Here we are again, back on the old women are sluts kick. Or are we just still on it? Long before Rush Limbaugh ignorantly berated Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke, the tide has been rising against woman’s liberties. Limbaugh’s comments are just a caricature of the right-wing push back. The war on Planned Parenthood, defunding educational programs for unwed mothers, vaginal probes, bans on contraception; it’s like two steps forward 99 steps back.
Univision interviews a white guy and he’s happy to be there
White guy Billy Kimball gives Enrique Santos the “white” perspective on iLatino issues like dancing and citizenship, and clarifies a few details about early white immigrants, such as their dealings with documentation. But we have to ask: “Does Billy Kimball have a zucchini in his trousers or is he just happy to see Enrique?”
Ñewsweek: Hectors and actors and commentators oh my
POCHO’s ñews team started the week in glossy Hollyweird and ended up scraping the crap off their shoes near Rush Limbaugh’s headquarters in La Floridita, but the big story of the week was the release of Mexican Mitt Romney’s music video/camapaign commercial.
Will the GOP wannabe become the nation’s first Latino president? And why does his MittShake bring all the viejas to yard? You’ll have to watch and figure it out yourself!
The Academy Awards were just around the corner from installation artist Ramiro Gomez Jr. so he made sure the neighborhood got to see normally-invisible Latino elements of the star-making machinery with a poignant installation on Hollywood Boulevard.
Rush Limbaugh, million dollar whore
Bloated drug addict and political hate merchant Rush Limbaugh has been losing advertisers on his hateful radio show since he called 30-year-old Georgetown University law student Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute.” She merited this libelous statement apparently because she would dare to stand up for women’s health concerns and also use contraceptives. Yes, birth control.
‘La Abuela Grillo’ is the cricket who brings rain (video)
Grandmother Cricket (La Abuela Grillo) brings the rain when she sings and frees the people from the grip of the evil water cartel in this charming internationally-produced animated short. Based on the mythology of the Ayoreo people.
Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Pocho Ocho unsolved mysteries
Now that Sheriff Joe Arpaio has evidence there’s something uppity with Pres. Barack Obama’s birth certificate, what’s next on his unsolved mysteries list?
8. Star Trek crewmen in red shirts who die early in the episode are also wearing pink chonies, but the Liberal Hollywood Establishment covers this up.
7. Every time you install a solar energy panel, a Texas oilman dies.
6. Wonder Bread actually builds bodies in 11 different ways but they won’t tell you that because those people want you to eat bread with stuff in it, like grains.
Mas…Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Pocho Ocho unsolved mysteries
Around Our Town: Ñews from the Neighborhood
Girl Scout Cookies: Troop 112, sponsored by the Pocho Estates Women’s Club, will set up a table next Tuesday after school outside the Safeway on Ritchie Valens Drive. Thin Mints are in short supply so quantities are limited, with only two boxes per person. Cash only, no layaways.
Band Concert: The Edward Olmos Middle School Concert Band invites you to their first performance of the New Year Thursday at 3 PM in the school auditorium. The program includes Stairway to Heaven, LaLaLaLaLa Means I Love You and Turn the Beat Around .
Meet the Latinos who love Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio
On Sunday, newsman Jorge Ramos confronted Sheriff Joe Arpaio on Univision’s Al Punto and told Joe he was the face of racism to U.S. Latinos.
The much-maligned Maricopa County cop wouldn’t have any of that. “How do you know they don’t like me?” he asked. “They love me!”
It’s really true, because we found a lot of Latino love for Sheriff Joe Arpaio everywhere we asked.
Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)
[If you liked the video, you can now own the song. Get it on iTunes ahora! Mexican Mitt's "(I Wanna Be) The First Latino President" ]
After sweeping both Arizona and Michigan –– he says it’s because the gringos won’t do it -– a certain South-of-the-Border candidate is clearing his way to “paint the White House brown!” The affable and mariachi-like Mexi-Mormon is a tough campaigner, and says he is “in it to guin it.” Mexican Mitt Romney, the Most Mexican Man in the World, wants to be the first Latino President. This is his story — in song.
