-walkin’, boner-stalkin’, white-talkin’ and Irish stuff

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POCHO caught Olympic fever this week as the ñews from London captivated the Internets.

Who could ever forget the magic of Serena William’s Crip-walking victory dance, complemented by our astutely-curated contextualizing rich media augmentation — a C-walk video from España?

And when a bronze-winning American rower brandished a boner at the medal ceremony, only Jon Stewart and POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal were men enough to get to the root of the problem, a story so popular that POCHO is #1 on Google when you search for “jon stewart olympic stiffy.”

*NOT ALL! MORE SAY!* Hey, white guy — the viral video for middle class male Caucasians who are sick and tired of all the damn attention being paid to women and minorities and gays — remains a World Wide Websation, and our scandalous Irish Broadcasting Authority Olympic NSFW video exposed for all of America the kind of coverage NBC was afraid to deliver.

Hella week, eh? Mira the links:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Crip-walkin’, boner-stalkin’, white-talkin’ and Irish stuff

Sassy cutie Armida stars in 1944’s ‘Machine Gun Mama’ (video)

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(Machine Gun Mama, 1944, 60 mins) Two Brooklyn fishes-out-of-water are south of the border when their truck breaks down on the way to deliver an elephant. (Yes. On the way to deliver an elephant. This lightweight comedy is big on gags and short on plot.) Luckily (!) they run into a roadside Mexican circus-carnival-sideshow. Homegirl cutie-pie Armida is hysterical as the sassy female circus star. Listen to her curse at the gringos in Spanish!

Who is Armida? From IMDB:

Mas…Sassy cutie Armida stars in 1944’s ‘Machine Gun Mama’ (video)

Special Sports Video: The Olympics NBC won’t let you see (NSFW)

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As the 2012 Olympics head towards their conclusion, Americans continue to complain about NBC‘s broadcast coverage — missed events, stupid commentary, crazy time delays and worse. We snagged this sailing video from the Irish Broadcasting Authority (IBA) to show you what other folks around the world see. (NSFW language.)

RELATED:

BREAKING: Romney VP search reaches deep in the heart of Texas

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) BREAKING ÑEWS: Mitt Romney’s campaign “will neither confirm nor deny” that the GOP presidential candidate has chosen a running mate. The candidate’s vice presidential “short list” has long included Florida Sen. Marco Rubio and former governor Tim Pawlenty, but now campaign insiders are suggesting the search is over and Romney has chosen country music legend Randy Travis.

Once deemed George Bush Sr.’s favorite country music star, Travis has been actively campaigning for the slot for over a week, especially in Texas.

Mas…BREAKING: Romney VP search reaches deep in the heart of Texas

Uncle Sam setting up concentration camps for white males

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(PNS reporting from OAK CREEK, WI) Following the second mass shooting by a white male in just a few weeks, Federal authorities will soon start building and outfitting concentration camps for young, white men racially profiled as potential domestic terrorists.

The last time concentration camps were mandated in the U.S. was during World War II when thousands of Japanese-Americans lost their homes, jobs, possessions to ensure the safety of the nation.

“It’s the same principle,” FBI Special Agent Phillip Coulson told a press conference here yesterday “The truth is, no one is safe anymore when young, white men have ample access to firearms, free reign to be hateful online and white privilege that allows them to fly under the radar of our racial profiling system.”

Mas…Uncle Sam setting up concentration camps for white males

Wikipedia: Please add these Pocho Ocho ethnic slurs for Mexicans

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Can’t get no respect, not even from Wikipedia.

The online encyclopedia offers a comprehensive entry on ethnic slurs:

  • Bad names for Italians? Wikipedia is right there with Dago, Goombah, Greaseball, Guido, Guinea and Wop.
  • Wikipedia offers a shoutout to the Jews: Hymie, Kike, Mocky, Hebe and Sheeny.
  • African-Americans? Wikipedia has you covered: Coon, Crow, Boogie, Eggplant, Macacaca, Sambo and Spook.

