@MexicanMitt: Corrected subtitles for my Univision appearance

Those vendidos at Univision‘s Espanish subtitling department are lying Cubanos and they hate Mexicans like me. That is the ONLY EXPLANATION I have for the way they translated my remarks for my Espanish-speaking friends.

Here is what I really said:

So-called transcript: But the truth is as you know my dad was born of American parents living in Mexico.

Correct subtitle: YO SER MEXI-MORMON GUERO

The immigration system, I think we all agree, is broken and it’s been a political football for years. MEXICANOS DEBER EL SELF-DEPORTO

Mas…@MexicanMitt: Corrected subtitles for my Univision appearance

Pocho Ocho reasons Romney appeared so ‘dark’ on Univision

The Internets are buzzing with questions about about Gov. Mitt Romney’s appearance on last night’s Univision forum live from Miami. Digerati are confused about what he said AND how he looked.

POCHO’s Campaign Team 2012 was online all night handling their news sources to find the Pocho Ocho reasons the candidate looked so dark-skinned:

8. Was present at explosion at enchilada sauce factory

7. Stayed in a sauna too long with Speaker John Boehner

6. He is a huge Annoying Orange fan

Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Romney appeared so ‘dark’ on Univision

Al Madrigal, Jessica Williams to Jon Stewart: Minorities = lucky (video)

Mitt Romney wishes he were a Latino because it would bring him advantages he didn’t have as a rich white kid from the suburbs. On The Daily Show, POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal and his minority TDS office-mate Jessica Williams explain to Jon Stewart how that works.

The Mitt Romney is on Univisión’s hot seat drinking game

GOP Presidential nominee Gov. Mitt Romney will be in the hot seat on Univisión at 7PM PDT tonight. Anchors Jorge Ramos and María Elena Salinas will ask him questions in Spanish, and Latino wannabe Romney will respond in English.

It’s an ideal time to bust out your Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila for a drinking game! Every time Mitt Romney does something from Column A, take a drink according to the rules in Column B:

Mas…The Mitt Romney is on Univisión’s hot seat drinking game

@MexicanMitt Romney: It would be helpful to be ME

I say that jokingly, but it would be helpful to be Latino.

Sometimes I say the DARNDEST THINGS. As a Republican Presidential candidate with a good chance of unseating an incumbent Presidente, it is very important to watch what you say. But I keep on saying CREYSY CHET.

It’s as if I’m not aware that I am ALREADY LATINO. I am already enjoying the benefits of being MORE LATINO THAN SHOULD BE LEGALLY ALLOWED.

People really don’t realize that Mexican Mitt Romney is SOOOO LATINO. Let me help the still clueless. My PADRE was born in CHIHUAHUA on a RANCHO. (Rancho is Spanish for MORMON POLYGAMOUS COMPOUND.) His parents had Self-Deported to Mexico before the Mexican Revolution, and Self-Deported back during. Then they were on government assistance. WHOOPS, THAT WAS A PRETTY MEXICAN THING TO DO.

Mas…@MexicanMitt Romney: It would be helpful to be ME

Ñewsweek: Romney? Ya No Más, I wish I were Latino; iPhone La Raza

Que busy ñewsweek!

Say hello to Angry Abuelas, pochos. The new iPhone 5 — code-named La Raza — is especially designed for Latinos.

Two  videos broke the news: GOP presidential wannabe Mitt Romney wished he were a puro Latino and his campaign released a new Spanish-language ad aimed at “white Hispanics.”

In science ñews, cilantro haters breathed a sigh of relief as genetics proved it was not their fault and the new African monkey species looks familiar somehow.

Here are the links:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Romney? Ya No Más, I wish I were Latino; iPhone La Raza

Pocho Ocho reasons Latinos weren’t turned on by political conventions

The political conventions are finally over and the poll results are in: Latinos don’t really care.

How can this be!? The Democrats saw the GOP’s Rubio and raised them two Castros!

To help our political friends understand, here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Latino voters were not turned on by the conventions:

8. No piñatas crafted in the opponent’s likeness.

7. No sophisticated flamenco dance numbers performed by kindergarteners.

6. No midgets.

Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Latinos weren’t turned on by political conventions

Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium

Is brown the new black?

That’s the question POCHO asked in a massively-popular photo essay that featured Japanese women who dress like cholas. They make ‘gang’ signs, they pose and they mad-dog the camera. Is this a good thing?

Political coverage broke most of the ñews this week as just-released-from-Twitterham-jail @MexicanMitt Romney debuted a music video and had lots to say about the Democratic Convention in Dixie, especially that Bill Clinton guey.

Here are POCHO’s big estories:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium

@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!

COMO CHINGA ESE OBAMA.

If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA!

There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face.

Even Julian Castro’s Menudo Cook-Off-winning abuela could not boil enough pansa for Americans to stomach four more years of Marxist Socialist Communism Veganism. I have no facts to back that up, but GUATEVER. I don’t need facts, I AM A RICH DUDE.

As for the actual Democrap convention, here’s my review:

Mas…@MexicanMitt on the DNC: THAT CONVENTION ESUCKED!

Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC

Former President Bill Clinton’s speech Wednesday to the Democratic Convention was long (48 minutes), complex and filled with facts and arithmetic — maybe too long and filled, although girth is as important as length according to the email we get here.

As a public service, therefore, and sanitized for your protection, we present the Pocho Ocho best lines from Clinton’s speech to the DNC:

8. In Hope, Arkansas, offshore banking deposits are at that glory hole down by Stonewall Creek.

7. Republican arithmetic makes as much sense to this old country boy as those Chinese hookers in Harlem!

6. Sandra Fluke: Call me maybe.

Mas…Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC

@MexicanMitt on Bill Clinton: Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech

Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech.

Ex-Presidente BILL CLINTON spoke to the Democratic National Convention last night before heading out to a night of debauchery and cheeseburgers in Charlotte.

Sure, you might say he delivered a good defense of Barack Obama’s awful Presidency.  But he filled the whole long rant with PINCHE BORING FACTS and even ARITHMETIC!

If you watch Fox News or listen to my man Rush, you know that  facts will not get in my GUEY. You know that OBAMA IS THE MOST DIVISIVE PRESIDENT OF ALL TIME BECAUSE HE HAS DIVIDED THE RACISTS FROM THE NON-RACISTS.

Mas…@MexicanMitt on Bill Clinton: Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech

@MexicanMitt Romney responds to Democratic Convention espeeches

I was recovering from the Clint Eastwood Chair Incident, pretending to listen to some storm victims in who-knows-what-FOCKED-UP backwards-ass SOUTHERN STATE, and I was forced by my campaign adviser to watch the Democratic National Convention.

TV COVERAGE OF THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION IS HILARIOUS, the camerapeoples have to constantly pan around to find THE ONE STRAIGHT WHITE MALE.

Then I was forced to watch the espeech given by JULIAN CASTRO. Yes, the espeech gave ME A PAIN IN THE BIDEN.

First of all, how did a 12-year-old version of Jimmy Smits become the mayor of a major American City? Oh it’s San Antonio? Never mind.

Mas…@MexicanMitt Romney responds to Democratic Convention espeeches

Ñewsweek: Did the GOP send @MexicanMitt to Twitterham Jail?

Could it be? Was Presidential future loser Mitt Romney’s campaign so upset with POCHO contributor MexicanMitt Romney‘s Twitter feed that they made the social networking company lock @MexicanMitt in Twitterham Jail just before their candidate’s speech to the GOP convention Thursday?

Although @MexicanMitt’s simultaneous Twitter espeech to the RNC was smuggled out of Twitterham Jail and re-Tweeted by @PochoDotCom, thousands of MM’s “followers” were baffled by the disappearance of the popular account.

Tech journalists are questioning if the censorship was provoked by Romney’s people — who appear to be the only parties who can lodge a complaint with Twitter — and the “coincidental” $120,000 ad purchase on Twitter by the GOP.

We have MexicanMitt’s draft speech to the RNC, the story on the Twitter censorship and @MexicanMitt’s Letter from a Twitterham Jail here — all part of a really big ñewsweek on POCHO:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Did the GOP send @MexicanMitt to Twitterham Jail?

MexicanMitt’s ‘Letter from a Twitterham Jail:’ I have been paroled

Mexican Mitt Romney wrote this estatement when he was incarcerated in the Twitterham City Jail.

LETTER FROM A TWITTERHAM JAIL

31 August 2012

My Dear Fellow Twitter Fans:

While confined here in the Twitterham City Jail, I came across your recent statement calling my present activities "unwise and untimely."

Seldom do I pause to answer criticism of my work and ideas.

If I sought to answer all the criticisms that cross my desk, my secretaries would have little time for anything other than such correspondence in the course of the day, and I would have no time for constructive work.

But since I feel that you are men of genuine good will and that your criticisms are sincerely set forth, I want to try to answer your statement in what I hope will be patient and reasonable terms.

Twitter suspended my account for violating the terms outlined in its Parody Account guidelines.

Apparently, someone was misled by my account, which portrays Mitt Romney as a cartoonish Mexican ranchero. This indicates that this person was an estupido idiota pendejo, meaning he is a Republican voter.

I call them my base. Ajua.

Mas...MexicanMitt’s ‘Letter from a Twitterham Jail:’ I have been paroled

Did Romney’s (underpaid?) housekeeper show up in RNC video?

Who is that woman washing dishes or doing laundry in the Romney family home?

Colorlines writes:

Before Mitt Romney was introduced at the Republican National Convention on a Thursday night viewers saw a 10-minute video created to humanize Romney. The video featured the Romney family inside their home several times but in one of the scenes a women who appears to be working for the family in the background was simply ignored.

Is she one of the four housekeepers the reports have alleged Romney is underpaying? It could be, but more importantly some say the video made her invisible.

“As I’m watching Romney’s RNC video spotlighting his family, I find it interesting there is no mention of the woman in the red shirt in the background, who is obviously there helping,” said artist Ramiro Gomez, who’s art looks to start conversations about the labor force that takes care of families and homes.

Colorlines has the whole story and the video.