Mas…Mexclusive: Mexican Mitt Romney for President (music video)
Pocho Ocho reasons Daniel D. Portado isn’t ‘Dancing with the Stars’
8. He only does a Rio Grande River Dance in wing tips.
7. He is not unfamous enough yet.
6. Body image issues, anticipating the Gaykeeper Sheriff Babeu will ogle him.
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Daniel D. Portado isn’t ‘Dancing with the Stars’
We’ve got your Pocho Ocho cures for la cruda right here
We all know it’s coming. It’s only Thursday, but THE WEEKEND is right ahead of us — a sign post up ahead that spells PARTY. And somebody is gonna get her drink on.
If that means you, perhaps we can help with the Pocho Ocho cures for your hangover (la cruda.)
8. Menudo. In my social circles, menudo is the go–to method for scaring away that nasty cruda. The power of the Aztec gods? Meat? Corn? Who knows why, but word has it that it works.
7. More alcohol! Hair of the dog, as it were. This method is perhaps one of the oldest cures for cruda. Does it work?
Video: Amadeus the Chihuahua plays pool
Some cats and dogs are smarter than people, according to a recent report. But you already knew that, didn’t you? Sit. Sit. That’s a good pocho. Not convinced about the intelligence thing? You need to see these pussy cats perform Over the Rainbow.
Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes
(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) In an effort to “adapt to current budget realities,” the Federales of Los United Estates will begin flying deported immigrants back to Mexico and dropping them from airplanes over their home states.
This plan, dubbed Operation Wet Parachute, is the brainchild of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano who said yesterday she got the idea while making margaritas and watching the film Point Break.
Mas…Operation Wet Parachute: U.S. to drop Mexican deportees from planes
Watch ‘Jose Fino: Salsa Instructor Extraordinaire’
In this very New York video, Jose – a tempestuous, toned and out-of-the-ordinary salsa dance teacher – is offering “private lessons.” Would you take him up on his offer?
From the fine folks at BeingLatino.us
Daniel D. Portado invites you to Hispanics for Romney AZ rally
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) GOP wannabe Mitt Romney’s Hispanic outreach coordinator Daniel D. Portado, the militant self-deportationist, wants you to stop by the big campaign rally today after you vote for Mitt. Meet your favorite Latino-loving politicians like Gov. Jan Brewer, Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Sheriff Paul Babeu.
You can see all the stars as you walk down Hollywood Boulevard
“You can see all the stars as you walk down Hollywood Boulevard, some that you recognise, some that you’ve hardly even heard of. People who worked and suffered and struggled for fame, some who succeeded and some who suffered in vain,” according to the Kinks.
But artist Ramiro Gomez Jr. — whose art installations make the invisible visible — will have none of that. That’s why, on Sunday, Oscar Day, on Hollywood Boulevard, he positioned an image of one of the ubiquitous but unacknowledged Latinos who survive on the fringes of “The Industry.” One of those dudes you see hanging out on corners selling tourists “Maps to the Stars’ Homes.”
Mas…You can see all the stars as you walk down Hollywood Boulevard
Pocho Ocho props you need to be a proper Latino
You know, sometimes it’s hard being Latino. You wake up, go about your day, do your business, and then people ask you where your donkey is, or whether your family is from Mexico.
And, you know, it may be that your family has been in the U.S. longer than theirs, or that no one in your family has a moustache, but why burst peoples’ bubbles with inconvenient truths like that?
So here’s a list of the Pocho Ocho indispensable Latino props — for those days that you forget you’re supposed to be a stereotype!
8. Sombrero — Don’t forget your hat, amigo!
7. Moustache — You know it does go with the sombrero, as does the poncho and/or donkey. Wouldn’t want you to leave home without it!