And yet there is no listing of nasty names for Latinos in general, let alone Mexicans. No pinche respect!

So, pochos, if you’re Wikipedia editors, please note our Pocho Ocho top ethnic slurs for Mexicans:

Mas…Wikipedia: Please add these Pocho Ocho ethnic slurs for Mexicans

Nasty Nalgas Research: Stressed out guys like big butts (with videos)

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I am always so proud when humanity expands the frontiers of knowledge. Scientific American reports the result of a new study:

The team took college men and had half of them perform a stressful task unrelated to food or money which raised their cortisol levels. They then asked the stressed and unstressed men to take a look at some images of women, and rate their attractiveness. The images varied in body size, from underweight to obese. Finally, they recorded the participants own weight, height, and hunger status, as controlling variables.

The results were clear. The stressed out guys preferred a larger body size than their relaxed counterparts – but that was not all. “Men experiencing stress not only perceive a heavier female body size as maximally attractive, but also more positively perceive heavier female body sizes and have a wider range of body sizes considered physically attractive.

There may be less to this than meets the eye, according to colleague Victor Payan:

Mas…Nasty Nalgas Research: Stressed out guys like big butts (with videos)

Remake of Spanish classic, this ‘Lazarillo Z’ has zombies (trailer)

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In this remake of the 16th-Century Spanish-language novel, The Life of Lazarillo de Tormes and of His Fortunes and Adversities, we follow the adventures of young Lazarillo Z. He’s just a poor boy, from a poor family, who has to live by his wits after being sold to a series of cruel masters. In this upcoming production from Spain, everyone’s tryin’ bring the poor kid down, including zombies. And the trailer has a totally unexpected ending. (Spanish with English subtitles. Gory zombie stuff.)

White Supremacists: This I.Q. test weeds out the really stupid ones

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White supremacists are getting increasingly stupid. When I visited the Stormfront web page (screenshot above) I found it incorrectly displayed in all its “HTML View” glory, proclaiming a twisted worldview of “White Pride World Wide.”

I hope the portly Web Nazi who uploaded his masterpiece realizes that it actually highlights the supremacy of Black HTML Text over a White European background.

And how about the skinheaded dishonorable human discharge in Milwaukee who attacked a Sikh temple? He was so stupid he shot and murdered the peaceful Sikhs because they wore turbans.

Thank Aryan Jesus that our Blonde Lord decreed that his stupid-ass disciple Wade Michael Page was to die in a pool of his own inferior blood. At least those superior genes will not go on.

To weed out the growing idiocy in the White Supremacy movement, we’ve created a very helpful Aryan I.Q. Test that organizations full of morons like the Aryan Nations, The National Association for the Advancement of White People, the Arizona Hammerskins and the Nazi Low Riders can use to cull their members before they do even more stupid crap.

Mas…White Supremacists: This I.Q. test weeds out the really stupid ones

Dear Abuelita: Sporting man, subway kind of love, these kids today

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Dear Abuelita,
The fourth race at Hollywood Park Friday night (mares and fillies, 5 1/2 furlongs, three-year-olds and up) appears very competitive to me, but analysis indicates I should look closely at #7 La Sancha, with 117-pound jockey V. Espinoza holding the reins. Some handicappers maintain that the predicted hot weather points to #5 Onyx Be Good with jockey A. Perez at 112 pounds; the hope is the lighter load will be easier in the heated air. Any thoughts?
A horse is a horse

Dear Exacta mente,
Who do you think I am? Charles Bukowski, or worse your pinche bookie? So you like mares and fillies with 5 1/2 furlongs. I thought waxing was the “in” thing these days.

Well, seeing how you’re looking at La Sancha, it’s safe to say you like the exotic wagers. Smart move, you can kill two ponies with a two-peso quinella and come out quite the stud. Speaking of stud, what say you meet me with your winnings at the Turf Club? Remember to dress “smart casual.” I’ll be in my fancy muumuu.

Mas…Dear Abuelita: Sporting man, subway kind of love, these kids today

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