RELATED: Ramiro Gomez’s latest creation, Antonio, sells Maps to the Stars Homes

Video screen capture courtesy Colorlines via Ramiro Gomez.

I’m running for President because I believe in America and I’m white

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that I am running for President of the United States of America!

All my life, I’ve been told I could never be president — not because I’m a woman (PMS = Global Thermonuclear War) or a high-functioning alcoholic (um, hi, Grant, Taft, FDR, JFK, George Dubya…) but because I was not born in the United States.

However, the birther movement has changed all that. If Barack Hussein Obama was able to overcome the bureaucratic spaghetti goop monster that is immigration and fake his citizenship, so can I.

Mas…I’m running for President because I believe in America and I’m white

RNC Drinking Game: Turn lame to LOLs with Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila

Endless speeches, stupid roll calls and pointless posturing can make national political convention watching a boring exercise — that’s why you need to play games along with the pinche politicians.

Mira! The Republican National Convention Drinking Game, sponsored by Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila.

Keep your eyes on the screen, stay alert and react swiftly! Life is chort!

Mas…RNC Drinking Game: Turn lame to LOLs with Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila

SNL’s Amy Poehler champions the rights of domestic workers (video)

Funny former Saturday Night Live comedian Amy Poehler is down for Domestic Workers, and comes clean on something not many in the U.S. will admit:

She could not be the busy actress and mom that she is without her hard-working domestic help.

Poehler’s Public Service Announcement (PSA) is a call to action to petition to California Gov. Jerry Brown get him to sign the California Domestic Worker Bill of Rights. Our moms and tias and abuelas have worked hard for years and deserve humane and equitable treatment afforded to others.

You can support the California Domestic Worker Bill of Rights by calling your state senator and Gov. Brown (916-445-2841) today. To learn mas, please visit www.domesticworkers.org.

Mas…SNL’s Amy Poehler champions the rights of domestic workers (video)

Tampa’s gay hookers ready for Republican Convention (NSFW video)


There’s going to be hot time in Tampa Bay next week when the GOP National Convention rolls into town. Republicans, who like to be seen as “job creators,” are expected to stimulate a long and thick boost in business for area gay prostitutes, and the hookers are looking forward to handling the hanging chads of closeted delegates. (Totally NSFW language.)

Pocho Ocho best definitions in the new ‘Republican Dictionary’

Hoping to capitalize on the enormous groundswell of support they’ve generated with their new definitions of life, marriage and assault weapons, the GOP braintrust is planning to premiere a Republican Dictionary at next week’s convention in Tampa, FLA.

We got a brief peek at a draft (the “rape” definition was leaked Monday); check out the Pocho Ocho best definitions:

8. Rape: When a man loves a woman
7. Voting: What white people get to do
6. Minorities: Three-fifths of a person

Mas…Pocho Ocho best definitions in the new ‘Republican Dictionary’

GOP’s Akin to release childrens’ book on babies

(PNS reporting from MISSOURI) Rep. (and Senatorial hopeful) Todd Akin (R-MO) intends to write and publish a children’s book that explains to kids how babies are made, according to his staff.

The colorful How Non-Forcible Rape Babies Are Made explains Akin’s understanding of how the human reproductive system works in clear, simple language and bright illustrations especially written for Tea Party Republican voters who approve of his recent comments on rape and pregnancy.

The touchy subject is elucidated in loving and religious detail:

When a rapist loves a mommy, Jesus reaches down from heaven and touches the mommy’s tummy and the miracle of life is created. The end.

Mas…GOP’s Akin to release childrens’ book on babies

Paul Ryan’s Pocho Ocho favorite bands besides RATM

Now that we know that GOP VP pick Paul “Unclear on the Details” Ryan loves anti-establishment (and anti-Ryan) L.A. pocho punk band Rage Against the Machine, we thought we’d check out what else is on his playlist.

Here are the Pocho Ocho most-played bands on the pendejo’s iPod:

8. Johnny Rebel
7. The Michelle Bachmann Corndog Quartet
6. Das Racist

Mas…Paul Ryan’s Pocho Ocho favorite bands besides RATM

GOP VP pick Paul Ryan is the ‘machine’ that RATM rages against

Tom Morello is a meanie who makes Paul Ryan cry.

The powerful guitarist of Rage Against the Machine has blasted a thunderous riff on Mitt Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan.

Ryan, in a typical blockheaded, know-nothing right wing move, has declared that the left wing, bomb-throwing, anti-establishment rock group (fronted by fellow pocho Zach de La Rocha) is his favorite band. Talk about not paying attention to details! (It must be hard to think when he works out with P90X to the powerful guitar rock rolas.)

Maybe this is why Ryan is painfully oblivious to the suffering going on in the U.S. when the uber wealthy continue to hoard all the money and leave the rest of us to scrape by.

Could be why he thinks giving tax cuts to the 1% and making the rest of us pay for it is a Christian act?

No wonder he does not flinch when people call him a “zombie-eyed Granny starver.” Maybe it’s not that he doesn’t care — maybe he has no pinche idea what is going on around him. Either way, it’s not exactly the kind of leadership the U.S. needs right now.

Mas…GOP VP pick Paul Ryan is the ‘machine’ that RATM rages against