Scientists ID Chicana who hasn’t seen ‘Blood In Blood Out’ (video)
(PNS reporting from ALTA CALIFORNIA) Ethnic anthropologists recently discovered the last living Chicana who has never seen the coming-of-age movie Blood In Blood Out.
The woman, not named in the report, was spotted and identified last summer in the Los Angeles suburb of Cudahy, according to a study published in the prestigious journal Science.
The subject, 32, had no explanation for not seeing the film that is “required viewing” for a true Chicano or Chicana, according to the paper, although scientists have been analyzing her brain for abnormalities in her “cholo receptors:”
Mas…Scientists ID Chicana who hasn’t seen ‘Blood In Blood Out’ (video)
Pocho Ocho reasons the Oscars sucked
7. They made Sheila E play timbales in the balcony.
6. Meryl Streep has been nominated more than all the Latinos since the Aztecs.
5. The Spanglish animated feature Puss in Boots got pimp-slapped by a Johnny Depp cartoon lizard.
POCHO Oscars Video: Mel Brooks talks back to the screen in ‘The Critic’
At Oscar time, everyone’s a critic, especially that annoying old guy in the movie theater who is talking back to the screen. Writer/actor/director/producer Mel Brooks won an Oscar for the animated short The Critic in 1963.
Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards
Behold, The Hectors©, Pocho’s own Oscars, bestowed for Excellence in Mockability.
The Hector© is named for my annoying cousin Hector, who is excellent at ruining family gatherings, especially when he has downed his third 12-pack. He hasn’t seen a film since Blood In, Blood Out.
And the Hector© goes to:
Best Actor in a Tragedy- goes to Newt Gingrich, for his remarkable portrayal of The One Supposedly Sane GOP Candidate
Best Special Effect- goes to Callista Gingrich’s hair.
Most Ignorant- Sen. Rick Santorum, for suggesting that anyone who wants kids to go to college is a “snob.”
Best Sound Effects Editing – Bad Lip Reading, for actually making Ron Paul make sense
Mas…Forget the Oscars, It’s The Hectors©! Pocho’s 1st Annual Awards
Organizations just about as diverse as the Oscars Academy of 2012
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS), commonly known as “the Academy,” has been recently profiled in the Los Angeles Times and, not surprisingly, exposed as one of the most exclusionary organizations in the United States.
The Academy is 94% white, 77% male and the average age of its voters is 62.
Basically the Academy is full of rich old white guys, and has a hard time explaining why it is not a modern day example of Apartheid.
POCHO researchers, however, have discovered that it’s not as bad as it looks, because there are other organizations that are only slightly less diverse than the Oscars Academy of 2012:
Mas…Organizations just about as diverse as the Oscars Academy of 2012
The Adventures of MR. POCHO: A movie for my people
MR. POCHO has a dream:
One day Hollywood will make a movie that reflects the struggle of my people, and it goes something like this…
Here’s a close up of his dream:
Ñewsweek: AZ gay sheriff, ‘Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say,’ Satan speaks
The Hate State of Arizona was the scene of three big stories this week:
GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane’s campaign pulled another boner as the campaign co-chair, immigrant-hating sheriff Paul Babeu, tried to explain his way out of allegations he threatened his Mexican immigrant boyfriend with deportation.
Babeu resigned from the campaign but not before Pocho Ñews Service scored a copy of his cancelled TV commercial endorsing Romney. Babeu’s endorsement noted Romney’s support for installing GAYDAR to protect the Arizona border from straight migrants, letting only attractive Gayliens cross over.
Babeu later announced he was ready for any probe of his actions, the deeper the better.
Mas…Ñewsweek: AZ gay sheriff, ‘Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say,’ Satan speaks
Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House
We already know mummy-like AZ Gov. Jan Brewer gets absolutely unraveled whenever she’s near Pres. Barack Obama. But why exactly did she decline to attend tomorrow’s Governor’s Dinner at the White House?
Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Brewer did not accept the President’s invitation:
8– They could not guarantee her a seat next to the open bar
7– She’s going to be busy looking for heads in the desert
6– Sunday night is when she soaks her skin in formaldehyde
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Jan Brewer declined dinner at the White House
SCHWA the Video: Dear ‘Stick People’ – Your Alien Overlords are here
Before X Files claimed “the truth is out there,” before anyone heard of the Mayan Apocalypse, visionary Bill Barker raised the alarm, warning the few who would listen about the real illegal immigration threat – the imminent invasion of Gray Aliens from Outer Espace.
For a while, anyhow. Then he went over to Their Side.
Hollywood-born Barker, who recently approached POCHO to sugarcoat his poison meme, claimed:
I “parquito the espanale” a little. And I was raised in East L.A., near Maywood.
This human sellout — channeling thought emanations from Zeta Reticuli — created, built, staffed and managed the SCHWA Corporation, the holding company of the grays. His mission? Carry out the commands of the Alien Overlords and complete the domination of Earth and its clueless Stick People.
Barker proudly gave POCHO his SCHWA World Operations Manual so we could make this video, ribbed for your protection.
Mas…SCHWA the Video: Dear ‘Stick People’ – Your Alien Overlords are here
Pocho Ocho reasons we weren’t invited to the Oscars
In Hollywood, they say, Oscar is king. So why didn’t POCHO get invited to the king’s Big Night Out?
8. All the valet gigs are sewn up by Telemundo producers.
7. They only invite Hispanics with the right attitude, with good credit and who play well with others.
6. There is an industry ban on pastel Quinceañera Tuxedos.
5. They think Mexican Mitt is a Cuban baseball catcher.
Sh¡t Latinos Don’t Say (video)
“Oh Arizona! I love Jan Brewer!” — and more! Great video by BeingLatino.us.
Factory workers strike in China as GOP and Fox demand more
FoxCon’s Factory #42, a joint venture by Fox News and the GOP Conservative Action Committee, produces faux factoids, snotty snippets and misrepresentations of the Democrats’ policy positions for increasingly-desperate right-wing organizations.
Plant managers are apparently struggling to come up with sufficient quantities of the bullshit antagonists needed keep the Republican primary candidates from sinking into a morass of obvious lies, silly solipsisms and cesspools of hate.
Mas…Factory workers strike in China as GOP and Fox demand more
Satan speaks: Santorum, the election and Mayan Doomsday
(PNS reporting from HELL) GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum is making no attempt to distance himself from his inflammatory 2008 remarks accusing Satan of “attacking America” but Satan responded Wednesday, claiming that Santorum is in for a “big surprise.”
Pocho Ñews Service sent especial correspondent S. J. Rivera deep into Hades to interview the Prince of Darkness himself (see: not Ozzy Osbourne.) We wanted Lucifer’s thoughts on Santorum, Sarah Palin, the 2012 election and the Mayan-scheduled end of the world.
PNS: What are your thoughts about what Rick Santorum said about you?
Satan: Look, I’m a busy guy, but did I see his comments? Yes. Frankly I’m amused that he thinks so highly of himself. Every time he calls me I send him directly to voicemail and man, can that dude cry! Have you Googled his last name? Yikes! Rick has a lot in common with that Babeu guy in Arizona and believe me when I say there’s a hot date in both of their futures.
Daniel D. Portado: The 90s Are Back and So Am I! (video)
(PNS reporting from ALTA CALIFORNIA) The original militant self-deportationist Daniel D. Portado is back and proud as punch that his ex-boss Pete Wilson has endorsed GOP wannabe Mitt Rammane. Romney has already advocated self-deportation, as Portado told Rachel Maddow, and that means Romney endorses Portado! “Attention mojados,” he warns in this video. “It’s time to self-deport!”